Spellcheck EditionPrevious Edition: >>42925264 Fauster's Story Archive: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1XiJRe1NWl_kIoWsHssZ27BMV7bZAe1jgX59-dWggYkA/ Uh-hmmm's Prompt Archives: https://ponepaste.org/1046 Have a broken Pastebin link? Replace pastebin.com with poneb.in Remember: not to save anything of value on Pastebin ignore all attempts at early new threads Thread question: How would you go about finding mares to marry?
>>43003295spitfire!! :D
>>43003295>How would you go about finding mares to marry?I'd kidnap a prince. In all the stories, that makes a team of 3-6 mares gather together and travel to the evil wizard's tower. They will inevitably be top-quality mares with a lot of potential to get even better.It's the perfect plan.Also, it always tickles me that Harshwhinny is a "Professional Professional".
>>43003304do not the pegasus
>>43003314Beside the Mane 6 and the royal military,which mares would go out adventuring?
>>43003352Imma do the pegasus
>1 hour to p10It's fucking 4AMI'm so tired of schizos I don't have words to do it justice
It says "Welcome to Ponyville" in human
>>43003352I'm going to do the pegasus and more
>>43004434That sign certainly makes me feel welcome.
>>43004434How do Equestrian mares say hi to human men?Cowgirl position.
I went to a gay bar and saw they didn't have a fire exit, so I left there as soon as possible.Not going to risk my life just to see two stallions kiss.
>>43004663>You raise your hand to ask your question?“Y’all use ft for measurement?”>Lyra quickly pipes up.>”I prefer hands.”
Has anypony seen this year spring fashion. I'm already low on Bits because our husband want to keep up with it.
This yellow dog keeps following me
>>43005605What was the size ratio for ponies compared to humans again? Would fillies actually be this small? I hope so.
>>43005668How so? Is it more /nmp/ than /rgre/?
>>43005675>What do you mean? Every general must be like /trash/
page 8 in 40 mins, crazy
>>43005771I think there’s a poster around spamming that.
>Canterlot, 4 AM>walk of shame>face visibly soaked>8 different mare pheromones, smellable from across the streethow do I keep getting my dumb, slutty ass into this situation every saturday
>10
>>43005668>>43005771Absolutely mindbroken
>>43006169Well for one you keep offering yourself as a seat.
>>43003304>Goes to the Wonderbolt HQ and gropes Spitfire's flank when she walks past
>>43006909That's how you end up in a bodybag and dropped off the side of the Academy's mesa, anon
>>43004010>Anon, I...
>>43007226shh shh shh, don't break his heartlet him have hope just a little bit longer
>>43007045Wrong, she'd shatter your pelvis and leave you in the middle of the academy for any other Wonderbolt mares if you're lucky. Or she could keep you all to herself if you're unlucky
>>43007815>Being kept by Spitfire>Unluckyunfa unfa you boys'll never see me again after this
>>43007815I wonder how many stallions gone missing when in reality they're in some mares basement as a result of stuff like that
>slidefag is back
>>43007820>>43007822This feels like the same thinking that makes stallions both petition serial cuddlers be released and then turn around screeching about feeling unsafe at night.
>>43003304that one /rgre/ Spitfire green is still the GOAT
>Be mare.>Go back to local hobby shop for newest comic of Batmare.>Notice same faker stallion is back but has a friend with him.>Said friend is that hooman alien that appeared one day in town.>Doesn't matter of size, their both fakers.>Start walking toward the two only to be lifted by the hooman.>Hooman request you to apologized to faker friend.>Denied his request by shouting at them and tell them to leave.>You went from being held to cradle by the hooman as he speak to you in foal talk.>Feel your marelyness leaving you as on goers take pics of situation.>Apologize of action to be free from hooman grasp.>Hooman put you down then go with friend to buy O&O book>Get the comic and pay the store owner who call you a little filly now>You can never go back to this hobby shop again.
>>43008193The one where Anon teaches her how to use "based" and "cringe" and calls a colt with cancer a fag?
Remove all noble mare for trying to dishonor prince anon reputation.
Stallions gotta stick together regardless of species.
>>43008649While true, this also sounds like something I'd hear while being inducted into the local witcher circle.
>>43008649>t. (((Griffon)))
>>43008649>>43008815Reminds me of the groups women that would form in more rural places to keep tabs on each other, in which the oldest women would offer to poison especially violent husbands and take the fall, so the younger women could live free and take care of their children.All of this since women didn't really have a way to fight back back then.Considering the weird time mish-mash G4 is in, those kind of sub-societies for stallion would likely still exist, if in less extreme of ways.
>>43003352I want the pegasus to do me.
bumpa
https://pastebin.com/0qpy3PZk
>>43009555nice, I'm gonna check this out
>>43008230No, the one where Fleetfoot sets them up and they start fucking up paparazzi.
Between Spitfire and Lyra, who would destroy my penis the hardest?Spitfire is in peak physical condition and has a libido that burns like thermite, but Lyra is a monomaniacal schizo, and nopony fucks like an insane pony.
>>43009555>eqgrgreqg tends to suck
>>43010068Spibby.
>>43010068Spitfire could never do the same amount of damage that Lyra could do on the basic fact that she's a pegasus.
>>43009555>pastebinDo they still delete pony stuff? https://ponepaste.org/ is the site made to remedy that, I think.And https://poneb.in/ is a workaround for pastebin.
>>43010108Ah, right.
>>43005055>>”I prefer hands.”I don't know what's funnier: the fact that this is a real measurement, or that it's solely used for horses.
You always down here nowRemember when you weren't?
>>43010326THIS IS A BLUEBOARD!!!
>>43010089True. Getting your prostate mare handled via telekinesis is a unique experience.
>>43010068Lyra has magic which is an insane advantage but since Spitifre indeed has peak physique, she'd last far longer than Lyra ever could, so this makes it a 'brief but intense' vs 'long but eventually intense' argument.
One day, I'll have my own herd and I will keep them happy with dinner on time and never talk back if their doing something wrong.
>>43010068Spitfire for normal sex, but Lyra would tie you up and find other ways to destroy you.
You mares need to mare up and stop stallions from going to page 10. There too many ziggers there ready to rape them.
>>43011396Ziggers ain’t real. A total crystal ball myth to troll.
Do you remember the bandits?
>>43011698Didn’t they hang for their crimes?
>>43011698I don't, redpill me on the bandits
>>43012029I think it involved Shining Armor.
>>43010358Lyra was ecstatic when she found out how humans measured horses.
>>43011396>>43011512Don't call us Ziggers we prefer the term Ziggas.
>9Disobedient colts get mogged by Flitter
>>43011143If someone is doing something wrong you should tell them. Regardless of gender.Unless you mean it in a "let them learn the hard way" kind of way.
>>43008815>>43009190Knowing magic is real and going off of an older thread where lonely stallions are allways drawn to dark magic, there must be some government institution watching over exactly this kind of thing. Also reminds me of the trope of demon summoning being a favourite passtime of nobles and girlnights in our world.
>>43012395And?
Dear Princess CelestiaAll Stallions are hoes!
Stallions rise up! We need to show mares we mean business and want respect.
is RGRE!Marble a marecel "stallions owe me sex" or just 3autistic5colts?
