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>>43242840
Pony should always pony pony, yes.
>>43241764
Beautiful art. How come Anon always seems to appear in the Everfree Forest, anyway?

Posting family for good luck.

>>43242829
https://ponepaste.org/11575
>>"He seems surprisingly cordial when he isn't trying to eat us."
>>>"What's wrong with my eyes!? WHY AM I FLYING!?"
"It's the TV camera, just let it happen."

>A German U-boot lookin' thing with big wheels hastily stuck on, crewed by zombies and skeletons in dive suits. [IN THE SUBWAY SLAMMER, IT'S MY GOOD, NOW-KINDA-LIFE-CHALLENGED PAL, CAPTAIN HOWLING MURPHY!]
>"brrraaaaaaaains...." [HA HA YOU OLD HOW-DO-YOU-DO, IT'S LIKE YA NEVER DIED!]
>Next up: a very large albino yak stuffed into a volkswagen beetle with the top sawed off. [PELINAL WHITEYAK RIDING THE HERBERT MOON SPECIAL! OH, HE HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT? SURE, WHY NOT!]
>The camera pans down for a closeup. "YAK SAY- NEVER TRUST GRIFFON. How know if griffon lie? griffon never lie- that take too much talking when could just take yak stuff!" He holds up a necklace of griffon beaks for emphasis. "Yak too dumb to be outsmarted, he he he."
>[WOAH, OKAY CHUM, MIGHT HAVE TO CUT THAT FOR SPONSORS. SPEAKIN' OF WHICH:]

>Five griffons lick their claws on a bloodsoaked battlefield. The largest one, a female, sags as she tries washing herself. More blood comes out.
>>"DAMMIT! I can't resist the urge to wash myself like a cat, but these bird claws just get in the way!"
>Another generic female gesticulates sympathetically. "We ALL suffer, captain- but as mercenaries we just can't afford to blunt our talons!"
>>"And with retirement plans these days, is that EVER gonna be an option?"
>The circle of warriors make exaggerated sighs before resting their beaks on their open hands. One of them yelps in pain, checking her now-bloodier claws.
>A smaller, snivelling male with a parrot beak and leopard ass holds up a heavily textured mitt. "Boss, you just need to GIVE A MITT!"
>>"Private, are you directing profanity at your superior officer?"
>"Gah! No, boss, I said MITT. MITT! Give a Mitt, the one-stop solution for when a merc's gotta take care o' business! Give it a try!"
>They all pensively take mitts from his bags. Cue exaggerated faces full of cheer and revelation.
>"WOW! Now I can wipe my pipe when our terrible rations give me the scoots!"
>>"I can clean my face at last! Maybe I'll finally get that promotion!"
>"And I can rub one in without getting accused of trying to get medically discharged!"
>All of them cry out in greasily-practiced unison, "THANKS, GIVE A MITT!"
>Talk to your procurement officer now, and show your troops you really GIVE A MITT!
>The camera pans away as the male griffon is torn apart. Probably a spy or something. Anyway-

>[NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK. REMEMBER- THAT'S GIVE A MITT, AVAILABLE AT ANY REPUTABLE BULK LEATHER OR QUILTED GOODS STORE! THANKS FOR SPONSORING! OKAY, BACK TO THE RACE!]
>Jabberjaw leans into some kind of damned soul flying up, whispering in his ear. [OH? UH HUH. YEP. UH HUH- OKAY FOLKS, WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS SO THE REST OF THE RACERS WILL JUST BE RANDOM UNDEAD GO-KARTERS. FEEL FREE TO KILL 'EM I GUESS, NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK.]

>>43242950
>Okay. At the wheel again. Bon Bon has Pinkie's shotgun. Trixie has the 1911. You've got 2 tons of speed and a machine gun.
>Where did the others get put?

