Previous thread: >>43189911IRC: irc.rizon.net #/mlp/AiEActive list: http://pastebin.com/mVG33ERX Master list (new and improved!): https://ponepaste.org/11293Completed Stories list: http://pastebin.com/QZ4PDe7g Stories Sorted by Pony: http://pastebin.com/GJyQquaY>rope's HD remastered thread archives: http://pastebin.com/Qg2dwzq0 >If a pastebin link is broken you can copy the string at the end of the url of a poneb.in link so pastebin.com/mVG33ERX becomes https://poneb.in/mVG33ERX>PiE Corner>Remember to tag all PiE Stories.PiE Author List: http://pastebin.com/Mgd0QuNy PiE image archives: http://derpy.me/PiE_PicturesBrowser Pony Author List: http://pastebin.com/ZCGjtftk
>>43286296Real.
>>43286296I know that feel.
>>43286296the mare is more sugoi
>>43286296fake n gay
>>43286296Anonymous in Rainbowshine
>>43286817I'm calling the princess to drop a blazing sunburst on this creature's location
tripfags in equestria
>>43286821Spike, get me the hard cider I hide under my desk and prepare a letter. The stupid monkeyman has unleashed a great horror on Equestria via touching things he shouldn't.....again.Twilight that's the third time this week you've asked me to get your hard cider.Twilight sighs and puts her hooves to her face. I know Spike, I know. Just tell Princess Celestia I need access to the Orbital Friendship Cannon again.
>>43286959>Twilight had run out of hard cider.
>>43286817C'mon Anon, ride the carousel! The experience will leave you renewed!
>>43287150Don't do it. It's a trap. They just want to eat you.
>>43287395Renew!
>>43286959Whoa racist
>>43286296
>>43288693>>43288522No 4chan user is this fit
>>4328898390% of /fit/ does not even lift but I do
>>43289123>"Yes I can. I just did. I said 'yoink' and everything."
>>43289123>You can't boop a guard!>"..Who said you was a guard?"
>>43288846>>43288693You do this enough>>43289123and you will be.
>>43286651Oh wow he's giving her a foal
>>43289203True.
>>43289420Where did he find it though?
>>43288693>Fluttershy: Look at that animal, Anon, it's quite a specimen!Now that I think about it, wouldn't that be reverse zoophilia?
>>43289064The only thing /fit/ lifts are each others dicks so they can suck the balls
>>43290830Oof
>>43286296>be Anon>be in Equestriagoddammit, what the fuck are you doing in there, anon? you son of a bitch, get the fuck outta Equestria right now.you little bastard.
>>43291676
>>43292137This is a good idea for a sad green where Anon has a small photo stand of his picture taped onto photos like these. It can also be a comedy.
>>43291676no
>>43291676Call the ponice
>>43291753>>43292172>>43292443Listen to me. Listen to me. Shut that goddamn thing off.I don't care what you do. You get all that stuff about being in Equestria off of there. Tonight.Do you realize---do you realize something? Let me tell you.If the health department---if Green county---sees those posts that you put on the damn internet, they could condemn our house, and we would have to move out of it?You go get that goddamn stuff off of there, and fast. I'll be up with you all night if I have to.
>>43292598I'm workin' on it!
>>43290183Explain eyes
>>43293776the better to see you with, my dear
>>43293783Don’t like that
>>43294359
>Look, it's my impression of you, Anon!>'Bazed :DD'>'Imblying'
>>43294658
>>43294359>inflation hit Equestria tooDamn
>>43295153>inflation
>>43295217>
>>43295267DOBSON!
>>43294359Oh shit free crust??
>>43294359>Lemme have the steak fajita sub!
>>43294359>Be anon>Get to equestria >Allowed to stay (Celestia can't find a way to get you back, you are not wanted)>Decide to move to ponyville hoping you can meet your waifu applejack>she thinks your weird>get discriminated against because the ponies are afraid of you>have no cutie mark so nopony thinks you are good at anything (you were a middle school teacher on earth)>get job at shitty hole in the wall diner (only place that will hire you)>get payed minimum wage (30 bits a week)>lives in the basement of someponies house>you want to go back to earth so bad>everypony forgot about you or doesn't care anymore>you thought equestria would save your soul... nothing has changed...
>>43296628first time ive done anything like this... hope its ok! someone who is more of a writefag could do something better. If you guys really like it I could try to make something longer...
>>43296628>have no cutie mark so nopony thinks you are good at anything (you were a middle school teacher on earth)So they're right, kek!
>>43296721TEACHERS ARE IMPORTANT OK!!! I'M NOT WASTING MY COLLEGE EDUCATION OK!!!!
>>43296732I totally agree, I'm just talking shit
>>43296628>Oh no everything is still le same in magical horseland :(Uh huh
>>43296822I know its a little played outbut a little played out so it fits
>>43297043fuck i meant to say "im a little played out so it fits" funny ruined baka
>>43296630Go for it
>>43296630it's good, just more of prompt than an actual story. good prompt tho>I could try to make something longerdo eet
>>43297257moonwife would fucking kill you btw
>>43296628>>43297595>>43297733(prep for first time writing moments, don't be mad please!) >You wake up, chains around your hands and feet>The floor is velveteen red surrounded by a pristine white marble>You shake violently terrified>”He’s awake” says one of your captors as they try their hardest to restrain your movement>A colt in golden armor hits you over the head with his hoof, the world dissolves around you>You awaken again with a cold splash of water>You kneel in front of a small flight of stares>You lift your head as fast as you possibly could, as you reach the top of your neck’s arc you feel a horrible strain and pain>Your head immediately falls back down but not before catching a glimpse of a beautiful mare's multicolored flowing hair“WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING”>You scream in terror as you thrash in your chains with all your strength>”Princess should we knock him out aga-” >The guard is cut off by a calm voice, so calm it almost makes you feel safe >”No, he is just scared. You would be too”>She starts to walk down the stairs as your mind desperately tries to make any sense out of what is happening>Midway down she demands the guards back away>You recognize the voice, the hair, even the room feels slightly familiar>When she reaches you she puts out her hoof and lifts up your head gently>You see her face, you couldn’t help but react by trying to jump back>Instantly the guards jump back into action as they grab your arms and hold them tightly against your back>The mare flinches slightly but still keeps her hoof on the edge of your chin“Are you-” >You say half in disbelief and half in terror>You’re cut off>”Celestia, yes”>Suddenly everything clicks into place>A wave of instant relief washes over you as you realize you are talking to princess Celestia>Then almost as quickly your heart drops as you realize you are taking to PRINCESSCelestia!>The princess still lifting up your head breaks the uneasy silence first, with a simple question>”Are you ok”>She continues >”You have been out for days, I’ve been worried sick”>You respond mildly enthusiastically but your apprehensions are clear through the undertone of your answer“I’m doing better now”>The clam doesn’t last long as you start to ask her hurried questions at rapid speed“Where am I”“How did I get here”“Whats going on”>Near the end of your cavalcade of questions your words start to blur together as you get more desperate for any shred of understanding.>She explains to you how you were found laying outside a country train station 2 days ago unconscious and how you were immediately brought to the castle for the best medical care in equestria>”I’m sorry about the chains, we didn’t know how you would react to all of this. >You nod>Even though you have the full story you still are just as confused>You explain to her how you are not from this world, and how in your world all of equestria is just a tv show
