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>>43242840
Pony should always pony pony, yes.
>>43241764
Beautiful art. How come Anon always seems to appear in the Everfree Forest, anyway?

Posting family for good luck.

>>43242829
https://ponepaste.org/11575
>>"He seems surprisingly cordial when he isn't trying to eat us."
>>>"What's wrong with my eyes!? WHY AM I FLYING!?"
"It's the TV camera, just let it happen."

>A German U-boot lookin' thing with big wheels hastily stuck on, crewed by zombies and skeletons in dive suits. [IN THE SUBWAY SLAMMER, IT'S MY GOOD, NOW-KINDA-LIFE-CHALLENGED PAL, CAPTAIN HOWLING MURPHY!]
>"brrraaaaaaaains...." [HA HA YOU OLD HOW-DO-YOU-DO, IT'S LIKE YA NEVER DIED!]
>Next up: a very large albino yak stuffed into a volkswagen beetle with the top sawed off. [PELINAL WHITEYAK RIDING THE HERBERT MOON SPECIAL! OH, HE HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT? SURE, WHY NOT!]
>The camera pans down for a closeup. "YAK SAY- NEVER TRUST GRIFFON. How know if griffon lie? griffon never lie- that take too much talking when could just take yak stuff!" He holds up a necklace of griffon beaks for emphasis. "Yak too dumb to be outsmarted, he he he."
>[WOAH, OKAY CHUM, MIGHT HAVE TO CUT THAT FOR SPONSORS. SPEAKIN' OF WHICH:]

>Five griffons lick their claws on a bloodsoaked battlefield. The largest one, a female, sags as she tries washing herself. More blood comes out.
>>"DAMMIT! I can't resist the urge to wash myself like a cat, but these bird claws just get in the way!"
>Another generic female gesticulates sympathetically. "We ALL suffer, captain- but as mercenaries we just can't afford to blunt our talons!"
>>"And with retirement plans these days, is that EVER gonna be an option?"
>The circle of warriors make exaggerated sighs before resting their beaks on their open hands. One of them yelps in pain, checking her now-bloodier claws.
>A smaller, snivelling male with a parrot beak and leopard ass holds up a heavily textured mitt. "Boss, you just need to GIVE A MITT!"
>>"Private, are you directing profanity at your superior officer?"
>"Gah! No, boss, I said MITT. MITT! Give a Mitt, the one-stop solution for when a merc's gotta take care o' business! Give it a try!"
>They all pensively take mitts from his bags. Cue exaggerated faces full of cheer and revelation.
>"WOW! Now I can wipe my pipe when our terrible rations give me the scoots!"
>>"I can clean my face at last! Maybe I'll finally get that promotion!"
>"And I can rub one in without getting accused of trying to get medically discharged!"
>All of them cry out in greasily-practiced unison, "THANKS, GIVE A MITT!"
>Talk to your procurement officer now, and show your troops you really GIVE A MITT!
>The camera pans away as the male griffon is torn apart. Probably a spy or something. Anyway-

>[NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK. REMEMBER- THAT'S GIVE A MITT, AVAILABLE AT ANY REPUTABLE BULK LEATHER OR QUILTED GOODS STORE! THANKS FOR SPONSORING! OKAY, BACK TO THE RACE!]
>Jabberjaw leans into some kind of damned soul flying up, whispering in his ear. [OH? UH HUH. YEP. UH HUH- OKAY FOLKS, WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS SO THE REST OF THE RACERS WILL JUST BE RANDOM UNDEAD GO-KARTERS. FEEL FREE TO KILL 'EM I GUESS, NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK.]

>>43242950
>Okay. At the wheel again. Bon Bon has Pinkie's shotgun. Trixie has the 1911. You've got 2 tons of speed and a machine gun.
>Where did the others get put?

>[RIGHT- ALMOST FORGOT. DRIVE INTO A YELLOW PORTAL TO GO TO YOUR INTERDIMENSIONAL PIT STOP. THEY'LL BE HERE AND THERE AND WHEREVER, SO KEEP AN EYE OUT. UNLESS YOU TOTAL YOUR CAR, THEN I'LL DRAG YA IN MYSELF CUZ I'M A SWELL GUY.]
>You are accosted by a vision of the remane-ing six sitting confused in a garage. All except Pinkie, who is meditating next to a big cartoon firecracker.
>[OKAY. BETTING PERIOD IS OVER- YES, THAT INCLUDES YOU YOGI. RACERS, START YOUR ENGINES!]
>A roar of gasoline smoke and pistons overtakes everything.
>That BASTARD is right next to you- despite him having no face, you just KNOW he's scowling at you.
"THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE MY CAR FOR IF YOU HAVE A CADDY!?"
>He cackles. "LOVE OF THE GAME, BITCH! AND A FEW TOO MANY PERC 30s! I WOULDA DIED IN LIKE 2 MINUTES ANYWAY, YOU DUMB FUCK!"
>MotherFUCKER
>Little does he know, dying was the best thing that could've happened to you
>...Ha ha.
>Fuck
>anyway-
>[HEY, I SEE YOU MUTTLEY. GET BACK IN YOUR CAR, THE RACE AIN'T EVEN STARTED YET!]
>You hear a wheezing snicker as a small, bipedal dog hops out of a minelaying tank and walks over to Dick's Mean Machine
>>>"ANON! What the BUCK have you dragged me into!?"
>[OH NO TOOTS THAT WAS ME- HAVING MORE THAN TWO UNICORNS WAS KINDA CHEATING, AND HAVING PEGASI WOULDA BEEN DEAD WEIGHT UNLESS THEY COULD PULL YOUR CAR.]
>Bon Bon's confusion visibly mounts
>[WHAAAT? DON'T BE LIKE THAT! I DO RESPECT YOU, NYUCK NYUCK.]
>
>Ok
>The signal lights flash down
>Red. Check the gears. Adjust your sitting.
>Yellow. Can you reach the machine gun from here? Yes!
>Green- [GOOOOOOOOOO!]. You floor it, and so does everyone else.


>[AAAAAND THEY'RE OFF! TRIXIE IN THE REMNANT GUNS FOR AN EARLY KNOCKOUT- THERE GOES CHRISTINE'S TIRES! THAT'S GONNA BE A REAL SETBACK!]
>>"HA HA, LOSER!" She blows a raspberry while reloading. You leave THE BASTARD in your rear view mirror as a loser portal swallows him up.
>The other racers are no kinder than you. You race through a concrete tunnel, up a ramp towards moonlight.
>Pelinal Whiteyak straight up eats a few of the NPC go-karts. Like, he just eats them. WIth a big fork. And power-shits them into the pit stop portal.
>Several sealab zombies form a boarding party and have to be shot off of your car. Three go-karters aren't so lucky, as they're thrown from their karts and their karts driven into the walls.
>You break out of the tunnel. Before you, an elegant brick road city drenched in the moist southern heat you once knew so well.
>Ponies in bayou waders, elegant Prench fashion and/or nothing at all cower and make various religious signs. One even screams "G-G-G-GHOST!"

>>43243061
>BOOM!
>The Subway Slammer struck the one mine Muttley manages to lay before getting spotted. The Sealab crew are dead in the water! And yet they don't get portal'd out?
>[BUILT LIKE A TANK, THAT OLD GIRL IS! NYUCK NYUCK. UNFORTUNATELY THE SAME CAN'T BE SAID OF CAP'N MURPHY'S CHAIN OF COMMAND- OOOH, RIGHT IN THE KISSER! A SUCKER PUNCH FROM QUINN!]
>In the mirrors- yep. None of the sailors are trying to fix the relatively minor damage. They're just taking turns strangling the captain.
>>"ANON! TAKE A LEFT!" A blue hoof points-
>Alright
>You didn't get this far by not trusting her
>[OH, WHAT'S THIS? THE REMNANT HAS VEERED DOWN A SIDE STREET? INTERESTING.]
"Trixie-"
>>"Trust me, I've walked these streets. At this time of year? This way is the fastest route to the north gate!"

>MEANWHILE, AT THE MAIN RACE GROUP!
>[HEY, WHO ARE YOU, HOW'D YOU- OH, HEY PINKIE.]
>Hiiiiiiiiiii!
>[NO HARD FEELINGS ABOUT THE ATTEMPTED CHOMPING, RIGHT?]
>I'm not haaaaappy about it, but I get it. You're off the clock now.
>{AW GEE, WHAT FINE SPORTSMANSHIP. I THINK YER DUDE IS IN THE GRANDSTAND SOMEWHERE-]
>Oh yeah, I know. He sent me here so I wouldn't risk a conflict of interest. You know me, I just can't be trusted with big rockets! Anyway-
>It's neck and neck!
>Flim and Flam ram into an amputee in an army surcoat, knocking him into a crowd of Party Gras revelers. [OOOH, THAT'S GONNA COST THE TWINS A FEW HOURS!]
>"Blast it, brother! Give ME the wheel!"
>>"You? NEVER! You, sir, drive like an Abyssinian!"
>"Better that than WATCH OUT FOR THAT-"
>[GEEZ BOYS, YOU REALLY DON'T WANNA WIN HUH? GONNA HAVE TO TACK ANOTHER HOUR ONTO YOUR SCORE. DON'T WORRY, THE GHOST ILLUSIONS INCLUDE A NICE, FAMILY-FRIENDLY ELECTRIC SHOCK FIELD. I KNOW IT WORKS CAUSE I SAW IT IN A BATMAN GAME! NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK]
>And there's Pelinal roaring straight through the crowd! He somehow misses every single one of them, but smashes through an abandoned building. It's a bold strategy, but will the added maintenance later on be worth the time saved? Can we get a camera down there? Uh huh? YES, yes we can!
>"Yak ALWAYS smash! Yak just smash PUNY AIR MOLECULES instead of pony! Better optics and score that way!"
>A torpedo rips through the ground, blasting a tire off of The Mean Machine! The Subway Slammer is back in the race with a new captain! All hail Captain Quinn!
>[UNFORTUNATELY, YA WINGED A PARADE FLOAT WITH KIDS ON IT. THAT'S GONNA BE AN HOUR!}
>"Drat and double-drat! Muttley, go up ahead and buy us some time! Daddy's got a date with the automatic socket wrench!"
>(snickersnicker)

>We return now to THE CHARIOT, The Remnant, The Skirmisher of the Sun (Remmie to her friends)
>Ooh let's get an aerial view- all this fancy Prench architecture will look great!
>There she is! Weaving through alleyways! Drifting around corners, able to maneuver without fear of time penalty thanks to an educated gamble paying off!

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I learned about the perspective tool today. Also I learned that I have no clue how to draw top down ponies. Anon mare woke up in a forgotten wing of the castle

>>43243114
>[IT SURE IS PAYING OFF, PINKIE! THEY'RE ALREADY TO THE EAST GATE!]
>They've got a straight shot through the bayou, if that wagon can handle the Gumbo's famous dirty rice mud!
>[THOSE HUGE TIRES AND RAISED AXELS WILL BE A HUGE BENEFIT- BUT FOR HOW LONG? IT'S JUST LIKE WITH THE HERBERT MOON!]
>Jabberjaw and Pinkie say the same thing at the same time- IS CLEANING THAT GUNK GONNA EAT MORE TIME THAN IT SAVED?


>We return to your regularly-experienced Anonmare
>Remmie rocks, yaws and rolls as you surge through the swamp. Your little trackball compass points northeast and the main road is in sight.
"Trixie, while we got a sec-"
>>"We're fine. It's Party Gras. We're maybe a half hour behind, tops. Going even as fast as we are now, through the festival?"
"...Hehehehe we're gonna win on a score technicality... Weird that we weren't foll-"
>Bon Bon screams. "PORT! PORT! UH LEFT THAT IS GO LEEEEFT!"
>No time to argue. You veer hard to the left and something scraps against the right doors.
>Your peripherals catch some kind of well-camouflaged trap. Outside, on the right, at about eye level-
>It was a camouflaged tree with a thin rope tied taut. Bon Bon just saved you from being clotheslined.
"Good catch! Ok, keep an eye out for one of those portals. Wanna clear the mud out before it becomes a problem."
>>"Uh, Anon, are you sure?"
"Babe, Rem's tough as hell, but this is an endurance race. Minutes with a pressure washer now saves us hours of having to replace parts later."
>>"Right... right."
"We got this. Don't worry."
>"THERE! County line, I saw something yellow and unnatural! Makes my eyes hurt, it must be-"

>Twilight and Co. (minus Spike, Pinkie and Anon; plus the CMCs) were sitting on a couch, watching real time events play out like a movie
>Suddenly a klaxon rings out, the room flashes red, and Remmie blasts into the pocket dimension.
>Anon immediately leaps out, running for the toolbox and grabbing wrenches while Bon Bon searches for... something
>When she doesn't find what she's looking for, she grabs Rainbow Dash, uses her to grab a cloud out of a drawer, and starts stuffing the cloud into the engine and scrubbing like it's a giant q-tip before grabbing another cloud and scrubbing Remmie's underside. Every movement makes Dash's mane less of a mane and more of a clown wig.
>Trixie reloads the firearms on board while Anon rotates the tires with her magic and a big power tool.
>Finally, some kind of lewd-looking hose is pulled off the wall and stuck in Remmie's left rear.
>In about 4 minutes the vehicle is sparkling new, minus a scratch on the right front door. Anon takes Twilight's coffee, chugs it, and drives off without a word.
>Rainbow Dash's muzzle fights its way out of her incredibly frizzy afro. "Well. I NEVER!"

>[AND ANON REJOINS THE RACE RIGHT OUTSIDE BALTIMARE. HOLD ON TO YOUR SEATS, FOLKS!]
>Oooh that darn dastardly dick Dick Dastardly! He's not even being interesting, it's just 'oh, go and set up more clothesline traps Muttley!'

>>43243134
Yeah I had a little trouble telling which end of that mare was which, but it's still leagues better than anything I could draw!

>>43243134
Feels like a lonely place to wake up. Beautiful but lonely. Where does she go from here?

