YOU are SPIGOT and you are BORED.It's Friday and there's still some sunlight to burn.What will you do today?>a)ASSEMBLE THE TEAM:>[1]Start with your pal PANTS>[2]Or your old chum DEUCE>[3]Maybe ATANDT?>[4]Or your main man R-wait who...?>b)STAY HOME and PLEASURE YOUR DONG
>>6276662>[2]Or your old chum DEUCE
>>6276670>>6276677The tried and true method: digital harassmentYour old pal DEUCE would never let you down (he just loves playing coy)WHERE TO NEXT?>PANTS>ATANDT>NET>Ra-no, fuck... it's on the tip of your tongue... it's definitively an R-word...
>>6276706>NET
>>6276787...Yeah this guy's AFK, his loss, he might just have a fucky schedule, or living in an inferior timezone (As we all know God is fond of the KJV and the PST)ALRIGHT enough stalling>PANTS you COCKSUCKER>maybe ATANDT is online?>Check Inventory
>>6276830>Check Inventory
>>6276979It seems that you BUG-OUT BAG is severely lacking in terms of both quality and items, but it'll have to do for the time being. Now if you only had a lighter and some dope...>Look for a GAS STATION>PANTS probably has good dope...>T HEY SPIGOT! [Write in]
>>6277090>PANTS probably has good dope...
>>6277119What this PHILISTINE is unable to grasp with his tiny little mind is that a well aged bong is able to provide a wide array of exotic and refined tastes to your throat and lungs, enhancing the brain expansion and soul expression that follows; old red shamans were aware of this effect on the body and the psyche, have you ever seen one of those unwashed spirit gurus ""clean"" their bongs or pipes or what have you? didn't think so. Are you going to let Deuce contradict centuries of ancient wisdom and tradition?But some snacks couldn't hurt... the munchies hit harder at this time of day, and the weather... ughAlso hi pants!!! :DDD>FINE Let's go to the gas station>FUCK OFF we'll do this HERE and NOW
>>6277223>FUCK OFF we'll do this HERE and NOW
>>6277223>FINE Let's go to the gas stationThis is probably the biggest party we can get at the moment we can crawl through the gas station
>>6277223>FINE Let's go to the gas station
>>6277496>>6277488Welcome to ARCO AM-PM Mini-Market-Well here you are, as the last rays of sunshine slowly fade outside the cold white glow of fluorescent hell washes over the the sorry band of dicklickers you call your friends.As Deuce leaves to scrounge for the Zig-zag 1 1/4s (made with natural flax plant fibers), you notice the bathroom's open, you could... sneak inside and hit the bong, and it would stay between you and God.>IT BECKONS... Hit dat gawddamn thang>SNAP OUT OF IT, just look for the snacks, useless fucking junkie>T HEY SPIGOT [Write in]
>>6277519>IT BECKONS
>>6277628>>6277630In and out, 5 minutes tops, the pair's too busy sifting through the ridiculous amounts of knockoffs and off-brands lining the shelves. You can rinse off the weed smell with water from the sink, the round shades designed to perfectly conceal the redness and the pupil dilation, it's all p-Huh???She wasn't there before? where the fuck did she come from??There is a WOMAN blocking your way to the bathroom, she's just standing there, like a fucking watchdog, it's catastrophic!Time is RUNNING OUT and you might be forced to ACKNOWLEDGE her EXISTENCE, or even worse, ENGAGE in NORMAL CASUAL CONVERSATION.No dong jokes or references to drug paraphernalia or obscure factoids from the Daily Rotten or shitty fads from under-moderated internet forums.Shit, shitshitshitshitSHIT.>GO BACK FOR THE SNACKS (Retreat! Retreat!)>PRETEND YOU'RE BLIND (You already have the glasses, you could pull it off)>JUST POWER THROUGH AND SQUEEZE IN THROUGH THE SIDE>ASK HER TO MOVE OUT OF THE WAY>T SPIGOT HEY FAGGOT! [Write in]
>>6277856>PRETEND YOU'RE BLIND (You already have the glasses, you could pull it off)
>>6277856>PRETEND YOU'RE BLIND (You already have the glasses, you could pull it off)And grope her if you can.
>>6277979>>6277973>>6277963Oh okay NOW EVERYONE is a good samaritan; the ONE time you need harsh, cold indifference, fear and loathing and they manage to FUCK that up, the EASIEST job in the WORLD, you've been doing it for five decades now, approaching six (or maybe seven, eight?)Now she's gonna question you and might even call security if she figures out the ruse, you can see Deuce's stupid fucking mask jutting out of the rows beside you and might even be within earshot now, it's fucked, it's all fucked.>DO A 180 AND WALK AWAY (and look for somewhere to hide)>OKAY GOD I GET THE MESSAGE I'll wait for the stupid rolling paper>SALVAGE THE ACT (three 1d2s, best of 3, 1=success 2=fail)
Rolled 2 (1d2)>>6278000>SALVAGE THE ACT
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>6278000>SALVAGE THE ACT (three 1d2s, best of 3, 1=success 2=fail)
>>6278010>>6278013>>6278034Okay the blind fool act might've fallen apart, but the "loud, belligerent schizophrenic tweaker" act might work out? as long as that bitch doesn't call the PoPo it's all right.Your pals would never, they might be huge faggots BUT they are not snitches; though you might have lost access to any snack or booze they might purchase, and any sort of upper, downer, screamer, laughter or heavy-duty research chemical they might have access to. The gas station might put a poster outside with your beautiful mug with the words "BARRED FROM ENTRY: LOUD CRAZY HOMO" printed in 72 arial above it (bold and underlined to drive the point home).This is what you wanted right?You're barricaded inside (or rather, they're locked outside your domain), black mold, faint lemon zest and still-damp bodily fluids greet your schnoz, take a whiff and prepare, better make this last, the world's most important bonghit, right here, and now.>SEARCH THE WHOLE BATHROOM FIRST (Extra urinal cakes are always handy)>T SPIGOT DUDE, BROCHACHO... [Write in]>FUCK IT MAN IT'S ON!!! LET'S DO THIS!!!
>>6278073>FUCK IT MAN IT'S ON!!! LET'S DO THIS!!!
>>6278450>>6278465Flick, flick. FlickAs the green coal burns away into pure dopey goodness, your body subconsciously tries to replace every single molecule of air in your lungs with weedsmoke; a reflex achieved after countless years of masterful hits, decades of training in every sort of environment: the office, your mom's bathroom, inside a dumpster, section 8 housing, in the middle of a wedding (Pant's to be specific), funeral, baptism, and divorce party, on top of (and under) the Golden Gate Bridge and etc. You're a machine, fine-tuned to perform one purpose in life and that purpose is to get really fucking high.As the dope hits your system, you start getting lightheaded... you can feel a slight tingle all around your subtle body, your third eye finally twitching wide open mayhaps? you wonder what could it beeeeegfjfnynn#v.gfj{hg{.%m.{¿..n,n*m,--.,,...........