>>43298083>You subsequently have to explain what a TV is, and what a TV show is>She seems to understand your situation intuitively, like this wasn’t the first case of this happening. >”We will try to get you back anon”>You tell her you don’t want to go back>Celestia insists, something about fabric of the universe and time >Celestia tells you that while you are waiting you can explore the castle, but you cannot leave>This crushes you, since you were a young man you have wanted to explore equestria and meet the ponies you loved on your screen>You pass the time by staring out the windows of the castle, reading, and trying to talk to ponies. >The days stretch into weeks, then into months>Overtime Celestia visits you less frequently>Until one otherwise bright day a guard pony tells you Celestia requests a meeting in the throne room>The sound of your shoes echo down the length of the room as you walk up to an upset Celestia >You note that even when Celestia is uneasy she still is more elegant than anyone you have ever meet>You stop in front of the throne“You asked to see me”>Celestia answers matter of factly “yes I did”>She hesitates, picking her words carefully “After weeks of study and consulting the best mares and colts in all of equestria, it has become painfully clear that there is no way to send you home.”>She stops abruptly and starts again >”I’m sorry..”>She starts up with her formal royal speech again>”Though as the ruler of all the peoples who reside in equestria I do have a duty and obligation to aid in the creation of a happy life for all residents of my kingdom”>The response sounded canned, like she had said it thousands of times before, possibly so she can keep a straight face while she is upset >”So I will, as an apology, allow you to move anywhere in Equestria">Your eyes shoot open, a gigantic smile grows on your face“PONYVILLE, I WANT TO MOVE TO PONYVILLE!”>You shout the moment Celestia is done with her sentence>”So be it”>Not but 3 days later had you packed up all of your limited possessions and began the trip to ponyville>The entire train ride you were exploding with joy. You couldn’t wait to meet everyone you had adored so thoroughly on your screen for years.>When you arrived the guards unloaded your one small bag and laid it beside you and then just as quickly they returned to the private train Celestia had chartered for you>The engine started to chug as it pulled out of the station, blowing white smoke out of the top“Its like that part in the themesong” you muttered to yourself>You turn around and look at the entirety of the hamlet you had wished to live in for nearly 20 years >The colors on the buildings popped, landmarks stood out in all their glory>from where you were standing you could even see the tips of rarity’s dress shop and the tip of Twilight’s tree>Thoughts of all the amazing thing you would do whizzed around in your head like a tornado >>43298083
>>43298084>Celestia had given you 10000 bits, a sum that she said would be more than enough to help start your life in the small town and you planned to use every bit to create a new amazing life >You had remained remarkably composed your entire time in equestria, you decided to let out all of your joy right now>You made it, you have your dream! You thought to yourself as you ran into the center of ponyville drinking it all in>The good feelings didn’t last long, you soon noticed that the ponies around you looked scared, some even backed away into a run>They had never seen anything like you before, and to an often naive pony you looked like a monster>You had noticed a little strangeness from the ponies in the castle, guards straightening up near you, servants dodging you in the halls, young fillies on schooltrips catching glances and gasping>You dismissed it then as castle etiquette you didn’t fully understand or just fillies being jumpy>Now it was painfully clear, you looked at yourself and at who surrounded you>You were a monster, massive, foreign, and unknown>You pleaded with the ponies around you“I’m not a monster”“I’m nice”“I promise”>These pleas did nothing but make a young colt tear up>With no other option but to run you do >You run into an alley>You dive behind a stack of crates and you start to cry>The darkness of the alley envelopes you cloaking your mind in a deep despair >Then a voice cuts through the inky void around your mind“Now everyone there isn’t nothin to be afraid of” >You instantly recognize it as Applejack >Twilight chimes in>”Don’t worry everypony, princess Celestia sent him here from the castle”She says in a calm voice reassuring everypony that you are in fact nice >Your sadness and embarrassment subsides as you walk out of the dark alley toward the friendly voices “Hello” >You say meekly waving at everypony as you walk up behind Applejack and Twilight >The pair turns around quickly and greets you in return >”Howdy” >Says Applejack earnestly >”Hello, it’s nice to finally meet you”>Twilight says after >”Celestia has written about you quite a few times, anon right?”>You nod>You are in disbelief, you are actually talking to Twilight and Applejack!>”Celestia told us to help you get used to ponyville and equestria outside the castle” >For the rest of the day you were shepherded around town by Applejack and Twilight>You eventually get around to Rarity’s shop, which was much bigger than you ever imagined and much more beautiful >She comes to the door quickly after Twilight knocks >For a moment she seems normal but then when she sees me her entire demeanor changes >She stifles a gasp and quickly says>”SORRY GOT TO GO LEFT THE DRESS JEWEL OVEN THING ON”>She slams the door in Twilight’s face before she was even able to get a word out >You knew why deep down, you looked like a freak in this world of magic and 4 legged life
>To be completely honest with yourself you could also tell that Twilight and Applejack didn’t much want to be here either>Twilight just acted strange…er than usual and Applejack stayed quiet, hardly opening her mouth since you met her>You could tell you weren’t wanted, seeing character you had gotten so close to clearly fear you felt awful>Shortly after you left Applejack told Twilight she needed to talk to her about something immediately in private >Shortly after they got back they decided to call it a night, putting you up in a hotel down the road from Twilight's library>For the next couple of weeks Twilight would come over alone every few days and try to talk, but every interaction felt forced and awkward >Soon the visits stopped almost entirely >With the last time i’ve seen any of the mane 6 intentionally being weeks ago>You don’t blame Twilight>You knew from the start that in this world you would never be anything but a freak >It was your fault for thinking differently>It had been a month since you moved to ponyville>As time passed the only ostracization grew, hardly anypony would talk to you at all, and little fillies were terrified of you>Which didn’t shock you at all, you knew that deep down if the roles were reversed the same or worse would happen to a pony on earth>You have tried many many times to connect with local culture and people but whenever you tried you never felt welcome>The smiles the ponies gave you felt forced and non genuine, Lyra’s always did feel genuine though which you did appreciate >Eventually you just stayed in, read old books, wished for things to be different >The hotel you had been staying at wasn’t cheap>The money Celestia had given you to ‘start a new life’ had almost run out. With only 400 bits left>Not long after arriving to town you tired to get a job at the school>They said that without a cutiemark you weren’t qualified >You explained how you had a teaching degree on earth>They didn’t give a shit>Anyway you knew just as well as them that putting you alone in a room full of fillies and colts would only cause issues >Not to even mention the letters from home>When you were leaving the school ground dejected a couple of the fillies called you a freak beneath their breath, you think you even heard Apple Bloom call me a skinny >Skinny being a new a special slur just for humans, of which there was one>You exhausted all other options in town, everypony gave you some silly response >Pinkie said she would hire you to help throw parties but she said that if she did nopony would come to them>Pinkie was always the best to you>Lyra Heartstrings was tripping over herself to hire you for something, anything!