OH SHIT NIGGA. You are lady Firemane. Of the (formerly) noble house of Fireborn! You were once the greatest wagon racer this side of the kingdom. Sadly due to shenanigans, you lost everything and went into debt with the Adventurer's Guild in order to survive. But then you found the Inexperienced Hero, Ezekiel "Kid" Rutebega ! You took him under your wing to mold him into the hero he's always meant to be: your devoted apprentice (probably)Ezekiel's older brother has started his campaign of destruction, he leads his hordes of undead barbarians to ravage the lands. As members of the guild, your party has went on the quest chain to stop said undead barbarian horde.One of the Barbarian Chieftess of said horde set up a trap for you and your compatriots! She was about to wreck you at the end of last thread but The Hero jumped in just in time! Now Ezekiel's engaged in combat with her!
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>6271856GIT'IM KIDBEAT THE BITCHBEAT HER SO HARD THE QM HAS TO ADD RYONA TO THE QUEST TAFS
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>6271856Kid!don't get distracted by her sexy frame! Those mouth watering breasts! Those chiseled fem ads, DAT BOOTY!
>>6271860"GOT IT, MISS FIREMANE! I WON'T GET DISTRACTED!"
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>6271867Well, of course he wouldn't. Firemane has a FAR better body than that barbarian hussy. BEAT HER UP!
>>6271869He uses one of the Fire Knight moves you taught him! FLAMING PUNCH!
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>6271871Quick, where's the character whose sole purpose is to narrate everything that's happening in the fight while overreacting extremely loudly?
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>6271871Can he resist her NTR shorta proposal attack?
>>6271879oh no
>>6271879"You're strong, boy. Why don't you join up with a REAL warrior?"
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>6271889QUICKLY FIREMANE THINK OF SOMETHINGYOU CAN'T LET YOURSELF GET KEKED
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6271889Boy thinks about being a bad boy barbarian, then realizes they don't have Gunpla they have stupid rocks! Fuck that! FIRERY SHORYUKEN!
>>6271892
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>6271900Time for Firemane to deal the finishing blow and show that bitch what happens to any woman who tries to steal her man
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6271900>>6271903>>6271900This and fist of God and double wizard are watching, they might have a crush on the barbarian woman...(Just a b side plot that could end our favor)
>>6271903Alright Firemane, Kid softened her up enough. Probably. Time for you to charge in and finish her off! By...A. A really big punchB. A really big fire ballC. A really big explosionD. Hitting her with your wagonE. [Insert your choice here]
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>6271915E. Hit her with all of the above
>>6271915The female's best weapon...>E. THE FIRE SLAP
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>6271918
>>6271920CRANKING UP THE FIRE SLAP
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>6271932S L A PLAP
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>6271932Biiiiiich!
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>6271936>>6271933COULD IT BE?
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>6271945Possibly.
>>6271948Really anon. Fumbling a 20 out of 100
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>6271952Hey, I'm not the only roller here.
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6271953Anon rolls "worst dice ever", asked to leave thread
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>6271952Sorry I was working >>6271945>>6271952Plez forgibb
>>6271955>>6271954>>6271953>1Let's all shame anon and his terrible dice rolling
>>6271957
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>6271957MR QM SEND HIM TO HELL,WHERE HIS UNHOLY TORMENT MAY BE A TESTAMENT TO HIS WRETCHED LIFE AND WICKED WAYS. HIS SKIN FLAYED AND VISCERA SCATTERED ABOUT. WHERE HE WILL WEEP AND CRY BUT IT WILL ONLY BOLSTER THE RESOLVE OF HIS TORMENTORS. FOR THEY HATE HIM. HE WILL KNOW WHAT TRUE FEAR AND PAIN IS. BUT IT WILL BE NO SOLACE FOR THERE WILL BE NO END AND NO ESCAPE. HIS ETERNITY WILL BE SOURED WITH AN ANGUISH ONE COULD NEVER IMAGINE. HIS SKIN WILL CRACK LIKE DESERT SOIL, AND HIS VEINS WILL BLEED LIKE THE TIGRIS AND EUPHRATES, BUT NEVER ENOUGH TO QUENCH THE THIRST OF HIS ABUSERS. HELL IS NOW AS HELL WILL ALWAYS BE, HAS ALWAYS BEEN. BUT THE FEAR INTO HIS EYES, HIS SCENT AND HIS RESOLVES WILL BE A NEW HEAVEN TO ME.
>>6271960
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>6271965>>6271957I swear I am not a witch!
>>6271966
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>6271974Throw him into the river and see if he sinks or floats
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>6271974Enough distraction. Rewind back to the slap.
>>6271978Wells that's a fair cop
>>6271978
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>6271989Can we get back to Firemane having successfully slapped Barbarian lady into the ground and as a result is giving Ezekiel sloppy toppy as thanks for helping her
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>6271989Im happy
>>6271992
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>6271996Well?
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>6271996Cmon man.
>>6271997Whaddayamean, "well", it was you specifically that fumbled the slappa, anon
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>6272006Okay we'll have to check him later. Re aim efforts at the barbarian lady.