>>43014871>Implying those are mutually exclusive
>>43013737>there's an exact whimsy-ratio chart in use by government officials to watch for problems>Anon's behavior is so inexplicable, it's like the whimsy version of a brick shithouse roided guy with 1% body fat who gets a 40 BMI because of his neck muscles>emergency glass clause is smashed, gets auto-assigned guard herd
>>43015346His behavior gets worse.
>>43015346
>>43015346>"But he doesn't even have a horn! How can this colt possibly pose a Level 5 magical threat to Equestria?>"Some new form of whimsy he calls 'minmaxxing' or 'powergaming'. Basically don't ever let him tell a unicorn how to optimize their spells. Especially if he goes on about an 'infinite mana glitch'."
>>43016014>anon's whimsy breaking equestria with those 'troll logic/science' shitposts
>>43016190>breaks through Cloudsdale's floor while being covered in oil
I can't believe that prince anon confess his love to that apple vendor in Ponyville. There going to be so many angry noble mares ones news get to Canterlot.
>>43016581Jack or bloom?
>>43016738Smith
>>43016738Big Mac
>>43016738Babs
>>43016581>>43016738>>43016785>>43016789>>43016809This is why you never believe a paper from a hick town. They'll write anything.
Bumpa
>>43017064Thats because he's proposing to all of them
>>43017441>Apple Family Reunion>normally a total clamfest>Anon and a few other stallions get dragged in with promises of free booze>turns out zap apple cider hits a hell of a lot harder than the normal shit>next morning Anon has a distinct memory of confessing his love to somepony>there were cheers from the crowd>there was talk of a wedding>he has no idea who the fuck he proposed to>each Apple is extremely friendly and affectionate to the newest member of the family so it's impossible to tell which one is extra nice>Mac gave him a kiss on the cheek but is that normal faggy stallion shit or something special?>Granny slapped his ass and no one said anything>he overheard Bloom whispering something about a new coltfriend>even the fucking dog started nuzzling his junk
>>43017606Doesn't that make him a family heirloom at that point?
snuggling in with the mares now, you stay alive while I'm gone
>>43017606>what actually happened was he did a happy drunk rant for half an hour about how apples were his favorite fruit in the world>how he just fuckin' loved apples so much he could marry them
>>43017441>Anon literally marries into family
i want to get molested by rainbow dash
>>43017606Did he get all of them pregnant?
>>43019055Just the trees.
>>43019320That's an interesting effect for Zap Apple Cider to have.I wonder how the new Faggot cultivars will taste.
>>43019633Zesty.
Prince anon need to explain why he has not gotten a special somepony for heart and hooves day.
>>43003295make sand my wich
>>43020249>"appearing available is part of my brand"
>conscripted to the public stud service>"it's an easy living" they say>"room and board and you work lying down" they tell you>all because your sisters got a slightly better price from the government>you weren't well-off by any means, but a promising gaggle of fillies from highschool with big university dreams had a herd pool with your name on it once>then fedgov came out with Cash for Crowbaits and suddenly those highschool fillies' future promises were less enticing to your family than cash up front>fucking rugged>latest 'visitor' walks in>try not to fix your thousand-cunt stare on her staggeringly stunted quadrilogy of inadequate femurs>she's a girl-horse but she's got buck's teeth>you get cummed on for a living and you smell better than her>her cutie mark is a train track junction and she is NOT shy about her special interests
>9lightning board
>>43019633The apples smell musky, and taste bitter and salty. They make you extremely horny and inclined to have sex with everything in sight for hours
>>43021083>new date-rape drug just dropped
>>43021083>>43021287>The new apples are horrible to eat, but everypony is eating them because they want sex.Even better, his apples are>rapeflavored.
>>43019633>Applebloom takes a bite>"This is cum."
>>43021586>takes another bite
>how to make every nearby mare flag their tail 101
>>43014409they do indeed plow(a case can be made for being tools)
>>43016318hilarious
>>43018923she has no magic and hooves ain't dexterousa unicorn, on the other hand
>>43019633fruity
>>43020316with kirin, watch the direction the horn chevron is facing
>>43021986Aren't they all females?
It's Buck Ball game time mares! Tell the stallions to hush.
>be prince anon>doing princely duty>like helping the gardener with the royal garden>really you tending to your poisoned garden that the gardener do not dare to touch.>many noble mare try to show their marelyness by eating your poison plants>only for them be rush to the hospital.>something something rgre.
>>43022544you mean refball?
>>43021986>>43022103Telling the difference is easy. The males have tighter pussies.
>>43022561>[EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]>>43022103Kirin mares got their horn chevron upwards, while stallions have the horn chevron downwards.In the image with Berry Punch, the two kirin on the right are males, while the one on the left is female, which mildly amuses me as I remember having read several archived debates several months ago that concluded in the kirin mares having superior magical capabilities to kirin stallions
>>43022798Interesting. I was told it was because female kirin have bigger dicks.
Rarity help!
>>43023491>"Tell me what's troubling you, darling."
I want the equestrian space programm to be funded, just to find more alien colts.
>Walk down the street>Mares constantly catcall me>"Hey sugardick, I see them swingin!">They keep trying to sniff meWhat should I do? I don't have an older sister or herd to deal with this for me.
>>43023870stop being such a tease, let them correct you, and say thank you afterward.
>>43024039>kya thank you mare-sama for sniffing my barely legal fresh ballsack!
>>43024261>barely legalImplying they even care about age laws
Eeyup.
Post sexist mares you'd immediately fold toI'd fold as soon as Cherry Jubilee starts flirting with me>Southern Belle voice>Beautiful coat and mane colors>Smart>Business ownerI'd be her good little house husband
>>43024459Peak pegasus performance
>>43024459milky waydon't know if she has the southern belle voice but she has much of the same as cherry jubilee>beautiful coat/mane colors>smart>business owner>has personal understanding of why stallions get cranky when left unattended and backed upit's a shame posting pics of her unemploys everyone in a 12 mile radius
>>43024516>don't know if she has the southern belle voiceOne of her titties I mean titles is "The Milkmare of Trottingham", so I think she's got some kind of English accent.
>>43024459She deserves milf energy.
>Be anon.>Phone post on favorite thread on 4pone /mlh/>Having fun rage baiting those human fucker.>Suddenly get swooped by a pegasus.>"Finally I got you phone poster anon.">Try not to struggle so you don't fall to your death.>"Now we are going to see if humans an ponies can have baby.">You cry for help, but you're already in the clouds so no pony can hear you.>Such a price to pay to enjoy the outdoor.
>>43025211Nice green, ESLAnon, looking forwards to more
>>43024459I would never fold to a mare.
>>43025365she's got pocket aces you fucking moronfold
>>43025365Said man before immediately folding.
bump
How does Luna feel about Sombra and Nightmare Moon getting together?
>>43026764She tries to brag about having tamed such a whimsical stallion, but in reality she's hoping that no one finds out he was the one in control
>>43026655
>>43026764It's like her tupla hooking up with the edgy colt from school.
>>43027185
>>43027947>ywn overhear Windy Whistles telling Rainbow Dash how to keep a colt in line in the other room while you're helping Bow in the kitchen
>>43027530>>>43026764>Luna's shitty dark psycho-being gets laid and she doesn'tCringe princess. Only thing more chilly than the moon is her dusty unused vagina.
>no Pegasus wife to hold me close under her wing as we sit on a park benchNnnngh.
>>43028164I'm sure ghosts use it for hauntings.
