Come one and all to the meta-writefag and help raise the quality of MLP fanfiction! Featuring: It just a tool, you guys, I swear!ITT: Remember not to give up, Sunset's veiny purple fifth leg, Rainbow Dash kisses mares and dies, Rainbow Dash kisses mares and lives, biographies about being a pathetic loser, extensive belly button fetishisms, spoonfeeding is my fetish, Luna has train-tism, regularly fucking Starlight to save Equestria, Twilight hates Latinos, and the site is broken again!>/fimfic/ Secret Book ClubThe one hundred and seventy-sixth book is: The Unrequited Thespian + Measuring Up to My Marefriend:https://www.fimfiction.net/story/578488/the-unrequited-thespianhttps://www.fimfiction.net/story/589572/measuring-up-to-my-marefriendIf (You) want to participate, read the whole story by Sunday, June 7th.>Recommended stories:Tired of adventures that meander for a million words? Fed up with super special OCs? Well, we've compiled the best of the worst in order to bring you our absolute average!New Starter Kit - http://mlpficreviews.org.uk/starter/Old Starter Kit - http://i.imgur.com/vuTA7EN.png (embed)>Common fic abbreviations used by the thread:https://ponepaste.org/7317>A list of reviews made by the Anons in this thread:http://www.mlpficreviews.org.ukUse the commands ">review <story link>" and ">discuss <story link>" to add reviews to a story.Userscript for extra features: https://ponepaste.org/8619>An in-depth writing guide for beginners:https://eznguide.neocities.org/>Additional material for authors:Rhorse's Horse Behavioral Notes - https://ponepaste.org/932Politics and the English Language - https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit/Vhatug's tips for anatomically correct clop - https://poneb.in/g4VpEg4fPurdue Online Writing resources: https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/index.html and https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/subject_specific_writing/creative_writing/writers/index.html>Can you pre-read my story?Post it on Google Docs or HackMD with comments enabled and give us a link.>Various reviews and riffs:Fillyanon's Bookshelf - https://ponepaste.org/5555Notkickass222urmom's Reviews - https://pastebin.com/u/notkickass222urmomIHeartShinzakura's Reviews - https://ponepaste.org/user/IHeartShinzakuraAppleanon reads fics - https://poneb.in/wmGX7FPmDeluxe Big Master Review List - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1z9Bz7UnEbxo-svlXa2tV49PJkP-yFuR7pRXiBUn-IeUA Guide to Rational Fics - https://files.catbox.moe/3jzrfm.png (embed)Previous Thread: >>43249985
>On the other hand, Kassaz’s writing style is kind of bland. There’s no effort to generate the atmosphere that would be needed to make this kind of story work, either as pornography or as a horror.
>>43284856>expecting good writing from a fetishist
Tuna is gross. Twilight should just go away and let Mooney be with me.
2+2th for best 2uo!Enjoy this conveniently packaged Tuna: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/224306/i-watch-the-moon
>>43284876Twilight should get wholesomely impregnated by the bat pony guard Luna insisted on giving to her.
>>43284952Fixed that pesky thing in the corner
>>43285057Nuh uh, you misspelled purple and she's supposed to be there.
>>43285278Any good fics about Mac forced into a fatherly role at a young age?
>>43285564https://www.fimfiction.net/story/66372/her-brother-doesnt-talk-much
>>43284167I've tried plenty. No success.
>>43285646Oh, neat. Thanks.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/591339/preserves>be me>realized there aren't any stories I can think of that pair Granny and Celestia>new GrannyxCelestia story is one of the first results when I checkCoincidence? Obviously yes. I don't even know if it is good yet.
>>43286068To me it kind of works as a ship, at least in terms of something interested to explore. You see a lot of stuff of the alicorns outliving their friends and lovers, you don't really see it when said friends or lovers are super old. Mostly because geezer sex is gross.
>missed the prompting loser's posts last threadSad.>>43284856>>43284858I just think he didn't care for the story, but even then, I'm getting better. I recently finished the longest chapter I've written so far at 7,808 words, and it really wasn't that long, but I wrote it in less time and with less hardship than I've written stuff a quarter of that length. Most of it's not even fetishistic, just Twilight having an episode.Thanks for thinking about me; I'll keep working hard to improve.