>[RIGHT- ALMOST FORGOT. DRIVE INTO A YELLOW PORTAL TO GO TO YOUR INTERDIMENSIONAL PIT STOP. THEY'LL BE HERE AND THERE AND WHEREVER, SO KEEP AN EYE OUT. UNLESS YOU TOTAL YOUR CAR, THEN I'LL DRAG YA IN MYSELF CUZ I'M A SWELL GUY.]
>You are accosted by a vision of the remane-ing six sitting confused in a garage. All except Pinkie, who is meditating next to a big cartoon firecracker.
>[OKAY. BETTING PERIOD IS OVER- YES, THAT INCLUDES YOU YOGI. RACERS, START YOUR ENGINES!]
>A roar of gasoline smoke and pistons overtakes everything.
>That BASTARD is right next to you- despite him having no face, you just KNOW he's scowling at you.
"THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE MY CAR FOR IF YOU HAVE A CADDY!?"
>He cackles. "LOVE OF THE GAME, BITCH! AND A FEW TOO MANY PERC 30s! I WOULDA DIED IN LIKE 2 MINUTES ANYWAY, YOU DUMB FUCK!"
>MotherFUCKER
>Little does he know, dying was the best thing that could've happened to you
>...Ha ha.
>Fuck
>anyway-
>[HEY, I SEE YOU MUTTLEY. GET BACK IN YOUR CAR, THE RACE AIN'T EVEN STARTED YET!]
>You hear a wheezing snicker as a small, bipedal dog hops out of a minelaying tank and walks over to Dick's Mean Machine
>>>"ANON! What the BUCK have you dragged me into!?"
>[OH NO TOOTS THAT WAS ME- HAVING MORE THAN TWO UNICORNS WAS KINDA CHEATING, AND HAVING PEGASI WOULDA BEEN DEAD WEIGHT UNLESS THEY COULD PULL YOUR CAR.]
>Bon Bon's confusion visibly mounts
>[WHAAAT? DON'T BE LIKE THAT! I DO RESPECT YOU, NYUCK NYUCK.]
>
>Ok
>The signal lights flash down
>Red. Check the gears. Adjust your sitting.
>Yellow. Can you reach the machine gun from here? Yes!
>Green- [GOOOOOOOOOO!]. You floor it, and so does everyone else.


>[AAAAAND THEY'RE OFF! TRIXIE IN THE REMNANT GUNS FOR AN EARLY KNOCKOUT- THERE GOES CHRISTINE'S TIRES! THAT'S GONNA BE A REAL SETBACK!]
>>"HA HA, LOSER!" She blows a raspberry while reloading. You leave THE BASTARD in your rear view mirror as a loser portal swallows him up.
>The other racers are no kinder than you. You race through a concrete tunnel, up a ramp towards moonlight.
>Pelinal Whiteyak straight up eats a few of the NPC go-karts. Like, he just eats them. WIth a big fork. And power-shits them into the pit stop portal.
>Several sealab zombies form a boarding party and have to be shot off of your car. Three go-karters aren't so lucky, as they're thrown from their karts and their karts driven into the walls.
>You break out of the tunnel. Before you, an elegant brick road city drenched in the moist southern heat you once knew so well.
>Ponies in bayou waders, elegant Prench fashion and/or nothing at all cower and make various religious signs. One even screams "G-G-G-GHOST!"

>>43243061
>BOOM!
>The Subway Slammer struck the one mine Muttley manages to lay before getting spotted. The Sealab crew are dead in the water! And yet they don't get portal'd out?
>[BUILT LIKE A TANK, THAT OLD GIRL IS! NYUCK NYUCK. UNFORTUNATELY THE SAME CAN'T BE SAID OF CAP'N MURPHY'S CHAIN OF COMMAND- OOOH, RIGHT IN THE KISSER! A SUCKER PUNCH FROM QUINN!]
>In the mirrors- yep. None of the sailors are trying to fix the relatively minor damage. They're just taking turns strangling the captain.
>>"ANON! TAKE A LEFT!" A blue hoof points-
>Alright
>You didn't get this far by not trusting her
>[OH, WHAT'S THIS? THE REMNANT HAS VEERED DOWN A SIDE STREET? INTERESTING.]
"Trixie-"
>>"Trust me, I've walked these streets. At this time of year? This way is the fastest route to the north gate!"