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>6272011Quick! Re-slap her!
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>6272017Controller was disconnected so we are getting our reroll!
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>6272017> implying a 360 motion is lolwut worthy.Hit her with the lolwut
>>6272018you fucking imbecile
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>6272020What he goes with the higher roll? Yo got the higher roll.
>>6272019For making her slap Ezekiel, Firemane hits the Barbarian Chieftess with the Raging Sto--I mean. Raging Fire
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>6272028Now what about that witch op? I think you got something there !
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>6272029Quick anon! Roll to see if you float or sink!
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>6272032Glubn glubn booooop?
>>6272021apologies fellow anon I appear to have lashed out in misunderstanding. I just expected another one of OP's tricks.
>>6272037Even when he has tricks it's all in good fun. Let the joke ride and you'll be back on track faster than forcing it back on track.
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>6272032What if the hat is a distraction and they already flew away.
>>6272033Anon is not a witch! Huzzah!
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>6272043Witch gets to go to heaven, but on his way he gets hit by the wagon! Fuck me!
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>6272043wait don't witches melt in water or something
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>6272045As anon is hit by the big wagon in the sky, OP realizes it be 3 AM so imma sleep. Bread continues 2morrowBut before I go, roll against my dice to see if Firemane managed to KO the Barbarian Chieftess with that super
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>6272051Ok
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>6272051Sure
>>6272052KO!now i slep. updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>6272055Aaand her breasts are bigger again. I'm pretty sure her jacket is gonna burst soon at this rate of growth.
>>6272056Her assets increase with each victory against those that try to kidnap her shota.
>>6272060Ezekiel doesn't look shota. He just has that shonen hero youthfulness.
>>6272063Depends which shonen and depends who the end game is, right now he shota
>>6272072No, no, there's a distinct difference. Right now, Ezekiel looks like he could be anywhere from 16 to 20. Shotas look younger than that.
>>6272074Hmmm I dunno, watching him play Gunpla makes him look like a 12-14 and those are generally the shonen ages.
>>6272080Maybe you could say he's a bit too childish, but he definitely doesn't *look* that young.
>>6272082If it only comes down to looks then I'll concede.
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>6275077Back to Firemane and her jacket that looks like it'll burst any moment now.
>>6275081In related news. Jacket Knight. The Knight that sells jackets. Is seeing a huge surge in sales. Firemane is the best advert for how sturdy his jackets are.
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>6275085Jacket knight, do you know of a knight who sells jeans? The party could use a nice pare of jeans.
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>6275085Well, that growth is mysterious, so either she's stealing boob energy from the women she beats or XP is stored in the chest.
>>6275088
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>6275092Anyway, what were we doing again? Something about a race that turned out to be an ambush?
>>6275093Ah yes. Of course. You beat the barbarians' ambush and KO'd the chieftess! With minimal help from Ezekiel! Probably!
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>6275098So I guess the mission is over. Too bad it wasn't an actual race.
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>6275098Actually, how is Ezekiel doing? We slapped him with all our fiery might, didn't we?
>>6275103
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>6275105...So what now?
>>6275106"Return to the guild to take on more quests in an effort to stop my evil brother?"
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6275113Sure, seems like a good idea. What do we do with the barbarian lady though? Last time we captured her she just broke free.
>>6275114"Technically we didn't really captured her the last time. We blew up the barbarian gathering and just assumed everyone was dead"
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>6275116Nuh uh, we even had her bound-up in some magic bondage thing.
>>6275121"Well you could argue that's because the battle wasn't exactly over by then yet""Yeah, she still had enough juice in the tank"
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>6275126Fine, but what are we going to do with her then? Does the Guild take prisoners?
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>6275116is she dead? does she need breast to breast resuscitation>>6275126
>>6275127"Yeah probably best to let the guild deal with it. Saves us the hassle"And saves OP the hassle of actually drawing a new image, wa-hey
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>6275138wasnt there another party member with us?
>>6275140Of course! It's Fist of God! He was just standing offscreen to save on budget
>>6275142oh did you guys not get that Check for all of china's tea? budget should have increased.
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>6275145>>6275142forgot to roll you allowance
>>6275146
>>6275148must have been the mind goblin
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6275150>>6275148mind goblin deez nutz
>>6275151
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>6275152the wizard did it
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>6275152Okay, back to the guild. Someone's gotta keep the plot going.
>>6275154The Guild Manager warmly welcomes you back. To his desk of pending quests.
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>6275157We blew up a bunch of barbarians and captured some lady with tits bigger than your desk, what's our reward?
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>6275157are we at end game yet? kinda wanna play dudes and xenos
>>6275159"Dudes n Xenos doesn't exis---I mean, uh, dunno what you're talking about. But here are some quests you can take on"
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>6275174ok whats the sidequest
>>6275176"No mere sidequests. Each one is extremely critical to the war effort. Pick one and the others will be given to the rest of the guild. What we need done is..."A. Mount an assault on the Undead Barbarians' Bigass Fort That Shoot Laser Beams At PeopleB. Stop the ritual to open a portal to the demon realmC. Slay a Titan
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>6275190slay a titan sounds kinda cool
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>6275190Slay a Titan, we've had enough of mook-destroying missions. Also Kid needs to score a big-ass monster kill to become a real hero or something.We should probably have our traditional "between quest" intermission first, though.
