>>2862766
You took a massive creamy shit in the minivan with your family sleeping in there with you?

>brother wants to go hiking
>mfw brother is a fatass who’s job is sitting in a booth checking in truckers at a warehouse
>doesn’t have the time cuz of work
>whatever
Fast forward a year
>brother gets fired cuz he’s white
>starts bugging me to go hiking with him
>tell him to plan a trip and we’ll go
>he doesn’t make any plans
>whatever
>he keeps bugging me
>”make the plans”
>doesn’t make plans
This continues for around a month or so
>”hey anon when are we gonna go hiking?”
>mfw I’ve had enough of it
>alright boot your computer we’re planning the trip right now
>find close-ish state park
>look at the trails online
>”let’s just do the 8 mile loop, it says the average time is only 5 hours”
>(I doubt this mf can walk 8 miles on an 8% grade but I’ve been surprised before)
>”sure we’ll do that one”
>next day
>”hey bro do you have your pack ready?”
>”yeah bro I got everything I need”
>his “pack” consisting of a shoulder slung lunch box with Welch’s gummies, 2 oranges and 4 bottles of water
>a “walking stick”
>broomhandle with electrical tape on one end
> no fucking way
>convince him he needs a backpack
>refuses to take the actual walking staff I offered him

Cont’d

>>2863411
>the day of arrives
>uneventful drive up there
>he remembered to bring a hat
>nice
>we arrive at the park
>grab a map
>”hmm should we drive to the trailhead or just hike to it from the entrance?”
>”let’s just hike to it we’re an hour early anyways”
> 2 extra miles
>okay
>start hiking
>signage is pretty shit so we make some wrong turns
>eventually get on the correct trail
>”can we stop soon I’m getting hungry”
>”me too, we’ll stop when we reach the trail head on the overlook
>reach the trailhead, very pretty overlook
>we have a snack and rest for a few minutes
>it’s all downhill from here
>we set out onto the trail around midday
>sun is ravenous
>this trail is unique as it Navigates through a forest that experienced a fire about 10 years ago
>meaning the shade is non existent
>going steady for about 4 miles
>find a patch of trees to stop under
>”I don’t think I packed enough water”
>take a look
>he swapped 2 of the water bottles out for sweet tea
>sweet tea has baked in the sun for the entire trail
>rancid
>retard
>”it’s fine you can have some of mine if you need it, we’re making decent time, just keep this pace and you’ll be fine”
>start heading out
>he starts huffing after about a 1/2 mile
>”when can we stop?”
>”we just started again?”
>trail starts narrowing
>trail starts going uphill
>”man, can we stop soon?”
>”nigga we haven’t even done a full mile yet, we’ll stop at the end of this section”
>remind him this was all his idea
>we trudge up the trail for a while longer
>”man I gotta stop for a while”
>our pace has slowed to a crawl, about 0.8 miles an hour
>”bro we’re almost to the next stop just keep going”
>I can tell he’s not doing too hot but I figure he’ll be fine once we rest for a bit
>remind him this was his idea
>”alright bro, but can I use your walking stick for a while? This one’s cutting my hand up”

Cont’d

>>2863413
>”alright you can use mine”
>his stick is indeed shit as he wrapped the tape the wrong direction, and it’s too short
>make it to the stop
>bro rests against a tree and eats a (now liquefied) orange
>”we need to pick up the pace or we’re gonna be late”
>we rest for about 20 minutes
>set off again
> next stretch is about 2 miles, rest area at the end of the trail is the next stop, then the last 2 back to the parking lot
>bro is huffing and puffing as soon as we set off
>”man my legs are killing me”
>remind him of the cost of having to be rescued
>remind his this was his idea
>we slow to an absolute snails pace
>it dawns on me that the possibility of us not leaving before sundown is very real
>”I gotta stop for a minute man”
>”no, get the fuck up”
>repeat
>we walk for what feels like 3 hours
>”hey there’s a sing up there, must be getting close to the end”
>hallelujah
>walk up to the sign
>examine the map
>we’ve only walked 1 mile
>fuck
>”we gotta pick up the pace or we ain’t gonna get out of here before nightfall”
>bro looks like he’s melting
>”I can’t go any faster man”
>offer him some water
>he gulps down about a quart of my water, of which I was already running low
> about 1 pint left for the last 3 miles
>fuck
>we get going again
>”I can’t keep going man”
>”the fuck you can’t”
>bro collapses
>remind him this was his idea
>sit for 5 minutes in the afternoon sun
>repeat every 500 feet
>he finally manages to drag himself the last mile
>reach the stop
>small parking lot with a water tap coming out of the ground
>thank the lord
>bro collapses again at the fountain about 200 feet from the parking lot
> open the tap to fill my (now empty) water jug
>
>
>nothing
>fuck
>”the water tap is dry”
>”I can’t keep going, just take my keys and go on, pick me up once you get the car”
>contemplate calling him a faggot
>realize I’m 2hours behind schedule
>fuck it whatever
>take the keys