>MEANWHILE, AT THE MAIN RACE GROUP!
>[HEY, WHO ARE YOU, HOW'D YOU- OH, HEY PINKIE.]
>Hiiiiiiiiiii!
>[NO HARD FEELINGS ABOUT THE ATTEMPTED CHOMPING, RIGHT?]
>I'm not haaaaappy about it, but I get it. You're off the clock now.
>{AW GEE, WHAT FINE SPORTSMANSHIP. I THINK YER DUDE IS IN THE GRANDSTAND SOMEWHERE-]
>Oh yeah, I know. He sent me here so I wouldn't risk a conflict of interest. You know me, I just can't be trusted with big rockets! Anyway-
>It's neck and neck!
>Flim and Flam ram into an amputee in an army surcoat, knocking him into a crowd of Party Gras revelers. [OOOH, THAT'S GONNA COST THE TWINS A FEW HOURS!]
>"Blast it, brother! Give ME the wheel!"
>>"You? NEVER! You, sir, drive like an Abyssinian!"
>"Better that than WATCH OUT FOR THAT-"
>[GEEZ BOYS, YOU REALLY DON'T WANNA WIN HUH? GONNA HAVE TO TACK ANOTHER HOUR ONTO YOUR SCORE. DON'T WORRY, THE GHOST ILLUSIONS INCLUDE A NICE, FAMILY-FRIENDLY ELECTRIC SHOCK FIELD. I KNOW IT WORKS CAUSE I SAW IT IN A BATMAN GAME! NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK]
>And there's Pelinal roaring straight through the crowd! He somehow misses every single one of them, but smashes through an abandoned building. It's a bold strategy, but will the added maintenance later on be worth the time saved? Can we get a camera down there? Uh huh? YES, yes we can!
>"Yak ALWAYS smash! Yak just smash PUNY AIR MOLECULES instead of pony! Better optics and score that way!"
>A torpedo rips through the ground, blasting a tire off of The Mean Machine! The Subway Slammer is back in the race with a new captain! All hail Captain Quinn!
>[UNFORTUNATELY, YA WINGED A PARADE FLOAT WITH KIDS ON IT. THAT'S GONNA BE AN HOUR!}
>"Drat and double-drat! Muttley, go up ahead and buy us some time! Daddy's got a date with the automatic socket wrench!"
>(snickersnicker)

>We return now to THE CHARIOT, The Remnant, The Skirmisher of the Sun (Remmie to her friends)
>Ooh let's get an aerial view- all this fancy Prench architecture will look great!
>There she is! Weaving through alleyways! Drifting around corners, able to maneuver without fear of time penalty thanks to an educated gamble paying off!

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I learned about the perspective tool today. Also I learned that I have no clue how to draw top down ponies. Anon mare woke up in a forgotten wing of the castle

>>43243114
>[IT SURE IS PAYING OFF, PINKIE! THEY'RE ALREADY TO THE EAST GATE!]
>They've got a straight shot through the bayou, if that wagon can handle the Gumbo's famous dirty rice mud!
>[THOSE HUGE TIRES AND RAISED AXELS WILL BE A HUGE BENEFIT- BUT FOR HOW LONG? IT'S JUST LIKE WITH THE HERBERT MOON!]
>Jabberjaw and Pinkie say the same thing at the same time- IS CLEANING THAT GUNK GONNA EAT MORE TIME THAN IT SAVED?


>We return to your regularly-experienced Anonmare
>Remmie rocks, yaws and rolls as you surge through the swamp. Your little trackball compass points northeast and the main road is in sight.
"Trixie, while we got a sec-"
>>"We're fine. It's Party Gras. We're maybe a half hour behind, tops. Going even as fast as we are now, through the festival?"
"...Hehehehe we're gonna win on a score technicality... Weird that we weren't foll-"
>Bon Bon screams. "PORT! PORT! UH LEFT THAT IS GO LEEEEFT!"
>No time to argue. You veer hard to the left and something scraps against the right doors.
>Your peripherals catch some kind of well-camouflaged trap. Outside, on the right, at about eye level-
>It was a camouflaged tree with a thin rope tied taut. Bon Bon just saved you from being clotheslined.
"Good catch! Ok, keep an eye out for one of those portals. Wanna clear the mud out before it becomes a problem."
>>"Uh, Anon, are you sure?"
"Babe, Rem's tough as hell, but this is an endurance race. Minutes with a pressure washer now saves us hours of having to replace parts later."
>>"Right... right."
"We got this. Don't worry."
>"THERE! County line, I saw something yellow and unnatural! Makes my eyes hurt, it must be-"