>>6275194>>6275197I'll let you muse on it until the next sesh. Since it's uh, 4 AM, and I gotta go serve my communist overlords in the morning. toodles updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>6275190I'm with the gang. I'm sure our party is more than capable of felling a titan!
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>6277121The mystery box
>>6277122What box
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>6277124THE BOXTHE BOX OF MYSTERIES
>>6277130Yeah but that isn't a Mystery Box. It's a Mystery...Bread
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>6277133And what's inside the mystery bread?
>>6277139Only the most noble of questsGiving OP your money
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>6277144Okay, then I guess we'll just have to kill the titan.
>>6277145
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>6277148Okay, we choose the titan. But first...INTERMISION TIME
>>6277150
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>6277154We haven't gone to the shops in a long time. Let's do that.
>>6277157Alone or with someone?
>>6277163The hero-kun is busy playing MTG with double wizard... And Fist of God think he is playing, use him as a pack mule
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6277166>>6277166>>6277154>>6277163
>>6277166im pretty sure thats just uno
>>6277168Damn Mexicans renaming Magic the Gathering!
>>6277169
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6277172Hey Jose where can we find weapons of mass titan destruction
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>6277172Muy Malo! Aye aye aye aye! Back to the SOMBRERO UFO!
>>6277177He takes a step to the side, his sombrero no longer blocking your vision
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>6277192Meh gustah hombre! Buy some tacos and weapons.
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>6277192hell yeahtime for WEAPONS
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>6277192Oh look it's Día de Muertos
>>6277194"Welcome. Looking for oversized weapons for all your overcompensating needs--I mean giant slaying needs?"
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>6277200>overcompensatingYou need some glasses, because the last person who needs overcompensating is Firemane. Look at her ASSETS.
>>6277206"I don't believe in glasses"
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>6277200Fist of God could use some large mech ams for a Mecha god attachment that can double as rocket pack.Firemane can use fire swordchucks. Double wizard could use three large orbs.And the kid can have some stick.
>>6277206We need a heavy back weapon to compensate for the front weight
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>6277212>>6277211
>>6277213Oh .... Fire wings made of sword? that doubles as a stylish weighted cape?
Whatever the weapons may be...I gotta uh, go lie down. Mah head hurts suddenly. Bread continues when i wake upupdates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>6277218What would be so friggin kewl!
>>6277218Get well soon
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>6280879Go test it out on a training dummy. With a picture of our racing rival on it. Night Knight.
>>6280892That son of a bitch
Hate to cut this short but I gotta go deal with a family emergency. updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Do you guys think Firemane has the size and power to do gif related.
>>6281055Her jacket is a limiter. When the time comes, it'll burst and her full power will be unleashed.
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>6281077Hell yeah. Now that's some nice stuff. Maybe we can get Ezekiel an upgrade for his firesword too, as a gift. Something different.
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>6281077Well Firemane, can you do this?>>6281055 with that kinda power you wouldn't need a weapon.
>>6281089Hush, anon. No spoilers.
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6281099Yeah! Firemane's breasts are for shota heroes only!
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>6281105For the hundredth time, Ezekiel is not a shota.
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>6281099Cmon at least a peak at em, before we upgrade Ezekiel's sword
>>6281105Anyway, let's return to knighty mcknightface"So, you like them sword-chucks?"
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>6281114Screen pan over the training room completely trashed and on fire."Yeah, they'll do."
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>6281114I haven't seen a weapon such as these since the fighters of old. Taking part in some sort of 8-bit theater.
>>6281117"Great. Anything else?"
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>6281131Do you have cool sunglasses?
>>6281132
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>6281137So overdone. Got anything more unique?
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>6281137Oh shit those are really cool.
>>6281140
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>6281142Does the shop have like, a selection for sale or does he just wear his own pair to flex on poor people?
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>6281143"Maaaaybe"
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>6281153...those are some big dice rolls.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>6281153My glasses are too cool for you, traveler.
>>6281158Unfortunately Ye Olde Bigass Weapons don't sell cool glasses, only bigass weapons. Knighty McKnightface just likes flexing his own personal collection on poor people
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>6281160Right we'll just take the Sword-chucks then. Do you take credit?
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>6281160Alright, we'll buy it.
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>6281161Firemane might have to come back when she's a little mmmmmmmmmm richer
>>6281164Sword-chucks bought. Anything else yer looking for?
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>6281181Something for Ezekiel. He deserves an ugprade.
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>6281181>>6281184Get Ezekiel the coolest weapon, a Halberd.
>>6281184Now what should you get him. Remember you're gearing up to kill a titan
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>6281189Well, we can either give him a special sword...or special armour.
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6281189Halberd him up!
>>6281191Ah yes of course. Ezekiel Primaris
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>6281196BIGGER SHOULDER PADS!
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>6281196Nah, I'll go with a weapon.
>>6281199'course I'd get a 100 NOW...