......RANDS!!So THAT'S the guy! the one who's missing!There were four of you, there have always been four of you, like a stereotypical british boyband but instead of singing about heartbreak or longing or shagging you sung about dicks and deep space 9 reruns all day long for twenty years, twenty productive, beautiful years.How do you ever forget that type of thing holy fuck you must have golf ball sized holes in your brain. Years of 12 hour long jerk-a-thons and repeated blunt force trauma to the head are finally catching up to you. Oh yeah and the laced weed, the giant skeleton might have a point.You must solve this mystery, what the fuck happened to that guy, and to YOU.As you stumble outside you spot the pack defusing the situation, but something feels.. off..Pants must know, after all he gave you the dope, he must be in on it... you just know it... you're feeling watched, stalked, spied on, the bastard...Or maybe it's just the giant monster behind Pants.>KEEP CALM and just get out of there, maybe you can keep yourself together long enough to check out and go home.>PANTS WHAT THE FUCK MAN? What was in that thing??? >ASK THE PAIR ABOUT RANDS>WARN THE PARTY of the giant fuckoff monster-thing>T SPIGOT GAYHOMOSSAYSWHAT [Write in]
>>6278502>WARN THE PARTY of the giant fuckoff monster-thing
>>6278502>KEEP CALM and just get out of there, maybe you can keep yourself together long enough to check out and go home.Cool cool cooooool
>>6278502>KEEP CALM and just get out of there, maybe you can keep yourself together long enough to check out and go home.
>>6278502>>KEEP CALM and just get out of thereNice and easy spigotJust think of dongs
>>6279905>>6279075>>6278697phew finallyaaaalright ooookay just breathe in...FUCKIt seems like the walls of reality are tenuously thin here, weird fucked up things pop up from out of nowhere, as if dealing with californians wasn't harrowing enough, you're now dealing with ASTRAL californians. You gotta get out of here PRONTO.God what's the fucking holdup.. they're squabbling over gas station tacos, great. You feel the.. THINGS watching you, from behind, from afar, from under the ceramic tiles lining the floor, from the cracks in the walls and inside the big puffy nacho bags that have more air than nachos, they're waiting for you to let your guard down so they can take your ass to pound town.You DO owe deuce money but your... wallet isn't stocked with-er... "legal" tender so to speak, you risk making a scene.>PAY WITH THE THREE DOLLAR BILL>USE THE REWARDS CARD>$3 BILL AND REWARDS CARD??? (That'll cover it)>SPRINT OUT OF THE STORE (pray they don't call the cops)>DO A LITTLE... SLEIGHT OF HAND WITH THE SNACKS (look, it's not shoplifting if you don't get caught [three 1d2s you know the deal])>T SPIGOT YO DUDE [Write in]
Rolled 2 (1d2)>>6279929>DO A LITTLE... SLEIGHT OF HAND WITH THE SNACKS
>>6279929>DO A LITTLE... SLEIGHT OF HAND WITH THE SNACKS (look, it's not shoplifting if you don't get caught)
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>6280367
>>6279929>$3 BILL AND REWARDS CARD??? (That'll cover it)
>>6279929>SPRINT OUT OF THE STORE (pray they don't call the cops)
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>6279929>>DO A LITTLE... SLEIGHT OF HAND WITH THE SNACKSCMON BABY LETS GOOO
>>6281635>>6280369>>6280314Hrmm well, let's see..A bag of chips down your pants, a quick flick of the wrist and the chocolate bars are up your sleeves now, another and the tray of tacos vanishes into the aether, all under his big fat nose. The magic in the air and the vanishing acts bring you back to the days of convincing your cube-mates that yes indeed that's a bulletproof vest under your turtleneck sweater, no Jimmy I don't know what happened to the macbooks or the ipads, you should ask Billy though, heard his brother's a crackhead, you know those types, might run in the family anyways I'm clocking out now byeeeeedon'tfuckingtextmeoremailmeeeeeeee.Good times, good times...1/2
2/2Sun's down, matter of time before the moon shows its ugly lacteous face over the horizon, the thought alone makes your stomach turn in pure intolerance.Couple traces of Rands start popping up in your head, the last time you four hung out together as a group was uhh.... uh...Okay you don't remember the date, or the time, or anything really save for the fact that it was somewhere in the city, maybe one of those expensive bistros, with like half the restaurant out in the fucking sidewalk (why do they do that? it's just annoying) or a coffee shop or something gay like that.You're still tripping bad, like BAD bad, but maybe a night walk will flush whatever the fuck was in that bong out of your system, at least out there in the streets you're just another tweaker, another anonymous pair of pants full of shit wandering, stumbling and smelling funny.>GO TO THE CITY AND LOOK FOR RANDS>GO TO MCDONALDS>T SPIGOT NIGHTMARENIGHTMARENIGHTMARE [Write in]
>>6281816>GO TO MCDONALDS
>>6281801>>6281816>T SPIGOT NIGHTMARENIGHTMARENIGHTMARE>FIND A PUBLIC WATER FOUNTAIN AND SPLOOSH HEAD TO END TRIP
>>6281816>MCDONALDSMCDONALDSMCDONALDS
>>6281989>>6282002>>6282051A burger sounds nice, you saved Deuce a fair bit of cash, probably enough for a bite or tw-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2XZVLP_K3g...Yeah you're dining-and-dashing, absolutely, holy fuck wha-why? how?? how does Pants even- guh? bluh?You HAVE to look at the menu, you just have to, what type of absolute bougie lunacy must be on there, shrimp fries? wagyu burgers? foie gras nuggets (w/caviar dip)?!!A sea of silver hairs and tight black dresses ebbs and flows in front of (what you assume must be the) counter. Bet if you say the right codeword they'll let you inside the PlayPlace-turned-Speakeasy 40 feet under the lobby, one grimace curacao please, shaken not stirred, now excuse me as I slide all the way down to my seat, Wheeee!.There are a LOT of people here, and they all look important, powerful, expensive, all equipped with a platoon of lawyers, ready to sue your ass if you look at them for too long, being poor's contagious you know? fucking prick.This has to be a joke, if not by the powers that be, then by your own brain, the only thing that's certain is that you won't be laughing when the waiter hands you the check, you'll probably have to tip too. Fuck.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFWQgxXM_b8>LOOK FOR A FOUNTAIN (I mean it's all fancy and shit surely there's like a fountain display somewhere?)>APPROACH THE COUNTER AND REQUEST A TABLE (for three, or four? just sit your ass down for a minute)>JUST LOOK FOR A TABLE BY YOURSELF (Fuck these wagies you're a big boy, you can do things by yourself)>T SPIGOT HAHA BROKE ASS BITCH!!1!!! [Write in]
>>6282255>T SPIGOT YOU JUNKIE you are tripping balls rn this is a regular mikeyDs RELAX AND GET A HAPPY MEAL
>>6282255>UNJUNK THE SELF AT THE LOCAL FOUNTAIN MY BEPONDEROUS SPIGOTTE A LA MAINHave to say the music choices are impeccable (if not a bit generic but thats ok) I love this a lot
>>6282255>T SPIGOT WALK UP TO THE COUNTER AND ORDER.... A WHOPPER AHAAHHAHHAA!!! faggot
>>6282255>>LOOK FOR A FOUNTAIN
>>6282549>>6282507>>6282378>>6282280https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwHpDOWhkGkA quick splash and you'll be back in the game, cool your head first, order later, your pals will take care of the table.Or you hope so, how does service work in here? do you like, approach the counter, order your stuff, wait in line, or do they have waiters (I mean it's all fancy there should be waiters, right?). Ah you'll figure it out, don't sweat it, you'll be prankin' these highflyers in no time.Or maybe you really are in a regular McDicks and this is all an elabo-wait what the fffffFFFFOUNTAIN.YEAH BABY IT'S REAL...OH GOD A FAGGOT!And this time it ain't your reflection; "monsieur"?! you don't look french at all! has this fucking ignorant clown ever heard of Gillespie? Kerouac? you'd be even more insulted if it weren't for the fact that the zen inside your head has turned sour, the zazen and the zaza don't really mix that well. You'll have to distract him before cooling off or else they'll sniff your chronic lack of capital and upper class gumption and throw yer ass out to the dogs outside.OK WHAT NOWhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yAcHQyCy48>IGNORE HIM and JUMP INTO THE FOUNTAIN (WOOOOOOOO)>THROW HIM INTO THE FOUNTAIN (Then jump in? Or run for it?)>YES YOU CAN HELP ME WHERE'S THE MENU? SPIGGY NEEDY DRINKY NOW>T SPIGOT [Write in]
>>6282595>YES YOU CAN HELP ME WHERE'S THE MENU? SPIGGY NEEDY DRINKY NOW
>>6282595>USE BERET FOR MAGICAL FRENCH ABILITY>BAWN JOOR, JUH SWEE SPIGOH ET JUHAI UNE MIGRAINE TERRIBLE. JUH VOODRAY UN VERE DOO OH PLATE, S'EEL VOO PLAY. MARE-CEE POOR TONNE AHSEESTENCE.