>>43242950
Remember to update the ponepaste, woggs

>>43243228
Oh yeah, the wacky race is the last arc (I mean it this time) and then I can just update the paste
>>43243173
>[LOOK, DON'T KNOCK THE CLASSICS OK? DICK'S A PRO, HE CHEATS FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME! WHY, HE'D RATHER CHEAT AND LOSE DISHONESTLY THAN WIN BY DRIVING SKILL ALONE!]
>
>
>
>[NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK, YOU TRIED TO TELL HER NOT TO WORRY ABOUT HIM DIDN'T YA? YEAH THAT'S WHY YOU'RE UP HERE WITH ME.]
>Yeah fair enough. Oooh, irrelevant now anyway! Can we replay that?
>[YEP- PLAY IT BACK!]
>Okay, so Anon and Dick are going along the beach- probably to avoid the famous Baltimare 1am Taco Rush traffic-
>[AND WE CAN SEE MUTTLY'S TURNED THE SUPPORTS UNDER THIS PIER, RIGHT HERE, INTO A TROPICAL JUNGLE OF ROPES AND SPIKE TRAPS!]
>Dick TRIES tailgating The Remnant- right there, he almost pit maneuvered her into a pirate spiderweb-
>[WHICH GETS THE LONG NOSE OF THE MEAN MACHINE WEDGED BETWEEN HER BACK WHEELS-]
>And Anon spins into a 360 degree donut, sending The Mean Machine careening into that rope- and then that rope- and then that rope- and, well- in a turn of events I can only describe as pinballicious, those ropes have flung him up and up and up onto the boardwalk by way of a food cart umbrella, and right into a tree!
>[HE ALMOST RECOVERED WHEN HE LANDED ON THAT BIG TREE, BENT IT OVER GENTLY AND HAD HIS WHEELS ON THE GROUND-]
>But the tree decided to snap straight up again, flinging Dick Dastardly and the Mean Machine up to the top of the old abandoned ferris wheel!
>[SHAME ABOUT THAT POOR HOTDOG STAND. HEY, DON'T POUT AT ME, DICK- YOUR CAR'S STILL WORKING!
>Jabberjaw was right- I do love to hate this guy! Aw!

>>You barely recover from a laughing fit, coming back to the sight of Trixie nervously steering over your lap
"Ahaaaaalright I'm good i'm good-I-"
>The lack of sand in your wake and rattle in your wheels suggests you're back on the road again, fish taco fanatics safely in the rearview mirror
>Ah, Baltimare
>You've heard of this place. Of its big lakeside beach resort and old-timey fishermare's wharf. Weird combo but the fish tacos don't lie.
>Ayup, cobblestone road fore and aft. Cute little seaside town buildings rolling by on your right. Bigass lake with fishing trawlers on your left. Some kind of bugs bunny gizmo digging a molehill towards you-
>MOVING MOLEHILL!?
>SWERVE, BITCH, SWERVE!
>A land torpedo erupts underground, just barely avoiding you. You spin out into a dead stop while the Subway Slammer peals out of an alleyway and leaves you in its wake.
>Bon Bon aims her gun out the window, managing to damage... something? With any luck she just made it unsafe to launch a rear torpedo, but who knows?
>>"Easy, just take it easy, there's no way they don't have hours of collateral debt- pretty sure a friggin pensioner got caught in that blast alone."
"It's the cheek of it! The fuckin- AUGH."
>Remmie trundles along, picking up speed. Baltimare sinks below the rear horizon.

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pwe bwed

>>43243263
Wacky Races was always my favorite thing on Boomerang growing up.

>>43242072
>>43243263
I kinda wanted to explore the underground city a bit more but whatever the fuck is going on now is cool too kek

>>43243263
>Coming up on some bumfuck nowhere town now
>Sign says Bumbuck Noelle
>It's been quiet
>Suspiciously quiet, for the last hour
>>"We've got incoming! Two unicorns in barbershop outfits!"
>Yep, there it is
>The car shakes as they bump into your left
>Aaaand
>Is that it?
>>"I think they wanna talk?"
>Okay? Why not
>Roll the window down
>"Hello madam, we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty!"
>Trixie silently aims at their tires, popping one and sending them careening into a ditch
"Well now my ears hurt, but at least those guys are gone!"

>[WE'RE COMING UP TO PONYVILLE NOW! ALL THE RACERS ARE CONVERGING!]
>Normally Ponyville would be a pretty chill place at 4am, but with all the sinkholes and gunk everywhere-
>[YEAH, THAT'S MY BAD]
>Hey, at least it makes for a more interesting course! The way I see it, everypony is gonna come through Ponyville, but there's three ways to do it: the tunnels, the town itself, or the farms.]
>[EACH ONE HAS FEWER PEDESTRIANS THAN THE LAST, BUT IS A LONGER ROUTE TOO.]

>>>"ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
>>"NOT THE TUNNELS! WE DON'T NEED TO SHAVE TIME-"
"That fuckin' submarine is going in there, they must know something we don't! Besides, I got a sick feeling we got dinged on a technicality!"
>The thing the submariners knew turned out to be 'we have torpedoes that blast new holes.'
>They kind of just... vanished after the orphanage fell into a sinkhole.
>[EXCESSIVE COLLATERAL DAMAGE! DISQUALIFIED! SERIOUSLY, THERE'S LIKE A MONTH WORTH OF DEBT THERE. REPEAT HITS COUNT!]
>You narrowly avoid it by way of the blast knocking your wheels off, prompting a lucky extraction just inches away from the crowd
>Scootaloo is already rolling new tires over when you pop into the garage. Rainbow Dash slaps Bon Bon and gets to cleaning. "Every time you smacked me into the car without me actually doing anything counted as a hit!"
"I TOLD YOU, BON BON! Also what the fuck!?"
>>"LESS BITCHING MORE FIXING!"

>The portal reopens, past the unnavigable beehive of new holes in Ponyville
>All the racers pour out- turns out they ALL got rattled apart by those torpedoes
>The race through the valley goes largely uneventful, save for you constantly bumping the carjacker into a tree every time he respawned
"HA HA HA HA GET FUCKED!"
>>"Anon..."
"What? He's already undead, I can't kill him anyway!"

>[THEY'RE ROUNDING UP MOUNT CANTERHORN NOW! THE FINAL STRETCH, THE BIG MONEY!]
>'wait, where's Dick Dastardly?'
>Scene: Baltimare. "I'M STILL STUCK ON THE FERRIS WHEEL! MUTTLEY, DO SOMETHING!"
>Scene: Baltimare taco shop. Muttley snickers into his 5am crab taco, a local tradition.
>[ANYWAY, WE MIGHT HAVE AN EARLY WINNER!]
>'GAAAASP WHAT!?'
>[OH YEAH. PELINAL WHITEYAK ENTERED THE CITY LIKE 4 HOURS AGO. DUDE'S CRAZY FAST AND HE'S ONLY HIT 2 PROSTITUTES AND AN OFF-DUTY COP SO FAR!]
>'Oh crud this is awful! Mayor Mare is counting on us!'
>[IT AIN'T OVER YET- I DUNNO WHY BUT HE HASN'T CROSSED THE FINISH LINE YET. LET'S SEE-]

>>43244217
>The camera moves to the inside of Canterlot's treasury, where a very large yak is smashing everything. He shows no intention of stopping.
>[WELL, AS LONG AS HE'S HAPPY. OKAY-]

>>>"ANON LOOK OUT!"
>Too late. You careen through Fancy Pants's garden party, taking Fleur de Lis for a ride.
>Shit- that's gonna cost you!
>Wait
>Trixie is pointing to-
>Oh ho?
>With careful maneuvering, you launch her into a cafe where she ends up replacing a buffalo girl on a date with a yak, right as he closes his eyes for the kiss.
>[COMEDY REDEMPTION! PENALTY NEGATED!]
"Nice one, Trixie!"
>>>"Now we just have to get into the throne room without running over too many guards!"
>Shit
>
>
>
>>>"Sorry. If you're waiting for me to tell you about a secret passage, there are none. At least none big enough to fit."

>It's down to three cars.
>The twins, the carjacker and Anon
>All of them pull into Canterlot's garden, and thus commences the BULLET HELL STAGE!
>Wave after wave of guards in strange and hard to dodge formations pour at everyone
>There's even some Touhou-lookin asshole officer pulling cards and screaming shit like "NUCLEAR PINCER ATTACK SPELL GO!"
>It's hell. A bullet hell. Ha.
>[UNFUNNY DAMNATION! ONE HOUR PENALTY!]
>Dammit

>The palace gates
>Unguarded. Probably because they sent all the guards at you already.
>Still sealed, though.
>It takes all three cars pushing against them to make them open

>[HERE WE GO! THE FINISH LINE IS IN SIGHT!]
>Spike is sitting next to the throne, full of coffee, face buried in a scroll
>"Okay, so- requisition 20 tons of red brick, 1 mile of pvc pipe..."
>Celestia cries out- "G-g-g-GHOSTS!?"
>"and one g-g-g-ghost, got it- do we pay extra for priority air mail or should we just use a- wait what!?"
>Three cars roar into the throne room, stopping on the red carpet at about the same time.

>[WOW WHAT A RACE! HONESTLY, MORE FOLKS FINISHED THAN NORMAL! NYUCK NYUCK!]
>[ALRIGHT, WITH A PHOTO FINISH LIKE THAT- NOTHING DOIN' BUT TO TALLY THE PENALTIES!
>drumroll.wav
>[IN THIRD PLACE, WITH A 15 HOUR PENALTY, IT'S THE REMNANT!]
"AW SHIT!"
>[SORRY, ACCORDING TO ANCIENT WACKY RACES LAW, EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU BUMPED RAINBOW DASH'S HEAD WHILE USING HER AS A MOP COUNTED AS A PEDESTRIAN COLLISION. BUT YOU STILL GET THE CULT CALLED OFF, LIKE WE AGREED.]
>fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck at least it's nopony you particularly like
>[IN SECOND PLACE, 13 HOURS, THE FLIM FLAM BROTHERS! YEAH I'M AS SURPRISED AS YOU ARE- ALRIGHT FELLAS, SINCE YOU PLACED, I'LL GIVE YA A FRESH CAR, THIS ONE'S BEAT UP! GO NUTS]
>"Ho boy, we've already got a business venture in mind!"
>[AND IN FIRST-]
>You're fucking kidding me
>[WITH A MERE 8 HOUR PENALTY, IT'S BUBBA CLETUS JUNIOR! COME UP AND TAKE YOUR PRIZE!]
>Losing is bad enough but-
>A giant trophy full of bound and gagged ponies is carried to Christine by what you assume is a very attractive shoggoth in a bikini
>FUCK
>What can you even do about this!?

>>43244604
>Shit
>Shit shit shittity shit shit
>Oh well
>At least Ponyville is free of those-

>Pelinal Whiteyak rips through the wall, skidding to a halt right in front of a traumatized Celestia
>[OH WOW, WASN'T EXPECTING HIM TO BOTHER! WELL, HE HAS ZERO PENALTIES AND ONLY CAME IN LIKE 2 MINUTES AFTER YOU GUYS SO-]
>The trophy is snatched from the carjacker and stuffed into the trunk of the Herbert Moon Special
>Which
>Bumps you
>...into fourth place
>AAAAAAAAAAAA
>All that bullshit and you-
>fuck
>FUCK!
>fuuuuuuck.

>Wait
>Something's happening-
>[JEEZ, WILLIE, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!? ALRIGHT ALRIGHT- I'LL DO IT, BUT WE'RE EVEN, CAPICHE?]
>The spotlight goes to Bubba Cletus and turns... ominous
>[RACING FANS, I'VE RECIEVED SOME SHOCKING NEWS! BUBBA CLETUS JUNIOR ACTUALLY BROKE ONE OF THE CARDINAL RULES!]
>Canned gasping effects mix in with genuine mumbling from the divine peanut gallery
>[IT TURNS OUT HE ACTUALLY MURDERED ANON ALREADY!]
>The murmuring gets more aggressive and meanspirited
>[NOW, NORMALLY IT WOULDN'T COUNT, I KNOW, BUT SINCE SHE WAS AT THE WHEEL OF THE VEHICLE AT THE TIME OF THE ASSAULT, AND THE VEHICLE PASSES THE THESEUS PARADOX-]
>More gasps. A rotten tomato is thrown from zleftvaaard in the 4th dimension to an chorus of boos
>[THAT DISQUALIFIES MISTER JUNIOR, PUTTING THE REMNANT AND CREW BACK IN THIRD PLACE!]
>....what
>(Pulled some strings! Teehee. Though, for legal purposes I must point out that no laws were selectively enforced just now, merely creatively interpreted.)
>...Okay..
>(Shame about Mayor Mare becoming a sex slave for a yak though. We'll have to lead a rescue mission later- NOT RIGHT NOW, it is cosmically important that we don't disturb the race itself!)
>Good. Just... Good. Or whatever.
>Fuck. Fuck this FUCKING day. That is all.

>[ALRIGHTY, LET'S GET SOME ONE ON ONE TIME WITH THE FIRST PLACE WINNER- BUT FIRST-]
>{horrific black speech that makes your earwax boil}
>[-AND IF DADDY FINDS OUT THE SIRENS DIDN'T LISTEN, I'MMA COME DOWN ON YA HARDER THAN NINTENDO ON A FAN PROJECT! NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK! SEE KID? JUST LIKE I SAID!]
>Well, there is that at least.
>Sorry, Mayor Mare and construction crew.
>The fucking camera steals your vision again and gets real close to Pelinal.
>[ALRIGHT LORD WHITEYAK, FANS ARE DYIN' TO KNOW, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH YOUR PRIZE? YOU GOT FOUR STRONG AND/OR MINORLY INFLUENTIAL PONIES BOUND TO DO YOUR BIDDING!]
>Pelinal clears his throat, leaning in to the mic. "Well, originally Pelinal going to use ponies as onahole and latrine cleaners-"
>muffled screams come from the trophy
>"-but then Pelinal realize- Mare Family yak friend! Who held line against griffon mercenaries? Major Mare! Who sabotaged griffon workshop, stopping development of musketry? Major Mare! Even just last month, belligerent griffon ejected from Ponyville, covered in tar! It not Mayor Mare who led lynching, but who run Ponyville? None other than Mayor Mare! Yes. Ponies go free and get one quadrillion yak peso prize money!"