>Sadly her bank account didn’t allow such a thing>Soon enough though some slimeball of a pony which you had never seen before approached you saying that he needed a new employee for his diner after the last kid he hired got his cutie mark>Low on funds and options you had no choice
>>43298087>The pay is awful and you can hardly afford to live>Your dream of going to live in equestria had become a nightmare there was no waking up from>PRESENT DAY "Since I was a little kid I've wanted to be in equestria; live there, work there, make friends and fall in love. It all seemed so perfect from behind the thick glass of the TV" >You wax poetic on the coach in the damp office of the discount therapists office as you shift around in the uncomfortable chair>Paintings of landscapes and flowers decorate the walls, only broken up by the occasional clinical appearing posters about mental health. >As you sit there you can't help but be flooded with memories of your past life on earth. >You remember your husband, friends, and the job you loved with every fiber of your being. >Hot tears roll down your face as you choke up a sorry gasp. >The therapy pony sits there for what feels like a lifetime unable to come up with any words. She has never seen anything like your pain>She lets you cry, against your best interest as your appointment was nearly over. >As the tears subside you sit there for a moment with no words to describe the ache in your heart>Your meeting comes to an end with no real progress. Just like the other 3 meetings, you know your insurance won't cover another.>Your walk through town is just like all of the other ones since you woke up 7 months ago.>Most ponies avoid you>Parents pull their children closer to them and others dip into stores just to not walk past you>Some ponies humor you with a forced smile, occasionally a stiff wave.>But it's nothing you haven't been forced to get used to. >You can't help but feel like a monster as you retreat to your excuse for a home.>You're lucky that somepony was tolerant, or lonely, enough to allow you to live with them. >You never really talked with them much.>The room was small and grey, it obviously was never meant for anypony to live there.>By all means the room wasn't too bad, similar in size to a college dorm, except no roommate.>You giggle a little, then a pang of grief hits you like a brick.>Never did you think you would miss being stuffed into a small room with a random 19 year old.>What you wouldn't do to have that be the case again>You plop down onto the bed, your arms sprayed out of that of an angel. >You sigh deeply >Across the room from you is a chair, a rope, and a letter to Celestia>You think about ending your pathetic life>But then you remember you can't be late for work tomorrow
>>43294359>>43296628>>43296630First ever time I've done anything like this!Took me a few hours and 1 skipped dinner with the senpai but I hope it was worth it!Feedback is welcome, I know 4chan isn't my hugbox but please don't be too mean. This is my first time ever doing anything like this!!!! (image unrelated I just like it!)
>>43298090Always nice to see new blood.
>>43296903Big horse…
>>43298793>”Wheres my cum, twoggles?”
>>43298090It's ok for your first ever green/fic.The pacing is a bit messy and the tone can be inconsistent. For your first ever time writing its pretty good!
>>43298090it's gud. a few grammar mistakes, and sometimes you used first person (me, I) instead of second (you), but I liked it.
>>43299401Yeeeeahhhh I had to force myself to use second a lot. Not what im used to at all! thank you for the kind wordsGonna polish it up and put it on ponepaste maybe idk
>>43299551And now for the True-To-Life-Anonymous In Equestria
>>43299235True love in action. I almost wept.
>>43299585Take it slow and don’t rush, there minute it has to be in second perspective
>>43300361its giving cupcakes but in a cute fun way
>>43299881When the mares that summon you to Equestria make the summoning circle, each one of them will slip "make him tall and buff" and "give him a huge cock-and-balls" runes into the design, not realizing that the other mares also did it. You'll get overdosed on "Prince Charming" magic and end up the superbuff Anon.
>>43300384It's felt.
>>43300696oh... mb
Everybody talks about Anonymous in Equestria,but nobody talks about the Equestria inside Anonymous.
>>43300776fucking true
>>43300776They do, it's called /rgre/
>>43300395based
>>43301136>rgrshit
>>43301136No, "Equestria in Anonymous" would more likely be Futaquestria.
>>43301400>>>/trash/
>>43301402Coward.
>>43301440Yup that's where it's rightfully binned at lmaoOn the cancer board with all the other cancer no other board wants
>>43300776What about the numgets inside Lyra?
>>43301320you're really gonna diss my boi rgre like that
>>43301136>>43301320>>43301400You're all idiots.It's clearly talking about millions of tiny ponies maintaining an Equestrian society within the confines of Anon's flesh.
>>43301803Hi, ja0822ck, how's it going?
>PiE
>>43302154That's PonE, not PiE.Pony on Earth
>>43302154>Pie
>>43302154that horse is my mother, I was raised by that horse
>>43302154Looks more like HiEHorse in Equestria
>>43302154Where's the pie? This is misleading!!!!
>>43302154>Hello, perhaps a moment of your time to talk about our lord & savior Princess Celestia?
>>43301447Hi sunfag! Was wondering where your schizo ass was.
>>43302582>AIEAnonymous Impacted by Equestrians
>>43303174Badumtish
>>43303768looks like ponka took some advice from cadance
>>43303773really took it to heart
>>43304235Holy shit Anon's leg is long!
>>43304256look at his right arm
>>43304235Anon looking like the Charger from L4D2
>>43304235Anon at the beach with his wife and kids. What a good dad!
>>43303768https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW7bvwyAqFM
>>43298090very good read, faggot, do more sometime again
>>43305526I'm not very good at anything but I've been loving writing these fics! I have a few in the works and one is most likely coming out tomorrow about evil twilight! I'll tag you!!!Maybe I found my cutiemark
>>43305453lmao
>>43305578Franku in Equestria when
>>43306660>FrankuNEVER
>>43306663did just put one out about evil twi in... believe it or not evil twi thread so
>>43306660never
>>43305578>I'm not very good at anythingnot anymore, congrats!>Maybe I found my cutiemarkeeyup
>>43307418Deserved
>>43307812
>>43298088I'd move out of ponyville or find starlight glimmer
>>43307418why would you do this to her
>>43307418Are there stories about Lyra being as big of a shit as Anon?
>>43307418Why is his bulge bouncing.