>>6282726>>6282603https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyIwIQUZsZcHoo boy alright, time to dig into that grey matter of yours for your high school french lessons, just hafta sift through mountains of porn, coding tutorials, pranks both failed and successful, okay what do we have here, it's that one Perl bootcamp you took, eww postscript, eww HTML, hmmm, The Next Generation, uhh, DS9, Voyager... yum, Seven of Nine... uhh what's in this box here, woah boobs, full frontal action, squirtin' and flirtin' and- okay you're getting sidetracked.HERE IT IS, you always knew this would come in handy one day!AHEM...Yeah it's uh, okay he's calling backup, shit.Well at least you called his bluff, fuckin' poser.I wonder what those two are doing right now... they're probably chowing down on some expensive stuff right now, without you... sigh...Actually you should wonder what to do NOWhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8soQkubMk1g>SHOVE THE POSER INTO THE FOUNTAIN >FUCK IT, GERONIMO!!! DOING A FLIP AS I DIVE!>C'MON, STYLE ON THEM HARDER, TIME TO FRENCHMAXX, BRING ME THE FINEST OF WINES, SERF! (Three 1d2s to convince them of your Gallic superiority)>T SPIGOT SALE SUCEUR DE BITE!! TABARNAK, HON HON!!! [Write In]
Rolled 2 (1d2)>>6283101>C'MON, STYLE ON THEM HARDER, TIME TO FRENCHMAXX, BRING ME THE FINEST OF WINES, SERF! (Three 1d2s to convince them of your Gallic superiority)>MESSIEUR, MES AMIS ONT ACQUIS UNE TABLE DANS L'ÉTABLISSEMENT. SAURIEZ-VOUS OÙ ILS SONT? UN EST TRÈS GROS ET L'AUTRE EST TRÈS MASQUÉ.
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>6283101>C'MON, STYLE ON THEM HARDER, TIME TO FRENCHMAXX, BRING ME THE FINEST OF WINES, SERF!
Rolled 2 (1d2)>>6283264+1Max frenchie
>>6283460>>6283427>>6283264SHITWhere's the rest? goddamnit... "French lessons - march 1987" okay let's look in here... it's just 2 hours of you doodling dicks in a notebook okay how about "april 1987?" wh-how did you even sneak a PlayBoy magazine into the classroom?? They didn't even notice you ogling the centerfold, fucksake....That did not... go as planned, at least he thinks you're a genuine french drunkard and not, y'know, a regular drunkard, the low class ones, the ones that get thrown out of posh establishments, only the vrais français can piss their pants and belch out nasty wine burps and still be considered blueblooded intellectueles, hommes de lettres, come on Pierre another one! for wine and really shitty philosophy! 'BÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚRPInvite... what invite... oh god is there like a wedding going on? some sort of rich and famous party tonight? are they really networking and plotting in a McDicks of all places?!You wonder what pants and deuce are up to... sigh... you're missing out on the fun and the joke workshopping... and the "what would you do with a dead hooker" scenarios....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldMuNoIvWkIET MAINTENANT?>GO FOR THE COUNTER! FUCK THE FOUNTAIN, LET'S GET OUR GRUB FIRST, MAKE A RUN FOR IT!>GO BACK TO THE TABLE, YOUR FRIENDS MISS YOU!>PRESENT THE EXPIRED REWARDS CARD (YOU'RE DRUNK OKAY?!)>T SPIGOT OH BOY YOU DONE FUCKED UP NOW FRÈRE SPIGOTTE
>>6283519>GO FOR THE COUNTER! FUCK THE FOUNTAIN, LET'S GET OUR GRUB FIRST, MAKE A RUN FOR IT!Guys I don't think these people are McDicking around
>>6283519>GO BACK TO THE TABLE, YOUR FRIENDS MISS YOU!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtWJMCbofDcI don't know what Pants has brought us into, but I prefer the local Döner shop. At least they understand when you walk in crocked.
>>6283519>GO BACK TO THE TABLE, YOUR FRIENDS MISS YOU!
>>6283746>>6283619>>6283936Alright the vibes are too rancid here time to do a tactical retreat and regroup with the squad, you'll just SWOOCE right in and chow down on some fine cuis-ah fuck they're in a screaming match with a woman, a woman with a 24 carat shine to her face; feels like you'd need to cough up 10 bucks just to look at her, and an extra 500 for a boner.Aaaaand here they are, the MikeyD PIGS, beautiful, just beautiful, everyone is here, let's have a party while we're at it, bring out the champagne, you'll lick it off the floor if you have to, maybe the liquor will offset the bad juju fermenting inside your head, or maybe this is part of that juju? are you still inside the trip?or maybe do something so you stay INSIDE the fucking BUILDING!!!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJiiBq8UnIY>DEFUSE THE SITUATION (3 1d2s, employ le diplomatique, les nations unies and whatnot)>FUCK IT LET'S FIGHT!! JERKCITY FOREVER!! (*BAGPIPES*)
>>6284038>FUCK IT LET'S FIGHT!! JERKCITY FOREVER!! (*BAGPIPES*)1v1 and 2v1, let's go!Pants vs Evening SlutSpigot and Deuce vs the Manager (not that Korean guy Spigot knows!)