>seven HiEs and an EqG in the boxI don't know why I even bother looking anymore.>>43284856>either as pornographyUnless the reviewer (I'm assuming it's the Paul guy) has the fetish, it is incredibly hard to tell what the correct "atmosphere" is that's needed to arouse its intended audience. It's almost assuredly a shit horror fic, though. I've yet to encounter or write a fetish fic that was able to flawlessly both do its fetish and the actual plot that was being dragged along.>>43286068>anthro cover art for a pony ficA rare reversal of that one anon's problem.
>>43286114I think you make it a Celestia POV or nake it a flashback to make broaden the appeal. Family Appreciation Day also makes me thinks it works as a flashback. The only hurdle is deciding if younger Granny Smith would have a different name or not.
>>43286643Ponify Maria Ann.
Which horsewords authors do this?
>>43286825Ask LLMs for writing advice? Everyone, if we're being honest.
>>43286829Hey, it's not writing advice. It's looking up trivia on highly specific subject matter that comes up in my story, which would be extremely difficult to google and for which I previously would just have to mostly wing it/infer details from vague info available online and risk exposing that I am a hack writing about something I have no practical experience with.
>>43286829>>43286837I just use it for Latin and Ye Olde English so people think I'm smarter than I really am.
>>43286837I mean, it is googling, with extra steps and spicy hallucinations. If the answer is truly difficult to google, a chat bot will never find it.
>>43286892Yeah, but consider that a chat bot can come up with more plausible-sounding bullshit than a layman.
>>43286892>If the answer is truly difficult to google, a chat bot will never find it.You underestimate how bad Google is these days. You're right for free models, but Claude has saved my ass a few times at work by digging up blogs that were hard to find even when I went looking for them later on.
>>43286829>t. slop “writer”
>>43286829I only use LLMs for highly questionable rp.
>>43286986You are literally me
>http://xahlee.info/emacs/emacs/emacs_abbrev_mode.htmlI still have no idea how anon finds this useful for his fics.
>>43286998I considered Emacs for my fanfics before deciding Obsidian was enough.
>>43286999>ObsidianNever tried it. As far as I can see, it's closed source worse Org Mode and the only benefit is that it integrates with shit like your phone.
>>43286986I swear GPT has given me a fetish for reddit writing.
>>43287013The thing I hate most about it is how it constantly shits out random silly details every five seconds when describing stuff. Like its idea of worldbuilding is to namedrop concepts without following through on them.
Hey writefags, please, I seek your aid.The original thread is circling the drain, but I beg you to preserve this shitty idea.>43285852>The face when you as the immortal monarch of the land.>Do the whole emperors new cloths thing as a lewd exhibitionist prank.>Oh shit, ponies don't question it, they copy you instead.>Fashion makes "how to look good with little" the new trend.>Some overly loyal but quack scientists spark rumors that cloths can make you sick in anything more than odd accessories.>Thisisgettinghot.PNG>Sister doesn't play along however, insisting on full regalia and armor.>Shirts vs skins becomes the main social strife of the age.>Nightmare moon happens!>Now to stay fully dressed is akin to treason.>I'm in too deep.>Can't turn back now, ponies died in that war, all because of a joke.>lockIn.mp4>After a few hundred years ponies forget being dressed was ever a thing.>But you remember,>Pepperidge farm remembers.Extra thought, 1000 moons later, Sis is back, cloths gone due to moon dust wear and tare +1 rainbow lazer. Now you have to explain to reformed teenage sister that she now is the weird one, and that she has to stay stripped or be suss?Can someone make this a real greentext, seems like a fun premise.Can one of you turn this into an actual piece of comedy fiction? The idea got lodged in my brain and won't leave me alone, but I'm dyslexic as hell and write like a concussed toddler. There's no way I can do it justice myself.Please. Someone with actual talent, take a crack at it.
>>43287234Sounds like you're halfway there already, bud.
>>43287234You already did it. You told a complete story with a beginning, middle, and end. It has a plot arc and characterization. It doesn’t need anything more.If you want to expand it, though, that’s fine too. But that’s going to have to be your job, because nobody else knows what’s in your head. Even if you try to explain, it’s not going to come out the way you want unless you do it yourself.
>my talent for planning out scenes in my head and essentially prewriting them so I just need to type them out is a direct result of my tendency to overly plan and mentally rehearse conversations as a coping mechanism for my strain of 'tism
>>43287709>my talent for planning out scenes in my head and essentially prewriting themYou meanAn outline?