>>6281199>>6281201
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>6281213That 100 should give us a really cool sword for Ezekiel. You know, a legendary artifact kind of deal.
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6281213I agree with anon, I deserve something special for a big roll.
>>6281215>>6281219"How about this sword next to me? Going titan slaying and using a big ol' sword, that's a classic."
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>6281227What's that thing behind the glass?
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>6281227What about the one in the case.
>>6281230"Oh that? That's the Giant Slaying Blade. Used to be the Giant Slaying Sword. But the handle broke. Now it sits there, with a convenient hole for another sword to slide inside to act as a new handle."
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>6281249Oh, so since it's broken it's bound to be cheap, right?
>>6281253
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6281257Give him the stare.
>>6281258
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>6281259It is cheap, right? You're not trying to bamboozle me, right?
>>6281261"W-well I mean, i-it's still a storied blade, y-y'know. And and it's bigger than even th-the big swords, so-so..erm, y-y'know..."
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>6281266It better kill the giants so damn hard, otherwise there will be a sternly worded complaint to your manager, you hear?
>>6281269"O-of course"Bigass Blade obtained. You have enough cash for about 1 more purchase. We will figure that out.....later. Since it's 4AM for me rn. nighty night updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>6283595...but no one was there. No one to enjoy the bread.
>>6283599Damn
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>6283611Take a bite of the bread. Wonder what it taste like?
>>6283618Hey now, no need to eat my bread
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>6283620Need some jam on dis bread
>>6283623
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>6283632Anyway let's get back to paying for the equipment, I think we wrapped up with buying everything?
>>6283639Yes
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>6283640Oh wait we could probably afford one more thing according to this post>>6281271Uh, you know where we can get a stereotypical sexy armor set that provides more defense despite showing more skin. Don't ask why or I'll kill you.
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>6283640Those bulky mech arms fo god of fist and 3 new wizard orbs for double wizard
>>6283642Unfortunate...you only have enough for 1 out of these
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>6283645Is the skimpy armor available?
>>6283647You already had the sword chucks. Buying 2 things just for yourself? Greedy
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6283656You know what that's fair. But also I'm lazy so I'll roll my own magic dice. 1-33 Mecha ARMS for Fist of god34-66 Triple orb for Double Wizard67-99 Skimpy armor for Firemane100 the ??? For Ezekiel
>>6283659Big Ass magical backpack arms aquired
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>6283661now fuse em
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>6283661I think this is it then, feel bad for not getting something for double wizard but that would've given him triple orbs not double orbs. I think that would throw his like magical balance off or some shit.
>>6283663Yeah, he'll need to be a...triple wizard or something
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>6283667oh shit double wizard is that you?
>>6283702"YEah wassup. Done with shopping?"
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>6283703Yeah now let's play with gunpla
>>6283705Yeah! Gunpl-- OP is arrested by the copyright police
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>6283706Get goblin lawyer to represent him
>>6283707
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>6283710Listen kid you gotta say anon is on the Epstien files! It's the only way!
>>6283714While OP's court shenanigans happen, Firemane returns to the party
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>6283716What are they eating!? OP !? WHAT ARE THEY EATING!?
>>6283717I'm going to be ok it's 4 am here. Hope some one can take over.
>>6283717A succulent ham>>6283718It's cool, I gotta go now anyhoo. Bread will continue laterz
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>6283832Move the story forward
>>6283849"You got all the stuff we need, Miss Firemane? Ready to go hunt a titan?"
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>6283852Not yet, we gotta find a handle for the sword.
>>6283862Indeed. You bought it for Ezekiel. But it has a slot to have a smaller sword slide into it and acting as a handle. Now where can you find one like that
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>6283868Ezekiel jams it in!
>>6283868>>6283871Don't talk about Ezekiel jamming things into other things so willy nilly Firemane might get excited.
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>6283874Forgot to roll
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>6283874What could posibly be exciting about Ezekiel jamming a cilindrical object into a receptacle far, far bigger than him?
>>6283871>>6283874>>6283878
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>6283880He looks very proud that his sword fit so snuggly as the handle for the Gaint Slaying Blade. For some reason, the GSB also shrunk down to a more reasonable size too. How strange.
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>6283880Oh look, Double WIzard doing a very neat magic trick.
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>6283880What is it?
>>6283882>>6283883>>6283884"Wow, look how snug it fits""I know right? Who knew my sword could fit so perfectly in a sheath that's twice my size?"
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>6283889Double Bunnies, what are you wisdom?
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>6283889I guess you could say his shaft was made to be inside a big hole.
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>6283889Oh hey, kid can now do some serious damage! Slaying that titan will probably be as easy as having our Fisto™ throwing him like a very angry boomerang.
>>6283892The double rabbits converse in an ancient rabbit language that only the most enlightened can understand
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>6283906Does Double Wizard comprehend?
>>6283908
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>6283912"COMPANIONS! WE MUST GO SWIFTLY, THE GIANTS ARE PLANNING EVIL DEEDS! THE BUNNIES TOLD ME SO!"