>Twilight and Co. (minus Spike, Pinkie and Anon; plus the CMCs) were sitting on a couch, watching real time events play out like a movie
>Suddenly a klaxon rings out, the room flashes red, and Remmie blasts into the pocket dimension.
>Anon immediately leaps out, running for the toolbox and grabbing wrenches while Bon Bon searches for... something
>When she doesn't find what she's looking for, she grabs Rainbow Dash, uses her to grab a cloud out of a drawer, and starts stuffing the cloud into the engine and scrubbing like it's a giant q-tip before grabbing another cloud and scrubbing Remmie's underside. Every movement makes Dash's mane less of a mane and more of a clown wig.
>Trixie reloads the firearms on board while Anon rotates the tires with her magic and a big power tool.
>Finally, some kind of lewd-looking hose is pulled off the wall and stuck in Remmie's left rear.
>In about 4 minutes the vehicle is sparkling new, minus a scratch on the right front door. Anon takes Twilight's coffee, chugs it, and drives off without a word.
>Rainbow Dash's muzzle fights its way out of her incredibly frizzy afro. "Well. I NEVER!"

>[AND ANON REJOINS THE RACE RIGHT OUTSIDE BALTIMARE. HOLD ON TO YOUR SEATS, FOLKS!]
>Oooh that darn dastardly dick Dick Dastardly! He's not even being interesting, it's just 'oh, go and set up more clothesline traps Muttley!'

>>43243134
Yeah I had a little trouble telling which end of that mare was which, but it's still leagues better than anything I could draw!

>>43243134
Feels like a lonely place to wake up. Beautiful but lonely. Where does she go from here?

>>43242950
Remember to update the ponepaste, woggs

>>43243228
Oh yeah, the wacky race is the last arc (I mean it this time) and then I can just update the paste
>>43243173
>[LOOK, DON'T KNOCK THE CLASSICS OK? DICK'S A PRO, HE CHEATS FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME! WHY, HE'D RATHER CHEAT AND LOSE DISHONESTLY THAN WIN BY DRIVING SKILL ALONE!]
>
>
>
>[NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK, YOU TRIED TO TELL HER NOT TO WORRY ABOUT HIM DIDN'T YA? YEAH THAT'S WHY YOU'RE UP HERE WITH ME.]
>Yeah fair enough. Oooh, irrelevant now anyway! Can we replay that?
>[YEP- PLAY IT BACK!]
>Okay, so Anon and Dick are going along the beach- probably to avoid the famous Baltimare 1am Taco Rush traffic-
>[AND WE CAN SEE MUTTLY'S TURNED THE SUPPORTS UNDER THIS PIER, RIGHT HERE, INTO A TROPICAL JUNGLE OF ROPES AND SPIKE TRAPS!]
>Dick TRIES tailgating The Remnant- right there, he almost pit maneuvered her into a pirate spiderweb-
>[WHICH GETS THE LONG NOSE OF THE MEAN MACHINE WEDGED BETWEEN HER BACK WHEELS-]
>And Anon spins into a 360 degree donut, sending The Mean Machine careening into that rope- and then that rope- and then that rope- and, well- in a turn of events I can only describe as pinballicious, those ropes have flung him up and up and up onto the boardwalk by way of a food cart umbrella, and right into a tree!
>[HE ALMOST RECOVERED WHEN HE LANDED ON THAT BIG TREE, BENT IT OVER GENTLY AND HAD HIS WHEELS ON THE GROUND-]
>But the tree decided to snap straight up again, flinging Dick Dastardly and the Mean Machine up to the top of the old abandoned ferris wheel!
>[SHAME ABOUT THAT POOR HOTDOG STAND. HEY, DON'T POUT AT ME, DICK- YOUR CAR'S STILL WORKING!
>Jabberjaw was right- I do love to hate this guy! Aw!