>>43309566you're fucking dead
>>43308359>>43307812
>>43309670
>>43309566Weird teeth
parkign
>>43310606>ywn have a hot pegasus in tight spandex crush your head with her equine thighsWhy even live?
>>43311372jej
>>43311372She’s just like me frfr
Noice. Still around.Good
>>43311134changelings are weird
>>43311825Can't kill that which has no life.
haha lol like haha lolz!
>>43311825Lil shid
>>43311372Anonfilly is completely scandalized
>>43313214I miss the snowpony thread
>>43313401I missed the game
>>43313404
>>43313521Anon and Jackie are such a good mashup
>>43313528i agree, i need to draw more but drawing hats is one of my numerous weaknesses
i found old funny from 2014https://ponepaste.org/11966
>>43313528literally
>>43313521Anon with a sister feels like it’d ruin half the fun
>>43314513I think the implication is that he had to put up with her before he got spat out into horseworld, rather than she's there with him.
>>43313521>>43313528haha the appul is horny but won't admit itshe's just like me frfr>>43311825is that fucking >rope?get the fuck outta here nigga
>>43314513>annoying kid sister obsessed with ponies>ends up doing the same thing as a grown man
>>43314627There is no other way!
>>43313532Hats are just a bowl sitting on top of a plate if you really think about it
What would happen if Anon touched poison joke?
>>43316010the joke would be on the poison joke instead
>>43316200>Anon touches poison joke>the field of poison joke turns into a swarm of mini-anons, like in Evil Dead
>>43316010hands turned to hooves. poison joke tends to go after the aspect of yourself that you're most proud of. would probably take away Anon's ability to give ear scritches.
>>43316010It spawns a more ideal version of him just so everyone can compare them.
>>43316714very cute. Don't roll over in your sleep Anon!
>>43316830>Roll over>Wonder what just made that weird squeak noise>Wonder what the hell is touching your back>Sit up and look down>There's a yellow and red pancake glaring up at you
I've been toying with the idea that Anon gets rejected by the mare of his dreams and he self-exiles himself into the royal guard. Still got a lot of questions about it though, just thinking.
>>43316833noooooo!!!!
>>43317196Anon and Bloomie would totally be bros, but Applejack would pester Bloom for hanging around a bad influence.
>>43316714Aw like a little cat
>>43318328I get you do gayboy
>>43317754What does she THINK?
>>43319207that she heard (You) really want to eat pony asshole
>>43317468
>>43319880Horses should be nigger
>>43320434zeebs?
>>43320696It was a typo but it’s funnier like that
>>43314715no u
>Anon, quick, there's no time to lose! We'll take The Spruce Moose, hop in!>"Mr. Cherry-Burns, sir, I-">I SAID 'Hop. IN'.
>>43321430i'd trust her
haha lol
>>43321631oops
>>43298088>when a new villain emerged from the shadows with his eyes on the throne, nobody was surprised to see the "skinny" take his side.>a small handful of ponies was conscientious enough to ask if they could have prevented this, but most simply counted their rejection of you as justified.>the usurper knew of you and came to you specifically, seeing some use for your peculiarities and knowing you'd be an easy recruit.>it was indeed not hard for him to believe you'd want revenge, even though you've never been a terribly good liar.>unfortunately, stabbing him in the back was only done proverbially. you had bided your time well, but after much patient waiting, the best opportunity you could find before it was too late was an outright confrontation.>the details of the fight aren't important, but it seems your foreign structure and opposable thumbs were no curse; probably nobody else could have done it but you.>unfortunately, it was a fight to the death mutually; the evildoer breathed his last before you, but you knew you didn't have much time left. it's okay, there wasn't much remaining for you here anyways...>as you think that, a crowd of ponies who had been cowering moments ago gingerly approach and encircle you.>for the first time, they look at you with something other than animosity. you crack a small smile through the blood, sweat, and dirt.>most seem to choke on their words, seeming to want to thank you but unable to do so, not out of refusal but shame at acting so flippantly after how they had treated you.>one who had been particularly ruthless asks through tears why you would do such a thing after being so thoroughly rejected.>you'd like to answer, but your life force is fading fast. you just give her a look of pure warmth that tells her everything she needs to know, and she breaks down sobbing.>suddenly, a gap in the crowd opens. the princesses had arrived.>they seemed to know that a haughty, self-indulgent congratulations wasn't in order--what reason would you have to see it as any honor anyway? they were here just to humbly offer their gratitude for your act of heroism, for whatever it might have been worth to you.>Celestia formally apologizes and expresses her regret that they would not have the opportunity to properly enact their penitence, but assures you with a bizarre confidence that you would be born again as one of them and given the life you deserved.>you knew all too well that she was just trying to make you feel better. but hey, just seeing her make an effort kind of did.>it's a shame, you think, that you finally got what you always wanted right as you felt your eyelids getting heavy. oh well, you couldn't think of a better way to go. it's a miracle that you could experience it at all...>it's a night of miracles indeed, as not far from there a baby alicorn is conceived. its mane bears a bizarre resemblance to that which is said to have adorned the head of Anon the Hero, who is used as the pony's namesake.
>>43317462YEAH
>>43321180Post Lyra on all fours but with human hands instead of hooves
>>43322287Best I can offer is 50%
>>43322344fuck
>>43322347
>"...Well how WERE you expecting us to look?"
>>43322955“You’re beautiful.”
>>43321859Hi, I'm the person who wrote the original green you replayed too! Firstly I would like to say I'm so happy that someone liked my green enough to make a follow up! I really like the concept of what you wrote! !00% could be turned into something bigger and greater! How often do you write these types of things?
Patron God of Humanity is born in Equestria but because the global population of Humanity is 1 (anon) it just lays on his couch all day and eats his food
>>43323786Just like the local ones
>>43324394This is good storytelling
>>43324842>”Yeah you like that, whore?”
>>43325130
>>43325264You're supposed to say no! Resistance makes her more aroused!
>"And once my 'Anonymous-In-Equestria-Inator-Inator Ray is complete, I'll successfully take over the tri-state area an- are you even listening to me, Perry The Platipony?"
>>43325264fag
>>43325699You have to be 18 to post here
>>43323584Idgi
>>43326791Whore, pick one
>>43326339Anon... Phineas and Ferb is 19 years old.
>>43327275You're an irrelevant factoid nobody asked for.
>>43327282>Rolled 76 (1d100)>Says who?Nobody, I guess. NEVERMIND.
>>43316010His knees would bend backwards, forcing him to walk on fours like a pony
>>43327430
>>43326339is that shit still even on tv
>>43327927>Irony was lost on anon
>>43328381i don't know who this Irony bitch is, but she can suck me
>>43327207Damn, Dash.That's fucking rad!