Guys does anyone else write down all the characters, dialogue, scenes, and the plot of your story before you start writing it?
>>43287810I usually try to get my stories proofread before I start writing them.Just to be sure.
>>43287802No. I don't really ever have a proper outline beyond a vague mental idea of where I want to go which is inherent and almost coinciding with having an idea for a story. I mentally type out scenes word by word and line by line and figure out what works while doing other stuff and then I just copy the results on the page.
>>43287810Pretty much, yeah. It’s worked for me so far. With the proviso that things often change after I start writing them, and for some stories I don’t go back and change the outline to make it consistent. If the story is short then it’s not worth the trouble.
I can't tell if this discussion is ironic or not
>>43286998It's just autocorrect. You type "equ" and it'll autocorrect it to "Equestria", "ts" becomes "Twilight Sparkle", etc. If you have a lot of long words, nouns, etc. it can cut down on typing time. Of course, in something like Word, it's a nice and easy find/replace UI and you don't have to make a fucking notepad code file you save in the file directory. Reason #86863 why people will let Microsoft rape them instead of using FOSS.>>43286999>uses MarkdownThe inability to natively center or right align text baffles me. This is something printing presses in the 1600s were able to do. Who doesn't include such basic text editing features in their markup language?
>>43288123I didn't think of or realize that.
>>43288123>typing something else as a shorthand Programmingshit that's poisonous to your ability to actually write properly.
>>43287810I usually wordvomit a long summary of how I want it to go, then follow that when I start actually writing. The final story almost always ends up being very different from the summary but it’s nice to have a general idea of where I want things to go.
So, I've finished another commissioned chapter, and now I'm finally working on a story I started in late 2024 and didn't touch much in 2025. How's your writing going? I've got a commissioner who loves Eris, so I've been thinking about her more than I expected; I no longer think I'll just finish up my current stories and then leave her be for a while.
>>43288684I've been working on a Shiboyugi ripoff/fixfic.
Living the 5'11" life in,>/FSBC/Size difference fags are eating good today. I think the writer enjoyed himself far too much writing this, especially the sequel. Or perhaps exactly enough, because yeah, it was fun. Can't blame Celestia for having a (good) type.Honestly, though, I believe the fic is just kind of quite good. Kind of like last week's fic in that it's not trying to be an epic adventure or over-the-top emotional drama. I know I say that a lot whenever we see a nice non-adventure oneshot, but I think it's important to recognize when SoL'y fics are good, too.Kind of reminded me of Twice as Bright a few times because of Celestia and the similar tone of the fic. It was an enjoyable read no matter how you look at it, I think. The grammar is good (I've spotted a handful of slip-ups, but the fic is written well enough to make me question my error-spotting instincts), and more importantly, the cozy romance mood is conveyed nicely. It's nice that both of these fics are more or less centered on a single event instead of trying to develop the full romance story of these two ponies—it gives the stories the time they need to get into Coco's head and not rush the pacing. The early parts of the first fic also do a good job establishing the setting, avoiding the common SoL+Romance issues of two ponies sitting in an empty room with set dressing. The fic is very funny when it tries to be, too, without getting unfunny and tiring like [Comedy]. The box, kek.Obviously, the specter of the Adversary hangs over the fic. I actually made it like 20 pages in before realizing it's not meant to be an AU, but rather H*ber's nightmare setting. I'd like to say that it's understandable in the context of the story the author wanted to write (2x Bright used Pinkie's Pinkieness to work around the issue of the crown, but Coco would have a harder time), but it still made me frown at the memory whenever the fic drew attention to h*ber's seasons. The worst was when the sequel randomly has Gallus show up. Gross. Notably, though, I was very impressed that he managed to work one of the show's worst episodes into a central plot of a good story. I alluded to this before, but a good romance fic must have good characterizations. This one does deliver. More so for Celestia, who, in a stroke of meta-level irony, steals the spotlight from the cute designer a lot. Not in a bad way and certainly not maliciously, but she's obviously the more interesting character, and her actions and implied thoughts are very nice and very Celestia. Coco is, indeed, very cute, however! Also a shout-out to Luna, who does what Lunas are wont to do and steals the spotlight from her sister in turn. I enjoyed the integration of the 'contemporary' idioms. The M6 in the first were rather decorative, and I'm not really sure why that one scene is even there.So, I liked it quite a lot! It joins 2xBright, K'awka, and the marble-minuette fic as the fourth champion of the cozy SoL Romance sub-genre for me.