>>You barely recover from a laughing fit, coming back to the sight of Trixie nervously steering over your lap
"Ahaaaaalright I'm good i'm good-I-"
>The lack of sand in your wake and rattle in your wheels suggests you're back on the road again, fish taco fanatics safely in the rearview mirror
>Ah, Baltimare
>You've heard of this place. Of its big lakeside beach resort and old-timey fishermare's wharf. Weird combo but the fish tacos don't lie.
>Ayup, cobblestone road fore and aft. Cute little seaside town buildings rolling by on your right. Bigass lake with fishing trawlers on your left. Some kind of bugs bunny gizmo digging a molehill towards you-
>MOVING MOLEHILL!?
>SWERVE, BITCH, SWERVE!
>A land torpedo erupts underground, just barely avoiding you. You spin out into a dead stop while the Subway Slammer peals out of an alleyway and leaves you in its wake.
>Bon Bon aims her gun out the window, managing to damage... something? With any luck she just made it unsafe to launch a rear torpedo, but who knows?
>>"Easy, just take it easy, there's no way they don't have hours of collateral debt- pretty sure a friggin pensioner got caught in that blast alone."
"It's the cheek of it! The fuckin- AUGH."
>Remmie trundles along, picking up speed. Baltimare sinks below the rear horizon.

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pwe bwed

>>43243263
Wacky Races was always my favorite thing on Boomerang growing up.

>>43242072
>>43243263
I kinda wanted to explore the underground city a bit more but whatever the fuck is going on now is cool too kek

>>43243263
>Coming up on some bumfuck nowhere town now
>Sign says Bumbuck Noelle
>It's been quiet
>Suspiciously quiet, for the last hour
>>"We've got incoming! Two unicorns in barbershop outfits!"
>Yep, there it is
>The car shakes as they bump into your left
>Aaaand
>Is that it?
>>"I think they wanna talk?"
>Okay? Why not
>Roll the window down
>"Hello madam, we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty!"
>Trixie silently aims at their tires, popping one and sending them careening into a ditch
"Well now my ears hurt, but at least those guys are gone!"

>[WE'RE COMING UP TO PONYVILLE NOW! ALL THE RACERS ARE CONVERGING!]
>Normally Ponyville would be a pretty chill place at 4am, but with all the sinkholes and gunk everywhere-
>[YEAH, THAT'S MY BAD]
>Hey, at least it makes for a more interesting course! The way I see it, everypony is gonna come through Ponyville, but there's three ways to do it: the tunnels, the town itself, or the farms.]
>[EACH ONE HAS FEWER PEDESTRIANS THAN THE LAST, BUT IS A LONGER ROUTE TOO.]

>>>"ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
>>"NOT THE TUNNELS! WE DON'T NEED TO SHAVE TIME-"
"That fuckin' submarine is going in there, they must know something we don't! Besides, I got a sick feeling we got dinged on a technicality!"
>The thing the submariners knew turned out to be 'we have torpedoes that blast new holes.'
>They kind of just... vanished after the orphanage fell into a sinkhole.
>[EXCESSIVE COLLATERAL DAMAGE! DISQUALIFIED! SERIOUSLY, THERE'S LIKE A MONTH WORTH OF DEBT THERE. REPEAT HITS COUNT!]
>You narrowly avoid it by way of the blast knocking your wheels off, prompting a lucky extraction just inches away from the crowd
>Scootaloo is already rolling new tires over when you pop into the garage. Rainbow Dash slaps Bon Bon and gets to cleaning. "Every time you smacked me into the car without me actually doing anything counted as a hit!"
"I TOLD YOU, BON BON! Also what the fuck!?"
>>"LESS BITCHING MORE FIXING!"

>The portal reopens, past the unnavigable beehive of new holes in Ponyville
>All the racers pour out- turns out they ALL got rattled apart by those torpedoes
>The race through the valley goes largely uneventful, save for you constantly bumping the carjacker into a tree every time he respawned
"HA HA HA HA GET FUCKED!"
>>"Anon..."
"What? He's already undead, I can't kill him anyway!"