>>43328763Based and rarapilled
>>43328812>"I can't see shit
>>43329139>”but I can smell it, oh no!”
>>43327430>Reactor: online
>>43328812must suck ear
>>43330261>"STUPID FUCKING N"
>Stop calling me a bloody 'redcoat' ya fakkin' half-wit ape!
>>43331434How about Jeet l, New New Mumbai native
>>43332368Someone write about AB living with Anon for some silly reason
>>43332620>Apple Bloom overheard Anon talking to Applejack about human farming techniques>Thinks Anon can help her get her cutie mark by being the best farmer in Equestria>Now constantly pesters Anon for his sagely wisdom and alien adviceWRITEFAGS! OH, WRITEFAGS!
>>43332633You pitch it, you write it
>>43333474Nah.
>>43333534
>>43286296https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFrqclcm8pU
>>43333794Why breach on both sides of gun
>>43334426
>>43332620>>43332633I would but I really don't think I could handle appleblooms accent for an entire story!
>you wake up in a strange place>it's a beautiful, untouched natural landscape>but it's...a little too beautiful? you don't have a problem, but it's colorful and pristine to an almost uncanny degree>moreover...>everything seems to be about half as tall as you remember it. trees, rocks, mountains even.>on a lark, you try lifting what by scale was a fairly large rock, and to your shock it feels like it weighs about half as much as it looks>you toss it and it flies like a baseball, shattering against a mountain>you walk over to a tree and decide to try something out>it's uprooted like a weed>punching a boulder shatters it like it's the body of a snowman>you take a second to just stand there and try to accept everything that's going on>all of a sudden you hear a familiar voice from behind you:"There it is! Behind me everypony, I'll take care of it!">just as you turn, you see a split second glimpse of the M6, but this surprise is cut short by a beam bursting from Twilight's horn. your mind racing at a few times the usual speed feels kind of cheated that such an occurrence would be cut short so soon->huh.>you felt...nothing, really.>Twilight steps back aghast, but before you can get a word in-"Don't worry, we got this! AJ, the maneuver we've been practicing!""Way ahead a' ya, pardner! Let's show 'em what we got!">Applejack and Rainbow Dash charge forward, Dash flying above and behind while AJ takes the ground, culminating in a deadly double strike from both sides>...oof.>this one you felt, but not terribly hard.>dumbfounded, the whole six back off. you can see the confusion and even terror in their eyes as they're left at a loss as to what to do>"Wait! Please, just hang on a second!""It can...talk?">you explain your situation and everything you had been going through>Fluttershy in turn explains that a bird had come to her saying that some strange giant monster had suddenly appeared and started wreaking havoc just a little ways out of town>you forgive them for the misunderstanding, telling them you probably would have taken it the same way now that you think about it>"So uh...what...do we do about, uhh...me?">Twilight decides that this is an exceptional enough situation to warrant a royal audience>you arrive in the royal hall, and even having seen it on screen countless times, you lose your breath seeing it all in person>you kneel before the sisters..."Ah, eh, ahem, that--that will not...that will not be necessary, Mister Anonymous.">you're taken aback somewhat, by the statement and by the nervousness in her tone.>against your expectations and what you had come to be used to from them, the regal sisters seemed not so regal>when addressing you, they had a clear unease in their tone and expressions>you try to come off like you don't notice it>cont.
>>43335558>"So, ah, I was thinking: I have a few advantages over the ponyfolk with my height, my strength and resilience, my dexterity--uh, do you know what that means? Like, compared to your hooves, my fingers are--you, uh, know what fingers are? Right, you have dragons and some others with hands and fingers, I--">it's hard to keep your train of thought with the clear discomfort in the princess' eyes>you avert your glance>"Ahem. Ah, anyways, I was thinking maybe the best way for me to earn my keep around here would be as a sort of odd jobs man, just helping out whomever I can however I can. The thing is, I don't think that's going to have an easy or proper source of income, and I see meals aren't free around here. So, I hope this isn't out of line to ask, but...could...maybe I get some sort of subsidy to do all this?">you already regret this. you knew deep down that this was asking quite a lot for just touching down, but you really wanted to get to see all the sights and interact with all your favorite plot and background ponies. well, no turning back now>"I know it's quite an ask as I just turned up here, but please, think about all the ways I could offer my proclivities, I--""Very well. Your terms are acceptable. You shall receive a comfortable stipulation from our palace," Celestia blurts out quickly and monotonically>"I--Oh. Uh, thank you. Thank you very much.""The honor is all ours. Now, will [Celestia tries to hide her gulp] ahem, will there be anything else today?">you just can't stand it anymore>"Look, are you feeling okay?""Fine. Just fine. Perfectly fine. Thank you for asking.">"Are...are you sure? You're just, like, kinda, I dunno...">Celestia averts her gaze>a nearby guard who apparently had had his own fill finally found it in himself to speak up"Sir Anonymous. Their majesties have heard tell of your feats, and, frankly are somewhat concerned. Your apparent imperviousness to magic and resistance to physical trauma make you a somewhat volatile figure.">he seems to reflect for a moment whether he wants to go further. he glances to the thrones, and the sisters seem to be looking downward as if to say "you might as well just say it""...and, our concern is that there seems to be little that could possibly stop you from performing a coup singlehoo--er, single-"hand"-edly.">a wave of feelings rush through your head>the words spill right out, assuring them up and down that that's the furthest thing from your mind>"I mean, I'm sure it's good to be king, but I've never fancied myself much of a leader, heh heh.">nobody else seemed to chuckle>"Heh heh, right. Well, anyway, there's nothing to worry about, honest. There'd be nothing for me to even gain, I already have everything I've ever wanted.""What? What exactly do you have?" Luna asks.>probably not worth even trying to explain>"Alright, well, um, thanks again for offering the "government grant." I promise you and your subjects won't be disappointed!""Yes.Very well"
