>>532829203How did abbos live around this for thousands of years and never once think 'hmm maybe we should invent boats and get the fuck away from these'
>>532829203I have yet to see one of these blasted with a shotgun, and probably never will considering roofuckers aren't allowed shotguns.
>>532829348
>>532829348These things are harmless. Snakes are a far bigger problem over there.
>>532829203Kek imagine just waffle stomping the fuck out of him down the drain into spider soup that swirls away.
>>532829203>Pool's closed
>>532829203*pisses on its face*
>>532829348They were playing the long game, the Dreamtime told them if they just hung around a little longer soon the white man would come and build them roads to sleep on and petrol to huff
>>532829203*pisses on its face*>>532829348My nigga, you don't think they were eating them?
>>532829753Those spiders despite their size are fast af. Fast as those little cute jumping spiders.
>>532829762>Imagine sailing around the south Pacific with no prior info and bouncing around fucked up cannibal island before finding a bunch of missing links living on a burning shit hole island eating tarantulas and mud crabs alongside upright walking deer and gigantic man eating lizards. The present is gay.
He clearly wants to be fed
>>532829203ffffuuuuuuuck you
>>532829753>>532829798>dodges the stream of piss>jumps on to your groin>bites your dick 25 times
>>532829203fuck youyou made me punch my monitor
>>532829348Because they’re not spineless cowards like yourself
>>532829203Huntsman spider, mostly harmless and kind of bros, they kill other insects, they like to come inside when it rains. Only spiders you need to worry about here are redbacks which will make you violently ill and funnel webs which will kill you.
>>532830269Are you just saying this to make us feel better.
>>532829947They're not aggressive though afiak, I wouldn't lean over or whatever, I'd stay back footed, but fuck it lmao. I have a theory that after the big arachnophobia craze that the western populous has by process of elimination been breeding sneakier spiders that are much less likely to brazenly fuck around where people will see it. What if spiders like piss, could one theoretically breed a crop of piss fiend spiders to release into general population?
>>532829203It's ok, humans are more afraid of us than we are of them
>>532830138I've played baseball before, I'm ready for him.
>>532829203Spiders don't bother me anymore. They invaded my house, at first I didnt like it. I observed their behavior for hours on end each day. Learning. Watching. Then one night I had a dream, a huge spider stood before me. I didn't understand what it was saying but it was soothing, like silken webs caressing the skin. When I woke up a spider was on my chest looking at me dead in the eyes. I nodded and it nodded back then scurried away.
>>532830269>you see 'ere cunt, you keep this 13 inch fucker around so he can kill the bugs that will actually kill you
>>532830138I felt that shit on my balls as I was reading that, fuck this thread I'm out.
>>532830269>relax, it's just a spider big as a dog coming out of the toilet while you do the poopooI hate aussies like you wouldn't believe
Oi Bruce, let’s just play with the little critters!
Australia is FUCKED
>>532830344No it's true, the only spiders you really need to worry about here are redbacks and funnel webs, there is also some debate over another spider called the whitetail, some say they cause a necrotic wound that wont heal if they bite you, others say it's bullshit. If I find a huntsman in my house, I usually just get a jar or glass and trap it and put it back out in the garden.
>>532830269why not just get a gecko for these purposes? seems like a better choice than a fucking cat sized spider that can run 50km/h
>>532830563Bruce, attempt feeding them piss, for science.
i walked through hyde park in sydney at night and i must have walked through a cob web on a tree that had a huge spider attached to it and it landed on my neck
>>532830470I observe spiders, wolf spiders are very cute. They aren't very good at climbing, and when they fall it takes them a moment to gather themselves. It's like they are embarrassed for falling.
>>532830554Leaf Sperm sample?
>>532830138So it wants my cum too. Greedy spider slut.
>>532830687Can't be ours, we have one big one, like a tadpole.