>[THEY'RE ROUNDING UP MOUNT CANTERHORN NOW! THE FINAL STRETCH, THE BIG MONEY!]
>'wait, where's Dick Dastardly?'
>Scene: Baltimare. "I'M STILL STUCK ON THE FERRIS WHEEL! MUTTLEY, DO SOMETHING!"
>Scene: Baltimare taco shop. Muttley snickers into his 5am crab taco, a local tradition.
>[ANYWAY, WE MIGHT HAVE AN EARLY WINNER!]
>'GAAAASP WHAT!?'
>[OH YEAH. PELINAL WHITEYAK ENTERED THE CITY LIKE 4 HOURS AGO. DUDE'S CRAZY FAST AND HE'S ONLY HIT 2 PROSTITUTES AND AN OFF-DUTY COP SO FAR!]
>'Oh crud this is awful! Mayor Mare is counting on us!'
>[IT AIN'T OVER YET- I DUNNO WHY BUT HE HASN'T CROSSED THE FINISH LINE YET. LET'S SEE-]

>>43244217
>The camera moves to the inside of Canterlot's treasury, where a very large yak is smashing everything. He shows no intention of stopping.
>[WELL, AS LONG AS HE'S HAPPY. OKAY-]

>>>"ANON LOOK OUT!"
>Too late. You careen through Fancy Pants's garden party, taking Fleur de Lis for a ride.
>Shit- that's gonna cost you!
>Wait
>Trixie is pointing to-
>Oh ho?
>With careful maneuvering, you launch her into a cafe where she ends up replacing a buffalo girl on a date with a yak, right as he closes his eyes for the kiss.
>[COMEDY REDEMPTION! PENALTY NEGATED!]
"Nice one, Trixie!"
>>>"Now we just have to get into the throne room without running over too many guards!"
>Shit
>
>
>
>>>"Sorry. If you're waiting for me to tell you about a secret passage, there are none. At least none big enough to fit."

>It's down to three cars.
>The twins, the carjacker and Anon
>All of them pull into Canterlot's garden, and thus commences the BULLET HELL STAGE!
>Wave after wave of guards in strange and hard to dodge formations pour at everyone
>There's even some Touhou-lookin asshole officer pulling cards and screaming shit like "NUCLEAR PINCER ATTACK SPELL GO!"
>It's hell. A bullet hell. Ha.
>[UNFUNNY DAMNATION! ONE HOUR PENALTY!]
>Dammit

>The palace gates
>Unguarded. Probably because they sent all the guards at you already.
>Still sealed, though.
>It takes all three cars pushing against them to make them open

>[HERE WE GO! THE FINISH LINE IS IN SIGHT!]
>Spike is sitting next to the throne, full of coffee, face buried in a scroll
>"Okay, so- requisition 20 tons of red brick, 1 mile of pvc pipe..."
>Celestia cries out- "G-g-g-GHOSTS!?"
>"and one g-g-g-ghost, got it- do we pay extra for priority air mail or should we just use a- wait what!?"
>Three cars roar into the throne room, stopping on the red carpet at about the same time.

>[WOW WHAT A RACE! HONESTLY, MORE FOLKS FINISHED THAN NORMAL! NYUCK NYUCK!]
>[ALRIGHT, WITH A PHOTO FINISH LIKE THAT- NOTHING DOIN' BUT TO TALLY THE PENALTIES!
>drumroll.wav
>[IN THIRD PLACE, WITH A 15 HOUR PENALTY, IT'S THE REMNANT!]
"AW SHIT!"
>[SORRY, ACCORDING TO ANCIENT WACKY RACES LAW, EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU BUMPED RAINBOW DASH'S HEAD WHILE USING HER AS A MOP COUNTED AS A PEDESTRIAN COLLISION. BUT YOU STILL GET THE CULT CALLED OFF, LIKE WE AGREED.]
>fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck at least it's nopony you particularly like
>[IN SECOND PLACE, 13 HOURS, THE FLIM FLAM BROTHERS! YEAH I'M AS SURPRISED AS YOU ARE- ALRIGHT FELLAS, SINCE YOU PLACED, I'LL GIVE YA A FRESH CAR, THIS ONE'S BEAT UP! GO NUTS]
>"Ho boy, we've already got a business venture in mind!"
>[AND IN FIRST-]
>You're fucking kidding me
>[WITH A MERE 8 HOUR PENALTY, IT'S BUBBA CLETUS JUNIOR! COME UP AND TAKE YOUR PRIZE!]
>Losing is bad enough but-
>A giant trophy full of bound and gagged ponies is carried to Christine by what you assume is a very attractive shoggoth in a bikini
>FUCK
>What can you even do about this!?