>>43335578>as luck would have it, there was an uninhabited house in Ponyville, where you decided to start your operations. it needed a bit of fixer-upping to accommodate somepo--some"body" about twice as tall as most residents, but it was home sweet home>time to start business!>...>time to start business, you said>...>it seemed that the rest of the ponies shared the princesses' apprehensions. they tended to be polite in interactions, but no matter how much you tried to engage in diplomacy, they all seemed to feel like they were on thin ice around you, and avoided you when possible>you occasionally got one or two things to do and hoped that you could build up your reputation bit by bit, but your clients seemed to just blurt out their thanks and then be on their way when you were done>you wondered if this could really be it, the opportunity you had always wished for only coming to this>until the day it all turned around>disaster had struck a train headed to Appaloosa: apparently the track had been victimized by the elements, and the entire thing had flown off the rails and onto its side>the whole thing had capsized and fallen over such that righting the thing was out of the question, and even evacuation was seeming more and more hopeless>parents tried comforting their sobbing foals, telling them it would be all right but struggling to believe what even they were saying>so you heard>you immediately seek out Rainbow Dash>Dash had been particularly avoidant of you after you had inadvertently humiliated her, but you knew this was the pony for the job>it took some wrestling her attention, but you tell her that you need her to bring you to the scene>then you beg, then you demand>after some persuasion, she finally offers to give you a ride>on the way, you compliment her strength for keeping up a good pace with a weight like you on board. she mutters a thanks>you arrive at the train. numerous earth ponies were there giving it their all to flip it, all to no avail>you ask that they gangway, and they do so all too eagerly>you've accomplished some impressive feats in your time here, but a train? you really don't know>for the first time since arriving, you struggle. it's heavy, even for you>but after much exertion, grunting, and sweat, the train finally rights itself. it even lands properly on the track>bystanders are stunned, little foals start cheering>but you're not done yet>you crack your knuckles on the way to the track>through sheer force, you bend the rails back into place>apparently, thanks to the cartoon logic on which this strange world operates, the train was still in working order>the engine kicks back up, and the wheels start turning>you wipe the sweat from your brow as you wave back to all the cheering, exuberant ponies on board>it doesn't take long for word to spread>business finally starts booming
>>43335593>there are all sorts of things you can do, all sorts of ways to help out the locals. you even start making trips to Canterlot, Manehattan, and all over Equestria as word continues to spread>whether it's your brute strength or the practical applications of your opposable thumbs, or just reaching something high>...which a pegasus or unicorn could probably accomplish just fine, but in a total inversion of the previous order, it seems that ponies are so eager to interact with you that they find any excuse to enlist your services. not that you mind, of course>you're always happy to find new applications for your gifts, but you find that most days you just wind up taking over the massage parlor at the Ponyville spa>have to work through that enormous wait list somehow, after all>any time some upstart tries to pull some monkey business, you figure it best to just back off and let the stars of the show handle it. you have your reasons, and opt to just come in clutch if the situations really demands it>except for one time>as ponies start losing their magic far and wide, you remember who must be behind it>you at first decide to simply sit back and allow things to play out as they were destined to. >however, when he arrives in Ponyville, Tirek seeks you out specifically>rather than courting Discord, Tirek confronts you with the potential you leave on the table. NOTHING and NOBODY could stop you, yet you just sit there and act like their personal servant? you could be KING! you could sit at my right hand and rule along wit-->his flapping jowl is made still by a fist at full speed. for the first time since arriving in Equestria, you throw a punch with everything you have>even at an advanced state, this is too much for Tirek to take. he flies backwards in the air and skids all the way along the ground>you crack your knuckles and look down at him>"You can go off to Tartarus, or you can stay here with me.">he accepts his cuffs and chains willingly>oh hey, looks like the Golden Oak is left intact!>you ascend from a strange but helpful creature to a near demigod status as a sort of protector deity, and yet a sort of folk hero living and serving among the people>years pass. you in turn pass into legend and into myth>your existence is eventually disputed and even considered by some to be an old pony tale>and yet, the practice of calling upon Anonymous the benevolent giant when strength or fortitude is needed never seems to fade away. perhaps because it has an eerie tendency to work?
>>43335558>>43335578>>43335593>>43335613Superb helping of greens, anon!
>>43335896>Eat the licked parts in front of her to subtly hint that I want to tongue kiss her.
>>43335613Thanks choom
>>43335906Do you think she knows about indirect kisses?
>>43336583Anon in snowpone lands.
>>43335613Super Anon would have had to turn the rotation of the planet backwards, thus reversing the flow of time, if something bad had happened to Golden Oak
one
>>43338083Oops!
>Alright Mr. Anonymous, just a quick medical screen and you'll be quick as a wink.>I understand you're not a pony, so uh, if you could just bear with me through some of these..>Now, what would you say your daily alfalfa intake is like?>When walking, do you often trot leisurely or keep a steady canter?>..Medial ring ok? No itching, burning, anything like that?
>>43338979>Abut a cup of them spouted per day >Normally just a walk, not getting into the higher speeds, I have no rush.>But forget about my Medial ring, the only ring burning is a bit lower down if you get my jist. I mean dude, this is an prostate exam, and I still have no clue how you're going to perform it as an earth pony, that hoof ain't gonna fit!
>>43338449yes
>Your sister, Luna, whatever happened there.
>>43339857>hopes I make some friends>refuse to befriend me herselfGetting some really mixed messages here
>>43339857But princess, you are my friend
Many anons in Equestria
>>43339857When will she learn??
>>43340876When (You) learn to make some friends.
>>43341238Are we not?
>>43286296There's already a thread for Anonymous in Equestria. >>43302715
>>43342286What’s she got against pizza
>>43342838>Anon is underage
>>43343152>Anon's mom-aunts make sure he gets the most wholesome birthdays every single year
>>43335578>comfortable stipulationfuck, i meant stipend. i was tired and kind of drunk when i wrote this
>>43343799>”Its bladder cancer.”
>>43344576Anon shouldn’t have kids
>>43345351but will he
>>43345510If you won’t he wont
>>43346900Yes, you are badly draw
>>43347620
>>43346900Why's that ear look like a pussy.
Oh no! A horrifying slice of PiE!>Headlines around the world read the unthinkable!>'Princess Twilight Invades Earth and has but one goal!'
ok
>>43349096Anon on his way to page ten and he just keeps getting delays, like this one
>>43348861Why the short face twi
>>43350133It’s cum
*cough*
>>43351810Anon is finally white coded
>>43351274Her hair looks braided into a beard
I wish i'd remembered to bring MY racism trophies to Equestria..now I feel left out around racist pones..
>>43354124SHES GONNA SAY IT
>>43354866Terrible handwriting, see me after class
Blessed is he who finds his fellow mare enjoyers
>>43351505kekwhat a dumb biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch>>43355440why is he rolling his sleeves up?
>>43324842This should be a gif of Lyra humping the shit out of his face
>>43355760its gonna get messy, mares like fisting
>>43355777isn't that rape?
>>43355810Yes!
>>43355810Not if Anon wants it.
>>43287848new /chag/ source
>>43355820Lyra, norape is bad, remember?
>>43357057
>>43357057But it’s pretty when in bloom and the oil is pretty healthy too.
>>43357138big grump
>>43356852I don’t read runes what’s this say
>>43296628the old suicide anon threads from 2013 repeat themselves every once in awhile
Anon died and was sent to Equestria! But oh no, Anon was a soldier of SS Sturmbrigade Dirlewanger, and died during the Warsaw Uprising! What wacky hijinks will he get up to?
>>43359398I’ll eat her ass like a burger how about that
>>43359730quamker oats
>>43360414>”Okay? And?”
>>43352169
>>43359730Absolutely horrid, darling. This will keep me up at night.