>>43244632
>The ponies immediately get put on the floor with no bindings. No in-between movement, it just happens.
>The work crews are drooling but Mayor Mare drags them back to reality. "Sorry folks, that prize money only adds up to about 40 bits each... but hey, that's a night on the town!"
>The contestants all wander off and the race's spells fizzle out
>Celestia is finally aware of the car and crowd in her throne room. Twilight even got deposited on top of her head.
>Twilight sheepishly climbs off of the royal cranium, allowing Celestia to speak. "Anon?"
"Yes?"
>"I get the distinct feeling we just narrowly avoided a national catastrophe."
"...Not sure, actually."
>"How do you mean?"
"Turns out THE SHARK ONE never wanted to take over the world or anything, and he's pretty nice when he's not doing some misguided freedom fighting for folks who didn't ask for it?"
>"Ah, yes, that adds up."
"You know ab- of course you do."
>"Indeed. A large part of my worry was this level of destruction being outside of his typical behavior- lemme guess. A bunch of sirens sucked up to him?"
"Seems to be that way, yeah. I only fought ONE, though."
>She allows everypony time to collect themselves before continuing-
>"Well- uh. Wow, I'm at a loss for words. Er- did you ever find Luna?"
"Not a trace, no, sorry."
>"Ah. Well- fighting a god of chaos and japery deserves a- where are you going?"
"HOME! I haven't slept in a real bed in.... three days? Oh-"
>You tie Rainbow Dash up with some bungee cord and stuff her in the backseat.
"She's coming with me- she owes me five gallons of brandy! And Trixie?"
>>"Yes?"
"I'm tearing you apart tonight. Be ready."
>>"Yes ma'am."
>You burn rubber turning around and peal off before the city wakes up and gets in your way


>Be Celestia
>Dust the soot off your face
"I... see....."
>
>
>One of the royal guards coughs pointedly
>
>
>Twilight scraches the back of her head. "She'll come back for us."
>"Ah don't have train money-"
>
>
>
>"...She really left."
>"Ayup"
"I'll get you home, my little ponies- that is, if you don't want to stay here for a few days. Stars know you've earned it after your ordeal."
>The red-maned filly speaks up. "What about Anon? Ah think she's had it worst of all-"
"Well- While I do agree with that assessment, Apple Bloom, our dear Anon is clearly in a rush to get home. I don't think it'd be right to stop her." You say with a subtle shit-eating grin.

>>43244656
Abubeebubebububebbbbb that's all folks!

I know the last part was a bit rushed, in my defense I needed to finish it before going on a trip next week. I won't have access to a machine with a keyboard and I ain't typing a green up on a touchscreen. Gonna put the entire green on the paste right after posting this.
I will likely be quiet or silent the next week, try not to let the thread die, and don't worry- I wasn't kidding when I said I had to stop myself from starting other stories.
I like my take on Anon as both an isekai protagonist and seventh element bearer- a lot more than I expected to when I started writing a dirty fat bitch with sexual insecurities. There'll be more greens, likely based on canon episodes, and hopefully shorter and more coherent compared to this meandering odyssey of bad luck. At some point I'll probably rewrite this, as others have suggested in previous threads, so it's less rambly, has more foreshadowing for later bullshit and is easier to follow (especially for the earlier parts, I feel like my action writing has gotten better over the course of this).

PS: I can't decide if Celestia is a former human or not, but I kinda like the idea of her being a former little girl and that's why she blindly followed the show's narrative until Luna up and left. Dunno.

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>>43244670
Bravo. From a few sentences in a random shitpost to 130k word epic(-ish) story. Things like this is one of the reasons why I keep lurking this board.
I dig your interpretation of Anonmare and how she played off Trixie. Brilliant comedy, lots of cool references, long autistic descriptions of magical baths, diving equipment, magic theory, SCP anomalies, old cartoon deities and other nerdy stuff. I'm proud of you for taking this pretty long green to a conclusion and accepting feedback in the middle. It's not perfect, there still were some incoherent moments, also a few sections felt like the story was dragging and not really going anywhere for a long while. Like you say - it could use a rewrite, but for an internet shitpost standards I'd say this was some fucking quality writing. I really hope to read more of your stuff someday. Cheers.
Also seeing my pic in last OP made my day each time I scrolled past it in the catalogue
In the meantime, again humbly requesting https://ponepaste.org/11461 to continue. I know you're reading this Anon, get your ass in here, we need some romance drama to balance off the amount of action adventure we've just ingested.

>>43244670
I love your green, very good work! Have a good trip writechad!

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>>43244670
Enjoy the trip Anon you earned it! and thanks for the kick ass green!

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Anonmare sperging out in front of a mirror

>>43246995
very angry! wow!

>>43246995
Is this her way of coping with the local grocer running out of tendies?

>>43244670
I'll be looking forward to more when you come back

>>43246995
That spark... the pattern...!

>>43246995
>Twolot get outta my magic! REEEEEEE
Also chicago's subway was designed by penny-pinching retards. Gonna have to just drive and oh wait, parking is 30 bucks please AAAAAAA

>>43245616
comfy pic

https://ponepaste.org/11461
>The bathroom now contained two awkward horses.
>One wet, the other recovering from the recoil of a statement he didn't know how to react to.
>Anonmare had been about to brush it all off and get comfortable, but stopped as her sleepy brain caught up to her.
>They stared at each other in silence for a second.
>Why did she have to say that.
>This was not the one-up Anonmare had been hoping for.
>It was very effective, yes. She completely shut Anon down. He was too easy now that she knew this was his weakness.
>But he should at least be mad or something.
>"You don't actually want me to-"
"No!"
>The water in the tub sloshed slightly from the way she jumped in her own skin.
>Disproportionate response. Calm the fuck down. You're supposed to be relaxed.
>Anonstallion recovered first.
>There was a soft wooden thunk as he unfastened the brush from his hoof and dumped it in the bucket. A small shove and it was out of the way.
>The thought he might have actually considered what she said made her soaked coat bristle.
>"...That's definitely enough for tonight. Do you... need anything else before I go?"
>Just like that the awkward moment fizzled.
>He sounded normal, like he was just accepting that this was how today was going to end.
>Anonmare slumped and laid back against the head of the tub, welcoming his discretion with a breath of relief.
"I'm good, just forget I said anything."
>Anonstallion got up on his hooves and looked down at her laying there, her cheeks still feeling warmer than she would have liked.
>"Don't worry about it Nonny."
>She kicked her hind legs a bit, sending small waves bouncing back and forth along the foamy water surface.
>Turning her head away, she caught the motion of him starting to move from the corner of her eye.
>Damnit.
"Wait. You can stay while I soak."
>What is wrong with you just let him go please you do not have to be this clingy right now.
"If you want."

Fuck it we're continuing. After this many months, I really have no idea what I'm doing, but I've still got the rough plan for the direction I'm supposed to be going. I actually tried to continue this part at least twice before but didn't like the drafts I ended up with. At this point I think I just gotta get through it. Extra big thanks to OP for the epic work sustaining the thread with his green. Enjoy your trip friend.

>>43248455
>>43248461
One door closes, a new one turns out to be slightly ajar and you can slip right in. Let the awkward dork romance continue!

>>43248455
It's back, yay!

>>43248455
Awesome!!! Looking forward to the next update of the green :D

>>43249277
Checked and same

>>43249764
Amazing

>>43248455
>He looked back and hesitated.
>There were different ways she could have framed that, other than as a request thinly veiled as a suggestion.
>No question he was going to keep her company longer. If he said no then-
>Suddenly, he stuck his face into the cabinet where they kept the fresh towels and dragged one out.
"Uh?"
>She watched as he approached surprisingly briskly with the fluffy white implement hanging from his mouth.
>Normally when you ask somepony to stick around, assaulting you with a towel is not the expected reaction.
>That's not what happened though.
>As soon as he was seated on the floor outside the tub behind her, he rolled up the towel and tucked it under her head.
>"Better?"
>It was.
>Anonmare had to lean her head back to look at him.
>The cushioning was actually welcome. She'd need to remember that in future. Maybe see if she could get a bath cushion or something.
"Thanks."
>Anonstallion gingerly tucked his forelegs around her, lending even more support to her head.
>"Is this okay?"
>The faggot was cuddling her.
>Well, she did ask him to stay. It was admittedly less uncomfortable than having him sit beside her fidgetting or something.
>Comfy.
>"Nonny?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. This is fine."
>Warm, brushed and cuddled.
>Loved.
>Too tired to argue.
>Anon was staring at her upside-down, right there, a breath away, looking happy.
>Anonmare angled her head back down and shuffled a bit in the water, looking at the pair of green hooves resting on her chest.
>As she moved, Anonstallion snuggled in and placed his chin right on top of her damp cranium.
>Third hug in one day.

>>43249764
Love the rain and how happy they are!

>>43249894
I look forward to the possibility of mareiage and marepreg and fillyanon in a faggot carriage

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It’s just their shilouttes but Anon and Anonmare are on the train together. Close enough

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>>43250304
Powerful. Reminded me of picrel for some reason.

>>43250304
Where are they going?

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>>43250825
THEY TOOK THE MIDNIGHT TRAIN GOIN ANYWHEEERREE

>>43250828
Just a city mare, born n raised in Baltimare

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>>43250828
Anonmare and the anonmarebros.
Pony Quarantine's anonmare is precious.

>>43251584
>bonding over 9/11 memes

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>>43250304
oh my god he's literally me

>>43249894
>She was half expecting him to say something more, but he didn't.
>At least not with words.
>He was just letting her soak while letting her know he was there with her, like she wanted.
>Leaving her with a fuzzy feeling in her chest that felt sickeningly pleasant.
"How'd you know I needed this?"
>Need is a strong word. She didn't 'need' to be held like this.
>"I guessed. You sounded kind of desperate out of nowhere."
"I did not."
>You did.
>"Plus, I kind of got this feeling that.."
"..That?"
>"That my mare needed me."
>Anonmare scrunched and flicked her ears.
"Ugh. Why do you have to put it like that?"
>"It's true. I mean.. the feeling. Am I wrong?"
>No.
>Maybe.
"I would have been fine."
>"I believe you. You're strong."
>That's right.
>...
>His mare.
>That's where we are right now.
>Well, technically not until they're actually married-
>You know that's not how it works, when a faggot realises who his mare is, he knows.
>But what kind of idiot would make mare-Anon their mare?
>He already called you his marefriend and you didn't object then.
>Just saying!
>...Nopony was saying anything.

>Okay let's try again.
"You know, Meadow said she'd be my friend today."
>"Weren't you two already friends?"
>Oh come on!
>Why did ponies keep assuming things about her relationships? Was she missing something? Was she actually retarded?
>Anonmare slid a wet hoof against Anon's foreleg.
>He was starting to brush at a damp tuft on her chest, fluffing it and smoothing it down.
>Probably not even aware he was doing it.
"We're officially friends, I mean. Instead of just boss and mare."
>There was a quiet pause.
>Peering upwards, she couldn't see his face, but she could tell he was thinking about it.
>"Hey Nonny? We're still friends even though we're getting together, right?"
>He said that like they hadn't been together since the moment they arrived in Equestria.
>Physically speaking, then as a team, then housemates and friends.
>But... yeah, that's the question she's been asking herself.
>Anonstallion was probably wondering why she was declaring her new friendship on the same day he had confessed his feelings to her.
"I don't know. We're more than friends now Anon. Technically."
>"But we're still going to do stuff as usual, aren't we? I know tonight isn't usual, but-"
>Anon was actually the same as her.
>The fucker didn't want to lose it either.
>There was something liberating about that.
"If you keep telling me I'm beautiful and how much you love me, it's not really going to be the same-"
>"Okay but you see, I- err.."
"You can't help it. You're a mare lover."
>"...Not just any mare, not anymore. I'm a Nonny lover."
>That was the gayest thing she's ever heard.
>His hooves were fidgetting against her chest like he was going to explode or something.
>Ah what the hell.
>She put her hooves on his hoofa and held them still.
"Yeah okay, yes, we're still friends Anon. You're still my friend. My best friend."

Somehow fit two in one post this time.

>>43252404
And then they made Filly Anon (70 year old Japanese salaryman who died getting kicked by a horse)

>>43252404
i love your green keep it up

>>43252408
Double hayburger with green

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Fuck i got an idea but no keyboard

>>43253481
Write it down even cliff notes wherever you can while you got it in your heaaad, lost several good ideas far too quickly thinking I'd retain it ugh.

>>43253481
In before you start writing entire pony novels on your phone after all.

>>43250088
Imagine them trying to raise a girl, holy kek.
>Stallion stops midway through a diaper change
>"Hey, can you... finish this one?"
"Wha--fucking why? you're almost done."
>"There's some around her, uh... marebits."
>You can't be serious
>Mare facehooves
"She's your daughter, faggot. And you're just changing her diaper, anyway."
>"Yeah, no, you're right. I'm being silly."
>Probably scarred from all the anonfilly foalcon he saw years ago, like a true moralfaggot
>Stallion finishes up, puts a new diaper on, and bounces her in his hooves
>"Alright kiddo, ready to go get some lunch?"
>Filly grapples his snoot with a tiny double-hoof death grip, stares at him wide eyed and drooling
>"Faget!"
>Her first word

>>43253852
>>43253856
Aight have a preliminary.


>Be Anonmare Lulamoon(!)
>The wife took a train down to Mexicolt for a show (you don't feel like travelling and besides, Rem needs rest)
>FUCK you need a massage or something, but the spa's still half-fucked
>Most of the staff are on break and Bulk has been avoiding you
>Sigh
>You trudge away from the still-sparkly facade of the spa, only to be nearly hit by the scooterkid patrol and the pink puddinghead
>Apple Bloom pulls Scootaloo's tail, stopping her with a YEOUCH.
>Chikin grumbles while Appulchild stares at you in wonder. "Ah always see ya fixin' stuff but-"
>>Orange wings buzz in frustration. "NO! We're looking for Rainb-"
>>>The two descend into name calling while Swibble performs a cute attack on your heart. "What she meant was... Would you mind telling us how you got your cutie mark?"
>Damn cuteness
>Damn feminine instinct
>Sigh
"Alright, but it's gonna be a long one."
>Scoots groans while Sweetie cocks her head.
"What? You want the actual story, or just 'I saw a rainbow'?"

>>43253872
I love this. You got them practically right, though they may end up a little different in the story by that point. I really wanna start exploring it but there's still a ways to go yet.
>>43253955
You mad lad you just can't stop can you? Crazy writechad.

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>>43253872
>Filly grapples his snoot with a tiny double-hoof death grip, stares at him wide eyed and drooling
>"Faget!"
Nice one lol.

>>43253955
Heck yeah ty for the sneak peak bud!

>>43254204
That figures, can't write much of a romance without character development. But I'm really glad you liked that, hopefully that means my writing skills aren't TOO bad.

Pre bed

>>43253955
BACKSTORY STORY

>>43254988
But first, the backstory needs a backstory

>>43250304
Feels almost too surreal.

>>43253955
Fuck off retard

>>43255175
No u

Boopa

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together forever!