>>43244604
>Shit
>Shit shit shittity shit shit
>Oh well
>At least Ponyville is free of those-

>Pelinal Whiteyak rips through the wall, skidding to a halt right in front of a traumatized Celestia
>[OH WOW, WASN'T EXPECTING HIM TO BOTHER! WELL, HE HAS ZERO PENALTIES AND ONLY CAME IN LIKE 2 MINUTES AFTER YOU GUYS SO-]
>The trophy is snatched from the carjacker and stuffed into the trunk of the Herbert Moon Special
>Which
>Bumps you
>...into fourth place
>AAAAAAAAAAAA
>All that bullshit and you-
>fuck
>FUCK!
>fuuuuuuck.

>Wait
>Something's happening-
>[JEEZ, WILLIE, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!? ALRIGHT ALRIGHT- I'LL DO IT, BUT WE'RE EVEN, CAPICHE?]
>The spotlight goes to Bubba Cletus and turns... ominous
>[RACING FANS, I'VE RECIEVED SOME SHOCKING NEWS! BUBBA CLETUS JUNIOR ACTUALLY BROKE ONE OF THE CARDINAL RULES!]
>Canned gasping effects mix in with genuine mumbling from the divine peanut gallery
>[IT TURNS OUT HE ACTUALLY MURDERED ANON ALREADY!]
>The murmuring gets more aggressive and meanspirited
>[NOW, NORMALLY IT WOULDN'T COUNT, I KNOW, BUT SINCE SHE WAS AT THE WHEEL OF THE VEHICLE AT THE TIME OF THE ASSAULT, AND THE VEHICLE PASSES THE THESEUS PARADOX-]
>More gasps. A rotten tomato is thrown from zleftvaaard in the 4th dimension to an chorus of boos
>[THAT DISQUALIFIES MISTER JUNIOR, PUTTING THE REMNANT AND CREW BACK IN THIRD PLACE!]
>....what
>(Pulled some strings! Teehee. Though, for legal purposes I must point out that no laws were selectively enforced just now, merely creatively interpreted.)
>...Okay..
>(Shame about Mayor Mare becoming a sex slave for a yak though. We'll have to lead a rescue mission later- NOT RIGHT NOW, it is cosmically important that we don't disturb the race itself!)
>Good. Just... Good. Or whatever.
>Fuck. Fuck this FUCKING day. That is all.

>[ALRIGHTY, LET'S GET SOME ONE ON ONE TIME WITH THE FIRST PLACE WINNER- BUT FIRST-]
>{horrific black speech that makes your earwax boil}
>[-AND IF DADDY FINDS OUT THE SIRENS DIDN'T LISTEN, I'MMA COME DOWN ON YA HARDER THAN NINTENDO ON A FAN PROJECT! NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK! SEE KID? JUST LIKE I SAID!]
>Well, there is that at least.
>Sorry, Mayor Mare and construction crew.
>The fucking camera steals your vision again and gets real close to Pelinal.
>[ALRIGHT LORD WHITEYAK, FANS ARE DYIN' TO KNOW, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH YOUR PRIZE? YOU GOT FOUR STRONG AND/OR MINORLY INFLUENTIAL PONIES BOUND TO DO YOUR BIDDING!]
>Pelinal clears his throat, leaning in to the mic. "Well, originally Pelinal going to use ponies as onahole and latrine cleaners-"
>muffled screams come from the trophy
>"-but then Pelinal realize- Mare Family yak friend! Who held line against griffon mercenaries? Major Mare! Who sabotaged griffon workshop, stopping development of musketry? Major Mare! Even just last month, belligerent griffon ejected from Ponyville, covered in tar! It not Mayor Mare who led lynching, but who run Ponyville? None other than Mayor Mare! Yes. Ponies go free and get one quadrillion yak peso prize money!"