>>532830217Awfully brave for someone who's never encountered one of these fuckers while climbing or operating a vehicle.
>>532830602Got plenty of garden skinks/lizards to do that along with the huntsmans, also have a big ass blue tongue lizard that hangs around my garden, likes to sun bake on the driveway.
>>532829203>aussie sees spider on toilet>calls plumber to fix it>plumber uses monkey wrenchManu such cases
>>532830470You got eggs in your brain bro
>>532829203
Do these things bite? We don't have spiders here
>>532829203Even spider knows how to poo in loo.
>>532829348that's why they set fires all the time
>>532829348The spiders inbOz are based, they eat the snakes which means they stay away.
>>532830138But enough about your mother.
>>532830742even spiders can't resist the allure of BGC
>>532831115THE SPIDERS EAT SNAKES
Is it spider season already? I had a fuck off huge huntsman just last night, the first one I've had in years. Too big to get in a cup, so I had to herd it down onto a wall with bug spray and then smack it with my wife's thong.
>>532831230>then smack it with my wife's thong.Thong in Australian is not the same as thong elsewhere.
>>532831184Well yeah, the fuck you think they eat? https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-02-17/eastern-brown-snake-caught-in-redback-spiders-web/103479010
>>532829348Abbos cook 'em over a fire on a stick. Delicacy it is
>>532829348you need an IQ of at least 80 to invent things
>>532830742t.
>>532831312No you don't get it, his wife is really that fat. Her thong is as big as a buick.
>>532831459The third panel is him being eaten by her.
>>532831380Bullshit, have you not seen returning the Aboriginal returning stick? Or the famous hollow branch?
>>532831161FUCKER! Beat me to it.
>>532830563>based spiderbromay the spiders keep and protect you
>>532830802lizards are comfy, spiders are nightmare material
>>532829203Even the spider poos in the loo, get your shit together india.
>>532830138I get spider-dick powers?
>>532830138Don't threaten me with a good time
>>532829203This is the biggest one I have found last winter.
>>532830563Do you lot have to keep your shoes in plastic boxes or something? What do you do about the toilet seat? There could be a spider under there centimetres from your cock every time you take a shit. You can’t possibly leave your windows open at night because of the snakes?Why are you even out there. You know you can come back right? Just do a few years in jail for that bread your great grandfather stole and you’ll be back home.
>>532831719Everywhere in the animal kingdom where females are dominant or able to physically match the males, the male experience is absolute hell.Go figure.
>>532831115>The spiders>eat the snakesAustralia and New Zealand should be glassed
>>532831366THE DEADLY POISONOUS SPOODEREATSTHE DEADLY POISONOUS SNEKpeak cunt, also check’d.
>>532832043Give her a good home, I've got one right outside the door so I don't have disgusting gnats buzzing in my face
>>532832047Only an issue if you leave your shoes outside, all of these spiders rarely come inside so no issue for the toilet. Public toilets can be sketchy though.
>>532832256>rarely
>>532829203>oy shut the door ye feckin cunt
>>532830269>funnel webs>Their fangs are large and powerful, capable of penetrating fingernails and soft shoes.
>>532830494fair dinkum I reckon.
>>532829348>How did abbos live around this for thousands of years and never once thinkThe thinking part is sort of beyond their capabilities.
>>532829203He doesn’t look particularly dangerous, not like a Sydney funnel web which will kill you in 30 minutes. To Australians, this is like seeing a common house spider.
>>532830138That would make my dick 25 times bigger.
Just think of them as free range protein and it's all good.
>>532832875uma delicia
>>532832043AAAAAAAAAAAA! Too Big!
>>532829203I am half way through the thread... why haven't a fucking Aussie come out and explain that the picture is fake?
>>532832402Good one.
>>532832256one simple trick can keep your asshole safe in the dark.
>>532829203The only sensible thing to do in this situation is to burn your house down and move.
This thread was moved to >>>/bant/24200656