>>43252404
>Squeezing-
>He was squeezing her.
>"You're my best friend too."
>Anonstallion's tone was so innocent, so unburdened, so honest.
>So honest it would make her let go from the edge of a cliff.
>Even if he was just echoing her words back to her, she could tell he meant it, in the sweetest sense, without even a shred of hesitation.
>Compared to her own declaration which had, although sincere, felt like a weary concession.
>A concession that felt more real the harder he squeezed.
"Ngh.. go easy on me Anon.."
>The grip around her relaxed and she allowed her hooves to settle back into the water close to her belly.
>Even if it was just for now.
>She was content.
>Muscles loosened up.
>Stupid thoughts silenced.
>...
>What a rollercoaster.
>...
>Her eyelids started dipping.
>...
>...?
>"Nonny? Hey, Nonny?"
>"Mm?"
>Anonmare opened her eyes, blinking in the warm lamp light.
>"The water's getting a little cold. I think you should come out now."
>Her head had rolled to the side, leaving her cheek resting against the limb on her right.
>She straightend herself and moved to sit up, and Anon let her go without any fuss.
>Water felt lukewarm, everything else was as she remembered.
"Did I fall asleep?"
>"I think so. Just a short while."
>A little groggy.
>Standing up was a slow careful procedure.
>As she rose the water in her coat began pouring off back into the tub below her.
>Anonstallion had already moved and was holding the towel in readiness.
>Most of it was still dry.
>"Hmf fhm mhf mfh?"
"What?"
>Anon let the towel drop onto his hoof.
>"Do you need help?"
>She shook her head and waited for the trickling to mostly stop. By that point she was mostly alert again.
>Step. Step. Slightly more awkward step. Recover the last leg. Success. No longer in the tub.

>>43256515
>>43256566
Delightfully neetish, Seymour

Preb

Boopa

>>43256515
pretty good green.

>>43256566
I see you Twilight. You could have prevented this you know. Just look at that poor Mare, it's all your fault! Probably?

>>43258296
Anoniggie???

>>43256515
>>He was squeezing her.
>>"You're my best friend too."
Awwwwww...
>>So honest it would make her let go from the edge of a cliff.
>ahseewhatyoudidtheresugarcube.jpg

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>>43258621

>>43256515
>Of course as she lifted each leg out she carried the contents of the bath with her.
>Anon watched as she blew out the scented candle and turned to tug on the cord connected to the bathplug, popping it out of place as a small puddle formed under her hooves.
>"You um- nevermind."
>Droplets scattered as Anonmare shook herself and her mane.
>As soon as she had discharged the moisture onto every available surface like a savage, she stepped towards the held towel.
"Dry me?"
>The towel was already around her before she even asked, Anonstallion's hooves ruffling her cheeks and her neck with the fluffy fabric.
>She leaned into it, eyelids drooping as she received yet another free sort-of massage.
"Mm.. what were you going to say?"
>Though the motion of the drying, the patting of her chest and the fluffing down of her front legs occupied most of Mr Anon's focus, she managed to get a sheepish response back from him.
>"I was going to say.. you should drain the tub before stepping out."
>She closed her eyes and lifted her front left and front right hooves in turn as he moved the towel over them.
"Oh."
>Son of a bitch, he's right.
>Next time. Don't care right now.
>Anonmare turned in place as her front was finished with, giving Anonstallion access to her left side and the enigmatic black question mark emblazoned on her flank.
>Peeking back, she watched and felt as he toweled at her barrel, her back and started working on her hind leg which was enough to make her stiffen slightly.
>They both looked away from one another.
>This was the most he'd ever explored her physically, not that it was weird or anything.
>He's just drying you.
>In fact he was being very polite about patting her rump and trying to get as much of the damp out of her tail as possible.
>It was also clear he was getting more and more careful about what he was doing.
>'Mare herself felt a tingle in the back of her mind, an instinct that told her she could buck and kick the shit out of him at a moment's notice, IF she wanted to.
>As soon as her left side was done she turned around one-eighty and lifted her final leg for him to run the towel over with that same light rubbing motion.
>"T-There we go, nice and dry."
>He plopped the towel down and got up, backing away towards the door, face crimson.
>"I'll.. wait for you outside."
>She stood there for a moment, her coat thoroughly fluffed up, yet incredibly aware that certain parts of her anatomy were still damp.
"..Right. Yeah."
>"S-Snuff out the lamp when you're done."

>>43258690
Moist mare

>>43258690
UNF nice.

Boop

>>43256566
Quit chugging monster, fatass

>>43258690
I require moar of this green, nice work.

>>43260548
Same

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>>43260145
She's such a slob, I love her.
BTW, what's she eating in picrel? That doesn't look like hay...

>>43260886
don't worry, she's mostly vegan

>>43260886
Looks likw Monster energy and idk, vape pens? Protein bars?
>>43260893
Does the mostly vegan lifestyle permit eating Bechdel McMiggins's thingy? Or are you only allowed Meegan on Fridays?

>>43260886
hay from the hay factory

>>43261295
I believe that's called the ground

Beep

>>43257978
Twilight told her to drink water

>>43250545
Where can i buy the ad?

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Watch out!

>>43258690
>The door slowly and gently closed in front of her as Anonstallion retreated in the most theatrically casual way possible.
>Theatrical because he was clearly fleeing so that he wouldn't have to see her spend two seconds rubbing a towel between her legs.
>Which she did, uneventfully, as she was used to doing on her own after bathing.
>Everywhere from the underside of her dock to the inside of her thighs and the skin of her barely existent mare tits had been strategically missed.
>And it was hard to decide whether she appreciated that, or was appalled by Anon's lack of thoroughness.
>She actually sort of trusted him now not to be lewd about her bits, which is to say she probably would not have kicked him if he had gone for it.
>Coward...
>Anonmare mopped up the puddle a bit, snuffed out the lamp as directed and stepped back out into the main room.
>Anonstallion had already extinguished the main lamps, leaving the cottage bathed in the calm lunar light pouring in from the windows.
>Both ponies reconvened between their respective bedroom doors, 'Mare tossing her mane to try and air it out.
>"So.. time for bed I guess."
>Mhm.
"..You should dry me fully in future, if you're going to."
>"A-Ah."
>Yup, he knew what she meant, and that she had noticed.
>"S-Sorry, I didn't know if it was okay, and I u-um, I didn't want to ask. I-In case it was rude."
>Look at him, shuffling like he's been caught out.
>Anyway, he had her permission now.
"No big deal. See you tomorrow?"
>He relaxed and the two of them caught each other's eyes.
>"Will do.. that was fun, though, I didn't think- um.. anyway, sleep tight Nonny."
>The fag bowed his head and dipped his ears shyly. She shrugged and flicked her own ears while glancing away.
"Night buddy."
>..They lingered a moment. She could tell he was holding back, raising his front leg to move, pausing like he wanted something more.
>No, I am not kissing you goodnight, no way. Keep going. Move it buddy.
>After one more look, in which she did at least give him a little smile, he finally slunk away beyond the doorway.
>His door closed with a humble creak and the room went still.

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>>43262788
Damn. Chin up Anon, all things come in due time.

>>43262788
>underside of her dock to the inside of her thighs and the skin of her barely existent mare tits
UNF

>>43262788
Imminent door opening, hoof holding and nuzzling

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UP!

>>43263618
>mares only want one thing and it's disgusting

>>43263187
He's going to curl up in his bed hugging his pillow all night wishing it was her.

>>43264392
My boy's waifu actually lives with him, and he's still stuck with the pillow...

>>43264072
Extremely disgusting. Did you know every one of those foals was inside her vagina at one point?

>>43264859
You're just mad that it wasn't you.

>>43264859
that's kind of hot

>>43264062
Mare is angry!

>>43265094
I dunno if i want anonmare for a mom

>Be Anonmare
>Burrito-wrapped in a cocoon of blankets and pillows
>Located within a newly enlargified bed for two
>Which itself is located in a modest but respectable two-story cottage near the forest edge of Ponyville.
>In the haze of sleep you glance out the window. Pink-gray-purple sludge still spackles the townward horizon, but that's irrelevant.
>No. Ponyville is almost always on fire or falling into a sinkhole- you're here for the metal gleam of the sun on your car-
>Which you do not find
>Oh shit where is-
>As if she's listening, Remmie flashes her hazard lights. Orange light flickers off the walls of your garage-
>Also there's a garage out there. Well, a little wooden shed with one wall missing, but still.
Well that tears it. Roll over, wrap the blankets tighter- "Fuckthisimgoingbackto-"

>However much sleep you got, you'll never know. Your clock was commandeered by some shifty-eyed cows needing spare parts, and it's not like you even looked in the direction where it once sat.
>With all that said-
>Be awoken by the sound of a door being kicked in, in the cunt-end of the early morning
>"THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE is on a COMEBACK TOUR, babe!" echoes through the house, shocking you into awareness of dim sunlight sneaking into your sanctuary
>Clip
>Clop
>The doorknob rattles. Accursed light upon thee, as a hazy blue face comes into view. "Er-"
"Good morning to you too." You squeak out with somehow LESS venom than intended.
>Trixie squees, shrinking back into the stair landing. "Er- I brought egg sandwiches?"
>Said sandwiches are levitated near you, and instantly inhaled. Down they go, never had a chance, the widowed loaves of bread will weep.


"What?" you say, as Trixie pouts more pathetically than normal. "Did you not-"
>"Trixie did not!" Her stomach growls.
"So the one time you DON'T scarf your share on the way-"
>"UGH! It's fine-" Trixie inches forward to the bed.
"It's not fine! I feel like a dick!"
>"Shhh, it was a fair assumption, mon cherie." A kiss on your forehead, a look of realization, a kiss on your lips. "Besides, my show was in demand enough for PRE-SALES! So..."
>She makes no effort to hide her pride, even as she trails off.
"Moving on up at last, eh?"
>A scoff. A friendly one, with a twinkle in Trixie's eye- "What. Do you expect me to say 'oh Anon, Trixie moved up in the world when you took her name'?"
>A shit-eating grin is given and returned. "because yes, yes she did. Now- where's your bags?"
>The fuck she talkin' about?
>You ask her as much, getting a half scowl in return. "What do you- MY SHOW?" You slowly blink as Trixie paces in seemingly genuine frustration.
>"Do you really not want to see my show, WIFE? Hast paradise already become...." She starts to trail off as a look of dawning realization, uh, dawns on her. "...so... troubled.... Right. Sorry."

>>43266141
Welcome back!
>Do you really not want to see my show, WIFE?
If Anonstallion said something like that he'd be getting strangled, kek. This is kinda sweet though. Hope Trixie isn't too disappointed by her beloved.

>>43266141
>>43266141
>Before you can answer, a hot pinchy pressure feeling brings you scrambling out of your fortress.
>You damn near faceplant on the floor, but a magenta glow steadies you and helps unwrap the blankets.
>Trixie barely gets out of the way in time as you gallop to the bathroom

"Fuuuuuuuuuuck"
>You wiggle your rear a bit and step on the flush button
>Even after all this time, you still appreciate taking a leak being as easy for mares as men
>Easier, if you count not needing to fuck with pants or zippers or whatever. Least, not in normal weather.
>Before you walk out the door, you stand on your bathroom scale
>Yep
>You put on a few pounds
>Sure as hell feels like it, and now you've got numerical proof

>Trixie's voice filters through the door. "Anon? Are you alright?"
"What? Yes? Why wouldn't I be?"
>"I dunno- you were in there for... nevermind."
>The door opens by your pale green light. Trixie backs into your upstairs closet- the only way you'll have room to pass her in your tight hallway.
>Weird that she did that when she could just walk to your shared room, but whatever-
"I'm gaining weight and I dunno why, by the way."
>Your fucking gut growls and hurts. Emptiness, not diarrhea.
Still standing in the bathroom doorway, you crane your neck over and shout at your stomach: "Shut up in there! FUCK, why am I starving all the time!?"
>Right
>Food
>Food is usually stored in or near a kitchen- better get moving.
>There's a kitchen downstairs, full of numnums you can shovel into the egg and wheat mass grave you call your tract
>Just
>Gotta
>Get-
>Right as you pass the closet, Trixie's head pops out and kisses your swollen belly. "Come on- you know why."
>A tiny, barely-formed hoof poking out at its other mothers' face sends a gross shudder up your spine. Trixie laughs and coos.
"Eugh, that never doesn't feel fucking WEIRD..."
>Your face muscles are fighting. Part of you wants to scowl at the absurdity of YOU being a mother-to-be. The other part wants to walk around with a dopey, soft smile and pet your squirming belly all day and-
>FUCK. Kid isn't even here yet and she's already scrambling your brains.
>Finally downstairs. You feel a gust of magic recede from you-
"TRIXIE! I don't need-"
>"Sorry! I-" She quivers
>Fuck
>You nuzzle her cheek and let your horns tap gently, sending a slight shiver down both of you.
"No- I'm sorry, I dunno how many mares out there would be as cool with... THIS-" you sit and point at your gut, "as you."
>Trixie holds the contact a little longer, before squeezing past you into the kitchen. "I think you're wrong- we both agreed to a four-way."
>Magic rattles around your pots and pans, and you sit down with the grim acceptance that your wife is.... taking care of you.
>Eugh
>Matches are struck. Doomed food objects sizzle. Trixie glances back at you- "Besides, I'm not the one actually carrying the foal!"
"You wanna tra-"
>Thud. Creak. Thud (softer).

>>43266281
Fuck off retard

>>43266281
>>Derpy crashes through your kitchen window (modified to open like a doggy door) and onto a pile of pillows (embroidered, for her comfort.) "MAIL'S HERE!"
>A grey and blonde head disappear into the noneuclidean depths of a regulation Equestrian Postal Service Corps. bag
>Rustle, rustle
>Sizzle, clang, splatter, "OW! MERDE!"
>Rustle, rustle
>Trixie hangs her head in shame and tosses a burned hay-shbrown. "Damnation! Why are these so hard to get right!?"
>Rustle, rustle
"Y'know, I got plenty of potatoes and-"
>Derpy and Trixie both shout, almost in unison. "No! Potatoes can poison the young and unborn! Jinx! You owe me a-"
>"shot!"
>>"muffin!"
>Silence for a heartbeat, then laughter.
"No seriously- I ate them all the time as a filly."
>>"Yes- as a FILLY, not a baby, silly!"
>"Nor as a fetus, by proxy of absorbing them through your mother's blood supply."
>
>
>
>>"Seriously. You'd be dead."
>Oh if only they knew...
>
>Derpy's still here- why-
>Oh. Right.
"Sorry Derpy, I'm kinda short today on account of devouring anything edible within a hundred yards of me at all ti-"
>>"Oh, don't apologize. I have a daughter, I know what it does to you. Besides, it's not like I'm ENTITLED to a free muffin!"
>Derpy flashes you a warm, maternal smile, but the subtle tightness around her eyelids betrays at least a small amount of disappointment.
>Still, she's got shit to do today. Her head darts back into her bag and brings out the daily newspaper and some letters. And she's gone- out your front door, because she's not a fucking ANIMAL like Rainbow Dash.