>>43289210This story is fine. It doesn't feel like it quite gets there in terms of cuteness for me, but that could be an artifact of the pairing. Overall, it reads a bit like a first draft where things don't quite line up in the way I expect or take a roundabout path to get there which gets annoying (I wanted to give up at the corruption of the Ship of Theseus). Considering that it was written for a contest that makes sense, though I wish some parts were expanded on like the idea of being a beginner at something. I admit that it was hard for me at points to accept that Celestia, as old as she is, wouldn't understand that being a beginner means being shit at something until you build up skills. At least just make her angry that she isn't performing as well as she thinks she should (which is alluded to at one point but mostly fizzles out), or have her acknowledge that she forgot what it was like to be a beginner.Big!Twilight and Celestia writing an autistic amount of notes on her interests are excellent, though.I couldn't be bothered to read the second fic since that seemed like just 13k of relationship issues with the same meandering writing as the first, but I'll probably come back to it when I get bored at work.
>>43289210TUT>Celestia hiding in a fake rockkek, and very good scene. Especially for setting the tone early>Celestia the thirty something librarianHot>coco is celestia's clippy>Celestia wants to stop practicing>coco: nonono keep going, keep professing your love for me. I mean Longshore. You're doing much better!>"Y-you're bigger than Celestia now."Fucking KEK. The Unrequited Thespian was very good. Seemed very pony and lighthearted. I really liked Coco lowering Celestia's disguise and then just checking again. Also Celestia's confession was nice. Very cute.MutmM>coco getting swept away in the current of covers and getting dragged into cuddles>coco needs magical scaffolding to dress up Celestiakek, I instantly pictured the kerbals walking around the catwalks when building a rocket in ksp>climbing her special kitchen steps onto the counter top>twilight is turning into a giraffe>Coco found herself surrounded by a forest on all sides.>Luna summons the royal doorframe of height measurementFucking kek>A/Ns keep calling me lonelyBrutal. This story is a bit different than TuT. It gets a bit ridiculous but I guess thats part of the fun or the fetish. Needing steps to get onto the kitchen counter to peer into a bowl is crazy, and certainly not the same size we were at in the first fic. It kinda reads like Fae was forced to not write about a foal so he just wrote about a foal sized mare dating a huge mare so he could get the same scenes. Also if Twilight was getting huge, wouldn't Tia and Luna have been shrinking? Anyways, I did like it quite a bit. Luna was great and I really liked the metaphors that came from Coco being much smaller than the world she's in. That said, there is definitely an undertone of fetishism to this that didn't exist in the first one (perhaps until you've read the 2nd one) and it does sort of spoil it a little bit I think. TuT is a much more normal fic. Also both fics were good and funny so of course [Comedy] is no where to be seen
>>43289210I read the first fic when it came out and didn’t reread it, so my memory may be faulty. I remember it being solid, with a nice concept and reliable execution. I don’t remember it making me particularly excited, but I do seem to have left an upvote.I didn’t like the second fic, which just seems to be an extended shitpost on the theme of “lol smol Coco.” It felt pointless. Well-executed for what it was, but it wasn’t much. I appreciate that hat it tried to give Coco some angst over being less than (in a literal way) her marefriend, but the resolution of that was just “she is a fetish sex toy and likes it.” Which really did nothing for me.
>>43289210>I think the writer enjoyed himself far too much writing this, especially the sequel.Certainly true in the sequel>The grammar is good (I've spotted a handful of slip-upsI only really noticed a couple at about the last 20% of the 2nd fic, which is weird. Maybe the very last part didn't get proofed or something>It's nice that both of these fics are more or less centered on a single eventYeah, it was nice and to the point (which is just playing around in the SoL zone)>without getting unfunny and tiring like [Comedy]kek yup>The worst was when the sequel randomly has Gallus show up. Gross.Yeah, kind of a jump scare when they look out of the train's window>Also a shout-out to Luna, who does what Lunas are wont to do and steals the spotlight from her sister in turn.Absolutely, the characters were great and Luna stole the show for pretty much the whole tea party>and the marble-minuette fic>Luna steals the show here>Limestone steals the show thereHmmmm>>43289221Interesting that you bounced off it this hard. It's just a cute mare doing cute things and a beeg mare that likes cute mares. And I think the story did spend time on being a beginner. Celestia specifically says she's embarrassed and also wouldn't want to actually be a beginner with any group of ponies since she thinks it might ruin their groups or careers. And I think she also doesn't really know how to build up her skills since she is the former princess and ponies have trouble critiquing her.Anyways, you missed out on the 2nd fic just quadrupling down on the size difference and Luna showing coco that Tia has a fetish.