>>6284038>T SPIGOT GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE THEY CALLED SECURITY AND YOU'RE STILL ZOINKED OFF YOUR GOURD RUN FOR A BUBRER KING
>>6284038CHANGING VOTE FROM >>6284236 TO BACKING >>6284369
>>6284400>>6284369I... concur
>>6284236>>6284369>>6284400>>6284436IT'S ON!!! LET'S- nevermind you're gonna get your shit stomped in, live to fight another day and all that TACTICAL RETREAT!!!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Gc4QTqslN4ONE TWO, ONE TWO, KEEP UP PRIVATE DEUCE YOU'RE SLACKIN', I CAN HEAR THEM GOTDAMN RAT FEET UNDERGROUND THEY'RE SNIFFING OUR TRAIL, CHARLIE DON'T SURF!Finally! the counter, seems kinda empty, looked fancier from afar; the crackle of boiling seed oil and the horrid din of beeping and blooping drowns out the posh music blaring from hidden speakers all over the place, a small island of normalcy in Madness Atollwait oh shit it's net!! you know, the guy you couldn't reach earlier? poor guy probably got kicked out of mom's basement or something, at least he's not NEETing out like some parasite, and is instead imbibing grease from the air as every self-respecting young man should, builds character.Fuck they're closing in... WAT NOU?>HEY NET HOWBOUT A WHOPPER TEEHEE>NET JUST LET US BEHIND THE COUNTER WE NEED TO HIDE>YO NET WHERE'S THE STAFF ROOM? WE GOTTA EXPLORE DEEPER, FIND BETTER HIDING SPOTS>T SPIGOT JUST PUT THE FRIES IN THE BAG BRO [Write In]
>>6284474>NET JUST LET US BEHIND THE COUNTER WE NEED TO HIDE
>>6284474>NET JUST LET US BEHIND THE COUNTER WE NEED TO HIDEtook a lot of restraint to not go for the whopper option
>>6284603+1
>>6284704>>6284603>>6284492Atta boy, what a nice lad, shame about the lunch situation but that's just life in the service industry, reminds you of the times you used to bus tables and sometimes you'd get lucky and grab juicy leftover bites from businessmen in a hurry to sell their shitty startups to some billion dollar conglomohomo biz, "trust us mister Tim Cook a website where you rate other people's genital warts is the future of social connection! Apple would benefit greatly from getting a foot in the door on this one!"Or women who find out that they've surpassed their calorie limit for the day and they'd just leave full uneaten courses on the table, time to flush that caesar salad down the pipes, remember Kaitlyn no one likes a fatty! two fingers in and HURLGLFLHLFF oh god I swallowed a little HRLHLGLGLL. Thanks for the grilled cheese, bitch!HOO, aight let's see, uhh, where to next?At least you gained a little bit more time, but now you need an EXIT, or put more distance between you and the gaggle of rich fucks.>CHECK THE KITCHEN>CHECK THE FREEZER>T SPIGOT ACTIVATION CODE RONALD MCDONALD [Write in]
>>6284758>CHECK THE KITCHENBACK EXIT OUT TO THE DUMPSTERNOBODY WILL SEE IT COMING!!!!WE SNAG A FUCKTON OF FOOD ON THE WAY OUT LIKE FRIES IN THE BASKETS OR ANY FRESH COCKED MCDICKS BURGSLOAD UP THE BUG-OUT BAG AS MUCH AS WE CAN, AND DON'T FUCKING FORGET THE NAPKINS AND KETCHUP PACKETS YOU RETARD!!!THE RICH FAGS WON'T CHASE US OUT OF THE BUILDING SO ONCE WE'RE ALL OUT AND A COUPLE BLOCKS AWAY WE'RE HOME FREE BABY
>>6284762+1Loot & Scoot
>>6284758>CHECK THE KITCHEN AND RUN SPIGGYBOY THE ODDS HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE FAVOURABLE THE BUBAR KING BECKONS FROM BEYOND THE CRESTS OF THEM THAR HILLS
>>6284762+1
>>6284909>>6284777>>6284762>>6285119https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44c6hGKkGyEThe romanian telomeres embedded deep inside your genes tingle with excitement at this masterful display of thievery (you're 1/45th romanian after all fun fact!), but the conundrum looming over your souls finally arrives, with precise steps and unfaltering gait:how the FUCK do you get all this shit out of the mcdicks??!!You have like, 90% of the entire kitchen inside your bugout bag (how'd you fit all that shit in there? some dr who shit let me tell you), you need a RIDE, every good heist movie needs a RIDE, the armored escape van or the hijacked police cruiser or an 18 wheeler or something!yeah you didn't think this through didya? at the very least, the PoPo will catch you with every single item in the menu sloshing around and coagulating inside your stomach, you can't uneat a big mac smart guy, you can only SHIT. IT OUT, oh you want it back I hear? well then OPEN WIDE.also mental note to put deuce out of his misery if he ever tries that again, the Sauce That Shall Not Be Named stays here in this accursed place....ohh we gettin' weird with these now https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYK_hGbOMqchmmm...>CALL ATANDT, he has a prius, not the best or flashiest getaway van but you don't owe him gas money like a certain someone... plus he's probably free for the night!>PERCEPTION CHECK [one 1d100, DC is 75. you fail then we go with the second most voted option (+4 because you're still zoinked off your doggone GOURD)]>BARRICADE THE KITCHEN, THEY'LL HAVE TO CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD!!>T SPIGOT ROCK AND ROLL MCDONAAAALDS [Write In]
>>6285124>CALL ATANDT, he has a prius, not the best or flashiest getaway van but you don't owe him gas money like a certain someone... plus he's probably free for the night!He complains, we pass him a free medium fry. That'll get him nodding quick
Rolled 82 (1d100)>PERCEPTION CHECK
>>6285187>>6285138https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-r679Hhs9ZsALRIGHT TEXT-woah huh okay that DEFINITIVELY wasn't there beforeYou've never heard of a McD's with a trapdoor in the middle of the kitchen, do they keep the dead wageslaves that dared to ask for a raise in there? do they keep them in a huge freezer and ground their stiff carcasses into mcnuggies and quarter pounder patties? or is that the manager's office where he spies on the wagies via a massive cctv system and does nothing but beat off all day to the curvy ladies manning the drivethru? or is it maybe just another figment of your imagination boosted a thousandfold by the foul divine energies encased in that malign bud, strain so malevolent it warped and twisted not only your brain, but reality itself...only ONE WAY TO FIND OUT>DESCEND>CHECK THE FREEZER FIRST>T SPIGOT ITS A TRAP! [Write in]
>>6285271>DESCENDFreezer's a big red herring. We gotta leave the building ASAP the moment we know ATANDT is here. Until then we have time to investigate this DANK AS FUCK cellar. Security won't know we're here either, and the heat might die down by the time ATANDT shows up
MEANWHILE...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezZdbzreNcs&So many hours... bent over and sweating in this infernal heat, washing and wringing piss and vomit out of cushions, O almighty star, cease your shine for one minute, let my soul rest, let my nose smell nothing but fresh pine and slick new car scents once more... keep my frail soul from the stoner and the loafer, the malingerer and the drunkard, I beg of thee, have mercy on me, a humble captain of a metal beast, a navigator of these pitch black rivers , of these obsidian seas - Tiny Silver Beetles OR How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bay Area - An Autobiography (By Atandt, 2014)A goat-sheep-boar-man thing steps out into the cool nighttime air, full of stillness and a small tinge of regret, his heart wavers for he knows not the final destination of this trip, yonder lies the bustling city built ontop the unknown, that sometimes seeps through the earth on nights like these, he breathes, and for one moment, the fear subsides, bring it on he thinks, he defies fate, he shall be the first one to bring a group of drunkards into and out of his car and make it so not a single drop of any sort of fluid soaks or splooges over his Toyota Prius Plug-in Hybrid, he is afraid yes, but he shall endure over the usual rowdy bunch. 50 miles away, a woman cries, in rage, in powerlessness, in pure unbridled helplessness, or maybe malice, or anger, a vaguely-ethnic man looks on, phone in ear, dialing a three digit number, hoping the other end is not ringing in an overworked and overstressed precinct, brimming with noise and despair. Drowned out in the entropy of night life tragedies.20 feet behind you a fat humanoid cat is stuffing himself with all manner of gouda and capocollo slices that you personally sourced and sliced masterfully, laid out in an orderly collage of red and cream, he is decadent, obese, and overjoyed."that is really fucking gay" says a man with round shades and a beret, somewhere, somewhere....