>>6283914"What""IT'S TRUE! THE TITAN IS A GOVERNMENT PLOT! WE MUST SLAY IT WITH HASTE, MY COMPANIONS!"
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>6283918FIREMANE, FETCH THE CART! WE REQUIRE THE SPEED OF PEGASUS IF WE ARE TO STOP THE FEDS!
>>6283922"LET US BE OFF, FRIENDS! FOR THE KINGDOM IS IN DIRE STRAITS! FEDERAL AGENTS CANNOT SUCCEED!"
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>6283927Okay.
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>6283927RUN FASTER!
>>6283930Double Wizard runs so fast he missed Shitfucker the Wagon
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6283935This looks like the opening cue to an Shitfucker Sidequest.
>>6283938Don't be silly, what kind of shenanigans would a magical wagon be up to offscreen anyway
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>6283940Wacky ones, presumably.
>>6283942
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>6283943Yes, and then when it was finished we'd see the gang talking about how badass the off-screen fight with the titan was. And it would be very funny because we didn't see it.
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>6283943he comes back with the kid's older brother and he is all good now
>>6283946Shitfucker somehow catches up with the gang on their way to the Titan"Shitfucker you silly billy, that's my brother from the other timeline"
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>6283952Bad Shitfucker, put that back where you found it. You know you're not supposed to pick up strangers.
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>6283952why is he not naked and bothered? worse timeline
>>6283954Shitfucker returns him to his own timeline
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>6283960Good cart, here have a cart-treat.
>>6283962
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6283965Weren't we going to kill a giant monster or something? I think we got off-track
>>6283973Of course. It's right over there
>>6283981Are we looking at a small rock really close to us, or a giant mountain far away?
>>6283982Mountain
>>6283985Alright then, it's time for a 'climb the giant enemy' segment.
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>6283985Nail OP with a rock throw.
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>6283989Actually I want to do this
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>6283989
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>6283991Oh yeah this is easy.
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>6283991Rolling for a 1
>>6283995Awww I almost got it.
>>6283993
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6283998Nice. Now lets continue toward the mountains.
>>6284001"BROTHERS! LOOK! THOSE FUCKERS THAT'S BEEN FUCKING UP OUR PLANS! ROUSE THE BEAST! CRUSH THEM!"
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>6284007Oh shit what kind of beast is it!?
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6284007NAIL THEM WITH A ROCK THROW
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6284009WILL FIREMANE STRIKE TRUE?
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>6284016
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6284016yeah
>>6284017"FUCK"
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>6284020Fist of God, use your new weapons with GUSTO! Oh gusto is at home? Ok just use your new weapons by yourself, then.
>>6284024FIST OF GOD SCALES THE MOUNTAIN WITH HIS BIG ASS MAGICAL BACKPACK ARMS AND SMASH THROUGH THEIR RANKS!
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>6284027Aw dude double wizard should cast double time to speed this crazy shit up!
>>6284028DOUBLE WIZARD TIMESKIPS THE BATTLE TO THE NEXT PHASE, AFTER FIST OF GOD HAS CLEARED OUT THE NECRO BARBARIANS ON THE MOUNTAIN!THE TITAN HAS BEEN ALERTED! FROM INSIDE ITS MASSIVE UNDEAD BODY, NECROBIRDS SWOOP OUT AT THE PARTY LIKE MISSILES!IF ONLY THERE WAS SOMEONE WITH SOME SORT OF FAST, MULTI HITTING, AOE, NUN-CHUCK-LIKE WEAPON. BUT SWORDS. AND ALSO ON FIRE. TO DEAL WITH THE SWARM
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>6284029NUNCHUCK FIRE SWORD THOSE BIRDS!
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>6284029Ezekiel! You are a guy with nunchuck weapons with swords! Do what op suggested
>>6284031"Miss Firemane, the swordchucks are literally your weapon"
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>6284033You'll have to forgive Anon. We have purposely trained him to post wrong things, as a joke.
>>6284035I'm a bleeding which means I'm the victor!
>>6284035
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>6284039Roasted Necrobird!
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6284039Send Ezekiel to the titan, lets turn that shota into a real slayer
>>6284076
Rolled 9 (1d20)>>6284225Did we win?
>>6284225Look at the magnificence of Firemane, her graceful martial excellence, her fabulous flowing flaming hair.
>>6284309Against the necrobird swarm, yes. But there's still the actual Titan to deal with.When bread continues
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>6286118Alright, back to climbin'
>>6286119THE BEAST CRUSHES THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN! WATCH OUT FOR THE ONCOMING ROCKS!
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6286123Dodging is for PUSSIES. Get Fisto to PUNCH THE ROCKS AWAY
>>6286127
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>6286131Yep, punch our way to the top.
>>6286133
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>6286138Now can we jump to the dragon?
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>6286142The party is close! But then the titan lashes out with one of its giant bone tentacles! Watchout!
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>6286145
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>6286145
>>6286150FIST OF GOD GRABS THE SPIKE! THE SHEER IMPACT SENDS YOU FLYING!
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>6286154Swarm the titan, climb the tentacle, bring it down!
>>6286157KID RUNS OFF IN FRONT OF YOU ON THE TENTACLE!