>>43289221No love for fun-sized Coco? Calling it a first draft is imo pretty crazy. The 'roundabout way' is the fic, imo. Like, yes, you could expand (or trim) some of the parts, but I don't think it really matters to the story? The acting thing is mostly a pretense to get them to interact somewhere where Coco can show off her good side, but even so, I didn't feel like it was glossed over too much.>Ship of TheseusWould be the worst reference in the fic but Gallus materialized directly into the sequel just to take that bullet.>Celestia, as old as she is, wouldn't understandEh, it happens. She's extremely well-researched about the topic, so it's normal to feel like you're owed some minimum level of competence.>Big!Twilight and CelestiaSomehow neither of them is the best princess in this fic.>13k of relationship issues with the same meandering writingThe sequel is very different, actually. It's mainly about Coco being smol (ridiculously so), but also about her meeting Luna and the rest of pegacorns. There's comparatively less Celestia (by frequency, not volume). It's fun if you like the gimmick, although less of a "complete" romance fic than the first one.>>43289292>HotBetween this (and other Celestia descriptions) and the whole smol!Coco, the writer seems to know what he likes, ha ha.>The Unrequited Thespian was very goodAgreed, it was a nice ponyfic.>It gets a bit ridiculous but I guess thats part of the funOh, he definitely pulled out all the stops there: for fun (the box lmao), light emotional drama, and the appeal. Do keep in mind that the apartment was built-to-spec for specifically Celestia, so the kitchen counter is not at the usual height. Although the fic includes a few arguably more ridiculous scale moments, so you're not wrong. She's not foal-sized, though. Not THAT far, and that would be bad and not cute at all. The best comparison is when she's on Celestia and goes "huh, this is how foals feel on their parent's back", so in reality she's maybe like half a head shorter than most ponies. The measuring rod also registers her on the scale of normal ponies, just kinda very short compared to them, and therefore REALLY short compared to the big alabaster mare.>an undertone of fetishism to this Oh, definitely, and I'm not surprised it has 8 downboops. But it's like... more wholesome rather than gross? In this regard it's still not nearly as far gone as the (relatively nice) chapter our threadly pregbro wrote for last year's corpse, but kind of similar.And yes, Luna is great.>>43289310>It felt pointlessI think it's a worse story, but it was still fun and mostly cute. Angsty Coco and Luna carried much of it.
>>43289314>Interesting that you bounced off it this hardI didn't hate it or anything, it's just a classic case of me the reader wanting more depth on topics that the story simply doesn't have the time or space for.>the 2nd fic just quadrupling down on the size differenceHearing that the size_difference in the second fic leans more towards a comedic fetish angle does make me want to read it more.>>43289325It was just too much telling at points and I'm currently stuck in editing mode while working on my own project so that's likely bleeding through. I get that you have to move the story along sometimes, but I really hate stuff like "the news genuinely confused the alicorn" and "receiving such kind words from the former leader of Equestria burned Coco's face and ears red." Once every so often is fine, but when they come up enough for me to quickly scroll through and find two several paragraphs apart from each other is off-putting.
