This is a 393 year old American shark (formerly Greenland shark). It has been roaming the Earth since 143 years before the Declaration of Independence.President Trump has provided this shark the paperwork to realize its potential as a full American citizen, and has secured it as the oldest living American.Say something nice about the American Shark.
>>526260664T Rex was the original american
>>526260664lol you are a master baiter
>>526260752FPBPAlso true
>>526260664He could run for President
>>526260752Bacteria was the first American citizen. Sitting Bullshit BTFO
>>526260664How come God didn't shrink animals lifespans to cap at 120 years?
The shark is now sponsoring a McDonald's partnership for shark burgers
>Breaking news, Green L. Shark, an elderly cherished member of the community, tragically passed away in his home following a robbery gone wrong. The police are seeking tips, the suspected accomplices are also of American descent and have been seen fleeing in a silver 2008 Nissan Altima.
>>526260664Put him in congress immediately
>>526260664He looks tired.
>>526260664ahhh finally a nice legal immigrant :3
>>526260664the piece of shit greenland eskimos kill these btw
He doesn't look a day over 250.What's his secret?
>>526261669there's no secret
>>526260955Because… he just didn’t, ok?!
>>526261118Tired and sad.
>>526260664I wonder how does he percieves time and how many fucked up shit he saw down in the oceans https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPK9y2IwGas
>>526261669>>526263433There is lol https://youtu.be/JUPrdUvB58c
>>526260955Because the Buddha was right and the different planes of existence are observable to us in the here and the now. This shark was obviously reincarnated into a hell realm, forced to live in darkness for 400+ years.
>>526261669They have no metabolism and just drift around in the cold dark water barely moving. An existence to aspire to if we're being honest
>>526260664>holy shit look at this old ass shark<aw fuck that shark is old wtf>yeah I bet it’s like 400 years old< maybe 393>fuckSCIENCE!>>526260955Pretty clear from the text. Humans were imbued with divinity, animals were not. God doesn’t say>deez niggas too old frHe says>my spirit will not always strive with man
>>526263948You assholes talk so much shitWhat the fuck is wrong with being a shark? They're arguably better evolved than we are >no tiktoks down in the ocean must be someone's 500 year punishment Fuck you.
>>526264106>An existence to aspire to if we're being honestHow many voices are in your head?
>>526264106That's basically what I do too
>>526263948>no annoying faggots under the ocean>no niggers>no wage slavery or jewish taxes>no fucking jeet plague>just float around and do nothing all the time>no eyes to see clown world withSounds more like heaven
>>526264467Embracing the frigid caress of the Arctic seas. Everything is dark and calm because parasites eat their eyes. Meanwhile we're comparatively neurotic balls of noxious energy that can never be still until death. Clearly we have a lot to learn from this shark
>>526261012Whenever I see Nissan I just see Niggin now
>>526264761The parasites produce bioluminescence that helps attract prey. There ain't shit all to see down there anyway.
>>526263671>I wonder how does he percieves time and how many fucked up shit he saw down in the oceansnot many because they are usually blind from eye parasites
>>526260664why is this guy so old, what does he do? just swim and eat for 400 years, doesn't it get boring? no hoes no ballz n gunz nigga sum unc ahh bih he is , no american shark 4 sho
>>526260664Who is collecting his social security checks?
>>526260752Sharks are far older than dinosaurs. Sharks are older than trees. Sharks have been swimming in the Earth's oceans long enough to have made it two full orbits around the Milky Way.
>>526265998Imagine parasites sucking your eyes for centuries. Grim
>>526266143apparently some of them are virgins too
>>526260664Despite being a soon-to-be American... this shark already voted Democrat in several American state and federal elections.
>>526260664Looks delicious.
>>526267037Sneed's Feed & Seed (formerly Chuck's)
>>526261012I lol'd
>>526260664
>>526267131Congrats, traffic is low enough for the script to hit the 4-second mark.