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>6286163Cheer for him, give Kid the hot firemane cheering buff
>>6286165THE CHEERING HELPS HIM CUT THROUGH THE VARIOUS UNDEAD AND BODY PARTS ONTOP OF THE TITAN!
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>6286186We gotta go for the head
>>6286189OH SHIT WATCHOUT KID! IT KNOWS YOU'RE GOING FOR THE HEAD! BONE TENTACLES INCOMING
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6286193THROW OUR SWORDCHAKUS AT THEM!!!
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6286202SPIIIIN
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>6286217Spin those tentacles back at that motherfucker and set them ablaze!
>>6286186cute tummy
>>6286223WHAM! The Flaming Swordchucks hit the giant tentacles and sent em back!
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>6286227GO GO GO EZEKIEL
>>6286235EZEKIEL HEADS FOR THE...HEAD! WILL HE MAKE IT? FIND OUT....NEXT TIME. I GOTTA SLEEP NOWupdates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>6286186She had magical cheerleader clothes she could swap to at anytime?
>>6286360perhapsOr it could just be a gag
>>6286398Nah, I think she had cheerleader clothes and she had to change them mid-battle. Why do you think Ezekiel got boosted so hard?
>>6286399Conceptually Ezekiel having to pretend he didn't see Firemane changing in the middle of battle after this would be really funny.
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>6288036Then Godzilla made fun of the titan, and then everyone made fun of the titan, and then titan couldn't get a date!
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>6288036Fine slash the head... Fucking boring
>>6288040Godzilla? Whaddayamean Godzilla? There's no Godzilla here. Definitely no Godzilla here so we can't get sued by Toho
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>6288046Toho stubbed their toes and hero kun slashes titans head
Rolled 199 (1d200)>>6288048
Rolled 551 (1d1000)>>6288051I can do that too!
>>6288055No you can't
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>6288056You didn't tell me what to roll so I brought my own dice that I hid up my ass from my day in Viet Nam!
>>6288057Then roll a 1d100 with this dice
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>6288061Ok butCan I have my ass dice back though?
>>6288062THE SLASH DIDN'T GO THROUGH! THE BEAST HAS PUT UP SOME SORT OF MAGICAL BARRIER!Oh and anon gets his ass dice back
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>6288067Punch through the barrier!
>>6288108Punching!
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>6288214PUNCH HARDER. STICK TO THE BASICS. YOU NEED TO ACTIVATE THE OXYGEN IN YOUR MUSCLES, BOY!
>>6288215THE PUNCHING CONTINUES
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>6288217PUNCHHARRDDERRRRRRRRRRRRR
>>6288218OH SHIT! IT'S GONNA USE IT TENTACLES ON HIM WHEN HE'S DISTRACTED!
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>6288220Cut them bitches before they get to him
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>6288221Quick! Deploy Flaming Sword Chucks!
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>6288232Errrr....?
>>6288234FIREMANE CUTS THROUGH ONE OF THEM BONE TENTACLES!
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>6288244Keep punching, kid!
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>6288244Double Wizard uses his double magic to double the cut into the other tentacles.
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6288248Could it be?!
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>6288254Yes?
>>6288258Apparently not.
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>6288254MAYBE?
>>6288258>>6288261
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>6288267PUSH FURTHER
>>6288269With the barrier broken, it's a chance for the rest of the party to give Ezekiel a boost, empowering his big ass sword to chop down the titan! Who shall do it?!A. Firemane turns his bigass sword into a flame bigass swordB. Fist of God turns his bigass sword into a holy bigass swordC. Double Wizard enchants it with an element or two
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>6288278Invoke fire, A
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>6288282BIGASS FLAMING SLASH
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>6288287
>>6288288
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>6288295RULES OF NATURE!
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>6288295How horny do you think that made Firemane
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>6288296WITH THEIR LIIIIVES ON THE LINEALIVE
>>6288296>>6288298
>>6288300Firemane: GOOD SHIT EZEKIEL(Oh man, thats so hot and I helped do it)
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>6288300Now to see the mission score
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>6288301Forgot the roll
>>6288302
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>6288315Aw yeah, what did we unlock?
>>6288317The party gained:- The head of the Titan, split in twain. Both a trophy and confirmation that you slain the titan- Magical chest that probably has leveled loot in it- Various parts of the colossal beast, materials for crafting and whatnot- Self esteem
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>6288321>- Self esteemAnd what about the others? How are they?
>>6288324
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>6288329:D
>>6288331Happy plappy victory. I gotta eep now because communist overlords require I go to work in the morning. ToodlesUpdates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>6288336>>6288315complain about how we only got 5 S-ranks on the forums
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>6288336OP draws a funny monkey.
>>6288541>>6291765
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>6291922Alright, it's time for the best part of the adventure...THE LOOT CHEST!
>>6291929I gotta sleep real bad.So roll 1d100 until you feel satisfied with your result. Higher the roll the better the loot
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6291933Was the loot the friends we made along the way?
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>6291933its secret government documents kept by the titan for secret purposes, or a bunny suit
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>6291933Lets keep going at it then
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>6291933Sure
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>6291933It's leveled loot, so that means it's gotta be good.
