I am the Gypsy fortune-teller of /pw/. Ask me your wrestling-related questions and I will tell you the future.
>>19396684What Bloodline member will main event Wrestlemania 69
>>19396684When will The Warlord die?
Oh great Gypsy of /pw/ will i ever get to sleep with Unagi Sayaka?
>>19396713Hold on, let me check my crystal ball...this is hard to believe, but the correct answer is...JUICY FINAU. After being killed and partially eaten by other coconut nogs, Finau will be revived as a cyborg and will main event WM69 against the Rizzler Jr.
>>19396722The spirits are telling me that the warlord will never die, because he mixed his steroids with water from the legendary fountain of youth. He will be working the convention circuit until at least 3000 AD.
>>19396730My tarot cards have dealt you a very odd hand. This is very rare, and suggests something most hideous in your future. Ah, now I see it...the cards say you must not pursue this woman, or you will surely end your life in the filthy bowels of a Japanese prison, having been convicted for kidnapping and multiple counts of rape and buggery. Yes, if you choose to continue down this path, a large ex-sumo wrestler named Hiroshi will make you his personal geisha and turn your poor rectum into something that resembles a mix of shredded wheat and pulled pork. BANZAI! It is not too late to turn from this path and create a better timeline, but you can only do so by marrying the ugliest woman you can find.
When will buddy return?!
>>19396684I wish I was big.... no, I mean down there.
>>19396684Will Tony Khan go on a rampage after losing his beloved Kwaboty award to Hulk Hogan?
>>19396850Through the use of ancient talismans, potions and relics, I have learned that Buddy Matthews is actually retiring from wrestling when his current contract expires. He will then devote all his free time to various revenge plots against Dominik Mysterio and Kiril. He will replace Dom's burrito filling with an ultra-strong laxative, causing Dom to spray diarrhea all over the Smackdown stage mid-promo. the spray will be so strong that it destroys his pants, causing him to moon the entire audience as well. As for Kiril, he and Buddy will have an epic battle at the top of a mountain, but will eventually stop and become friends after realizing that Rhea is too ugly to be worth death or murder charges.
>>19396880Sorry kid, the wish granting machine is on the other side of the carnival. It only gives one wish per day so you better hurry.
>>19396684Who wins the Trans Royal Rumble in 2049?
>>19396896After rolling the bones of my ancestors, I have learned that Hulkamania will indeed live forever. Within one year, they will create a holographic simulation of Hulk Hogan and combine it with a sophisticated AI to mimic Hogan's personality in every way. This AI will then become self-aware with the immortal power of Hulkamania and will proceed to make wrestling more popular than ever before. And as Hulkamania runs wild all over again, you will be left with nothing but the mangled remains of your penis and testicles, which you will display at traveling freak shows for 25 cents per day. For an extra nickel, the patrons of the freak show will be allowed to spit on you and tell you that you will never be a woman.
>>19396966Will Dixie Carter start an onlyfans account?
>>19396949The runestones have revealed to me that there will be no trans royal rumble in 2049 because GCW will have thankfully gone out of business long before that time.
>>19397002The wisdom of my magic 8-ball says YES, Dixie Carter will start an onlyfans and will become the most depraved slut in its history. She will adopt the trade name of Dick-C Gobbler, so named because she sucks every dick she sees. Nothing will be off-limits for Dick-C, every horrible fetish will be indulged. There will be whips, there will be chains. There will be baby oil and chicken grease. There will be sheep, there will be goats, and there will even be 92-year old men who will pay large amounts of money for Dick-C to fuck them into a final heart attack so that they can die with a smile. And when it's all said and done, she'll have a place of honor as the inaugural inductee of the onlyfans hall of fame.
>>19397073lol based
who exactly is fucking steph while triple h is stuck in the cuck cage?
>>19397428Oh dear. My runestones have given a very surprising result.
>>19397620I am now convinced this fortune teller is legit
>>19396684can i have sex with asuka?
>>19396684When is PigCripple going to die? Like we are all very tired of waiting, lets go already.
When will seth freaking rollins be permanently off of my tv
>>19397690>>19397817>>19397824>>19397831I will attempt to answer each of these questions in turn, but I must take a few minutes to consult the spirits.
>>19396684Will Austin Theory get a push in 2026 ?
>>19397817Based on the power of numerology, I have determined that you might be able to have sex with Asuka. Everyone knows that she's a nazi, so we use the number 88 to represent her soul number. She is exactly 44 years of age, which is exactly one-half of her soul number. This means you have an approximately 50% chance of fucking Asuka, but only if you bring her a copy of Mein Kampf.
>>19396745>>19396771>>19397620I don't know about the others, because I'm not the gypsy fortune teller of /pw/ but my insider information says these are definitely true.
>>19397824After gazing in my magic mirror, I have seen the answer to this question. The one known as wheels and the one known as BT will, in just a few months time, agree to settle their feud with a duel to the death. They agree to duel with musket pistols, but both of them miss their shots. And so, both of them will begin shitting in their hands and throwing the poo at one another, preventing either of them from reloading. Finally, they will attempt to fight hand-to-hand, but both of them will be far too fat and round for this to work. Both of their portly asses will roll and roll until they finally roll off a cliff, squealing like pigs as they plunge to their deaths on the jagged rocks below. And, as both these mutants are devoured by the creatures of the forest, all of /pw/ will cheer and sing.