>>43027921
RGRE AJ is sexist in the polite manners sort of way while RGRE Rarity is sexist in the nice mare sort of way
>>43029046And RGRE Fluttershy is sexist in the sick and twisted sex pervert sort of way
>>43027530I bet that makes her feel so much worse. The part of herself she hates, the nightmare, gets someone when she can not get anyone.
>>43029233She hides neighponese ugly bitch rape colt mindbreak impregnation doujins under her bed.
>>43029313>She hides neighponese ugly bitch rape colt mindbreak impregnation doujins under her bed.
>>43029313How would ugly bitches even look like when all the mares are pretty?g5 2D animation style?
>>43029510Like Whoa Nelly.
>>43029515but she's not uglyshe's just a big galfor you
>>43029731With big bones! And she wants yours to complete it.
All I want is a big mare to carry me to her home and have her way with me.
>>43029510humans can't tell what an ugly pony looks like in the same way ponies can't tell you what an ugly human looks like
>>43030110the perfect balance
>>43030110We can only hope.
Mares, there been a sock thief on the loss stealing Anons socks. We need to catch her and get those socks back.
>>43030908Disgusting. No wonder colts don't feel safe anymore. What kind of sick monster steals a colt's striped green and white socks?
>>43030908>they found "that" sock
>>43003352I always thought batponers were always horny sex predators.
>>43030110This is because humans can sense the snowpity and mares can sense the...whatever a human equivalent is.
>>43031287Soul? A good human is Soul, a bad one is souless.
>>43031287Soul. The human equivalent would be a soul, dummy.That or the unyielding desire to be Free™.
>>43031447>>43031450Yeah but that doesn't sound like something they'd use on /mlh/. Something like Airindependence or whatever
>>43031466Earth ponies say human men have an earthiness to them. Pegasi say they have an airiness to them. Unicorns say they have a manaspark to them.What they all mean is that human men owe them sex
>>43031346GIWTWM
>>43031793A good man has such a bright soul.
>>43031793>Delegates from the three tribes meet to debate this>Unicorn uses the sheer magical potential of human males as a reason why they belong to them.>Pegasus and Earth Pony disagree, citing the fact that most human wizards turn evil as proof the Unicorns cannot handle them effectively.>Pegasus interjects, citing the free nature of the human spirit, and their flying machines as a reason they belong to them.>Earth Pony and Unicorn shout this down, citing most human males having a fear of heights.>Earth Pony declares that the humans are intensely fertile, and only Earth Ponies can cultivate such a wild field.>Unicorn and Pegasus decry this, because the delegate has only one foal despite being married for a decade to a human male.>Suddenly, the Alic- I mean, the Princesses appear.>The Princesses declare that all human males are their right to claim and defile, citing a contract that they place on the table.>Their hearts sullen, the delegates read it aloud.>"We are your gods and we have bigger teats, eat shit. - Celly and Lulu."
>>43032163Meanwhile, the Kirin kidnapped the men in the background.
>>43032163>these princesses still get their mates the old fashioned way
UH, ALL THE NON PONIES OR CREATURES AS I LIKE TO CALL THEM, GET OFF THIS BOARD BECAUSE IT'S FOR PONIES ONLY, UNDERSTAND, CAUSE IF YOU DON'T I WILL MAKE CREATURES FRIENDSHIPLESS AGAIN!!!
>>43033078Don't you have a human husband and child?
>>43033078Wait a moment, I've seen her 'colt'friend!
>>43033089>>43033099delete this
>>43033132We've all seen the tabloids. Got this cut out and hung up on my wall
>>43033505>Putting pictures of powerful mares on your walllol dyke
>>43033078Wife
>>43033078>you'll never have a wife who purges foreigners
10
>>43033896I support my mare wife in her goals.
This is the expression your marewife makes when you're not in the kitchen.
>>43034884"Wife needs to get us a kitchen.">"Well-""And the hedge doesn't count. Stop eating it.">"No."
>>43035260"Oh yeah. You think you're so tough, Lily?">whips out dick>cums on the hedge"Now what, bitch?"
>>43035654>"Finally, some good fucking food."
>>43035673The Neeeeighbor comes over.>"May I have a nibble?"
>>43035861>ERPNot every terrible joke is fap material.Okay, not every terrible joke is fap material for most people.
>>43035856>Anon's Mayo Shrubbery Suprise becomes the stereotypical pie cooling in the window someone always tries to swipe
sleep tight rgre, snuggle up with your mares
Continuation of https://ponepaste.org/10819>Sunburst lets out a brief sigh as he shuts the book he'd been orating from>"Now," Sunburst adjusts his glasses, "You've got a taste of the theory.""A taste?">Sunburst just smiles at that>He's been droning from that book for hours now>The book levitates back into its slot on the shelf>"Time for a taste of practice.">A feather rises from somewhere beneath the table and rests where the book once did >You glance between the feather and Sunburst, then back to the feather>You give it a tentative nudge with a hoof>Seems to be an ordinary white feather"Practice how?">"You're going to...levitate this feather!">Sunburst grins like he just bought you a new car"...That it?">Sunburst's face twitches>"I-I know, it might not be...glamorous-""It's a feather, Sunburst.">Sunburst huffs softly and pushes up his glasses>"Foal steps, Anonymous. Just, humor me.">You feel like you humor him plenty>"First, I want you to focus on the feather.">It seemed like a perfectly normal feather>Actually, too perfect>It's like a feather you'd see in a cartoon>"Now, imagine you have an invisible hoof.">"Imagine that hoof reaching out and lifting up the feather.">Sunburst cups his hooves together and raises them up as he instructs you>You zone in on the feather>You keep trying to imagine like Sunburst told you>You can almost visualize a third hoof reaching out from your horn>Your forehead is feeling kinda warm>Must be your magic>You can see in your mind's eye, the mental hoof is passing through the table and beneath the feather>Wait, if that's what your magic feels like->Upupup! Focus, Anon>You think you can feel the feather on your mindhoof>The feather nudges>Almost there>Your face is starting to hurt from how hard you're scrunching, but you can't give up now>The feather nudges again>You close your eyes to concentrate harder>Almost...>The image of the horse with the upside down face blinks in your mind, but you feel a flash of heat at your horn before you can fully process it>Was that it?>You open your eyes again>The feather's blue now>You look to Sunburst>He's glaring inquisitively at the feather>"That's...not supposed to happen."Sorry for the wait. Updates should (hopefully) come more regularly in the future
>>43036719Welcome back. We missed you.
>>43036719Hi Dad.I think Anon's mana wires are broken, or at least switched around.
>>43036719scrunched up anoncolt faces!
>>43036332What do when mare isn't there in morning?
>>43036719Anon has Chaos magic?And, of course, welcome back.
Remember to give your stallions extra love today or that love alicorn will come and rape you.
>>43038234>Stallions>Capable of feeling lovelolno
>>43036719Woohoo! I'm glad you're back! I love your green.
>>43038237>Mare soon to be destroyed by love alicorn.
>>43038237>>43038430>instead of having a Grinch for Christmas, ponies have a Hearts and Hooves Grinch>a sour mare with a cutie mark of a heart, but it's also an optical illusion so it always looks like it's shrinking when you stare at it>her and Cadance have been mortal enemies for years, their battles causing all kinds of off-camera collateral damage that always gets blamed on accidents/the weather/sugar shortages or whatever else is a convenient scapegoat>Cadance begrudgingly leaves Grinchpone alone instead of arresting her once and for all, when she's holed up in her cave(basement) the rest of the year, because damned if she isn't the world's premiere Changeling repellent
>>43036719Dad's back with milk thank Celestia!For real though good to see you alive we got worried.