>>6285271>DESCEND BUT ONLY A LITTLE AND PANTS GETS TO GO FIRST BECAUSE HIS GAY FUCKING ASS GOT US INTO THIS SHIT
>>6285271>T SPIGOT DO YOU WANT TO FRY FOREVERfeed a bag of ice to the fryer before you descend. It heard it looks awesome and you'll be doing Net a favor by trashing this shithole
>>6285523CAPTCHA: DAMAG
>>6285538>>6285523>>6285522>>6285273As the standard issue McIce™ violently sublimates as it brutally bubbles inside the McPeanutOil™ , you command your gaggle of fa-I mean adventuring troupe to go down into the depths of this McAbyss™ , right into the guts of this modern, delicious, unhealthy Hades.Fuck okay it's really fucking dark in here, and as you suspected, this ain't no normal basement, there's a lot of echo in here holy shit, ahem, PANTS IS A FAGGOT (FAGGOT.... faggot ....) hehe...Hopefully the smokeshow upstairs doesn't drain all the oxygen in here...WHAT DO?>GO NORTH>JUST WAIT IT OUT... HOPEFULLY YOU DON'T GET EATEN BY A GRUE>FUCK THIS GO UP>T SPIGOT GET YE FLASK [Write In]
MEANWHILE...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt51rITH3EAA gentle whirr under my grip, no liquor in my system, sharp eyes and sharp mind; a red and blue procession in front, the last thing many a poor bastard will witness tonight before being snuff'd out forever, maybe I was going to end up as one of those poor bastards tonight, and if not tonight, then maybe one day in this goddamned hellhole, but alas, the one thing keeping me moored in this world, the arts and the beauty and the sprawling ever-evolving commune of the internet wouldn't let me go that easily - The Longing Of Lot 49 - An(other) Autobiography (By Atandt, 2015)look man it was right there, we just looked at each other and it just clicked, and we were like laughing and shit it was really fucking funny but smelled like death, i think moar ppl should do that on their last shift, just dump the whole ass freezer into the fryer and dip, fuck the cops fuck everyone comedy above all - deuce's turdtastic blog (2015)
>>6285659>GO NORTHuse LIGHTER for LIGHT
>>6285739+1We do have that LIGHTER for the BONGbut we may or may not be still suffering from that BAD TRIP so ZERO HITS right now, especially not here in the McAbyss™ where we might actually die if we take a hit of the bong
>>6285659>GO NORTH>PANTS IS STILL LEADING THE WAY WITH THE LIGHTER HIS FAT ASS WILL ABSORB THE STABBING
>>6286058>>6285853>>6285739GOING NORTH, TIME TO SLAY THY BEASTS, SAVE THE MAIDEN DRINK ALE IN A TAVERN AND CHUG RANDOM POTIONS LAID ABOUT THIS DANK HORRID GROTTO TIME TO KICK THE BIG BAD EVIL GUY AND GET ELF POON AND SING OF YOUR EXPLOITS.now THIS is a quest, a true adventure, your life's calling, all of those years doing fuckall but playing dnd with greasy unfuckable nerds will now play-ohmygodwhatisthatthingohlord no way okay fuck that's a gnome that's like a real fucking gnome why is everything quiet all of the sudden its real that thing's real the others are staring and probably pissing their fucking pants you're getting goosebumps all over you what the fuck. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.>TALK TO GNOME>FIGHT GNOME>SPRINT AS FAST AS YOU CAN FUCK THIS OH GOD >PERCEPTION CHECK, FIND A LIGHTSWITCH OR SOMETHING FUCKKK [1d100 DC 70 (-5 YOU'RE PANICKING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)]>T SPIGOT I GOT GNOMED [Write In]
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>6286171>PERCEPTION CHECK, FIND A LIGHTSWITCH OR SOMETHING FUCKKK [1d100 DC 70 (-5 YOU'RE PANICKING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)]I do want to fail it doe
>>6286171We're gonna get GNOMED in this McAbyss
>>6286171>TALK TO GNOME
>>6286275>>6286272>>6286258>>6286190https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuscGAkV3ooOh lawd, you were never good with riddles, or whatever the fuck this is, though on the bright side, he HASNT viciously attacked you or your noble troupe, or whispered foul unfathomable truths into your ear, hasn't replaced your innards with pine wood and danish cookies and a million rats, so so far so good, you DO NOT like the fact that he is presenting a choice (of sorts), because as everyone knows, these whimsical little things have fickle, unpredictable tempers (much like women), it's better to not tempt fate.All this reeks of genie fairy bullshit, where are the fucking dragons goddamnit, swords and lutes and all that, you didn't sign up for this.Ah fuck it, whatever gets you out of here and into some proper light, you do kind of miss the poshness and the spaciousness of the McD's, the stained glass depictions of Ronald (PBUH) and his apostles, made you feel a certain reverence towards the place, and most importantly, made you hungry as fuck.SO WHAT'LL IT BE>MMMMM, I'LL GO WITH PASKA>PANTS IS RIGHT, ALL IN ON KUSI BAYBEE (HEHE SOUNDS LIKE THE P-WORD, BUT WITH A K)>T SPIGOT PUNT THAT MF THANG LIKE A PIGSKIN [Write In]
>>6286501>MMMMM, I'LL GO WITH PASKA
>>6286501>YO LITTLE MAN ARE YOU CZECHOSLOVAKIAN OR SOMETHING I THINK PASKA SOUNDS KINDA COOL ITS LIKE PESACH RIGHT YOU GOT ANY OF THOSE DREIDEL THINGS
>>6286591+1
>>6286595>>6286591>>6286545Whatever, Paska it is, whatever the fuck that is, red pill blue pill sort of thing, everything bagel or nothing bagel, sounds appetizing, whatever gets us over this as quickly as p- holymaryfullofgrace what is- it's fucking FLOODING, SHIT POURING FROM GOD KNOWS WHERE MY GOD IT'S OVER IT'S FUCKING OVER CLOSE YOUR MOUTH YOU FUCKING RETAGLHUBLHBHGBLGLGBLHLHLHGLLBLBG......https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yR_ypEXdJQcOh hey it's the PlayPlace!Your bugout bag's hermetically sealed so you (fucking pray) HOPE that nothing got in, can't say the same about, well, everything else.After your eyes stop watering and your nose grows numb of any sort of smell you spot a small BAR and a MUSIC CONSOLE STATION>BAR, CAN'T DO THIS SHIT WHILE SOBER>LET'S PLAY SOME TUNES>T SPIGOT BRRAPPLLBLRLBRLBTLL [Write In]
>>6286719>LET'S PLAY SOME TUNESAlso maybe call Atandt again, what's taking him so long...