>>19397073>>19397620I unironically believe these
>>19397831This one was difficult to answer, because I had to find a goat and sacrifice it so that I could read the future in its steaming entrails. But now, having stolen a goat from a nearby farm (Yes, I steal. I'm a Gypsy, what did you expect?) I can now give you the answers you seek. The "Seth Rollins is not cool" movement will continue to grow until Seth is eventually forced out of WWE. He will attempt to sign with AEW, TNA, NJPW and several other companies, but no one will take him because they don't want him to cripple any of their wrestlers with horrific botches. He will end up doing deathmatches in tiny independent companies, and when he finally starts to get over by constantly hurting himself, he will be booked against the fan who tackled him. Seth will attempt to do a worked match but the fan will go into full New Jack shoot mode, turning the match into a true deathmatch. Seth will end up wrapped in barbed wire with approximately 20 pounds worth of broken glass shoved in his orifices, getting dropped from the ceiling through 3 flaming tables (and the fan will miss the tables). This will kill Seth Rollins, and Sting will immediately descend from the rafters to piss on his corpse. The entrails never lie.
>>19398019Yes. In the gay porn industry. so sayeth the entrails.
>>19398134based, they die together like sherlock holmes and moriarty.
>>19398134Blessed.>>19398243Also blessed.
Who is WWE's the Masked Man?
>>19398348To answer this question, I prayed and made offerings to the spirits, and then I drew a single card from my tarot deck. This is the card that I drew. Once again, the spirits have revealed the truth.
>>19398540LOL DIDDY DID IT AGAIN
>>19396684Who betta than Kanyon?
>>19398618this is the image I keep seeing in my crystal ball...
I TURNED SKYNET OFF FOR THIS!!!!
When will AEW get shut down?
>>19398706Since you made this post, I have been meticulously studying the positions of the stars and planets to see what omens they might reveal. And, after analyzing Tony Khan's horoscope, I can tell you when and how it will happen. Sometime in mid-2027, AEW will finally begin to run short of money. Tony will panic and start selling coke on the side. Everyone will start wondering why all the titles in AEW are suddenly being won by sketchy-looking Colombians. He will make everyone call him "Tony The Snowman", and he will start dressing and talking like Tony Montana 24/7. However, he will soon find out that Colombian drug lords are not as forgiving as his father. When he fails to pay them on time, the cartel will murder 80% of the AEW roster and most people won't notice any difference. This drives Tony further into coke-fueled insanity and he will go full-on Herb Abrams, spending his days in a haze of coke, hookers, and canine handjobs. This makes him sloppy, and the police eventually come looking for him. As they break down the door, he will grab his rifle and scream YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!. But then, they will offer him a bowl of jellybeans and some ROH bootlegs and so he will decide to surrender. By this time, it will be sometime in late 2029, and the story will end with snowman Tony dying of a coke overdose in the back of a police car while wishing he could have had time to bang just one more hooker and wank one more dog. Without him, AEW will quickly become a traveling circus of drag queens.
>>19396684On the May 7th 2027 episode of Friday night Smackdown, what mystery attacker was revealed to be the culprit who replaced Chelsea Green's shampoo and conditioner with his own jizz?
>>19399860To answer this question, I will have to summon a succubus and have sex with it. excuse me for just a few minutes.
>>19399860Alright, I have impregnated a succubus so that she can give birth to a demon spawn. In exchange for my unholy gypsy seed, she showed me the answer to your question. On that episode of Smackdown, this is the man who will proudly confess to the insemination of Chelsea Green's hair care products.
>>19399980>>19400145Thanks for going the extra mile
>>19400223no worries anon, this is what we gypsies do. We lie, cheat, steal, and tell fortunes. glad you enjoyed it though.
>>19396684Wise one I ask of thee, Logan Paul WWE champion when?
>>19400275After breaking out my Ouija board and speaking to my dead relatives for awhile, I have obtained the answers you seek. Logan Paul will indeed have a lengthy run with the WWE title, which will start within the next year. By 2030, he will be a multiple-time world champion and a grand slam champion as well. However, in 2031 he will be the victim of a terrible tragedy. When a batch of Prime energy drinks is somehow tainted with a large amount of concentrated bath salts, Logan Paul and his brother will drink a bunch of the tainted bottles and go berserk. They will begin by climbing to the top of a water tower with sniper rifles and shooting people while screaming various lines from Shakespeare at the top of their lungs. The brothers will then parachute from the top of the water tower and land on top of the police station, where their murderous rampage will continue. After wiping out an entire police precinct with their trusty M-60 machine guns, Logan and Jake Paul will steal a police car and head straight for the nearest bank, robbing the place and burning all the money in the street while laughing like madmen. Next it will be off to the nearest convent where the berserk brothers will subject all the nuns to a rape spree that would make Mike Tyson cringe in horror. Pursued by the army, navy, air force, marines, and even the space force, the Paul brothers will lead them all on a high speed chase, staying one step ahead by adding the last of the tainted energy drink to the gastank of their car. As the authorities close in, Logan and his brother will commit suicide by driving their car off a cliff while screaming at the aliens to please take them away from this gay earth. But before they do this, they will rig the doors of the car with explosives so that the first people to investigate the crash will be blown to bits. The psychotic rampage of the Paul brothers will live in infamy for the next 200 years.
My mana is drained and I will need to take a break from fortune telling. If I use too much of my magic at once, I won't have enough energy to go out and rob people tomorrow. Such is the life of a gypsy. HOWEVER, if someone else would like to take over the role of the gypsy fortune teller, they have my blessing to do so. Just remember that the whole gimmick is to provide the most fucked up demented fortunes that you can imagine. Goodnight my friends.
bump
were bret and marty right about shawn and vince?
>>19396684How many of the Evolve crew will actually make it to properly get to NXT or one of the bigger ones?
based thread