>More sizzling and clattering dead ahead of you. Funny, watching Trixie's ass sway around while she cooks normally gets your motor going.
>Must still be in that early don't-you-dare-touch-me stage. Sad. So sad you find yourself laying your head on the table, ears drooping.
>"Oh don't worry- we suffer together, my dear! And besides-"
>Trixie turns around, trots over with a plate of competent fried hay and eggs, a devious smile on her face.
>The meal disappears almost as soon as visual contact is confirmed. For one picosecond your tummy feels pleasantly full.
>Trixie leans in to whisper, but whatever she said is drowned out by the sudden aching emptiness and growling beast inside you.
>You'd gotten decent at reading her lips, but you can't really see too well-
>Oh
>Those are tears
>Yippee you're about to cry
"FUCK I'M A FAT UGLY WRECK!"
>"No, nononono-"
"YES I AM!"
>You go back and forth like this for a while, eventually leaving you in that hiccuppy half-sobby post-cry state. There's gotta be a word for that, right?
>Ugh
>Warm
>Trixie is so warm
>"You okay, now?"
Sniff. "Yeah- morning sadness is the worst."
>"Could be worse- I've heard monkeys and minotaurs puke their guts up for the first few months."
"Heh. Yeah- they also bleed once a month whenever they're not pregnant."
>"EW! Seriously!?" She laughs and trots back to the range.
"Eh, s'what I've heard- I ain't gonna go ask. By the way, those potatoes-"

>>43266365
>Yes. That's right- change the subject so she doesn't notice you clam up.
>Reaching for the newspaper, you silently thank God yet again for at least not making you a woman
"Whaddawe got here-"
>Trixie cranes her head back at you, a disappointed grimace framed in blued steel. "Anon- the potatoes? Seriously- they'll mess the baby up. Not in an abortion drug way, but in a 'you'll give birth to a full-sized baby with no organs' way."
"I know! The doctor already told me all this, I just... want it to be wrong."
>Trixie's head turns round, eyebrow raised. "Then stop it!" she says with a sigh.
You almost shout back at her- "No- that's not- UGH. Use them before they go bad, ok! Hell, take a few with you! Take 'em all so I'm not tempted, even! Go on!"
>Realizing a little too late that your emotions got the best of you, you cover your face and try sinking into your cushion.
>Trixie goes stock straight at your outburst. An uncomfortable pause. A deep breath. "Ooohhhhhhhh. Right. Good idea- for right now. Going to be staying with mother, she can't stand spuds."
>Crap
"Alright, then- fuck I dunno, can you give 'em to Spike? That's on the way to the train station."
>Her shoulders sag a bit. "Oh, Remmie is still-"
"Nothing serious- there's a wobble in the front wheels and the steering sticks. Plus I wanna give her a full once-over before I even think of long-distance shenanigans, but, y'know-" you pat your belly for emphasis.
>"Riiiight." Her ears droop, ever so slightly.
"Trix, you know you're the only mare I trust to drive her- hell, you're the only mare SHE trusts besides me. She can probably handle a short trip to town, get your..."
>Her ear flicks. Much less subtly.
You slow down, carefully enunciating: "Magic Paraphernalia onto the train." Nailed it.
>"I know! It's just inconvenient! Conveniently inconvenient!"
"Careful there, that's something Pinkie might say..." You trill, with a shit-eating grin.
>Trixie's pout is worth all the crap this morning.


>The morning trudges on.
>Trixie finishes making her eggs and fries a few potatoes.
>You stare at her with your biggest, wettest eyes ever but the bitch has a heart of stone.
>"Somehow I think making and eating this in front of you was a bad idea-HEY!"
>You pout like a schoolfilly at an expensive doll as your attempted fry theft is intercepted.
"Aw come on! Just one!"
>"One might be safe, but it won't be just one, now will it!?"
>Trixie channels her swamp raccoon totem spirit, scarfing the remaining taters with near-Pinkielike speed. "There! Now I'm taking these temptations to where they will harm none but Twilight!"
>And out the door she goes
>
>
>Leaving you with some dirty plates. It's not a big deal- your magic makes them clean in 30 seconds without even leaving your seat.
>The pans are another thing.
>One has egg on it that's been allowed to cool (fuck)
>The other is a sooty mess of burnt hay (double fuck)
>You shrug and levitate them into the sink to soak.
>That just leaves the mail.

Pre bed

>>43266480
I love this green :D keep it up!

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>>43266480
Ty for the continuation of your green! Time for sleep.

>>43266141
>Anon casually stealing the spotlight
More green is always welcome, I just don't want the other ongoing story to be paused again kek

>>43267636
Don't worry Anon double greens is on the menu, I'm just being picky/indecisive about my current draft.

>>43267959
Ah, the two green styles: being careful and selective vs shotgunning whatever's funny onto the page and having to deal with the consequences

>>43266480
Pretty good green, I need moar plz.

>>43266480
>The letters are on top of the newspaper. Might as well do them first-
>Let's see now-
>Shit. Top of the pile is big, bold, red letters. Props to Derpy for her sorting skill?
>You pick it up. It crinkles- plastic window in the envelope. Somewhat ritzy for Equestria- this can't be good.
"DANGER- YOUR FOAL'S LIFE MAY DEPEND-"
>Squint
"Oh what the fuck? Redheart, why are you-"
>Iron horseshoes crash against wood, and your kitchen becomes slightly brighter as Trixie storms back in.
>The fright sends you teetering off your haunches, mail still gripped in your hooves.
>"WHO WHAT WHERE- oh. It's one of those." She says as she sets you upright with her magic. "I ought to go down there and-"
"Babe, relax. I don't like the wording either but-"
>"No! It's the principle of the thing!"
>Trixie trails into indignant muttering as she paces in and out of the house, hauling stuff to the car
>Sigh
>Here we go

>Trixie walks down the stairs, a box of empty alchemical spheres on her back
"Yes, it's shifty as fuck for her to write it like that-"
>Door open. Cute ass go out. Door close.
>Back to the mail. You set the URGENT REMINDERS for MAGIC TESTS and NEW PARENT TRAINING aside-
>Utility bill's next- with a contractor discount?? Thanks Mooriel! You'll pay that in town today.

>Door open. Scowling face come in. Door close.
"-But I really should take the classes. They're already sure it's a unicorn and-"
>Cute ass stomps into the downstairs storage area formerly known as your living room
>Okay, next on the pile- spam mail. Spam mail. More spam- again with the fucking extended warranty?
>Cute face emerges from the cardboard jungle with some of those trick hanky chains and rings on her neck
"-Look, I got no experience with baby unicorns besides knowing they'll teleport at random-"

>Door open. Blued steel tail swishes on the way out. Door close.
>Ok- that's the spam pile done. Next is... an invitation from Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns?
>Uh
>Wow
>Okay-
>Door open. Great and Powerful saunters back in. Door close.
"Hey, time out-"
>Trixie pauses mid-stride right next to you
"We got an invitation from Celestia's school. Addressed to-"
>Squint
"The future heir or heiress to Madames Lulamoon."
>You glance up from the letter, watching Trixie carefully
>The corners of her eyes and mouth twitch as her emotions are no doubt roiling beneath her practiced stage mask
>Finally, she returns to her scowl. "Wow, it's like medical privacy isn't even a thing!"
>
>
"RIGHT? Everypony who knows about our kid-"
>"Knows you got knocked up by a pegasus! Who else knows besides us and the doctors?"
"Honestly? I don't know! The other bearers still think I'm just getting fat from lazing around!"
>Trixie stares back in disbelief. "Anon, you really need to-"
"I KNOW! It's just... kinda funny to me, ok? I wanna see how long I can keep 'em in the dark."
>She stares
>Stares.
>Stare. Sigh.
>"Anon- I was going to demand you take a picture when the charade finally falls apart!"

File: Trixie shiggy diggy.gif (77 KB, 240x335)

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>>43268675
"I KNOW! It's just... kinda funny to me, ok? I wanna see how long I can keep 'em in the dark."
>She stares
>Stares.
>Stare. Sigh.
>"Anon- I was going to demand you take a picture when the charade finally falls apart!"
Eeeyyy that's our girl lol.

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>>43268807
>filename

>>43268812
>>43268807
Uhoh, Woona ain't happy with you Anon!

>>43268675
>Alright
>That got a real laugh going out of the both of you
>When it finally subsides, a short but awkward silence hangs.
"Er-"
>"So-"
"Back to it, then?"
>"Yep." Her face instantly twists back into a mild scowl and she swears up a storm headed straight for your booze cellar.
>You set the invitation and medical... reminders? aside. You'll deal with that later, once the indignity of someone blabbing about or pulling your medical records subsides.
"Don't need to be boiling our blood this early in the morning, right?" you say while caressing your stomach.


>Back to the stack.
>Tax statements, most of them zero because you technically are part of the government. Sometimes. Kind of. Look, you're not going to rock the boat on that by sticking your nose in it.
>You do voluntarily pay into the basic medical fund because, come on, you're not THAT cheap.
>...Might also end up with a big enough house for property taxes. Gonna need at least one extra room now- AJ can help with that, but- fuck, not to mention-
>You can't leave guns lying around! Hell, half of Trixie's magic props could probably hurt a foal! fuckfuckfuck-
>The clattering of boards on the basement stairs derails your doom spiral. Trixie rolls a barrel of ethanol up, with extra swears and grunts.
>Once it's on the ground floor, she climbs up and rides it out like a clown on a big ball. "Car's hungry."
"Oh- yeah. Uh, the more I think about it, the more I really want that class too. Like- this house is barely even ME proof, and we're adding a baby to it??"
>Door go swingy swingy, mare go outy outy

>Well, that's all the letters.
>Except the two you haven't read in detail yet- but let's wait until Trixie's-
>"Need you to leave, I don't want to drag fireworks through here with you-"
"Trixie, if they're stable enough to keep IN OUR HOUSE they're stable enough to be in front of my occupied uterus for five seconds. Goddamn."
>She scowls, cherry red, and storms off in a huff.
>Comes back a moment later with a big box full of Fun
"Yes, it IS pretty hot that you're being so protective but like- cool it just a bit? Ok?"
>Ah fuck, she's back to stomping around right when it seemed like she'd worked through it.
>Oh well- let's read the paper.
>>"SILPHIUM BLIGHT FINALLY SOLVED. Drug supply will be restored within the week- citizens cheer for a return to traditional promiscuity!"
You glance downwards. "Heh, you got nothing to worry about. Momma's already got stockholm syndrome, yes she does yes she- OOF"
>The brat kicks and thrashes at your condescension, inducing some kind of energy surge. Felt like a static shock inside your guts.
"Ah ya little bastard, I said I WASN'T getting rid of you! Whaddaya want from me!?"
>As soon as the words leave your mouth, it happens. Your vision pulses. Images flash within your mind's eye, bringing an almost demonic pain and hunger.
>The ice cream.
>It's in the freezer.
>CONSUME, MOTHER

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>>43268968
My bad. I didn't know any better when I yoinked it a couple months back I should've renamed it sorry Woona, I accept moon time out.

>>43268970
>
>
>
>Afewminuteslater.wav
>Door: OPEN. Trixie: INSIDE. "I put the... llwhatthe-"
>You blush and try hiding behind your wall of empty ice cream boxes
"Don't judge me! What were you-"
>"I put the empty barrel out by the still. Seriously-" she takes a long, hard look at your boxes, your now-sticky hair, the baby dancing a samba inside you. "You SURE you're good? I CAN cancel for your sake, you know."
"NOPE! I mean yep, I'm good."
>"Uh huh..." She wets a rag for you on her way to her larger props.

"Anyway- feel free to yell at Redheart but I'm getting those tests, that's final."
>More rattling in the abyss of boxes. Trixie calls out- "Well NO DUH!"
>Oh for-
"Well if you know it's the best thing, why are we fighting!?"
>Trixie's head pops out of a box, packing peanuts stuck in her mane and a look of utter bewilderment on her face. "We are?"
>Tchhk-
>Hnnng
>Deep breath
>Plant your forehooves so you're sitting properly
>And another deep breath-
>Okay
"Are we not? Why are you running around making me talk one sentence at a time!?"
>"I HAVE TO PACK! Sheesh! I'm sorry, I wasn't aware this was the one time you weren't okay with us running around and multitasking!"
>...
"But- you got all pissy right when-"
>"OKAY! Yes, I took Redheart's scare tactics a little too personally. That was probably what set me off in- ugh. No. Well- yes, but it's not-"
"Trixie?"
>She shrinks into her box.
>Great. Now you gotta-
>Her voice comes out right beside you. "You don't know- that is, you're- uh-"
>Your neck creaks like a rusty anchor as you face her, her head poking out of what used to be your silverware drawer. "Ta.. da?"
"Trixie. I need you to do two things right now-"
>"Yes?"
"One: don't fucking startle me like that, my blood pressure is already nuts enough."
>"Sorry- I really needed to test that prop."
"Two: tell me what's really going on."
>
>
"Ok, we've done this before, just tell me please so we don't have to play dueling eyebrows."
>"Mmmmmm getting worked up over seeing my mother."
>Oh
>Well, that's
>Wait
"...Were you trying to say I'm too orphaned to understand parent drama?" you say with your harshest squint ever
>She sweats. She smiles sheepishly. She chuckles the chuckle of-
"For fuck's sake- you're the dumbest genius I've ever met."
>"I know." Trixie avoids your gaze as she climbs out of the drawer, but opens up for hugs
>The hug isn't as bone crushing as you'd like, but your kid probably appreciates that
"Alright. Now- what's going on with your mom?"
>"I haven't seen her in 15 years, the last time I saw her I was about to leave for college and we watched my idol drown, oh and I'm married to a pregnant wife who isn't coming."
>Oh
"...Yeah that'll do it. Trixie, I ain't THAT pregnant yet, I could come-"
>"NO! No, if we're seeing this through, we're doing it right! Stay near YOUR doctors, get YOUR shit done, I'll be back.

>>43269367
She really wanted those chicken nuggets, man

>>43269656
We all do, chicken nuggies are quite tasty.

>>43270023
Get her some bbq sauce, stat!