>>43038547Does she try to kidnap Cadance occasionally?
>>43038650He brought milk from Celestia.
>>43039074She has a giant ratty bag with a buck-toothed googly-eye picture of Cadance drawn on it.
>>43039385Celestia sends a 3 gallon bag of her milk to every couple with a new foal. It's a power play to assert her dominance over every mare of Equestria. Marechiavelli spoke of this.
>>43038547>the world's premiere Changeling repellentSo she's anti-love and the bugs are corrupted love?
>>43040201Repeat offender.
Good Morning I hate stallions
>>43040725>t. Spitfire
How was everypony heart and hooves day went.I gave my stallion a bundle of roses and he went down on me.
>>43040779I gave mine a bundle of daisies and he thanked me for getting groceries
>>43040785Did he make you a sandwich with them?
>>43040779I harassed stallions online and made several cry.
>>43040815Don't lie. Stallions don't exist online.
Pregnancy Brain exists. How do the breadwinners and thinkers of the world deal with it?
>>43041272By doubling down on the poor decisions they made when hormonal
>>43041409Celestia is staying celibate knowing how much shit equestria would be in if she got the stupid.
>>43041272>Pregnancy BrainThis makes me think pony sitcoms have the same cliche of a bumbling idiot breadwinner, but since it's ponies it's because she's pregnant all the time not because they're overcorrecting on tropey sitcom family dynamics
>>43036719>>43038650I forget this thread exists until today and it's been one day since sunburst updated. I should buy a lottery ticket with my luck.
>>43041272>deal with itBy ignoring it completely like marely mares, celestia dammit
>sitting in public>some low est beta mare unicorn walks up to me>thick glasses, short horn, non-maresculine smell>"H-H-Hi, I haven't seen you around, my name i-""You will *never* have me, marecel.">Walk off.Why do low value mares even exist? What is their point?
>>43041963So scum like you have a backup plan when you're on page >9 and still haven't found the sugar mommy your father taught you to expect
I remember a green where anon played a warhammer 40K equivalent with the mane 6 twilight had a tau equivalent can someone link it to me or does someone remember it.
>>43036719>>The image of the horse with the upside down face blinks in your mind>The feather's blue now
>>43042447Says the trust fund filly.
>>43042902The look she gives across the bar.
>>43041963Low value mares are cute though
>>43043238>t. pick me colt
>>43043238Which is why humans are perfect in Equestria. They love all the mares they see.
>>43043373What a wonderful world where your looks don't matter and men only see you for your snowpity
>>43043947What a view. In more ways than one.
>Be prince anon>Something unspeakable has happen>Somepony sneaked into your room and stole your most prized possession; your collection of O&O books and a pair of your sock."Are you sure you saw no one entered my room">"Yes prince, no one try to enter your room.">"And we did not hear the window open up.">You stare at the guards before heading toward the throne room"I want all guard to search this castle from roof to dungeon, this thief should of not gotten far."____>Be changeling>Disguise as one of the prince pet fish.>After hearing all that you are unable to leave till everything has calmed down>Why you took one pair of his sock and his O&O books?>You want to try and make him more colty.>Now you hope one of the noble mare can 'calm' him down before you can get out of here with your hull.
>>43044147Thank you for your submission, ESL fren.
>>43044147>prized possession>pair of sockevidently the prince is a total slut
>>43044147Where did he put the books?
>>43042540Any greens where the mane 6 play tabletop games.
>>43044458I've been playing with the idea of writing a green where the Mane 6 play The Ungame
>>43044974Who's this mare?
>>43045161Wrangler.
>>43045223>"Howdy 'tardner?"
>>43045268You ain’t tard rangling me.
>>43044974Where did she get that milk?
>"Princess, Anonymous has acquired a longer pair of socks."
>>43046296man Celestia's intelligence network must put CIA glowniggers to shame
>>43046393>Celestia's intelligence network>Just a very masculine guardsmare who's wormed her way into the local colt gossip web
>>43044632>The UngameI had never heard of this before now, but that looks cool, since it is designed to foster empathy and so on.
>>43046296Who keeps supplying him with these socks?
live!
>>43046958The slut fairy leaves them under his pillow
>>43047323Never can trust those Breezies.
>>43046393They don’t stop invasions, so they’re not all that great.
>>43047299
>>43046296What kind of panic would happen when they start approaching thigh levels?
>>43046296>"Princess, a second sock has hit the thighs"
>>43047890
>>43048120Well we can’t go further than that. Unless gloves are somehow lewd.
>>43048616Gloves are like 5 socks in one
>>43048616Ponies wear socks on all 4 extremeties, so they would equate gloves to special socks.Also >>43048616
>>43048119Absolute riot
no
If ball-bras have enchantments on them (cooling, anti-scry,...) maybe socks have a low level want it need it on them
>>43049293The want and need to wear them.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/587684/like-looking-in-a-mirrorA fresh offering from earlier this month - this story is hot right now!It's a TF isekai, and like most RGRE stories the purpose is to showcase how unique and special the OC is. This OC is a unicorn stallion who looks like Celestia. His personality is None, Extra Mild. It starts with him as an aware foal. He has some interactions with his family that don't really establish setting or character at the start, and then his narrative voice mentions offhand that the gender roles are reversed and there's a ratio imbalance, 5:1ish looks like.Then he's all grown up and moves to ponyville, where he asks the mayor if he can buy a house and she briefly wonders how many MARE GF he has before he clarifies "none". This gets her thinking that Every Mare Will Court Him. That's right, it's another one of those!That's all the RGRE that happens in the story.After that, he goes on a quintessential Meet The M6 Tour, and since they mistake him for a mare because he looks like Celestia, no additional RGRE stuff happens.This story is very boring. Not much going on with characterization or world building, flagrantly violates any basic writing advice like "hook the reader in the intro", or "the writing should develop theme or advance plot at least most of the time". By the second chapter I was skimming. How do all these RGRE flics seem to have the same structure? The same "my OC" focus, the same "whole town sexually harass MC" porn tripe as if the authors don't really ever ask themselves if society might form any systems around its material constraints, the same endless "meetings and strolls and tours" scene progression.Where's the God damn autism for this subgenre? Eugh, back to the Bother's Price fandom I go..
>>43049698>Looking for quality>On fimficLol. Lmao, even.
>>43049765I've gotten this response before and every time I ask for a superior source of MLP fic I do not receive one.So the actual >implying here is that the fandom has any good fan content.
>>43049698I also got bored very quickly with this one.
>>43049773>superior source of MLP ficMy writings.>Link?No.
>>43049831I've read it!
>>43049698The corruptive influence of weebs is constant and endless. You have no idea how many trend-chasing manga are hoofless mirrors that story, the only difference is our waifubait harem is premade. Myanimelist literally has TWENTY PAGES of manga with the term "slow life" in its title and THEYRE ALL EXACTLY THE SAME.