>>43244632
>The ponies immediately get put on the floor with no bindings. No in-between movement, it just happens.
>The work crews are drooling but Mayor Mare drags them back to reality. "Sorry folks, that prize money only adds up to about 40 bits each... but hey, that's a night on the town!"
>The contestants all wander off and the race's spells fizzle out
>Celestia is finally aware of the car and crowd in her throne room. Twilight even got deposited on top of her head.
>Twilight sheepishly climbs off of the royal cranium, allowing Celestia to speak. "Anon?"
"Yes?"
>"I get the distinct feeling we just narrowly avoided a national catastrophe."
"...Not sure, actually."
>"How do you mean?"
"Turns out THE SHARK ONE never wanted to take over the world or anything, and he's pretty nice when he's not doing some misguided freedom fighting for folks who didn't ask for it?"
>"Ah, yes, that adds up."
"You know ab- of course you do."
>"Indeed. A large part of my worry was this level of destruction being outside of his typical behavior- lemme guess. A bunch of sirens sucked up to him?"
"Seems to be that way, yeah. I only fought ONE, though."
>She allows everypony time to collect themselves before continuing-
>"Well- uh. Wow, I'm at a loss for words. Er- did you ever find Luna?"
"Not a trace, no, sorry."
>"Ah. Well- fighting a god of chaos and japery deserves a- where are you going?"
"HOME! I haven't slept in a real bed in.... three days? Oh-"
>You tie Rainbow Dash up with some bungee cord and stuff her in the backseat.
"She's coming with me- she owes me five gallons of brandy! And Trixie?"
>>"Yes?"
"I'm tearing you apart tonight. Be ready."
>>"Yes ma'am."
>You burn rubber turning around and peal off before the city wakes up and gets in your way


>Be Celestia
>Dust the soot off your face
"I... see....."
>
>
>One of the royal guards coughs pointedly
>
>
>Twilight scraches the back of her head. "She'll come back for us."
>"Ah don't have train money-"
>
>
>
>"...She really left."
>"Ayup"
"I'll get you home, my little ponies- that is, if you don't want to stay here for a few days. Stars know you've earned it after your ordeal."
>The red-maned filly speaks up. "What about Anon? Ah think she's had it worst of all-"
"Well- While I do agree with that assessment, Apple Bloom, our dear Anon is clearly in a rush to get home. I don't think it'd be right to stop her." You say with a subtle shit-eating grin.

>>43244656
Abubeebubebububebbbbb that's all folks!

I know the last part was a bit rushed, in my defense I needed to finish it before going on a trip next week. I won't have access to a machine with a keyboard and I ain't typing a green up on a touchscreen. Gonna put the entire green on the paste right after posting this.
I will likely be quiet or silent the next week, try not to let the thread die, and don't worry- I wasn't kidding when I said I had to stop myself from starting other stories.
I like my take on Anon as both an isekai protagonist and seventh element bearer- a lot more than I expected to when I started writing a dirty fat bitch with sexual insecurities. There'll be more greens, likely based on canon episodes, and hopefully shorter and more coherent compared to this meandering odyssey of bad luck. At some point I'll probably rewrite this, as others have suggested in previous threads, so it's less rambly, has more foreshadowing for later bullshit and is easier to follow (especially for the earlier parts, I feel like my action writing has gotten better over the course of this).

PS: I can't decide if Celestia is a former human or not, but I kinda like the idea of her being a former little girl and that's why she blindly followed the show's narrative until Luna up and left. Dunno.

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>>43244670
Bravo. From a few sentences in a random shitpost to 130k word epic(-ish) story. Things like this is one of the reasons why I keep lurking this board.
I dig your interpretation of Anonmare and how she played off Trixie. Brilliant comedy, lots of cool references, long autistic descriptions of magical baths, diving equipment, magic theory, SCP anomalies, old cartoon deities and other nerdy stuff. I'm proud of you for taking this pretty long green to a conclusion and accepting feedback in the middle. It's not perfect, there still were some incoherent moments, also a few sections felt like the story was dragging and not really going anywhere for a long while. Like you say - it could use a rewrite, but for an internet shitpost standards I'd say this was some fucking quality writing. I really hope to read more of your stuff someday. Cheers.
Also seeing my pic in last OP made my day each time I scrolled past it in the catalogue
In the meantime, again humbly requesting https://ponepaste.org/11461 to continue. I know you're reading this Anon, get your ass in here, we need some romance drama to balance off the amount of action adventure we've just ingested.

>>43244670
I love your green, very good work! Have a good trip writechad!

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>>43244670
Enjoy the trip Anon you earned it! and thanks for the kick ass green!