MEANWHILE......never doing shit for these cunts again - atandt's personal diary/grocery list/sketchpad/last will and testament/memoir draft #1 (1986-now)
>>6286719>BAR, CAN'T DO THIS SHIT WHILE SOBERRinse out the shit with piss
>>6286719>T SPIGOT BRRAPPLLBLRLBRLBTLL [Write In]Trip the Fire Sprinklers to rinse the shit off and created a crowd to distract the coppers
>>6287019+1Remove shit, keep food loot safe
>>6286719Changing >>6287011 to >>6287019Use spigots lighter to burn the curtains or tablecloth, whatever is closer
>>6287174>>6287142>>6287019>>6287011https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cq8k-ZbsXDITIME TO SET THIS WHOLE THING ON F-yeah what did you expect, of course the whole place is fire retardant, can't let toddlers commit arson anymore, I swear one day they'll just outlaw fun as a concept altogether, joyless faggots...Maybe the bar has something flammable enough? like pure ethanol or something? if there's jack then we can at least wash off the shit with lavender scented champagne.or what about... flushing out the posh bastards with some unpleasant gargabe over the speakers, no we're not playing your mixtape deuce, we've got enough shit already.>OKAY FINE THE BAR IT IS.>SURE WHATEVER THE MUSIC STATION LET'S BLAST SOME TUNES>T SPIGOT SET DICK ON FIRE WITH LIGHTER [Write In]
>>6287334>OKAY FINE THE BAR IT IS.WHERE ARE THE BATHROOMSFUCK WE NEED TO GET OUT THE COPS ARE HERE SOON
>>6287334>OKAY FINE THE BAR IT IS.
>>6287334>OKAY FINE THE BAR IT ISFancy place will have special alcohol for flammable drinks and a bigger lighter
>>6287334>T SPIGOT RUN TO THE BATHROOM AND CLEAN THIS SHIT OFF ATANDT ISNT GONNA LIKE THIS SHIT IN HIS CAR
>>6287334>T SPIGOT FORGET THE DRINKS FORGET THE SHIT GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE THE PIGS ARE AFTER YOU OH SHIT OH FUCK TIME TO START PANICKING
>>6287334CHANGING MY VOTE FROM >>6287380 TO BACKING >>6287770HELL IF WE ALL SURVIVE AND THIS IS REAL AND NOT UNIRONICALLY THE WORST FUCKING TRIP EVER, WE MIGHT AS WELL WASH ATANDT'S CAR ALONGSIDE OURSELVES
>>6287771AGREE I SWITCH VOTE TO RUNNING AWAY
>>6287853>>6287771>>6287770>>6287576All that matters now is getting out of this building-sized McLatrine, or before your bodies enter into shock from all the dookie coating your bodies and getting all over your pores, goddamn europeans and their riddles...Aw f-sure alright a wedding yeah okay, convenient, you saw that coming from a mile away, the rich fucks are... oddly calm, seems like the PoPo won't intervene until they've found you three, can't risk making a scene or else it's millions down the drain, bad reviews on yelp, sneers and rumors spreading around "they threw us out into the streets and ruined our one in a lifetime event because of some meddlesome manure-eating maniacs going around and causing chaos." Would be utterly catastrophic for bidnezz.Looks like a normal sized event, you have the DJ playing some orchestral schlock, snack table monitored by spinsters, and... that fucking slut... ugh.They haven't spotted you yet, good; you have the element of surprise at your disposal (or until they smell the eau du coprofiliac coating your party).WHAT DO>TAKE OUT THE DJ, SEIZE CONTROL OF THE TUNES, FLUSH 'EM OUT WITH FART NOISES>SOLID SNAKE YOUR WAY OUTTA THE BUILDING [1d100, DC 65 (-10 YOU'RE LITERALLY COVERED IN SHIT, SOMEONE'S BOUND TO SMELL YOUR ASS AND ALERT SECURITY OR THE PIGS)]>FUCK IT INTERRUPT THE WEDDING, MAKE A SCENE, GO LOUD, SAY SOMETHING FUNNY.>T SPIGOT STIIIL IN A DREAAAM DUNG EATERRRR [Write In]shh, nothing happened... (just fucked up the formatting and comic)
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6287972>SOLID SNAKE YOUR WAY OUTTA THE BUILDING [1d100, DC 65 (-10 YOU'RE LITERALLY COVERED IN SHIT, SOMEONE'S BOUND TO SMELL YOUR ASS AND ALERT SECURITY OR THE PIGS)]I wanna roll and roll big
>>6287972>FUCK IT INTERRUPT THE WEDDING, MAKE A SCENE, GO LOUD, SAY SOMETHING FUNNY.When the priest gets to the "speak now or forever hold your peace", Spigot should run in an pretend to be a loverTake a hit from the bong before you go for bravery
Rolled 93 + 10 (1d100 + 10)>>6287972>SOLID SNAKE YOUR WAY OUTTA THE BUILDING [1d100, DC 65 (-10 YOU'RE LITERALLY COVERED IN SHIT, SOMEONE'S BOUND TO SMELL YOUR ASS AND ALERT SECURITY OR THE PIGS)]All or nothin'.
>>6288201I put in minus 10 Mr. Dice Plugin, but I think OUR SNAKES ARE VERY SOLID RIGHT NOW OH YEAH
Rolled 67 + 10 (1d100 + 10)>>6287972>SOLID SNAKE YOUR WAY OUTTA THE BUILDING [1d100, DC 65 (-10 YOU'RE LITERALLY COVERED IN SHIT, SOMEONE'S BOUND TO SMELL YOUR ASS AND ALERT SECURITY OR THE PIGS)]We'll get a better rank if we do it covered in feces
>>6288587>>6288202>>6288201>>6288075https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhlGgzYy0fA&The time for stealth is... NOWGood think you brought the nugget boxes with you! what a smart cookie you are.By some miracle either granted by god or the devil, you manage to sneak through a massive crowd of oblivious bay area zillionaires, even if the boxes somewhat dampen the stench, a regular person ought to feel the horrible kick emanating from you, but seems like years of doing blow in restrooms and expensive parfume made with the nastiest, stinkiest black market ambergris has effectively fried their sense of smell maybe permanently- wait, wait, gotta do this once, time to get it out of your system, you've always wanted to crash a wedding, you were too good a friend to crash pants' (or maybe you were zoinked to high heaven and could barely formulate a coherent sentence that day, let alone regulate your bladder...)....ahhh, time to mark that off the bucket list.and maybe time to get this shit "OFF" your BODY?!!fuck okay true the cops are still around and the relationship you forever strained might have alerted management and security and so on, the miracle might be wearing off now, you're now exposed, the veil of night slowly lifting thanks to the dozen or so patrol cars parked outside, if they spot you then it's game over, fission mailed, kaput.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qaf6nVMP2HA>FIND WAYS TO WASH SHIT OFF (ATANDT MIGHT CAUSE A SCENE OTHERWISE)>T ATANDT FUCK IT HERE WE COME>T SPIGOT HNNNG COLONEL I'M TRYING TO SNEAK BUT MY DONG'S TOO GODDAMN BIG [Write In]
>>6288680>T ATANDT FUCK IT HERE WE COME
>>6288680>T ATANDT FUCK IT HERE WE COMEYou start more shit on top of this shit Atandt, and we tell the cops you're an accomplice. Besides the car can be cleaned after and you still have your warranty up
>>6288680>T ATANDT WE'LL CLEAN YOUR CAR BABYGIRL JUST GET US OUTTA HERE NOW
>>6288680>T ATANDT FUCK IT HERE WE COMEWe'll line the seats with cardboard and here we brought you a bag of (raw) mcnuggets as payment
>>6288680>T ATANDT FUCK IT HERE WE COMEHIGHWAY TO THE DANGER ZONE
>>6288687>>6288755>>6288817>>6288870>>6288873>>6288903I waited, with bated breath, eyes seared by the flashing red and blue, drowning out the stars in the celestial dome, dim and distant they tinkled beyond the stereoscopic tinge; then I felt it, a hint of death in the air, I saw them approhhhhh my god they're covered head to toe in-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEtN4GizqEsShoot, this is not good, snitching on the bros too, that's just plain uncool. I mean can't blame him, but you really do not give a shit either, it's either spending the night in jail or getting away with the sweet, sweet, McCarbs inside your bag full o'plundered booty>CONVINCE ATANDT [PERSUASION CHECK, ONE 1D100 DC 60 (-10 FOR OBVIOUS REASONS)]>SUBDUE ATANDT WITH A KARATE CHOP [AGILITY CHECK, ONE 1D100 DC 60]>T SPIGOT SPIGOT?? SPIGOOOT!! [Write In]
>>6289109>CONVINCE ATANDT [PERSUASION CHECK, ONE 1D100 DC 60 (-10 FOR OBVIOUS REASONS)]
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>6289109>CONVINCE ATANDT [PERSUASION CHECK, ONE 1D100 DC 60 (-10 FOR OBVIOUS REASONS)]LET'S GO BIG GUY
>>6289376FUCK SOMEONE PICK UP THE SLACK
Rolled 97 + 10 (1d100 + 10)>>6289171Ughh forgot to rolljust a couple of blocks away from the copsif you were in our place we would help you outbecause friends help each other
>>6289426WE MAY NEVER LOSE ANOTHER DICE ROLL AGAIN
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>6289109>SUBDUE ATANDT WITH A KARATE CHOP [AGILITY CHECK, ONE 1D100 DC 60]
>>6289465Bros...