>>43049698I would rather eat out rainbow snatch than read that
>>43049765>>43049773There are a few good stories I've only found on Fimfic, but I would hesitate to call many of the RGRE ones there any good.The active ones I've enjoyed recently are:>Changeling's way (above average)>Fragmented (average)>The Shield That Sees (average)>Pony Life In A Zombie World (good once past the cliche start/setting)>Pony Life In A Pony World (sequel to above, good so far)>Blurred Realities (pretty good, despite anthro)What I've found here usually isn't much to write about.>Con-AnonOff to a decent start, but not much has happened yet to develop the plot. Could turn out great or slide into slop.>Sunburst and sonProbably one of the better greens we've gotten in a while, but that isn't saying much. Most of it is just filler slice of life stuff, which while alright for a green, doesn't make for an interesting story.>The Long And Short Of ItGreat whenever an update appears, but months can go by between them. Seems dead on Fimfic, so that's the main reason I still check in here.>Everything else within the last six monthsEither just a paragraph or I can't even remember it. Before then, the last good green I've read here recently would probably be the one where a pegasus drug runner takes refuge in the human world and experiences some culture shock, but that wasn't too heavily RGRE to begin with.
Off to work, don't go dying now
>>43048978Anon shows up wearing high high socks as wells as near shoulder length black faux leather gloves.
>>43050744And a stuffed ball bra.
>>43050743
>>43050864Stuffed with what?
>>43051492Disappointment.
>>43050743Did mare come home with milk?
>>43050372I'm noticing this more and more. It's so fucking pathetic, but I think that it's mainly a low IQ thing. The eternal answer to "what do the goyim do?" is, as ever, "the same thing, over and over and over again.">>43050554Thanks for the recs, I will check those out. I'm gonna trust your suggestions since you're discerning enough to find Sunburst & Son uninteresting as well.To be honest I find Long and Short Of It disappointing as well, but I have a personal distaste for RGRE as a maledom platform. In and of itself the writing and smut are perfectly fine.Ultimately I have still never found RGRE that I would describe as genuinely satisfying.I found this thread with other recommendations linked near the bottom (scroll past the world's ten millionth grumble sesh about RGRE harems being retarded). Most of them have turned out to be terrible, but I'm still chewing through this list as well so who knows.
>>43052121she goes everywhere with milk if you know what I mean
>>43050554>>43052212I feel like the only reason Sunburst & Son is even "popular" (if you can call it that) is because RGRE is so starved for any content that they'll latch onto anything that gets made, regardless of quality. That, and the anon writing it updated pretty regularly in the beginning.
>>43052465I like it because I like seeing Sunburst being a dork.
>>43052465Not often we get a story where the main center of it is a stallion. A stallion trying to be a single dad as well.
>>43050554I wish the long and short of it updated more since it was actually one of the big reasons I learned about rgre
>>43052212>forgot to actually link the threadhttps://www.fimfiction.net/group/212801/reverse-gender-role-equestria-rgre/thread/517768/rgre-and-the-harem-curse
>>43052212>>43053070Interesting linked thread. From best to worst, I'd rate the usage of RGRE based on how well the story interacts with the setting or themes:>Drama centered around navigating or otherwise dealing with gender expectations/roles in RGRE.>Interesting stories where RGRE heavily influences the actions/thoughts of characters, but isn't the main focus of the plot.>A good action/adventure story where RGRE has a presence but isn't too consequential to the story.>An action/adventure story with irrelevant/forgotten elements of RGRE.>One-off greens/stories where something RGRE is the butt of a joke or just a rebranded reflection of our world.>Author's lore dump on their RGRE world with minimal character/plot development, if any.>RGRE serving as a veil for fetish smut slop or harem/self-insert wish fulfillment shit.I think the main problem with writing good RGRE is that the plot ultimately needs to revolve around an RGRE theme, like figuring out what it means to be a mare/stallion in RGRE, or at least the plot/character development needs to be framed by RGRE influences, like Anon developing in some way not necessarily related to something RGRE and ponies responding in RGRE ways. If it is just background dressing or isn't used to affect the plot somehow, then it may as well not be an RGRE story imo (could still be a good story though). I think the smut and harem wish fulfillment slop is just a product of bad writers tacking on basic RGRE themes simply to facilitate the wish fulfillment of guys to be desired, even though being a member of the "fair" sex doesn't make you attractive on its own.>Thanks for the recsThose are just the RGRE stories on fimfic that are getting updates at least semi-frequently.If you are looking for some of the better RGRE stories that are longer than the typical green, then I'd also recommend:>Anon's Adventures in Saddle Arabia (I'd say the best RGRE story, if not The Long And Short Of It) - https://ponepaste.org/92>Jewel of the Everfree (RGRE elements may be light here; it's been a while.) - https://www.fimfiction.net/story/314389/jewel-of-the-everfree>Follows A Little Spark - https://www.fimfiction.net/story/457545/follows-a-little-spark>A Dance on the Mats - https://www.fimfiction.net/story/400174/a-dance-on-the-mats>Get Cut(ter), Get Butt(er) - https://ponepaste.org/2968>Fucking Bonbon - https://ponepaste.org/2766>Fucking Bonbon (babby edition [No, not pedo shit]) - https://poneb.in/ghWK64Cx>Alien Encounters - https://ponepaste.org/8345>Encountering Aliens - https://ponepaste.org/10398>By The Book (plz continue SmutAnon) - https://ponepaste.org/10491
>>43053267>Fucking Bonbon (babby editionActually this one isn't really RGRE, but I still find it sweet.
>>43051155
>>43053267Thanks for the spoon feed.
>Well... Hello there, stud.
>>43054167What's up my favorite egg bank?
>>43054453...
>>43054461Sorry, was that too much?
>>43054629No, no, it wasn't enough!
>>43054461>>43054852I've seen your daughter, we can get you a carton more.
>>43050554>>43053267I'm still sad about losing Junior and Gynophobia. First one was RGRE story where you followed Anon's kid after he's already had his wacky RGRE romance story, second had some genuinely great autistic worldbuilding and a traumatized TF isekai protagonist... and the author had a shitfit and deleted everything thank fuck I saved it.
>>43055521Junior is alright for the rather unique perspective, but I think it ended about where it should have given the lack of development going on.I didn't care for gynophobia at all. A shit story, shit characters, and shit prose couldn't be saved by any world>>43055521 building. Even the harem/smut slop is better.
>>43055668>world>>43055521buildingIgnore this slip of the finger.
>>43055752Doing better then me.
>>43055752Does rape fall under the sexism or the actual thought?
>>43055752This is literally just Spitfire.
>>43053675
>>43055668Yeah the main character using the reader as a trauma coping mechanism was a weird and poorly-done choice but I didn't find the writing itself nor the rest of the cast to be objectionable?Plus it seemed like there was finally going to be some plot development in the last chapter.
>>43055984>"Damn, your mare lets you walk around without a collar?""No collar can handle my rock hard neck muscles."
>>43055984Damn mare, if you're as fertile as you are sexist we could fill out a Wonderbolt roster.
>>43045811>>43044974The joke is she's holding it just out of reach and I'm going insane from a critical mare milk deficiency
>in /rgre/ it's considered socially acceptable and hot to scratch and bite your mare, mark her up, draw blood
>>43057132*in bedto clarify
>>43057132>marecels posting about their stalliondom fetish>againI hate this sun-forsaken ponysite
>>43057136Like you don't have a fetish you pretend to not flaunt here.
Stallions can play card games better than mares.