>>43361754Rarity, why are you browing /aie/? You have dresses to make, Rarity.
>>43361384>”You didn’t have to eat all the eggs!”
the game
>>43364144That's why she has no friends.
A remake of a tiny green I did some years ago...>Be Anonymous>Day 206-270 in Equestria>“Now listen, Anonymous,” says Princess Celestia, her voice just loud enough to hear over the wheels of her royal chariot behind you, “this new sex dungeon was paid for by the very generous tax-paying ponies of Equestria. Do you understand?”“Mmphf-hmmphf!” you say behind your ball gag.>The muscles in your legs scream.>A cramp threatens your left calf.>There's a twitch that won't leave the side of your right thigh alone.>It's wonderful.>“So when I say I don't want you to break free from your restraints, know then that I mean it. Do you still understand?”“Mmphf-hmmphf! Mmphf-hmmphf!”>She smiles, satisfied.>“Excellent! Now then, my stud-for-a-steed—Hi-yah!”>Her whip cracks against your poor back, quickening the pace you haul her down the streets of Canterlot.>There is something exuberant in each lashing. >Every crack leaves your back pulsing beneath a sheen of sweat.>Taking Princess Celestia home, you approach the front of the palace, gated off from the rest of civilian ponyfolk.>An outpost of guards opens the gates for you, closing them once you roll into the courtyard.>Meanwhile, Princess Celestia shouts navigational commands from her chariot, lashing you with each one.>It is thanks to her you do not trample any royal advisors, many of whom are forced to dodge you.>Those who stand by pretend not to notice this hedonistic display of their princess.>“Whoa, now!” she then hollers, pulling at your reins.>You turn up ahead to one of several stone barracks connected to the main palace.>At its portcullis stand another pair of guards at its latticed gate, sliding up for access.>“Easy does it, now,” says Princess Celestia, guiding you into the barracks, inside of which are more guards lining walls as you enter.>Once inside, you come to a stop, and they close the gate behind you.>One guard—their superior, judging by his age and ornate armor—approaches the princess as she steps out of her chariot.>Normally, you would look at her, thinking about how every movement she makes could be studied as its own beautiful pose, each one worth its own sculpture, its own painting…>Instead, you hunch over, hands on your knees, trying to pant through your ball gag.>“Your Highness!” The commander kneels before Princess Celestia. “You grace us with your return! How may we serve you?”>“Oh, at ease now, Commander Dart Wing. I’ve only been gone for an hour this time. No need for ceremony.”>“Ah, yes. But of course, your majesty.”>Commander ‘Dart-Wing’ faces his troops.>“At ease, soldiers! Find your partners and return to your stations! Hut!”After a salute, the guards follow their orders, marching off in pairs, two after two, into the palace.>Princess Celestia rolls her eyes.>“The theatrics of the royal life,” she says, sighing wistfully. “Always a bit heavy-hoofed, aren’t they?”
>>43364850>You point to the ball gag in your mouth. >Then to the reins.>“Oh, yes. Your bindings. I near forgot.”>Her horn glows with the gold of her alicorn magic.>So too do the reins of her chariot’s yoke—and even the ball gag, which teleports out of your mouth.>Within seconds you are unburdened by all that tethered your body to the chariot.>“There we go,” says Princess Celestia. “Feeling better now?”“Uh-huh,” you pant. “Like roadkill. I’m whipped.”>“Ha. Cute.”>She leans her head against your shoulder.>A soft smile lifts her cheeks before she closes her eyes, drawing in a slow breath of your scent. >Her exhale comes as a faint shiver.>“At least you don't smell like roadkill,” she says. “You make a fine stallion, Anonymous.”>You clear your throat.“I, uh...thank you?”>“You're welcome. Now let’s go get you nice and showered, shall we?” *** >You walk behind Princess Celestia throughout the halls and corridors of the castle, your body dripping with sweat.>It dots the long runner stretched across the tile floor with dark patches.>There once was a time when you would feel guilty for this—and to an extent, you still do—but after living with the princesses at their palace, you’ve come to understand that, even if you never see them, the so-called ‘help’ will make sure all is tended to.>“That was great fun, wasn’t it?” asks Princess Celestia. “I felt it was.”“I think I scared a kid,” you tell her, thinking back to your near-accident down at the Diamond District.>You were going at top speed through a busy street when Princess Celestia, ever the repressed thrill-seeker, made you weave through the traffic of carriages and walking aristocrats.>Then, right at the end of the block up ahead, a colt fell into the crosswalk in front of you.>Thank God his mother was a unicorn; she picked him out of your way in an instant, faster than a pegasus would be able to swipe him out of the street.>But the thing you might just remember most isn’t how near you were to trampling the poor child; no, it was what he said to his Mama right after you passed.“He asked what I had in my mouth,” you tell Celestia with a smirk. “Wonder how she’ll explain that to him, huh?” >Princess Celestia snickers.>“A thousand bits she’ll say it keeps you from biting bad little ponies,” she says. “After all, many still see you more as an animal than an equal.”“Funny,” you say, eyes glued to her perfect rear in front of you, “and here I thought I was both.”>Look at that thing swing side-to-side…>“Yes,” nods Princess Celestia. “Quite. Speaking of which, I happen to have a surprise for you.”“Oh? Do you, now?”
>>43364860>She leads you through the halls to a door set between two large paintings on the wall.>Both are matching Baroque-style portraitures with Rembrandt-like lighting, one of Princess Celestia and the other, just right of the door, her sister, Princess Luna.>They are impressive works of art, each leaving a bold impression and complementary to the interior architecture and design—were it not for the garish door in between them.>Its postmodern styling blemishes the corridor's cohesion, like a sheet of metal bolted over flesh instead of a skin graft.>However, if Princess Celestia—the real one, not the painting—feels the same as you, it does not show.>She stops at the door, making a mock bow towards it.>“Voila! And here, my little human, is where we’ll have our fun from now on.”“You mean…that’s where the new dungeon’s at?”>“Indeed! And it will look much more interesting than our previous one. Ready to see inside?”>The weight of a white lie builds on the tip of your tongue, but it stays loaded in the chamber, unspoken.>Apparently, the question was a mere formality.>She already opens the door.>“Here it is!” she says cheerfully. >Lo and behold, you stare at…>At…!“...Nothing?”>Nothing; that is what the “room” inside is—a door-shaped hole in the canvas of reality, where a room ought to be.>Instead, there is only a wall of darkness so absolute it’s impossible to judge depth or form.>Never has the term “solid black” been more applicable…>Confused by your reaction, Princess Celestia turns to look inside the room for herself.>“My, how strange,” she says, humming thoughtfully. “I could have sworn this was the path to the dungeon. Second door on the right, in from the courtyard, and…”>She chuckles wearily.>“Oh, goodness, listen to me! I’ve lived here for almost a thousand years, and I still don’t know my way around! I really need to—”>But you ignore her.>Something else has your attention, something unusual, something dry, something white and round.>Slowly, it emerges from the heart of the black void.>A pony’s skull protrudes into the hallway on the end of a long neck, craning from side to side around the doorframe, revealing itself in the light. >Its hollow sockets settle on you.>“Hello!” it says, the mandible flapping up and down, just like a ventriloquist’s dummy. “Would you like to learn about the equine body? Ah-ho!”>Its stark nasal tenor snaps the princess out of her rambling.>“Uh-oh!” you think you hear her say.>You can’t tell; she quickly slams the door on the skeleton and grabs you by the wrist with her magic.>“Wrong room! No need to bother checking! Come along now!”>“What’s that, you say?” the skeleton asks behind the door. “You want a femur? But you hardly even know her! Ah-ho! Ah-ho! Ah-ho!”