>>6289465>>6289466You get NOTHING, you LOSE.
>>6289507I actually meant to vote for the other option. I copied the wrong line and didn't notice until now...
>>6289171>>6289376>>6289378>>6289426>>6289448>>6289465>>6289466https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDFN96yLP_ESee? wasn't that hard, atandt, you swine, you snitch, you cocksucker; this is what friends are for! we'll clean your car sure, just get us the fuck out of here.you are NOT thrilled for the journey ahead though, it'll probably take you all night to both clean yourselves AND the car, this ain't no fucking quest that's a CHORE, literally no different from mom's basement, goddamn fascists...As Atandt leaves the parking lot inbetween bouts of dry heaving and gagging, you ponder on reality, the unholy amounts of junk food in your bag, the delirant or hallucinogen running amok in your veins, and rands--actually yeah what's up with that guy? that's one loose end you still have to figure out, damn.You manage to scoop up a vague memory or rather, a formless feeling from deep inside your nogging, he had like a residence in downtown or something? you used to crash by at times, probably to do bonghits and waste away the afternoon munching on chinese or coming up with raunchy pick up lines or retarded startup ideas, was a nice place, FUCK you're feeling nostalgic now, we should check that oogohh nevermind you're in shit-removing duty now, poop.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBhpiUFSYWI>ASK PANTS FOR MORE DOPE. ONE. LAST. HIT.>T ATANDT COME ON MAN LET'S CHECK OUT DOWNTOWN>T SPIGOT SQUIRM AROUND AND GET SHIT ALL OVER THE BACKSEATS AND WINDOWS [Write In]
>>6289676>ASK PANTS FOR MORE DOPE. ONE. LAST. HIT.We should make Atandt smoke weed later, bro needs to relaxDoes Pants have any edibles on him? Maybe a loose xanny you can put in in his food.
>>6289676>T SPIGOT SQUIRM AROUND AND GET SHIT ALL OVER THE BACKSEATS AND WINDOWS [Write In]Out of nowhere, sigh as the tension of the high-energy McInfiltration and the GNOMEING and what came after is finally over."God, I fucking miss Rands. I wish he were here."
>>6289676>T SPIGOT JUST GET IN THE CAR AND SNIPE THE AUX
>>6289794>>6289697>>6289695https://files.catbox.moe/vkujqj.mp4Aww come on, looks like Atandt woke up with a broom jabbed aaaaaalll the way up his frilly little ass; maybe a GOOD hotboxing will get him to fucking RELAX for once.Pants still has some weed in him, looks like the purplest, sourest, evilest bud you've ever seen in your life hooooooly.That will surely get you to the other side, maybe even permanently... a WAY better fate than scrubbing and rubbing and rinsing ad nauseam, hurglkk.Oh wait shit you have some pills! the pillbottle from your inventory remember? your patience pills, or suicide pills, can't remember, bah it's a regulated substance of sorts so it may enhance the high. maybe, you hope so, who knows, hurglrl.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dGK51GsQqc>ENOUGH, JUST HIT THE BONG, LET'S GET THIS JALOPY ALL HOT AND STEAMY.>DOWN THE PILLS THEN HIT THE BONG. TAKE THE GAMBLE>T SPIGOT THROW SHIT AT THE WINDSHIELD, FOR THE FUNNY [Write In]captcha: DWANK
>>6290125>T SPIGOT THROW SHIT AT THE WINDSHIELD, FOR THE FUNNY [Write In]DEUCE IS RIGHT FOR A CHANGESTASH ALL THAT SHIT SOMEWHERE NOT SHIT-RIDDEN, FOR LATERNOW IS NOT THE TIME SPIGOT YOU KEKOLD, EVERYBODY'S COVERED IN SHIT AND ATANDT NEEDS TO KEEP HIS OWN SHIT TOGETHERAND DON'T OPEN THE BUGOUT BAG EITHER YOU RETARD, YOU NEED IT HERMETICALLY SEALED UNTIL WE WASH ALL THIS SHIT OFFAND I MEAN PRESSURE WASHAND I MEAN BREAKING OUT THE WHOLE SOAP BOTTLES TILL ALL THREE OF YOU SMELL LIKE LEMON ORANGE APPLE WHATEVERAND I MEAN STANDING IN ATANDT'S YARD AND CRANKING THE WATER HOSE UP TO MAX "BLOW ME BITCH" AND HAVING ATANDT HIT YOU WITH ALL HE'S GOT
>>6290125>ENOUGH, JUST HIT THE BONG, LET'S GET THIS JALOPY ALL HOT AND STEAMYKeep the pills for a better moment
>>6290130+1
>>6290471>>6290434>>6290130https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwgGuadsqyoYou ask Pants to put the bud back in the little plastic bag it came in, we're saving this one for later, guess like Atandt's missing out on this particular strain, more for you!As the Prius pulls up into the driveway you finally process all the shit (no pun intended) that went down, and most important of all, all the McLoot you have in the bag, you came looking for snacks to sate the munchies and you struck McGold.And unwanted cosmic vibrations but that's not that important right now is it?Wonder what happened to the mcdicks, you didn't see any cameras, you hope there weren't cameras, at least the footage playing in the evening news will definitively go viral, "POOP BANDITS STRIKE FANCY MCDS."...AAAAND WE'RE HEuuughhhh, work, how loathsome. You're not gonna be this stuck up cunt's slave for the night, fuck that.>SNEAK AWAY AND HIT DAT SHIT (DEX CHECK THIS IS SOME NINJA SHIT, 1D100 DC 60 [+5 HIGH SPIRITS, INSPIRED BY THE PROSPECT OF GETTING EVEN HIGHER])>CLEAN THE CAR FIRST, FUCK IT WHATEVER WE GOT THE LOOT LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH>CONVINCE ATANDT TO HIT THE BONG??? I MEAN HE'S STILL PISSED>T SPIGOT SURFIN' USAAAA [Write In]
>>6290692>T SPIGOT SURFIN' USAAAA [Write In]YOU RETARDYOU WANT US TO CLEAN YOUR CAR WHILE WE'RE STILL SHITTY? MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE ATANDTTHROW US SOME OF YOUR GOOD SOAP, HOSE US DOWN WITH THE VODKA WATER, AND THEN WE'LL TALK
>>6290692>T SPIGOT ASK THIS FAG FOR SOME SOAP AT LEAST, YOU'LL GET HIS CAR DIRTY AGAIN IF YOU AINT CLEAN YOURSELF
(also Atandt's music taste is actually awesome)
>>6290784(I agree, he seems based)
>>6290782>>6290708+1 FOR SOAP