>>43057136>stalliondomthat..no, that's not what's going on here anon, have you never been exposed to the whole "fucking a girl so good she scratches your back while you pound her" thing?jfc gonna have to start posting this stuff with a cultural reference diagram or something
>>43057334Maybe at 52 pickup.
>>43057722I'm not fluent in music spoons. Is that "Never Gonna Give You Up"?
>>43057753yes
>>43057722Beware when the clouds start to sing accompanying/backup.
>>43057132What about hoof holding?
>>43027947Can I ask if I can sniff her ass?
>>43057132We're not bat ponies... Well some of us... Some... yeah...
>Be prince anon>Heading to Appleloosa to watch Canterlot team loose to Ponyvile team in sportball>The chariot land and the mayor come to greet you>You listen to his spew about Appleloosa till you notice a stallion>You seem to unable to take your eyes off of him.>The stallion notice you and come up to you>"Howdy partner, name Braeburn. Would you like me to show you the bathhouse?>You just nods and Braeburn take you to the bathhouse forgetting the spotball and the mayor.
Another day of work. Stay alive colts.
Angry mares losing to humans in the Buckball Olympics.
>>43060119>there were some assumptions on both sides about various standardized equipment that nobody thought to mention
>>43060119imagine losing buckball against a species handicapped by an inability to field a flyer
>>43059235>Follow me to the gay bathhouse>In 2026>On this website>Localized ENTIRELY within RGREMay I see it?
>uppity stallions
>>43060560that's kinda gay, anon, ngl
>>43060296Tall enough to make up for it.
>>43060560Probably not.Such a place must have every defense against peeping/scrying imaginable
>>43061446I could imagine some fillies being dared to sneak their way in.
>>43061619Sounds like the premise of at least half of all lewd manga and — wait, what would they call "stag films" in RGR? "Doe Flicks"?
>>43061632Chick Flix
>>43061874Chicks flick? Yeah they flick their beans a lot.
>>43045811It's not milk, it's malk.
They talk a lot about how they don't trust stallions with tools. But the real question is, who trusts mares with tools?
>>43062696Ponies with tools is a very silly thing.
>>43062696there are worse things they could have
>>43063136The Everfree Forest if it were based
>>43063136Clanner scum!
>>43063513The Timber Wolf is a kickass mech and it's a way better name than MadCat!Clanners are pretty retarded though.
>>43062161I give this movie two winks!
>>43062696I trust that big strong mare with those tools, she clearly knows what she's doing.
>>43060872Don't worry. You have plenty of options with mares. No one cares if it's mare on mare.
Did you see me mare wife? I bump the thread at >10. Can we go see a movie for me being a good husband?
>>43064866>Speaking out of turn>Good husbandGet your fat flank back to the kitchen, whorse.
>>43064899>t. picrel
>>43064899I can't do anything rightFuck stupid retard life
>>43059717
>>43064899>>43064924No wife no! Put on the softer horseshoes before you hit me! We don't want bruises to form on my soft supple body. Ponies will talk if they do!
>>43065357>talking out of turn>again>making demands of your mare>implying you'll leave the house without her say sowhy do you do this, Anon? why do you make her beat you black and blue and bloody and leave you on the floor? do you like it? is that it? look at your mare, she's tired from beating you so much, and you're so busy laying on the floor that she had to get her own drink and light her own cigarette, shame on you
>>43065607Wife, that beating was a 5/10 at best. Kind of disappointing. You don’t have the same fire in you like you use to. Maybe we should see other ponies.
>>43065607Also we’re out of cigs.
>>43065607>>43065778>>43065953>Anon intentionally getting "corrected" to become stronger á la Dragonballs>Anon and Spitfire become the ultimate "power" couple
>>43065224
>>43066066Anon is a masochist, Spitfire just wants to live life like a proper mare should and puts colts in their place. Home life becomes like work.
>>43066066>Anon keeps telling his stalpals not to worry whenever he shows up with new bruises>Keeps saying he's "getting stronger like Goku"Battered husband syndrome is a hell of a drug
>humans are stronger than ponies>Anon lets Spitty beat him because he thinks it's hot>one night she does something to genuinely piss him off>fights back, instant knockout>Spitty gets brain damage and turns into a sub>Anon is sad that he can't get his kink anymore
>>43066695What is this stallionist nonsense? Guards, take this mare to the dungeon posthaste.
>>43066699Real brave hiding in a castle on a mountain.
>>43066699uwu what are we gonna do in the dungeon mommy?
>>43066695Don't brain mare wife. She's meal ticket to easy life.
>>43066699Man I wish Luna would threaten to beat me but has become so lonely since her return that she cuddles up to me and kisses me and promises me all the riches I'd want. My marewife MAY be bipolar but I don't care.
>>43067162Too bad about those dream demons she keeps making.
>>43066341
>>43066615Anon is an idiot for thinking chi will give him boosts.Not knowing that magic is a thing and will turn him into a monster because of the disharmony in the household.
>>43066615That's what they want you to think.
>>43068306Rarity. You have a horn.
>Prince anon is having a royal banquet with the nobles>He brings in a food taster thanks to his mother's insistence>She's a peasant m*d pony>Food tasting time>Everything goes well at first >She suddenly falls to the floor>Prince anon offers her a hoof to get up>They lock eyes>The food was poisoned>Love poisoned>The entire royal guard has to pry her off of prince anon as she >rapes him in front of everypony>They all wish they were her
>>43068462Her horn is useless because she's semi-anthro.
>>43068732The "she" who >rapes him seems like it could refer to either an unintroduced noble, an unintroduced mud pony present at the party, or his mother who happens to be a peasant mud pony and at the party. I'm not really sure who's who here.
>>43068732"She's sucking my horn! Gross!"
>>43068732>AnonstallionReddit is down the hall and to the left
>>43068732>>43068732>AnonstallionRGRE kino, based.
>>43069932>Not wanting to become part of the master race>Not wanting to ascend humanity>Not wanting to have a literal horsecockAbsolute faggotry. Anonstallion is kino and I'm tired of pretending it's not
>>43070046Peganonstallion*ftfy
>>43070046Okay troon. Go back to your containment general.
>>43070128>Wanting to keep my dick even after changing species>Troon>
>>43070148>Engages in troon behavior>"Stop calling me a troon!"You will never be a pony
>>43070154So? Most anons here have fun imagining themselves in Equestria. I do the same but with me turned into a pony. The core fantasy is not that different. Get off your high horse.
>>43003352Sex with the pegasus.
>>43070164Fuck off troon. There is, in fact a wrong way to fantasize and your fantasies are wrong. Go back to your containment general and stop shitting up the thread.
>>43070168I do not care what you think anon. I will stay here in this thread and I will be horsing around. There's nothing you can do to stop me. Cope.
>>43070179>My sisters and I will keep shitting up the thread if you keep misgendering us!
>>43070182I already told you I'm not a tranny. You really should stop beating that dead horse, you know? Honestly I don't get why you want to have a long face so badly.
>>43070187>Not a tranny>ptfgPick one and only one
>>43070195Hold your horses anon, shouldn't I have free rein to choose both?
>>43070199No
>>43070200Well shucks, I already said my arguments and yet you refuse to understand. I guess what they say is true: You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Have a good night y'allP.S: I hope my mare doesn't catch me being this whimsy on the internet again ;3
Just dont respond to the newfag troll whos using the proxy to ban evade and post greens of anon and anonstallion.
