Another one, because I’m cursed remember it

>be me
>still uber driver in buick
>downtown san diego 2-ish am
>cruising through traffic on way to next pickup, stopped at stoplight
>motion out of corner of my eye
>homeless man shitting on veterinary clinic
>not normal shit
>cant leave
>trapped by red light
>cant look away
>start analyzing angles
>mental geometry engaged
>this hobo fucker is bent over exactly 6 feet from the wall at a 45 degree angle
>constant stream
>fire hose of diarrhea shit shooting upwards at 60 degree angle
>that would mean the shit is leaving the anus at a 75 degree angle
>the math ain’t mathing
>this motherfucking hobo is taking a diarrhea fire hose shit on a mural of a dog at an acute angle with enough force and volume to be distinctly visible in the dark from approximately 20 yards for the whole 47 seconds I was waiting at the red light
>light turns green
>drive on pondering how such a feat is capable of being performed by mere human anatomy

lmao bump for interest
somedays i think i should uber from time to time when im bored but i smoke way too much weed for that

>>29045127
Do it for the lulz. You only get drug tested if you get pulled over of crash.
You’ll probably make more from your tax return when you write off gas, maintenance, and vehicle depreciation, than you will from an actual uber paycheck, but it’s a good way to get a little extra beer money, along with the occasional tip in the form of cash, goods, or services. Got some free steam game codes from developers I drove around during comicon.

Pick up real drunk chick at 3:00 in the morning. She is thirsty as fuck tries to blow me on her way back home.
Start starts kissing me and everything definitely wants me to fuck her. Take her home fuck her
End a story

End up at the south side of Chicago. Pick up two black males at four in the morning. They them to a drug deal. One of the guys sits up front starts counting Cash
comes back in 15 minutes. Drive them back.
No one said a word

Pick a black dude in Inglewood late at night. dude has a Glock with extendo in his pocket. I don't say anything. He doesn't say anything. Drive him for 30 minutes to some shitty apartment complex that smell like shit.
5 stars

Pick up two drunk beaners at midnight. One of them had a bowing knife in the back out the entire time while his other friend was speaking Spanish trying to calm him down. Now I'm taking basic Spanish lessons

Pick up a hot chick about 18 years old in the middle of the day, she passes out in backseat. takes me 5 minutes to wake her up. She wakes up and leaves. doesn't say anything. No tip

Pick up two chicks from O'Hare flying in from Sweden. They asked me about a fun time. I give him my drug dealers number. Later that night I'm at my drug dealers. They're both there on the stripper pole. We hang out. They're fun. Make out with one of them. She blows me for a ride to their hotel room.

Pick up my ex. It was awkward. She doesn't tip. I rate her three stars.

Picked up an NBC newscaster 3:30 in the morning, taker her to the NBC Tower. Drop her off via lower wacker. She tips me 20 bucks. I try to pick her up a few more times hanging around her neighborhood at the same time. Picked her up about three more times. She always tipped well and had good story to tell.

Stop by a nightclub at 2:00 a.m. after shows geta out. Pick up three guys and hot chick. All four absolutely rolling dick. They speaking polish, I understand a few words. Talking about running a train on her. She's the last one to get out, I ask if she's okay heading back with them. She's too fucked out of her mind to realize what I'm saying. Hope those guys had a fun time.

>>29045131
What happens if you get tested after a crash and are positive for weed? Do they deny your claim?

Pick up two out of towners. They want to go to the bar down the street. It was literally half a mile drive. Milwaukee avenue was at a standstill. $10 well spent.

Picked up a Ukrainian girl running late to her job. She asked me to drive fast. Gave me her number. We dates on and off for a few weeks. She was kind of a psycho but fucked very well.

Picked up a Slovakian dude. He knew my dealer. We chatted the entire drive. He offered me a discount on an 8-ball. Grab one from him for my upcoming birthday a few weeks later. I still run into him randomly at my dealers party. Good guy

Picked up a few dudes. I was playing music from a local artist in my car. They recognized the guy. I told him I knew him. They didn't believe me. Guy was literally hanging out my place while I was out working. I took them to my place so the6 could say hi. We hang out for an hour or so. They were kind of weird and clingy but, you know, whatever.

Picked up another guy. Took him to a drug deal. I think the fucking ripped him off or something cuz he came running to the car told me to drive off. I heard shots being fired. Could have ended badly.

This was all like 13 years ago. Using text-to-speech. So sorry if grammar is fucked I'll post more if I remember

>>29045097
lol the paranoid guy probably got spooked by the red and blue dome lights

>>29045097
This drunk boomer once tipped me $20 for not being Indian. He fell over on the grass when he got out and I had to help him up

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uberjeets delivery driver here, a few months ago i delivered 6 orders to the same person in one shift, and they were big orders

>>29045449
for you

>shitty Buick
>high mileage
>why so high you may ask
>did an uber drive from san diego airport to san francisco
>ok
>i got nothing better to do
>11 hour drive, pax asleep
>get to some townhouse thing
>pax said to “keep the meter running”
>you got it boss
>pax runs inside
>20minuteslater.wav
>pax comes out with a suitcase
>”sorry that took so long, I had to take a shit”
>drive back to san diego
>12 hour drive
>out for 22 hours
>drive through a total of 6 burger joints, pax pays for me and himself
>covers my gas too
>decent guy all and all
>$3600 fare
>$50 tip
>”thanks for driving me all that way, five stars”
>pax apparently “forgot some stuff and didn’t feel like booking and waiting for another flight”
Sometimes I still wonder what was in that suitcase.

I used to volunteer to drive drunks home in the summer. I vividly remember one trip
>pick up boomer from seedy bar to bring back to his house
>asks if i can drop by a corner store to get some snacks for the rest of the night
>drop him off at nearby 24/hour store and wait
>he comes out with 2 huge grocery bags of booze
>offers me some but i don't drink
>start heading to his place a 10 minute drive away
>telling me shitty stories about his wife, job, house problems, etc
>suddenly surrounded by cop cars all around
>boomer tries telling me to speed away
>we are both forced out the car at gunpoint
>turns out boomer is a prolific conman
>at the corner store i dropped him off at he used fake $100 bills
>cops have been tracking him for days
>boomer says i was the one who gave him the money
>cops don't buy it
>seeing my lanyard for the volunteer group i am let go, apologies from cop
>volunteer group has no mercy and just says lol sorry about the whole thing
>quit volunteering that morning
Was otherwise a harmless gig driving college-aged kids and boomers home from bars and parties. We were not supposed to get payed but would frequently get small tips here and there, once got a $50 bill and pizza voucher from a guy who owned a local pizza parlor, he was chill. Wouldn't do it again though, drunks smell and mess up your car.

Not me, but I like to hear stories of Uber drivers whenever I take one.

He was driving a couple, and they were having a huge argument, something about a woman talking to the man at a party. They were arguing louder and louder, and eventually the woman asked the driver to stop the car. The man immediately said not to stop the car, and they bickered back and forth like this, while the driver just kept driving.
Eventually the woman simply opened the door and jumped out of the moving car, rolling up on the asphalt. The driver said she was lucky he wasn't driving that fast. He immediately stopped, the man got out of the car and ended the fare, the woman was really fucked up.