>>43364549same can be said for you.
>>43364883“What the hell was that!?” you cry out.>“We’re leaving!” is all Princess Celestia says, trying her hardest to drag you out of the hallway with her, the carpet bunching as you dig in your heels.“Fuckin’ skeleton!” you shout back. “You have a fuckin’ skeleton in your closet!”>“What? No! Don’t be silly!” >Princess Celestia stops with a huff and turns at you, pointing at the door. >“That’s not even a closet!” she cries out.“SKELTON!” you shout. “DA FUCKIN’ SKELTON!”>“It’s not a skeleton, either! It just…w-well, it just resembles one!”>“Calcium?” you hear it again from behind the door. “More like calci-Yum! Ah-ho!”>Your jaw drops.“Did it just ask you for some fucking milk?”>“It’s nothing,” groans an annoyed Princess Celestia. “Don’t be such a baby about this, Anon! It’s not dangerous, let alone alive, even!”“No shit it’s not alive! But it’s a talkin’ SKELETON.”>You wring your wrist free from her magic’s hold on it. “And call me baby if you want, but I’M not the one askin’ for milk here, am I?!”>Princess Celestia brings her hooves up against the sides of her head, sighing.>“Trust me, it’s… it’s really not what you think.”>You fold your hands together, taking in a deep breath.“‘Ah-ho’?” you say in a questioning tone.>“Ah-ho!” shouts the skeleton.>“SHADDUP!” shouts Celestia back at it.>Then, again to you: “It’s a fake skeleton! You know, for classrooms and demonstrations!? It’s not alive, let alone self-aware. I’ll show you.”>She opens the door again, and the skeleton (definitely an earth pony; has no wings or horn) stands in full.>“Hello!” it says with a wave of its hoof. “Would you like to learn about the equine body? Ah-ho!”>You stare at it, wide-eyed.“Um, does it always like to say—?”>“Yes,” says Princess Celestia with a groan. “It always likes to say ‘ah-ho’.”“But if it’s not alive,” you ask her, eying up the skeleton, “then how does it…or, um, why did you make it talk? I mean, that’s…that’s kind of…”>You gulp.“It seems alive. That’s all I’m saying, y’know? Are you sure it’s, uh…”>The alicorn princess looks at you with the eyes of a mare many years beyond her appearance.>“Oh, Anonymous, dear,” she says with a wistful laugh, “just because something spouts words and can put them together doesn’t mean it has thoughts or feelings.”>“Hello!” the skeleton says again, once more with a wave of its hoof. “Would you like to learn about the equine body? Ah-ho!”“I dunno,” you say back to her. “Seems like one of the criteria if you ask me.”
>>43364889>“Well, perhaps you’re not thinking about it the right way then,” says Princess Celestia. “Consider this, my friend: Does an encyclopedia have thoughts because it imparts knowledge? Does the gyroscope, that which maintains its original orientation regardless of the planet’s spinning, make it smarter than you or I?”>You scoff.“Does it sound like that’s what I fucking asked?”>She giggles at you, shaking her head.>“The answer is ‘no,’ Anonymous. They are not living. They’re the results of function, no more a sign of independent thought than the numbers on an abacus or the length of things. Real, yes; living, no. Likewise,” she motions to the skeleton, “this has been animated through intricate magic so as to mimic set behaviors and motions.”“But…why go through all that effort just to lock the thing away?”>“I tell jokes!” proclaims the skeleton.“What?”>“He… tells jokes,” mutters Princess Celestia.>“What do ya call a skeleton without life insurance?” asks the skeleton.>You pause, looking to Princess Celestia, unsure.>“Go ahead,” she says tiredly. “Ask him. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”>“What do ya call a skeleton without life insurance?” asks the skeleton again, repeating itself.>You shrug.“Uh, I dunno,” you say. “I mean, I’d probably just keep calling it a skeleton, but—”>“A bonehead! Ah-ho! Ah-ho! Ah-ho! ACk-ACk-ACk! Ah-ho!”>“That’s the reason why,” says Princess Celestia.>Her face matches the look on yours.>“I take it now you understand my wishes to avoid it?”“Slam the door,” you tell her. “Just slam the fuckin’ door, please.”>She does, cutting it off mid “Ah-ho!”“Why did you make that thing? What were you thinking?”>“Simple, really: I wanted medical students to be comfortable seeing a skeleton in their courses.”>You find yourself sneering at her.“What? They’re already medical students, Celestia! They’re used to skeletons! They’re used to everything short of shards from a shattered pickle jar inside of a man’s anus!”>You laugh, maybe scoff.>You can’t tell; you’re overwhelmed.“I mean, it’s like asking, ‘Hey, you know what would make me scared of something that I wasn’t scared of before? SEEING IT TALK!’”>“It’s just like a puppet!” defends Princess Celestia. “I thought it was fine before it spoke.”“Puppets are creepy!” you remind her. “They’re creepy as shit!”>Then, pointing at her”“And you, Celestia! You are creepy!”>“That’s why I made a spell for it to tell jokes!” says Celestia. “But…well, there was an accident. Something…something terrible went wrong, you see? Something terrible, something horrific.”“Yeah? And, uh, just what might that be, exactly, huh?”>For a moment, Princess Celestia stays silent, her eyes somewhere far away that you cannot follow...
>>43364894>Finally, when she looks back up, there tears streaming down her cheeks.>She stares into you, voice hollow, quiet as a whisper.>“We…we forgot the funny bone, Anonymous,” she says. “We forgot the funny bone…”E N DNDPONEPASTE:https://ponepaste.org/12018
(You)s are always appreciated, and I'd love your feedback and thoughts.
>>43364909Nice green
>>43364909jejthanks, Anon
>>43364886lol gottem
>>43364886I don't have friends because I'm a weird internet goblin THANK you.
>>43366034Being green doesn't make you a goblin.