>>43269091
>You decide to grab the yet-unread letters and follow Trixie to the car
>A fat, jingling little sack is floated over to you- "Saw a bill in that pile. Forgot something?"
"RIght. Yeah, thanks." You grab it and slip it over your head.
>It's less of a coinpurse and more of a purse-purse, the strap being long enough to go round your neck.
>"I'll head into town, you ride with me. I'm not having you exert yourself with my equipment, just get off at town square or whatever, she can find you on her own afterwards."
>She, of course, being your technically-not-a-ghost car
>Hm-
>Something about it sets your nerves on edge. You ponder as you lock your door behind you and trot across the damp grass.
"I dunno- she's basically got a limp right now."
>"And you're developing a bit of a waddle. Your point?"
>You paw the ground and snort at that.
"And she's like- unstable, remember? I don't like the idea of her being unattended in the middle of town."
>Trixie, having reached Remmie, looks back at you with her typical smug disaffectedness. "Mi amore, you have the only wagon in the known world that actively recognizes and deters thieves."
>She climbs in. You reach the passenger door shortly after and do the same.
"That's exactly what I'm afraid of! You know how she'll overreact-"
>Belts are buckled (modifying them for ponies was no small feat) and mirrors are checked. "Are you talking about the SMILE file again? Wasn't all that because-"
"Because she was lost, afraid and in pain! She's in pain now!"
>Right on cue, the radio warbles of its own accord. Almost like a sneeze, you find yourself patting the dashboard without thinking.
"Hey don't worry, as soon as I can crawl around again you're getting the full service. This kid'll grow up with as much motor oil on her as tit milk if needs be-"
>"EW! You know, if crawling is the only issue, perhaps Fluttershy hasn't filled in that pit yet? Just a thought."
>The car shudders while the key turns.
"Hey, easy girl, we're not doing anything harsh- just a casual trip into town, low and slow- and yeah, maybe I should take her up to Fluttershy's..."
>Remmie crawls out of your yard at a pace barely faster than trotting, but hey, she's still hauling a wagonload of stuff easier than you carry your money pouch
>Trixie starts to talk but yelps and grabs the wheel as Remmie lurches. "EEEP! Okay, yes, you were right, she needs help! No distracting me!"

>The drive into town is, somehow, someway, uneventful. Ponies have grown accustomed to your car and the guard have gotten it through their fat heads to not fuck with you.
>"What do you think- HELLO?"
"AH! HUH? what? sorry-" Trixie's voice snaps you out of watching the trees drift by.
>"Any ideas what caused the damage?"
"Iunno- probably some side effect of getting shot at a few times combined with rushed repairs? Trust me, she's survived worse, just gotta actually put the work in."

>>43270717
>"Uh huh. Guess I'll leave her at the train yard, you'll have to collect her? Train leaves in, uh-" She squints at the clock. "An hour? Should be able to leave her in the lot."
"Sure, that works. Not too far-"
>"Okay. Well, still got at least 15 minutes- wanna read through those letters, finally?"
"Yeah, guess I do keep forgetting to do that-"

>First up: the thing from the hospital.
>Besides the needlessly urgent writing visible on and through the envelope, it really is just a checklist for new moms.
>Free services like a seminar for managing stress about the birth, how to anticipate and mitigate in-utero magic surges (would've been nice to know half an hour ago), how to change a diaper with your mouth (crossed out)
>Underneath the generic stuff there's you and your kid's test results (unicorn, female, healthy so far) and specifics for parents of unicorns.
>Trixie glances between you and the road. "So far, so good?"
"Yeah. Mostly a list of stuff the hospital will do for cheap, if not on the universal health plan thing. This one's gonna be important: they can get a certified court mage to help babyproof your house. Like make it so she can't teleport into someplace that'll kill her."
>"Very important- sounds pricey though."
"Eh, it's the most expensive service they got but even that ain't too bad. Like ten bits an hour with finance options. Most of it probably won't even be spellcasting, just like-"
>"Re-kajiggering the house so we'll quickly know if she got into a cabinet or something?"
"AyuWOAH-"
>You lurch forward as Trixie hits the brakes. Considering you were going maybe 10mph, it's not too bad, but still.
>Trixie's hunched over the steering wheel, breathing heavily as a young colt belly flops onto the hood, grinning ear to ear as he puts his ear to the metal
"Trixie, don't-"
>She says nothing, just breathes and leans on the wheel
>huff, huff
>various swears
>
>
>His mother finally comes by and drags him off by the tail, red-faced and smiling congenially at you
"Thanks for not honking him into the stratosphere, babe. Believe me, I know EXACTLY how much restraint that took."
>"Just call me the Patient and Magnanimous Trixie-"
"I'm not doing that."
>"Good." You feel the slight vertigo as you accelerate and get underway again. The invitation from Celestia's school still waits-

>Unlike the envelope addressed to your 'future heir or heiress,' the letter itself is written in a tight but neat cursive, the kind unicorn fartsniffers use.
>A letterhead containing the royal seal of the sun court is immediately followed by FROM THE PERSONAL DESK OF RAVEN INKWELL, COURT SENESCHAL TO HER MAJESTY'S DAY COURT, AND WITH THEIR MAJESTIES' BLESSING:

>>43262788
>Turning slowly, Anonmare moved away from the door, feeling sort of happy with how things had turned out.
>Inviting Anon to spend time with her, doing something they wouldn't normally do together.. she'd gotten the reassurances she'd hoped for ultimately.
>And a little extra, something she hadn't been expecting, but came as part of the experience.
>Mare care. Physical affection. A little bit of pleasure. She wasn't a machine, she liked feeling good.
>Getting cared for and tended to was, she had to concede, pretty alright. That IS why spas and salons existed after all.
>Her hooves carried her quietly around the darkened living area, a lone mare basking in the cool and restful tones her home now expressed.
>It was still a lot to process. Everything. Even as the nightly lull of the cottage urged her to seek her bed.
>Crossing between the couch and the fireplace, she passed by the board and stopped.
>This was something the two of them had set up not long after settling in, a literal board for them to larp and leave messages to one another for fun and utility.
>That included writing their name (anonymous), the date, time and number for each entry. Kind of autistic, but it did help them practice their horse-based writing skills.
>The first posts from about five weeks ago were barely legible.
>Anon had gone first by creating a thread for their 'Life in Equestria'.
>She had replied with 'OP is a faggot'.
>He had scolded her! Heh.
>Just looking at the shitty scribbles made her grin. It was such a shoddy parody, even the boxes they drew were crooked, but they were improving.
>At this point Anon's writing was getting a lot better than hers- more importantly there was a new post from today, timed from before she had come home.
>
>[>Be Anonstallion in Equestria
>[>Anonmare is here too
>[>I like her, want to marry her
>[>Seems like she hates the idea
>[>Says yes anyway
>[What do I do?
>
>Okay, well, that's already been dealt with, though it was a little sad seeing a memento of his guilt about the proposition.
>Either way it needed a reply before she could go to sleep.
>Next to the board they had a small table with a cup of coloured pencils, a crank pencil sharpener, pins and extra sheets of paper to extend their writing area as needed.
>Anonmare picked out a red pencil with her teeth, focused on the spot below Anon's message, wrote in the link, switched to black and thought for exactly zero seconds.
>[foalmaking sex with your new horse wife
>...
>This was going to backfire horribly. It JUST backfired. YOU'RE the subject! Geez.
>She should write another message, something to compensate, something more serious.

>>43271170
LET'S GO

>>43271170
Pretty soon we're going to have both Anonmare greens pregnant, aren't we?

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>>43271334
>>43271170
Family time!

Boop

>>43271334
>He knows
Though I will say at the rate I write 'pretty soon' is VERY optimistic!

>>43270779
>Something in the letterhead fizzles. Your receipt of this letter is Acknowledged.
>Fucking magical ink crap again! Oh well- wait, court seneschal?
>Trixie notices the face you're probably making. "What?"
"It's not even from the princess, it's from her official quill diddler or whatever. Lessee-"
>>"Honorable Anonymares(sic) Lulamoon, Bearer of Understanding by Grace of Harmony-"
"Wow, that sure is a title."
>>"I hope this letter finds you and your unborn in good health. Yes I know about that; I don't know why you're keeping it a secret and I won't pry-"
>Trixie smugs smugly at you. "Being completely fair, 'I thought it would be funny' is going to make you look stupider than saying it was a secret shame."
"Yeah, yeah."
>>"Suffice to say, handling Celestia's paperwork gives me the highest security clearance imaginable. No, really, higher than the Princesses even. It's my job to read all the hogwash from SMILE in case any of it is brain poison. Ha ha. Sorry, I needed to vent about that. It was actually mister Biceps who told me. Must've been a fun night, wish I were there but I was stuck in bed with my tits getting sucked in a completely nonsexual way-"
You squint, moving the paper back and forth a bit... "What??"
>"She had a kid, remember? That was why Celestia was so late getting the messages about our impending sharkpocalypse."
"Ohhh, right. Okay-"
>>"Oops, there I go writing off-topic again. Mom-brain, you know?(1) Anyway, this letter is to inform you of certain rights befitting your station:"
>>"First, considering your status as a high value asset (and target), your entire family is entitled to attend ALL theory and defense classes at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, regardless of your foal's tribe. Of course, should you bear a unicorn, they will be entitled to tribe-specific tutelage as well."

>The car rolls to a stop. Trixie is frothing at the mouth, though whether it's in joy or fury you cannot tell.
"Trixie? You alright?"
>"Just peachy! It's not like I strained my relationship with my mother over paying for those classes! Ha ha ha ha HA HA!"
"Come on- you know we'd probably not've made it out of the spa if not for-"
>"I KNOW!" She cuts herself off, taken aback by her outburst. "Sorry, I know, it's just- FUCK! One of those times where my life seems like a giant joke!"
"Better a joke than a cautionary tale, right?"
>"Oh fuck off. What's the rest of that letter?"

>>"Second, considering you are almost certainly carrying a unicorn or pegasus of high magic potential, the crown can reimburse you for modifications to your house, provided they are directly related to creating a safer environment for the baby."
"Sweet. Rather do it myself, but-" a squirming draws your gaze downwards. "Yeah I'm talking about you in there- don't start that with me now, sweetie."

>>43272238
>>"Third, and perhaps most important, due to recent events and 'ill portents,' Her Majesty has seen fit to formally reinstate the feudal titles associated with your sacred bond-"
>"Well that explains that." Trixie is barely containing a giddy outburst.
"Go ahead, you know you wanna."
>"EEEEEEEEEE FUCK YOU DAD I GOT A COLLEGE DEGREE AND I'M SLEEPING WITH THE GENTRY!"
"You done?"
>"Yes, thank you. Please continue, *my lady.*" She purrs the title.
>>"Henceforth, all Bearers of Harmony are to be recognized as equivalent to knighthood and are required to be fit for battle and political theatre as any knight would be."
>You and Trixie share a nervous look.
>>"There, that's the boilerplate out of the way, now for the you-and-me section. I know you're the last pony who needs combat training, but considering your injuries and magic mishaps, I'm formally commanding you to: one, get used to wearing a chain shirt (one will be provided at no cost) and two, take some remedial magic classes (like the free ones you were just invited to.) The last thing we need is you burning out at a pivotal moment."
"...Free armor! Probably gonna be made of fancy material too! Sweet."
>>"Now, regarding the 'political symbol' aspect of your position..."
>"That doesn't sound good-"
>>"I'm told you adamantly refused to accept tickets to the grand galloping gala. Very noble of you, I'm sure, but you're going to be there if I have to come and drag you up the sheer side of the mountain myself. Dignitaries from all over the world gather at the gala and it's the perfect time to introduce the heroes who saved the world TWICE IN ONE YEAR to the political stage."
"FUCK! SHIT DAMN ASS FUCK FUCK FUCK....FUCK."
>"Now hold on- flip the page, maybe there's more?"
>Shuffle, shuffle
"Yeah-"
>>"As Her Majesty absolutely detests the grand galloping gala, She is formally requesting that the bearers of harmony use any means necessary to, and I quote, 'liven things up.' This will not only save Princess Celestia from self-inflicted injuries, but will openly flaunt the traditions she has grown to despite in a manner none but a yak would dare argue with. Coincidentally, guess who never gets invited? Wink wink.
"Trixie?"
>"Yes?"
"We just got a blank check to fuck up the biggest party of the year."
>"Did we?"
"Yes- says it right here."
>"Okay then, so my ears weren't damaged."
"Not at all."
>"Good."
"...Considering she's asking us to make yaks of ourselves, do you want to come? Might be bad for your rep."
>"Perish the thought! The GREAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE is going to ABSOLUTELY RUIN THE GALA and GET AWAY WITH IT! HA HA HA HA HA HA!
>You yelp and grab the wheel before you all go careening into a fence.
"WOAH WOAH, we're still driving in case you forgot!"
>"oop- sorry."
"One more bit here-"

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>>43271334
>the sperm and egg halves of anonfilly manipulating both her parents to bring her into existence
Her autism is too powerful; she is INEVITABLE.

>>43272308
>>"She also requests that you not tell the others, for fear of making their shenaniganery less authentic. Pinkie Pie almost certainly knows because Pinkie, and you are being informed so you and your wife can make an informed decision regarding her appearance."
>"Oh, that's thoughtful! Tell her I'm coming and to make sure my baggage isn't searched." She grins like the fucking Grinch.
>>"Below you will find a watermark that, upon confirming your comprehension of this letter, will materialize all necessary tickets and paperwork for your training, two (2) tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, one (1) reimbursement form for tailored finery, and a summoning scroll for a royal guard escort carriage. You are the ticket czar, Anon. Don't lose them or everypony will be paying for their own."
>>"PS: Really, I know you don't need any combat training, but please work with me. A course on squad tactics and some weekend militia training saves lives. Do it for your friends, if not yourself."
>>"1: If you don't understand mom brain, you will soon. :3"
>Just as it said, you get another brain zorch and find yourself holding a fancy sheaf of papers complete with a gold-flecked red wax seal.
>Ehhh, fuck, pop it in the glove box for now? It's trending towards chilly so the wax won't melt.