>>43069689
>>43068732I really feel like male royalty should have a specialised, secret of homme fatale kind of protectors; posing as butlers.
>>43070850Battle maids.
>>43071033Battle Butlers in this case
>>43070422>post greens of anon and anonstallion.That sick fuck
>>43071136Are Anon and Anonstallion good friends? Does he give Anon pony rides?
>>43070422>whos using the proxy to ban evade and post greensis the troll posting the greens, or are we in response to him?grammar is confused here
>>43068732>all your peers now know what your involuntary moans sound like>every conversation you have with them, every time you address them, you know they know, that they could be thinking about it while you're trying to be taken seriouslyvgh, is there anything better than hvmiliation?
>>43071435do stallions really?
How would you rein in your waifu's reckless driving?
>>43071759Tell her that I and the kids need her.
>>43071790>Tell her that I and the kids need her.>Marble opens her mouth to fire back, but no words escape>Marble grimaces and looks to floor>She knows you're right>She knows she's being stupidly reckless>And for what, the thrill?>To prove something?>Just because she can?>"I-I don't...">You can feel it in your chest when you see how her face twitches, fighting through her own pride>Her voice comes out small, the same way it did when you two had first met>"...I'm sorry."
>>43071759With reins presumably, probably not appropriate to bring those out in public.
>>43071876>Marble awaits the backlash, the vitriol, the hatred, the sign of the 'ick' in Anon's eyes for daring to show weakness in front of him>it never comes>an Anon accepts her apology and wraps her in a hug Marble thanks Celestia, Luna, even that new fat, purple, alicorn whose name escapes her that she had the foresight to have a human for a husband instead of a stallion
>>43072008Instead Limestone is the one who yells at her out in the farm later. Can’t choose your family, bless them.
>>43072008>>43072389I would give Limestone so much shit for propegating this toxic maresculinity
>>43072579Family reunions can be tense, dad always argues with aunt Limestone.
>>43072389>>43072772Limestone is probably trying to protect Marble, in her own pigheaded way.
>>43073430Does Limestone even know what’s she’s doing? Motivated by spite.
>>43073663>Loves her family too much to let her sister make herself a target>Hates stallions too much to believe one could not be evilShe's her own worst enemy sometimes
>>43073663Limestone does not know what a healthy relationship looks like.She (somehow) thinks that what Marble and Anon has is bad.
>>43073993Very weird. I always thought her parents had an actually good relationship. If very traditional and with the social finesse of Maud.Maybe Limestone doesn't know, because her parents never show their affection (outside the bedroom) and she doesn't have the faculties to assertain the details, so she would fall for "Alphas" talking confidentliy about how a "real" mare should act.If that's the case I actually pity her.
>>43074085>If very traditional and with the social finesse of Maud.That is the kicker. Her parents never show affection. (It genuinely does matter)So, when Anon and Marble hit off (in a way that is contradictory to the established gender roles), she views it as something that is WRONG.
>>43074110Given how many foals their parents had, they clearly were very active.
>>43074239Active, yes. Natural/healthy? No fucking way.
>>43071757Yes, it secretly turns them on to know they're occupying mares' thoughts, even negatively. It's why they get so bratty.
>Be mare>Go to hardware store to get some stuff for a pet project>See the human anons looking at tools to dangerous for him>Go up to him and tell him the cleaning products are in another shop>Anon thanks you and give you a head pat then leave>You just save a stallion from breaking his hooves with such dangerous tools.>Feel good mare
>>43071382>Anon and Anonstallion are bros>Both of them want to get more /fit/>Anonstallion gives Anon pony rides in order to train leg and back strength >Anon carries Anonstallion on his shoulders and does squats for just about the same>This makes them gymbros and totally not gay>The fact that they shower together is not weird at all>Neither is the fact that they sleep cuddling together>Stop assuming that all male friends are secretly gay you weirdo
>>43074876>Mares find it cute and start shipping them together
>>43074876HIPDRAHVE
>>43074876kino
>>43074683>Be Anon>Trying to scrounge up some tooling to clean your patio>It has gotten downright filthy since you've started having regular BBQ cookouts with your wives last spring.>Damn pony hardware shops, not only everything's made with hoof ergonomics in mind, there's not a single power-washer in sight!>Hm, maybe with some elbow grease you can adapt a water cutter into a power-washer?>God only knows what threading standards ponies use, you had enough trouble with metric already.>Suddenly some mare interrupts your reverie saying something about cleaning supplies shop.>Fuck, she's right, if anyone's got a good power-washer, it'd be them.>You thank her, give her a headpat and set out.>That patio will be SHINING by the evening!
>>43075429Mares are so helpful.
>>43073143
>mare won't let you leave her house until you give her the ol' lickaroohttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXU8DPEkKVk
Are there "amazonian" cultures in RGRE, which are strongliy patriarchic?
>>43076279Not anymore
>>43076279Judging by the show, it's only the uncivilized races that are patriarchal, yaks and dragons and such.
>>43076279A few stallions tried to make a stand against the matriarchy. Got distracted by a flower sell before they left town.
>>43076613That stallion? Adolf Hoofler.
>>43076279Well, if you want to "break" canon a bit, then the Kirin can fill that role since that was the original concept.
>>43076621A cautionary tale of what happens when you stop a stallion from getting into art to beauty up their home.Between this,Sombra, lonely stallions pursuing dark magic, and all the other calamities of whimsy this thread has thought of, modern Equestria really has to have some form of Stallion Protective Agency
My first time writing a green this size, and there are almost no examples ITT, so forgive me if I messed up the formatting.>Be "Wide Receiver," huge sports fan who knows all about Equestria's sports.>Well, the good ones anyway.>Who cares about the queen-damned multinational Friendship games Princess Twilight set up? >Also be "Fake Fanny," disguised changeling love harvester who knows almost nothing about buckball or other sports but plenty about bucking and balls, or at least that's what you tell the other 'lings.>Anyways, you've been assigned by the hive to collect from a sports bar in Manehattan for a few months now.>A sports bar may not seem like the ideal place to find love to harvest, what with tons of half drunk, blue-harness mares screaming at the crystal displays showing the latest EBL game or Wonderbolt shows, but the devotion these mares show to their sportsmare idols is pretty close to true love. no homo>You take your usual seat at the bar, ask the cute (if trashy) waiter for a cider, and take a look at the crystal displays scattered throughout the bar.>Looks like the main game for tonight was going to be a buckball match between Fillydelphia and those Crystal Empire bitches.>The opening ceremonies proceed as usual, with both teams lining up on the pitch while a handsome colt goes up in front of the Princesses to sing the Equestrian anthem.>The first few phrases go by fine, though the colt just had to warble his voice on each verse. Bucking attention whore.>That is quickly ignored though when one of the players takes a knee, followed by another and then by more.>"OH HELL NEIGH!" Luna bellows in the royal Canterlot voice.>"FIRST IT'S A NEVERENDING STREAM OF ACTORS WHO FAKE AN INJURY FOR AN ADVANTAGE ON THE FIELD!">"THEN HALF THE BALTIMARE TEAM IS SUSPENDED FOR BEATING THEIR COLTFRIENDS!">"NOW THE NATION'S ANTHEM IS DISRESPECTED BECAUSE A POTIONED OUT ZIGGER BEING ARRESTED!">"Sister! You can't say that!" "And those colts had it coming.">"IF THIS IS EQUESTRIAN SPORTSMARESHIP, THEN I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT! THE GAME IS CANCELED!">Buck, there goes this week's love collection.>At least watching the stadium erupt into a riot was fun to watch before the crystal displays cut out.>As you and the rest of the bar dishearteningly get up to leave, the manager yells "Wait! We can tune in to other games, and there's a free round of Buffalo hot beets on the house!">Apparently that crap is enough to sway the ponies back to their seats, so you reluctantly stay too, but what other games could even be on at this time?