>>2863414
>start sprinting up the last 2 miles
>still going uphill somehow
>get a call from our dad
>”is everything okay?”
>”bro collapsed and I’m getting the car”
>”well try to get home soon”
>”will do”
>continue sprinting
>going way too fast, starting to get tired
>can’t stop now or else we’re fucked
>keep pushing on
>finally make it to the camping areas about a 1/2 mile from the car
>see a water spout in a vacant rv spot
>run over and pull out my water jug
>fillherup
>tastes like pure fucking ambrosia, like the nectar of the gods themselves has graced my lips
>after taking my heavenly chug of water I get going again
>decide to slow down to my regular pace as sprinting over concrete fucking hurts
> finally make it to the car
>sweet relief
>I throw my shit in the back and start it up
>bro can fucking wait I’m going to the gift shop first to get my walking stick badge
>drive over
>get out and head to the door
>locked
>hours 7:00 am to 4:30 pm
>current time 4:39 pm
>I struggle to contain my unabashed fury as I get back in the car
>go to get bro
>windy hill country roads
>having fun blasting about the twisty hills In my brothers shitbox
>reach the parking lot
>he’s sleeping on the ground
>lay on the horn
>he wakes up and stumbles into the car
>immediately reclines the seat all the way back
>”can you drive back home? I need some rest”
>consider telling him to kill himself
>decide it’s not worth the effort
>”fine”
The ride home was fine, he was out like a light so I just listened to jim Croce the whole way back

Overall pretty shit experience, I frankly did not think he was gonna crash so hard so suddenly, for the first few miles he seemed fine and was keeping a good pace but then he shit the bed.

Sorry if it was a bit long and not very dramatic but it’s more of a cautionary tale about first time hikers, I was probably a bit harsh on him but he just refused to fucking listen to me.

That reminds me of that guy asking for advice on the radio. He had moved across the country from the most mountainous region to the most flat and boring one, because his wife wanted to be close to her family. Unsurprisingly he became depressed as fuck and questioned whether he should divorce her.

>>2862766
That reminds me of that guy asking for advice on the radio. He had moved across the country from the most mountainous region to the most flat, boring and economically dead one, because his wife wanted to be close to her family. Unsurprisingly he became depressed as fuck and questioned whether he should divorce her. I think hey had kids as well.

>>2863414
>>2863416
If anyone ever wants to know what Search & Rescue is like, this is your average non-injury call. The only difference is sometimes they're wearing skis.

>>2863414
you aren't allowed to use 100% greentext. If you use greentext there has to be some black at some point.

>>2863573
I didn't ask

>>2863573
I’m sorry did I post my story on Reddit by accident?

Kill yourself faggot.

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>>2863411
>>2863413
>>2863414
>>2863416
That must have been so annoying. Jesus. That "walking stick" was diabolical, and so was his lunch. God damn

>>2863411
>>a “walking stick”
>>broomhandle with electrical tape on one end
There's nothing wrong with this if it's a wood one, I used this exact setup for a walking stick and tension rod for my tent for 3 years straight and I even clobbered 2 rattlesnakes to death with it. It didn't even break some faggot tweaker stole it.