>Ponyville township proper rolls into view as you tuck the bundle away.
"Welp. My day just got a shitload more packed."
>"Oh don't worry Anon, they don't expect you to do it immediately or else it'd say that... Ok, town hall to pay the utilities?"
>Rolling farmlands give way to mane street and charming little tudor houses. More ponies stop to gawk at Remmie.
>Townies.
>At least none of them actively get in the way, though the going is still slowed at times.
>The great central carousel housing the local elected queen bitch lies just ahead.
"Yeah- lemme off, I'll come get the car when I'm done."
>Trixie rolls to as smooth a stop as the wobbly wheel will allow
>To your surprise, she cuts the motor and tosses you the keys. "Here, since you're afraid of an altercation with her. I can put it in neutral and pull the rest of the way."
"I... Okay, if you're sure... We GOTTA get a spare key made, but I don't know if-"


>You pat at your stomach as The Kid squirms at your climbing out. Then the side of the car-
"Might be late getting you, gonna get a massage or something if I can. Back and hips hurt, but then it's straight to Flutters as soon as I'm up to working on you."
>Beepbeep
>Trixie finishes tying a harness to the little hitch at the back, and you watch as your car limps backwards towards the train station.
>Without you
>This is fine
>No really, this is 100% fine. Great even.
>You lovesick fool.
>Okay
>Trixie's leaving in half an hour for the next... week?
>Shit you didn't ask! FUCK!
>Oh well

>>43262788
You know, how the hell is this guy even going to get his dick in her on their big night if he gets the vapors over towel rubbing? Is she gonna have to back into it against a wall?

>>43271665
So many cute anonponies!

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>Neen

>>43273568
Serious mare.

>>43272644
>Right then
>It's noon-ish
>The early autumn sun is shining
>Ponies are going about their day
>And you got shit to do

>The double doors of Ponyville Town Hall/Billing Center/Small Claims Court/Sandwich Shoppe/Insurance Cartel Headquarters swing open
>As you cross the threshold, the soundscape changes.
>Wind and casual chatter become typewriters and quiet, formal dialogue. New instruments playing the same melody.
>Wow that's a lotta ponies. You figured the local government would be swamped lately but DAYUM.
>On the right, Cheerilee is haggling with some sort of chalk czar. Or is the chalk czar haggling with her?
>To your left, a current of indignant pleading. Davenport stares up at a stony-faced low level bureaucrat, probably arguing over insurance claims.
>Not your business, much as you feel for the guy.
>...
>Where is the bursar?
>Town Hall always had a clerk who could take fines and utility payments in person! You look all around, three times, but where is he!?
>There's so many new windows, cubicles, clerks and clients crammed into this space now. Half the town needs some kind of disaster relief or insurance payout, and the resultant sea of supplicants is making it impossible to navigate.
>You can't even see the signs through all the pegasi filling the air like a feathery curtain!
>Fuckfuckfuck
>You're standing here like a tourist or something, talking to yourself and-
"Where is- hey! WATCH IT!"
>-and getting bumped into.
>Okay
>You have a simple solution here. Just announce that you're pregnant and the entire fucking room will file into a clear path for you.
>...No.
>Dammit.
>You're too in love with the idea of messing with Twilight. Plus you're nowhere near ready to deal with gossiping hens and belly-touchers and-
>Curse your shenanigans.
>It's fine, just back your ass into the wall and out of the way for a sec
>The water/power billing was here before the disaster. It's a permanent fixture so it's gotta be in the same place... that'd be way in the back. Fuck.

>Hmmm
>Idea!
>Didn't twilight make a force field dome or something?
>How did she-
>Your horn ignites.
>You have no idea how Twilight did it but it was probably too much math
>Your magic is clay. Squish it. Crimp it. Spin it until you have a bowl of force.
>...Wow that's tiring. Holy shit maybe you do need some pointers cuz Twilight makes it look so goddamn easy
>Yeah no this ain't gonna work. It barely covers your body and takes so much concentration you can't even move your legs.
>Sure would be helpful if a certain SOMEPONY could give you a little KICKSTART, huh?
>
>
>Another migraine, another craving beamed directly into your visual cortex.
>Filly wants: FISHBALL SUB.
>...Actually that does sound great, and the town hall cafeteria has a sandwich shop.
>THE COVENANT IS FORGED. GO NOW. BUT DO NOT RENEGE ON OUR AGREEMENT.

>>43273867
>The shock to your system is invigorating this time. The static charge punching your lower intestinal tract softens instantly and suffuses into your entire body.
>A cone of green light solidifies in front of you- a cowcatcher.
>Party time.
"Scuze me! Pardon me!"
>Ponies go flying as you charge through the crowd
"Comin' through!"
>You can feel something triggering every time they get hit- they're not hitting the ground, just gently falling onto their hooves
"Sorry! Got bills to pay!"
>Wait
>Now that you're actually thinking about it-
"Oh shit!"
>You don't cast "spells," dingbat. Remember?
>You become horrifically, painfully aware that you've been manually slowing down every victim
>Nothing is automatic
"Woaooooaaah-"
>Well, it was, until you centipede dilemma'd yourself
>Dumbass
>Anon's Globe of Personal Space fizzles out as the... whatever you want to call it wears off
>Thankfully, you're almost to the back wall
>Dodge that fat hambeast pony trying to get a loan for a dress
>Duck under some visiting full-size horse in a turban.
>Okay! Made it!
>I STILL EXPECT REPAYMENT IN FULL, MOTHER.
>Your stomach growls for emphasis.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll get it on the way out. Because *I* want one!"
>WE ARE CURRENTLY A SINGLE ORGANISM, MOTHER. MY NEEDS ARE YOURS. YOU WILL COMPLY REGARDLESS.
>Argh
>No time for another existential doom spiral, you got bills to-
>A sign over the former bursar's window states: "PONYVILLE EMERGENCY FASHION FUND. FOR UTILITY PAYMENTS PLEASE GO TO SECOND FLOOR, ROOM ONE."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

>It's fine, it's fine
>There's two sets of stairs- one up front, one in the back
>You don't have the mental or magical reserves to do the battering ram thing again, so back stairs it is.
>Room one... so it's at the front. Fine, that's FINE.
>Something about it feels off, though-
>A sense of.. not quite dread, but awkward tension clouds your mind as you climb the stairs
>What are you so afraid of?
>The answer comes into view at the top: You'll have to cross right in front of Mayor Mare's office
>You've been avoiding her.
>Not taking work when she sends orders.
>Even before you knew you were pregnant
>How much of that fucking race does she remember? You don't know, you don't want to know-
>It's fine, act casual, stroll on by, it doesn't matter if she remembers you fucking up and almost getting her enslaved to a yak ha ha hA HAAHAA
>"Oh, Anon, I was starting to get- uh- okay-"
>Her voice recedes into the background noise, until it doesn't
>"Anon?" Loud and clear. You freeze, slowly turning your head-
>Her head is poking out of her doorway, looking right at you. That's concern on her face, right?
"...yeah?"
>"Are you... okay? I've been trying to hire you but you wouldn't answer your door, you didn't respond to letters- the orphanage could really use some new beds- we've got some guys fixing that wing but you doing the furniture would free them up.. for..."
>She squints at the bill sticking out of the top of your bag.

>>43273924
>"...Contractor discount?"
>The squint intensifies
>Ha ha ha it's hot in here
"Heh- yeah- uh-"
>Wow your shirt collar is tight and you're not even wearing a shirt
>Come on, just go back into your office, ignore the potential fraud or nepotism or whatever going-
>"OH, that must be why- well, don't let me get in the way of one of Ponyville's essential workers!"
>Mayor Mare laughs as her head retracts back through the doorway
>Phew


>Okay, where is the- there it is!
>Nobody in line.
>Nobody at the station right now, but there's no out to lunch sign or anything either.
>Guess you just wait?
>Dammit
>Now you feel bad
>You don't even know if you're breaking any rules, either- for all you know, helping stop the boiler from blowing was more than enough to legally be considered a contractor!
>But goddamn it feels bad
>Augh
>You can't do shit right now anyway!
>Well
>Your magic works fine and you can walk around almost as good as normal and-
>It's mostly just not being able to belly-crawl.
>You do that a lot in your professional life... Huh. Never thought of how much you need to crawl and bend around until now.
>Anyway
>Goddamn
>Where the fuck is-
>Well there's a bell. Try ringing that, fucktard?
>Ding ding
>"Commiiiiiiiiiiing"
>Wait
>Was that-
>Derpy's screwy eyes peer at you from across the counter. "Oh, hi Anon!"
"Derpy!?"
>"Yep!"
"...You're running the payment window now!?"
>"Yep! Well, whoever's available, but yep!"
"...You're a postal worker?"
>"I thought it was weird too, but Mayor Mare said that since I carry bills and checks all the time I'm basically already doing this job."
"Huh... Actually can't argue with that, I guess. So- gotta pay my utility bill."
>You slide the bill over and start counting out coins. 30 bits in the form of 3 10-bit copper coins.
>The mare, coins and bill disappear into the darkness behind the counter. The mare returns a moment later, with a ticket stub in her mouth.
>"Wow, your bill's pretty light. What's your secret?"
"I have a magic wagon with its own power generator so all I'm really paying for right now is my hot shower addiction."
>She laughs awkwardly. "Gee, my electric bill is higher than your whole bill. Even counting the discount..."
"...No, seriously, my bills have always been pretty light. The hell do you have in your house that uses that much power?? Not even my electric stove burns that much juice!"
>Oh fuck you yelled at The Derp
>You complete piece of-
>You must have a bad poker face, cause she puts you in an awkward head-only, long-distance hug before you can apologize. "Oh don't worry about it, the little one messes with your head, I know. Speaking of which, I won't tell anyone until you make an announcement. Mailmare's honor."
>Well
>That's a relief. Two, even.
>Still-
"Thanks, but I really am curious-"
>"Oh, I don't know. I think my cloud bed needs some kind of... word I can't pronounce or even remember or it drifts apart? Cuz it's made of wispy strato clouds..."

>>43272238
>Anonymares(sic)
Damn, it's actually official
>>43272308
Wait, is this the year of The Best Night Ever? This will be interesting.

>>43274268
Best Night Ever is one of my most loved and autistically screeching episodes so yeah

>>43273992
>So... really thin cloud bed?
>That sucks a ton of power?
>You know a lot about conventional electrical science, and a bit about Equestrian stupid magic lightning
>But this is stumping you
>Gah
>Fuck
>Swallow your pride and ask! You got shit to do!
>A quick glance reveals you're not holding up a line. Okay. Proceed with-
"Okay, sorry if this is prying or whatever, but what's so special about this bed?"
>"Uhhhh- it's all magnety? Feels great on my wings!"
"Wha-"
>"Yeah! This bed lets me really feel the electric charge in the cloud! You don't get that level of tackety... tictac-"
"Tactile?"
>"-Tactile energy in a normal cloud bed!"
>Hang on
>If this bed needs constant power to not disintegrate
>And most of the town lost power for at least a few days
>No no no this doesn't add up-
>It'd be much easier to think if you ate lunch
>Perhaps some brain food, even?
>Omega fatty acids, hmmm?

>THE FISHBALL SUB. WE YEARN FOR IT. YOU YEARN FOR IT.
>Ha
>Ha ha ha ha
>Junior
>IMAGINE THE GREASY CRUNCH OF FRIED POPCORN FISH
>Honey
>IMAGINE THE SMELL OF THE BREAD
>Child of mine
>THE ACRID BITE OF THE VINEGAR
>Your mother is autistic. Fishball sub is coming after we investigate this inane background detail.
>IMAGINE ME SHUTTING UPHEYDON'TIGNOREME-

>"Hey! Anon, HEY!"
"Wha-WHA WHA-"
>You snap out of a fugue with a start, glancing around for the source of the noise
>It's Derpy, right where you left her.
>Your mane is blown out a little, as if by wingbeats overhead.
>When did she leave? How long were you-
>The SCENT reaches your nose. You notice something on the counter that was not there last time you checked...
>A steaming fishball sub sits in a little waxed cardstock basket. Derpy is nibbling on something pressed thin.
>Wait
>FISHBALL?
>CONSUME
>Oh yeah no that's great
>Crunchy, fleshy, the sweet taste of dead animals in a package socially acceptable to ponies-
>And a bit of malt vinegar
"How did you know I wanted one?"
>"Uhhh-" She looks up from her tomato and daisy panini, head cocked, face somewhat worried.
"What?"
>"You were staring down at the sandwich kiosk, rubbing your hooves like a fly, talking to yourself in a little demon goblin voice or something."
"Oh. I was saying that out loud?"
>"Yep. I was about to get you a lozenge until I heard you saying fishballs over and over..."
"Ah.. heh... how much do I owe you?"
>"Pfft, nothing. Unless you want me to pay for all the muffins..." Derpy looks bashful, almost afraid. "You don't... do you?"
"Course not- even if I did, I'd have to start keeping track and I'm not doing that."
>Well
>You're done eating, just standing-
>Bit awkward.
>"Uh- I don't mind the company when there's nopony in line, but you really don't have to stay here with me you know. Honest. It's ok to dine and dash!"
>Yeah, why ARE y-
>The cloud bed. Your autism. Right.
>You REALLY need to see her bed for some reason. Bad enough that you want an excuse to see her house.

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While Anon navigates bureaucracy, Trixie debuts her newest act on stage:

Boop

>>43274887
>You're not a freak!
>You're not looking for blackmail!
>You just hate having an incomplete puzzle in your head!
>D'oh
>Stop being a dipshit
>Try the Apple Way!
"Say, do you think I could check out your bed? Kinda bugging me that I can't picture it in my head."
>She shrugs. "It's just a bed, but I don't mind showing it off I guess? Oop-" A clock whistle interrupts her. "That's my shift over!"
>Derpy ducks beneath the counter, coming back up with-
>Actually you don't know what changed
>Something is off, though.
>Your neck feels lighter
>Derpy looks around. "Aaaand I don't see anypony to take this post! Lucky you, guess you're the last customer of the day?"
>Waaait
>You saw something while her head was turned.
"DERPY!"
>"GAAH WHAT!?"
"Why is my coinpurse stuck to your mane!?"
>"IT IS!? GET IT OFF!"
>You try grabbing with your mouth and it hurts your teeth.
>Yeah that's a no go. It's stuck on tight.
"The fuck you use for shampoo!? Anaconda glue!?"
>"NOT SINCE 50 YEARS AGO I PROMISE!"
>What follows is several minutes of contorting and close contact with a mare. It's awkward and slightly offputting.
>It's not like Derpy's ugly or anything- quite the opposite
>Rather, you don't know if she's into it, and your wife isn't here to be ok with it, and you're still lacking any sexual desire so the awkward intimacy is more of a scientific observation than a true experience for you.
"Gah! Grab that column and hold on tight!"
>"Grabbing!"
>You've now got one hoof on Derpy's back, both your forehooves on the pouch, and your magic field folded into a prybar-like shape for good measure
>You're so close to her now that it's making your blood feel weird
"HNNNNNNG!"
>Finally!
>You go careening backwards, in a manner you'd planned for, with your fat ass braking against the wall without anything more than a mild soreness
>Right away, you notice your purse isn't jingling as much as normal
>Looking inside, you can see the iron 20s all stuck together and those tenners are...
>No. Copper doesn't magnetize! COPPER DOES NOT MAGNETIZE!
"DERPY. WHY ARE MY COPPERS MAGNETIZED!?"
>"Coins just stick to me! I don't know why! I wasn't trying to steal it, I swear!"
>Sigh
"Yeah, I didn't think so. I'm not mad at you, I'm... kind of terrified at whatever's going on."
>"Well, I'm off for the rest of the day unless we get a priority long-haul package, so come by whenever if you still care about my bed?"
"Yeah, sure. Uh- stay away from my car, please, I don't need my tools flying off with you."