>>43289210What an adorable pair of stories!And ponies! It’s pretty dangerous to base a fic off of one of, if not the actual worst Celestia episodes in the show, and while I wish the fic had pulled a Triptych and just declared that Celestia can act, actually, it’s OK that it instead decided to capitalize so much on that one scene of Celestia dancing in place.Unrequited Thespian was pretty good. Besides all the entertaining sunny mare syndrome symptoms, the thing that struck me most about the story was how fast it went. It seemed like their first date conversation was quite heavy, certainly zooming through the character development.I was mildly annoyed that Celestia was apparently paying so much attention to Coco, but did not recognize that she was trying to step down as the organizer of the theater event. But, that and Celestia’s inability to act were pretty much the only downers for the whole story. Reading all of Coco’s unabashed praise for Sunbutt was a highlight througout.Measuring up was just silly. The author was clearly on a lark, and the portrayal of their difference in size completely leaves any attempt at show accuracy behind even from the cover art and description. Not[Comedy] fics keep winning here.The box and the forest metaphor were especially funny, and I like the idea that Celestia has a pool for a bath in her penhouse in every major city. The idea that she has a smol type is dumb, but Luna did a spectacular job delivering the punchline there. Overall, it was a very welcome surprise both to have Luna steal the show as she did, and also steal the relationship fixup from Cadence, due to her own intimate knowledge of Celestia’s proclivities.
>>43289210So, what are we reading next week?
>>43289386Agreed, yeah.>>43289771For once I didn't forget; I just have no idea tbdesu. I can throw a few fics off from the list, but I've been terribly busy these past couple weeks. I should populate the list some more soon(ish).https://www.fimfiction.net/story/92300/crisis-on-two-equestriashttps://www.fimfiction.net/story/375944/one-white-unicornhttps://www.fimfiction.net/story/57956/integration (possible gayfic [stallions] warning?)https://www.fimfiction.net/story/159465/brothers-and-sisters
>>43289807I'm for Crisis on two equestrias
>>43289807I reviewed Integration here, >>40158258 I don't know where you got the idea that it's M/M shipping. It would normally be good enough for a club fic except that Twiflag gets filtered by OC male MCs and OC casts. And the Glimmerflag who wanted to read it has left the club.I reviewed Brothers and Sisters here, >>40813772It's better than those Dash stinkers we read, I guess.I'm pretty sure I don't want to read any Unwhole Hole fics, I know I don't want to read Brothers and Sisters again. Integration would be fine if it's not just the two of us reading it.I'll put a different Raguos fic up too, https://www.fimfiction.net/story/190641/withdrawal
>>43289875OC casts are fine, and OC males are better with OC casts and not canon casts. That said, the OC cast is ideally mostly mares, but if there's a reason for it then it could be stallions. This fic seems fine (this is not me voting for it)
>>43289807Voting for the white unicorn.
>>43289807I'll vote for White Unicorn. Can't recall the last time I read a Fleur de Lis story.
>>43289807>Crisis on Two EquestriasI haven't read Lunaverse and I'm autistic where I'd prefer to have read Lunaverse before reading its spin-offs, despite what the description says.>One White UnicornCould be alright I guess.>IntegrationThis better not be a [Fetish] fic in disguise.>Brothers and SistersHer Soldiers We was pretty forgettable and this looks pretty similar going off the description.>>43289875>WithdrawalI think I'll vote for this one if it's allowed, post-Tirek magic-addicted Twilight sounds cool.If not, then voting One White Unicorn as well, but I'd request Withdrawal to be included in the next voting list.
I don't participate in the club, but Withdrawal is a great fic. You Anons should definitely put it on the list.
>>43289210I had to leave out early today and I couldn't post my write-up this morning fugfugfug>ThespianI have a hard time being objective with this story, because it targets my weaknesses. Not only is it a spotlight for a smaller character, it also has well-executed Princess shipping. The story is an easy read, very light, fluffy, and cute. Coco double-taking if Celestia is flirting with her? Cute. Celestia pranced giddily after helping with the show? Very cute. I like how the author uses punctuation to convey Celestia's funky line delivery, as well as her other little mannerisms. I appreciate the restraint the ending shows, having it end with a proposal for a first date. It feels very "new beginnings" and, before this story had a sequel, I thought it was a good ending.>Measuring UpThis entry feels a bit more indulgent.I think, since the original did all the work of building and selling Celly and Coco's relationship, the sequel gets the luxury of cashing in on them being a cutesy couple. I advise checking for cavity after reading, given how sweet and sugary the whole thing is. Also, dang, we are really laying it on thick with the size difference play here. It does serve a purpose, conveying how Coco feels small to compared to Celestia, not just physically. Just because your story has a size difference fetish and fetishist doesn't mean you can't use it for character development. I also thought Luna was well used in this story, her dynamic with Celestia being extra-sisterly, and was a highlight for me. First story is PG and this is closer to PG-13, easily with that ending.All-in-all, an enjoyable round of feel-good shipping.