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>6291933Rollen
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6291933The quest is so over...
Since Ezekiel killed the titan maybe its time he gets another 'reward' from Firemane.
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>6291933
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>6291933
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6291933
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>6291933
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>6291933
>>6294413You turn the page, you wash your hands.
>>6291933OP took the long sleep.F
>>6299004Trust the plan
It just aint the same without Greg. I miss that nigga like you wouldn't believe
>>6299199
>>6299939HE'S BACK
>>6299949Oh shit, who's back?
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>6299952Not Greg. He's just gone. Sorry.
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>6299952Aaaah! A skeleton!
>>6299955IT'S A SKELETON, EZEKIEL! IT'S 2SPOOKY"what"
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>6299958Wait what about the treasure We got a 94 >>6294413
>>6299963
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>6299964Nuh uh, we waited that long, we deserve a big reward.
>>6299965Alright fine. Inside the magical chest. You find: A magical amulet, a huge sack of gold and also 2 special items: a weapon and an armor set. What this weapon and armor is, depends on who grabs em.
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>6299974Well, Ezekiel already got his fireknight armor not that long ago, so how about Firemane gets the armor?
>>6299976Sure. Who gets the weapon?
>>6299979I dunno, DW i guess.
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>6299981
>>6299982And so Double Wizard got a new fancy pair of wands
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6299995not tight or revealing enough 0/10
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>6299998Ezekiel...
>>6299999>96>quints 9damnit, just one short
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>6299995Hey Ezekiel that new armor really highlights Firemane's assets huh, like her chest and her ass and ABSSSSSS
>>6300002
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>6300015Cmonn Ezekiel just steal one glance at her cmonnnnn.
>>6300017"Alright anon...."
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>6300022NOW YOU'RE IMAGINING HER NAKED.
>>6300024
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>6300022Very neat. Anyways, Night Knightess have appear and congratulate the group for their win.
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>6300026HA YOU FOOL WHILE YOUVE BEEN SPRAYING ME HES BEEN IMAGINING HER NAKED THIS WHOLE TIME. WATCH AS WE CUT TO THAT. WITH AN ACTUAL IMAGE OF WHAT EZEKIEL IS IMAGINING. HER NAKED!!!!
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>6300028bit too desperate there anon
>>6300030Eh it was worth a shot
>>6300028
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>6300033Anyway, Night Knight(ess) appears since she hasn't this thread yet.
>>6300037Live studio audience cheers as the Night Knightess makes her threadly cameo
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>6300039Let's see what wackiness she's up to now
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>6300039What's she doing here. Also how is there a door here.
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>6300039>>6300040
>>6300043"OH! ZEKIE! I Got wind of you slaying a titan and just HAD to come over to congratulate you!"
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>6300046I guess this is the part where they start fighting again.
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>6300047As is tradition
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>6300053You know, Firemane, maybe you should consider that if beating the shit out of her hasn't worked the past times, it's probably not gonna work now.
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>6300053KILL THAT HO
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>6300053Okay let's take a couple deep breaths here and- Okay Firemane now go for the throat
>>6300054"Now. Hold up. Before we engage in our usual shenanigans. Lemme ask you this. If our positions were reversed. And I beat the shit out of you. Would that stop you?"
>>6300065No, probably notPunch her
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>6300065>>6300067
>>6300068And so Firemane and Night Knightess engage in their usual shenanigans while the men congratulate Ezekiel on his Titan Slaying
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>6300069Well Ezekiel another success under your belt! Must feel good right?
>>6300070"Yeah! I can feel myself getting stronger! Soon enough we'll be able to strike at my brother's stronghold directly and stop this war!"
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>6300075Outside of defeating your brother is there like anything else you've decided to work towards? Like another goal?
>>6300076"Well, you know, since my brother's the pressing matter right now, I haven't really thought about it. But generally I'd want to just keep working on becoming the best adventurer of the guild, ya know. That's a pretty simple goal"
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>6300091Come on, there's gotta be something else you'd like to do. No shame.
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>6300091Are you sure there's not like someon-thing something else you'd like to do?
>>6300099>>6300102"Well...I dunno....I never really thought about doing anything else aside adventuring....hmmm..."
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>6300105Well, give it a think. It's good to plan.Anyway, are those two *still* going at it?
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>6300105You should keep working on your dreams, but you;re still young, try other things and experience life a little more.
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>6300105Is Firemane still fighting? How much stamina does she have christ. Makes you wonder what other things she could do for long periods of time.
>>6300112"Huh...wow! Thanks, guys. I'll take that wisdom to heart""Attaboy, I'm sure you'd be able to do it""Just remember to never pay taxes""Sure thing, Double Wizard!"
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>6300123Alright, as fun as it is to see the both of them beat each other, if you keep on it you'll probably end up losing the boy to some other hussy who swoops in when you're not looking. There's gotta be a way to settle this competition more permanently.
>>6300127I'm sure you'll figure it out soon enough. It be 4AM and I gotta pass out. Bread continues whenever I wake up. Again. Toodles.updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>6300134Two worlds, one fantasy. Thanks OP.