>>43275626
I'm invested in this story, keep it up!

>>43275626
>Derpy being attractive figuratively and literally
I just don't know what went wrong!
>It's actually a mystery

>>43273232
Anonmare has a nice flank.

>>43276336
Buy an ad already.

give me a bunch of Anonmare artists that I can look up

>>43276616
Sadly she doesn't seem nearly as popular as Filly Anon. Pony Quarantine and Jargon Scott are the OGs and Clerical Error is the guy who's been posting those dreamlike pieces here lately.

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>>43270023

>>43276735
That's a lot of chicken nuggies.

>>43277072
For you

>>43277477
Office Worker Anonmare, working her hardest!

>>43275626
>Oh no
>Opening your mouth just now was a mistake-
>There goes your purse again!
"Crapcrapcrapcrap-"
>Derpy yelps as she's beaned in the face with a sack of coins.
>>"What in the wide world of Equestria is going on out here!?"
>You look down the... hall? Balcony? Hallcony? at a stern-faced and fed-up Mayor Mare.
>Glance to Derpy, rubbing her red-sore cheek
>Back to Mayor Mare
"She's magnetic or something?"
>>She sighs heavily. "Okay, and, WHY hasn't she touched the static discharge plate?"
>"The what now?"
"The what now?"
>>Mayor Mare delicately removes her glasses, stows them in a hard leather case, tucks them into a pocked inside her cravat-collar, and facehoofs. Hard.
>>"For the love of- the thing we're required by law to have? For PRECISELY this eventuality!?"
>You and Derpy stare blankly-
>There's that cricket again
>
>
>>"DERPY! How do you not know this!? Did you even read-"
>Derpy's wings ruffle long before her scowl twists into being. Instinctually, you back up a few paces.
>"READ WHAT!? YOU BASICALLY DRAFTED ME OFF THE STREET ON ONE OF THE FEW DAYS OFF I'VE BEEN GETTING LATELY!"
>>Mayor Mare opens her mouth, and shuts it as Derpy's shadow falls over her
>"AND BEFORE YOU SAY YOU'VE BEEN OVERWORKED, NO YOU HAVEN'T! YOU SIT IN YOUR OFFICE ALL DAY, GIVING ME HEART ATTACKS WHEN YOU TRICK ME INTO DEMOLISHING A BUILDING OR TOUCHING EVIL SLIME, HAVING TWO GOONS PULL ME IN HERE TO WORK A SECOND JOB-"
>>Again, Mayor Mare- shrinks against the hallcony safety fence as Dorp advances
>"I KNOW LEADERSHIP IS A JOB, I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN SIGNING PAPERS AND WHAT NOT, BUT IT TAKES SOME NERVE TO GET IMPATIENT WITH A MARE WHO'S OUT IN THE SHIT ALL DAY HAULING THREE TIMES HER OWN WEIGHT IN INSURANCE PAPERWORK 6 DAYS A WEEK WHEN ALL YOU DO IS PUSH PENS AND LICK PLOT!"
>Goddamn that was all in one breath??
>>"D-d-d-derpy I just- there's safety pap-" shrinking into the fence as Derpy gets up in her face
>"I DIDN'T GET ANY KIND OF LITERATURE! IF THERE'S SOMETHING I NEEDED TO KNOW, WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK WHY I HAVEN'T SIGNED ANYTHING SAYING I KNOW IT???"
>
>
>Derpy trails off, chest heaving with ragged breaths
>>Finally, Mayor Mare has the wherewithal to respond: "Uh- it gives the energy in your wings a place to go? So... t-t-this doesn't happen?" She makes a sweeping gesture at your coinpurse stuck to Derpy's face, and some sparkly bits under her feathers you hadn't noticed before.
>>"I-i-i-t's right under your side of the counter, on the left."
>The gust of wind from Derpy flap-jumping backwards, clear over the counter in one go, nearly launches you over the fence.
>Some shuffling and grunting as Derpy prods around with her front-
>"YEOW!"
>A loud pop and flash. Derpy's mane stands on end, accompanied by the tinkling of paper clips, coins, nails and carpentry tools fall to the floor.
>She gently slides your coinpurse over the counter, the motion of which causes a loud THUNK as a railroad tie falls out of her mane.
>>"....Better?"

>>43277072
They're hay nuggies.

>>43277806
>"What would be better?"
>>"Uh- your little outburst? Surely you were..."
>>She starts shaking and shrinking again when Derpy leans over the counter like a panther overlooking a goat covered in bbq sauce.
>>"-That is to say, er-"
>"Fed up at you blaming me for your own incompetence. Those are the words you're looking for, not 'in a bad mood because i'm burdened' nor 'too dumb to read the papers.'"
>Mayor Mare chuckles nervously. Derpy continues- "My shift ended, and I never signed anything for this job, and you know what? I don't think I'll be back tomorrow, so either you find somepony, or do it yourself, or explain to your voters why the bills THEY HAVE PROOF OF PAYING never got to the plant office."
>>The mayor is flopping buckets of sweat, eyeing you desperately, still backed into the railing.
"Hey, don't look at me- I got MY proof of payment right here. I know we got a good relationship but I can't say I'd be happy about my hot water being cut off."
>>And back to the grey death. "Eh, hehe- I guess maybe I should... lead by example? Stay late tonight?"
>And as quickly as it came, the anger roils off like steam. Derpy's back to her usual bubbly self, and you follow her out in stunned silence.
>It's much easier going out than in- some of the crowd has thinned for a late lunch (clock says 12:30) and those who remained are preemptively avoiding Derpy's ire
>The double doors creak open again. Slam shut. The ambient hoofbeats turn from hardwood knocking to soft thuds on grass and trundling wagon wheels. Pencil scratchings and calculator dings turn to distant birdsong. The quiet murmur changes from desperately-trying-not-to-yell-at-the-clerks to general pony noise.
>You have successfully paid your bill! (Assuming Mayor Mare doesn't fuck it up)

>Wait
>Shit, Derpy is getting away! She's already almost off the town hall porch... thing.
>Trod along the wooden platform, call out before she takes off!
"Hey, wait a sec
>She looks back at you, slightly annoyed and confused but not angry. "Um, right now isn't a good time to see my bed, I wasn't going straight home."
"Oh- no, I wasn't- just a couple questions."
>She says nothing, but tucks her wings and turns around to face you properly.
"So uh- first off, what's up with you and her?-"
>She snorts, you panic, you attempt to placate.
"No no no I'm not taking sides I'm just- I've never seen you get that angry, kind of worried about you?"
>Relaxation. Success!
"Not to mention, now I'm wondering if she coulda screwed me on something?"
>A heavy sigh. Ass plants on the wooden deck. "No, no, she's not corrupt. I'd know and I'd've already turned her head to paste for it. It's personal stuff- personal as in it's entirely between us, not that I care if it's secret. Uh-"
>She rolls her eyes, putting a wingtip to her mouth, thinking of how to start.
>"Yeah I got no nice way of saying it- she's kind of a bitch to me and I bucking had it back there."
"R-really?"

>>43277891
>"Yeah- well, no, maybe 'bitch' is too strong, but she's always drafting me for extracurricular horseapples."
"To be fair, that's already enough to justify hating her to me. 'Course, you work for the government and I... actually I think I technically do now? Fuck."
>"Eh, I can always say no. The post office works for the crown, not whatever town your distro center happens to be in."
"Then why don't you?"
>"I like being helpful? Civil service is my job, silly...." She trails off in thought. Her shoulders sag a bit- "Okay, I guess I do have a problem, not being able to say 'no' as often as I should..."
"I got at least one other friend who knows what that's like."
>"Yeah. Honestly, it'd be fine, usually it is. It's just- it's a vicious cycle. Sometimes she catches me when I'm about ready to scream, then either I screw up because of that or I screw up because she assumed I knew something I didn't, and then she gets more exasperated and the next time she bugs me she walks on eggshells and that makes me more mad and tired and- yeah. It's been a cycle of driving each other crazy. I can't put ALL the blame on her cuz, y'know, I DO need to just tell her no."
"Okay, if she thinks you're a constant screwup, why's she even-"
>"Well, lately it seems like I'm, uh, far from her first choice? Besides, it's not... ENTIRELY a personal problem?"
>She goes a little quieter, talks a bit slower. "I've got some kinda head injury from the guard, s'why my eyes won't sit right-"
"You were-"
>"Oh, yeah, I took a lucerne to the face meant for Celestia. Had the best homing sense in the service until some griffon with a hammer knocked a few screws loose..."
>Sigh. "Now I need that special bed to screw 'em tight every night..."
>Derpy takes a deep breath. You can hear the faintest hint of suppressing a sob. "And I started to feel worse right after hitting that plate, so I need to go home and nap or I'll get lost... yeah. Honestly? Thanks for stopping me from taking off, I forgot and that woulda been bad."
>She droops. You throw a hoof over her shoulders and hug tight.
"You want me to come with you? I'm not doing much and nothing time sensitive."
>"O-oh, no, I can still read street signs just fine, I just can't orient in the air so good. I mean, I guess I'm a little dizzy and clumsy, but- Actually, yeah, I'd appreciate it. Thanks."
>You both sit on the deck in companionable silence for a moment.
>A stallion, evidently having been waiting behind you, gets huffy and makes a show of walking around you
"So."
>"You said it was a couple of questions?"
"Wh- oh, right, yeah- you've been to Fluttershy's in the last day or two, right?"
>"Uh huh?"
"You remember that pit I had my wagon over? Is that still there? I need to do some work on the wheels and I REALLY can't be crawling too low right now, y'know?"
>"Ohhh- yeah, well, mostly? I think? I mean, actually, why not just ask her to arrange for a pit at your house?"
>Well-
>You got nothing.
"...Why not, indeed?"

>>43274978
funny looking liquid

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ed3DLfI7iBo
>mystery mare
>question mark
>not as it seems
>special needs
>queen in green
Based on the lyrics alone I'd swear this guy is an anonmarebro. One of his other songs is even called "anon mare returns". The anon mare in question however is a little stand-outish. Purple suits her but it's strange seeing an anonpony now without the black mane. Makes me think of a pic I saw where an OC takes off a wig and boom it's Anonmare. I suppose there is a distinction between Anonmare as her own concept and anon mares- mares that are anons, or anonpony OCs (which is in the same vein as being a namefag). The design for an alicorn anonmare that was Cadance's sister was cool, with the unique heart-themed question cutiemark. I feel like I'm dismantling Theseus' Mare here. At what point is an anonmare no longer an anonmare? How far can you shift the scale between uniformity and individuality? And why am I overthinking this?
Sorry, my autism was triggered, she's a cute mare either way

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>>43278620
>exhibit A

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>>43278620
>exhibit B

>>43278620
>>43278624
>>43278626
We must go deeper into her pussy

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>old anonmare I found while archive diving
>>43278627
I'm in too deep already!

>>43278631
Woah, cute mare

>>43278631
very green anonmare

>>43279148
Green as greentext

>>43277996
"Wait, I gotta grab my car from the train station-"
>"Oh, that's on the way to my house! Kinda..."
"Really?"
>"Anon, that'd be a silly thing for me to lie about you know."
"Yeah- I know-"
>"You should let me haul it!"
"HER. And, I kinda wanna get her fixed ASAP so-"
>"Nah, I'll only need to lie down for a few minutes, trust me."
"Derpy, it's-"
>"Nope!"
"Nope!?"
>"I'd be a bad mare if I let you haul such a heavy thing right now, and is it really such a good idea to drive her right now?"
"Well... We got into town just fine!"
>The look of mild disappointment she gives you hurts more than any physical impact
"I guess, if YOU'RE offering- but-"
>"Okay!"

>Then it's decided
>Off to see the bed! The wonderful bed of Derp!
>It's a tame walk
>Tame by normal standards, even. Not just Ponyville standards.
>The train station isn't far at all, and you only have to turn Derpy around once on the way.
>You do end up needing to shoo that same colt away. He's splayed over your windshield.
>Trixie left her harness hitched, so all Derpy has to do is slip it on.
>You start to ask if her wings are okay, but she stops you. "Yeah, don't worry- it's a little tight but that'll just stop me from trying to take off."
>A little maneuvering, and you're off. The guard tries to stop you, but having the leys on you is proof enough for him.

>As you're passing by houses, Derpy speaks up. "Little one giving you trouble?"
>You wait a moment before answering
>
>No? Not gonna do something?
"...Nope. Not since the fishball sub. Thanks, by the way."
>"Don't mention it!"
>
>
>A few minutes later, out of the corner of your eye, you catch the crusaders storming the gates of Carousel Boutique
>Interesting
>
>
"So... you were in the royal guard?"
>Sigh. "Technically? I signed up to be a skirmisher for the army but turns out our chain of command is a giant sopping wet pile of spaghetti?"
"Huh."
>"What? Is that all?"
"I guess? I know better than to pry, but if you WANNA talk, feel free?"
>"Yeah, I'd rather not. You know The Event."
"Fair enough."
>
>
>
>A couple of pee breaks later-
"So, post office works for Raven Inkwell?"
>"Yep. Part of her duties is handling palace messaging, I guess they shrugged and said 'she's the postmistress.' It's more ceremonial I think? We actually have a dedicated postmaster general, but if Ms. Inkwell ever wanted to she technically could boss him around?"
>
>
>
>"Okay, we're here!"
>Derpy's cute little townhouse looms directly ahead
>>A little filly leans out of the top window- "MOMMY!"
>Oh fuck she's adorable
>And she's not even your kid
>Your kid will be ten times cuter
>CORRECT
>>She leans out even harder, pointing harsh at Remmie behind her mother. "What's THAAAT?"
>hnnnnnnnnng
>"DINKY WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT- AAAAAAA"