>>43077384>While the waiters pass out the promised buffalo hot beets and more ciders, you notice the manager messing with the crystals.>Eventually a loud POP and a hiss emanates from the crystals and an image comes into view.>An image of furless... monkeys? Who seem to be running around on a plank floor between two elevated baskets and bouncing an orange ball off the floor. >You can also hear their feet squeaking as they move about and the dull slap of the ball as it hits the floor.>"We managed to get a connection to the humans' sports network. Apparently they have over 500 channels to choose from.">Supposedly Princess Twilight made contact with this race of "humans," but aside from a few seen at an official meeting, not much else has been heard about them. Perhaps that is why the crowd is still here.>Well might as well see what happens as you waste more bits on more cider....>"Ooh, Sa'qaunza misses another layup. She needs to get her head in the game!">Seems these mares aren't too good at this sport, and they've yet to do much of anything but running around and bouncing the ball off the floor and the basket's board.>The bar doesn't seem too impressed, much to the manager's dismay.>Even the paltry human crowd doesn't seem very enthused despite the best efforts of the male sounding announcers covering the game.>Maybe you should move on. There is still a chance you could find some drunk stallion out tonight and pod him for the hive.>Setting down your cider, you turn to leave, only to hear a resounding *SLAP* followed by a mix of jeers and laughs."Did something finally happen in this game?">Looking back to the crystal just in time, you see a giant green dildo rolling around the center of the court."Pffft. Ha! Guess the humans had enough of that game too.">Reminds you of when Hondo Flanks had a dildo thrown at him by an irate fan because he dropped a catch, only for him to jam it back down the fan's throat.>What a legend, and the reason I watch sports for the plot.>Most of the bar is laughing, but it soon peters out as others demand something better to watch in between bites of buffalo beets and cider.>Frankly you agree as you take a swig of your cider, only to spit it out as you see the new image.>On a grassy field with rows of while lines, two teams of buff human stallions face off, WEARING MATCHING SOCKS AND BRIDLED HELMETS!>Holy Hive Guards! How do humans get away with dressing their stallions like this in a public game!?!>Surely the helmet cage is too close to a scold's bridle to be allowed, but there it is!>Is this human version of the stallions' lingerie charity league Princess Cadence set up, but dirtier?>Well the whole bar is definitely interested now, minus a few disgusted coltfriends. Maybe you can siphon off some lust after all.>You and the bar settle in to watch these muscluts push some oblong ball up and down the field.
>>43077385"Human football is amazing.">"AND Touchdown! That puts them 8 points in the lead with an outstanding play!">Like the rest of the sports bar, you don't know the game's rules, but that doesn't stop any of you from enjoying the game. >"Looks like he couldn't help himself and got a flag for excessive celebration!">Oh mare, they even do lewd dances after scoring. How lucky can human mares be?>Crazier still was that the players were actually impressive to watch, whether that was from weaving through various attackers with the ball or throwing it very long distances to another player."Is the goal of this game to train human colts to save their foals by guarding a ball in place of a foal and getting it to a safe area?">If so, they seemed very diligent. Definitely more committed to childrearing than most "independent" stallions nowadays.>Maybe this whole game with its lewd outfits and display of foalcare was a way for human stallions to attract human mares to partner with.>You order another cider as you ponder the thought.>Five ciders in and you can't stop watching the game.>The score was close (as far as you could tell), and the players knew it.>You watch closely as the ball is passed back to the seeming leader of the group, not unlike the leader of the male drones you rarely saw in the hive, who immediately gives it to a very stocky nearby player.>"He takes the hand off, and Oh! He gets taken down so close to the end zone.">Not only that, but a bunch of the opposing team throws their bodies down onto him and wrestle with him."Holy Shit! They're going to cook that hunky guy to death like a bunch of bees!">Your stool clatters behind you and every pony in the bar looks at you like you've grown a second head.>Right, ponies don't know about the heat swarm suicide tactic. Not the bees! Not the Bees!"Heh, sorry everypony!" you mumble, as you collect your stool and sit down again.>That was close, and looking back to the game, it seems that the large player survived too.>Still you can't believe that a bunch of humans colts would expend themselves like that to defeat the larger opponent.>What kind of pressure must they face to so easily resort to those tactics to win?
>>43077386>The game is almost over now but the teams are still fighting to the bitter end.>"It all comes down to this final play. Which team will win and go to the Super Bowl?""Hivesh, hooman sthalluns must really like cookwhare.">You watch as the teams line up. Your ninth cider is left abandoned, as the tension in the bar becomes overwhelming.>With your eyes on the human male drone leader, you watch as the ball is shot towards him as the two lines of humans collide into a lewd but powerful clash.>The drone like leader backs up with the ball, desperately looking for someone he can throw it to.>His defending drones are doing their best, but you can tell he only has seconds left."Come on, you can do it." You murmur, inching closer to the crystal display.>His head whips side to side, seeking an opportunity that may never come.>You are on the edge of your seat, forehooves planted squarely on the bar as you focus on the crystal.>Then he sees it! >He cocks back his arm and - WHAM - goes tackled hard to the ground by the enemy team!>You leap onto the bar, disguise totally forgotten."Yeah! That's how you take the other hive's drones! Cuck their queen and ride them hard!">Meanwhile the game's announcer cries "And the quarterback gets sacked folks! All their hopes and dreams end here!""Das rite! Whoo! Go Bugs, we got another stock of males in the sack! Wahoo! We're getting laid tonight!">...>As you come down from your relived memory of raiding stallions, you see the bar looking at you in part horror and part rage.>Maybe you shouldn't have gotten so drunk and so into the human game."Buck..."
>>43077388Great green. Mares would also probably get into the sports card market for those delicious pictures. A few also have clothing to go with them.
>>43077388And that Anon... Was John freakin' Grammaticus.
>>43077388That bug is going to get mared.
>>43077388a jolly good read
>>43078097Can I have a uhuuuuuuh…
Human football is the sport for slobbish mares who can’t hide their lifted tail. A true connoisseur sees baseball as the superior sport.Meanwhile some dragons watch hockey with utter fascination.
>>43078588
>>43078783Celestia probably likes football.
We like the human sports where the stallions strike each other until one is crowned the victor.
>mare tells anon to get back to teh kitchen!!1!>he does so>anon makes webm related to blow off some frustration, shooting the shit with discord at the same time>concerningly it actually rings five minutes after it has been completed>more concerningly discord looks just as disturbed as (You) are>answer the carrot phone>it's Carrot Top, asking (You) on a date>well... at least it isn't some gryphon hen trying to reach (You) about your carriage's extended warrantyjust a little shitpost before bedgoodnight anonsalso has there been a fix for the 'verifcation not required' not giving a captcha in 4chanx yet?