>>6300134have twin wizard clone ezikial
>>6304825I'm pretty sure they'd just start fighting over keeping both for themselves.
soon™
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>6304915Soon as in...now?
Rolled 1, 5 = 6 (2d6)>>6304915Dig up the grave for buried treasure
>>6304917As in...tooomorrroooow
>>6304924 https://youtu.be/BYXVhTUIQGc
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6305598Closer, is op dead?
>>6305600Computer, enhance
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>6305602Freeze frame! Tint! Contrast!
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>6305602That look alive to you?
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>6305602Optimus Prime! OP
>>6305605This requires further investigation
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>6305614Bring out the bait
>>6305615
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>6305619Now eat in front of him, all of it.
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>6305619Move it around
>>6305622
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>6305625Fucker isn’t dead. Where’s the quest?!
>>6305628Alright. We now return to our regular programming
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>6305629Why is Firemane down? That new armor sux
>>6305633For comedic purposes
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>6305637An suit of armor with a sense of humor, makes me wonder why a titan would keep something like this. Where are we anyways?
>>6305641In an open field, since you just killed a titan. I just dont draw the background becauseI'm lazy
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>6305642Titan has flesh?
>>6305647Well it was a giant dinosaur dragon undead thing. So aside from bones it did have some bits of flesh and muscles
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>6305649Dead meat mech time
>>6305650
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>6305651Get in the robot Ezekiel. Put on the head
>>6305652"Did you get smacked in the head too hard or something, what are you talking about?....Also he cut that head in half, it wouldn't even fit anyway"
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6305653Wait, where's Nightknightess gone to? Wasn't she just here?
>>6305679
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>6305759Gee, you go out for lunch?
>>6305761"Nah I was just lying over there""Speaking of which. Since the Titan is slain. How about we get back to the city, turn in the quest and go get lunch?"
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>6305766loot some bones off the titan
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>6305766Okay sure. Firemane and Nightknightess can go discuss their never ending battle while they drive back.
>>6305767Oh you got that already
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>6305773So...ride?
>>6305774
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>6305780So...uh...NK...what do you even do between your bouts of trying to grab Ezekiel? Don't worry about him listening he's too busy with his low attention span brain.
>>6305782"Oh you know...same old same old...Training...going on quests. The usual"
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>6305791I see, I see. Do you have any plans to settle this stalemate? It seems like you and Firemane are both equally matched.
>>6305794"I do have some...ideas"
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>6305799Do you have any ideas that will actually work?
>>6305801Double Wizard suddenly chimes in with some sage wisdom."Hey did you know....humans...have 2 hands"Thank you Double Wizard
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>6305806Thanks double wizard but i don't really see how a biology lesson helps us here
>>6305808"Thiiiiiink abooout iiiiit~ OoooOoooo~"
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>6305814Maybe he's telling you to...choke her out? Like just strangle her? That could work.
>>6305816
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>6305824Oops, we finally arrived back at the guild. Guess we'll have leave the strangling to their next threadly encounter.
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>6305824Do it
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6305824Sudden roadside calamity
>>6305830A roadside calamity?! What could it be?!
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>6305834It's a herd of cows crossing the road.
>>6305835Damn, that's one herd of cows.
>>6305835Thats a lot of cows
>>6305835Dear god
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>6305840Look to the right, how big is this herd?
Rolled 162 (1d1000)>>6305840Time rangle up some cow poke! Yeeehaw!
>>6305842
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>6305847By the Nine it is endless...
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>6305847Damn. Is there some sort of 'cow thing' we gotta do to get them off or is it just one of those gay 'characters stand around and wait for something while talking about their feelings' scene?
>>6305849No, this is one of those "Anon rolls a huge number so OP goes overboard for the funnies" moments
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>6305853So...when are they passing?
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>6305853We could just grill these cows into submission
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>6305854When...ANON BEATS THIS ROLL
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>6305858Woe, Dice Upon Thee
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>6305858>>6305859lol he didn't beat the roll.
>>6305859>>6305865
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>6305867Okay we gotta get a second chance here OP. Be reasonable.
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6305867So what about the cows? Can they go now?
>>6305867Maybe after the cows pass Firemane and Ezekiel can have some 1 on 1 time again.
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>6305867>>6305870Forgot the roll
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>6305867Maybe take a detour toward another route perhaps?
Somehow nobody rolled better than a 46
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>6305877Look OP, over there! A roll above 46!
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>6305877Are you sure?
>>6305878>>6305880
>>6305881What do you mean? Look at it again, it's definitely above 46
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>6305882>>6305881Witchcraft! Sorcery! Burn him!
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>6305883See, the anons agree with me too!
>>6305883AAAA! WITCHCRAFT!
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>6305885Take a detour toward that spooky forest off to the side.
>>6305888To escape anon's witchery and also to find a way around the infinite bovine herd, Firemane takes a detour into...the spooky forest What awaits the gang inside. We shall find out...neeeext time sesh continues. it's 3AM and I'm eepyupdates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>6305892Thanks for the run!
