Anonymous (ID: xgrMrpfq)
11/25/25(Tue)16:22:43 No.522230589

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Anonymous (ID: xgrMrpfq) 11/25/25(Tue)16:22:43 No.522230589

>be me
>23yo neet
>still live in basement
>mom keeps leaving job flyers on my door like passive-aggressive origami
>one day see ad for “professional sleeper” clinical trial
>$4k to sleep for 2 weeks straight
>finally my calling
>show up, sign waiver longer than mein kampf
>they hook me up to 50 wires, looks like I’m being prepped for the chair
>hot german nurse says “ve vill be vatching you sleep”
>instantly diamond
>day 3 realize they’re pumping pure melatonin and 200mg benadryl directly into veins
>start dreaming in 240p
>wake up briefly, ask for tendies
>they write “subject requested chicken tenders” in official log like I’m a lab monkey
>day 10
>hallucinating hardcore
>see hitler in the corner doing the griddy
tell him “skill issue bro”
>he nods respectfully and vanishes
>day 14 ends
>they unhook me
>give me $4k in crisp 100s
>also hand me printout of my brainwaves
>it just says “skill issue bro” on repeat for 336 hours
>mom picks me up
>asks if I finally got a job
>mfw I tell her I’m literally paid to be what I already am
>mfw she starts crying
>mfw I use the money to buy RGB chicken tender warmer
>still neet
>but now neet with benefits
>feels good man