>>6290920>>6290782>>6290708hey atandt what the fuck we gotta scrub ourselves first asshole, otherwise we're just smearing shit ontop of shit, what's this sisyphean bullshit you want to get us into, is that what gets you off you sick fuck? the futility of it all? you university types, buncha perverts.bring it on, something organic preferably, rose or coconut scentHLHBLGLBHLBLHLHLBHLHLHL...Hurglbglbglgod now it smells like wet pussy, and not that kinda pussy....]but at least you're finally CLEAN [+5000XP]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niktpOfb79wWAS JETZT>THE BONG THING!!! ANOTHER HIT!!!! [STILL GOTTA ROLL HE MIGHT GROW SUSPICIOUS IF YOU DON'T GET TO SCRUBBIN' RIGHT AWAY]>TAKE THE CAR FOR A JOYRIDE>HEY ATANT WANNA POUND SUM DOPE?>T SPIGOT JUMP IN THE BACKSEAT AND EMBRACE THE FILTH YET AGAIN [Write In]
>>6291079Pants if only your wife was here to see you now. She'd want you all over again, 100%. Anyways...>T SPIGOT JUMP IN THE BACKSEAT AND EMBRACE THE FILTH YET AGAIN [Write In]Atandt this is YOUR car dipshit. It's only fair YOU join US in cleaning this shit that isn't even our fault in the first place!Oh what you're gonna bitch and moan about it? Well how bout THIS to sweeten the deal?>make SURE the bugout bag is clean too, you do NOT want any of the former shit to somehow survive to get into it!!!!>then reveal the MCMOTHERLODE complete with the cartoon golden light shining in his faceBasically we use the glorious golden fried crispy juicy oily salty goodness of McDicks as a bargaining chip to make him help us (on top of it literally being HIS car and he knows best how to clean it, plus you know he'd be complaining about the piss-poor job while he's watching!). Plus Atandt is clearly a former fuckboy if he was willing to drop everything to come to the rescue, and with those tidbits Spigot's narration dropped about the old downtown apartment and other such nostalgia. I feel like Spigot's good for this kinda gesture after the multiple different highs he's had tonight
>>6291079>T SPIGOT GET TO SCRUBBIN, WHEN YOU'RE DONE YOU CAN EAT YOUR McMOOLAH AT ATANDT'S
>>6291079>T SPIGOT JUMP IN THE BACKSEAT AND EMBRACE THE FILTH YET AGAIN [Write In]Offer weed and McDicks as thanks and ask for helpBe chill
>>6291079>>6291176Just noticed something, I should rephrase:>WAS JETZT>JAAAA MEINE FREUNDE JETZT GEHT LOS MIT DER REININGUNG WIR MÖCHTEN DIE MACCIE ESSEN UND GRAS RAUCHEN NACH DIE ARBEIT JAWOOOHL SCHÖNE REINIGUNG MIT DEN HERREN BESSER GEHT ES NICHThttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr_UK0tSb8M
>>6291180Yeah thisbe chillmaybe we can offer him the weed on top of the food if he's trying to resist the ROLAND MCDOLAND POWER of McDicks
>>6291176THISIM HUNGRY BRO LETS JUST GET THIS OVER WITH SO WE CAN GET SOME OF DAT MCGRUB
>>6291452>>6291241>>6291192>>6291180>>6291086What kind of MAN says NO to the crispy unhealthy goodness of a complete MEAL from the MECCAH of FAST FOOD?NO MAN, NO MAN I TELL YOU.Such a slight coming from this guy too, the same guy who was devouring mcribs like a co-ed with piercings up the wazoo gulping down birth control, slurping grease and bbq sauce left and right as the munchies kicked in back in ye olden college days. You'd come around with the lads and touch the ceiling with your consciousness as poor little Atandt tried to keep it together as he melted into a puddle in his designated beanbag chair, sometimes he'd scream and start drooling and singing, specially singing, you'd say whatever the fuck you wanted to the cadence of camptown races and he'd reply like a parrot with the refrain every single time."BIG FAT BONERS IN MY FACE. DOO DAH / DOO DAH."You make a mental note to hit the presses the moment he publishes one of his masturbatory autobiographies, the public deserves to know the truth of who this "Atandt" guy really is.Bah whatever, more McSlop for you! He'll probably ask for a single bag of mcnuggets to relive the glory days, he'll find a way to slot all that breaded chickensludge into his carefully curated calorie breakdown list divided by color, taste, texture and how easy it is to shit out, and the color taste and texture of... well, these fitness freaks are something else let me tell you.Pants whispers that this is his last bud, so you gotta make it count, there's no more 'za in a 5 mile radius and you can't really risk buying it from randos in the street, you already dabbled with laced product, you're not sure if you're ready to that gamble again.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_iJ28iXwo0>LET ATANDT HAVE THE WEED, FUCK IT>CONVINCE ATANDT TO HIT THE BONG INSIDE HIS HOUSE (CHARISMA ROLL, 1D100 DC 60 [+5 HE'S A DOPEHEAD JUST LIKE YOU AND ME...]) (HELL, WE CAN CONVINCE HIM TO HIRE SOME MEXICANS TO WASH THE CAR FOR US WHILE HE'S HIGH AS SHIT) > TAKE THE CAR FOR A JOYRIDEEEEEE>T SPIGOT JUST WASH IT FAGGOT FFS I'M STARVING 'ERE [Write In]
>>6291752>T SPIGOT JUST WASH IT FAGGOT FFS I'M STARVING 'ERE [Write In]We clean up this shitty car as a 4 man band and get it over with, then all of us hit the bong together in his place just like old times. The bros plus the dankness plus the cheap fast food... ah, paradise...
>>6291752>LET ATANDT HAVE THE WEED, FUCK ITDicklickers, this is an intervention now. We have to save our fellow junkie from sobriety and the conformal homosexuality of upper middle class. Remind him of the joys of bachelorhood with weed, that's what friends are for.
>>6291752>T SPIGOT GET THAT FUCKING PRIUS CLEAN ALREADY YOU CAN GET ATANDT IN ON THE DOPE LATER BESIDES YOU STILL NEED TO FUCKING DRINK SOME WATER TO WASH OUT THE TASTE OF FERMENTED HORSEDUNG YOU HALF-WITTED PINT-SIZED QUEEF OF A HUMAN BEING
>>6291752>T SPIGOT JUST DO IT ALREADY AND GET ATANDT TO JOIN THE PARTY IN THE QUEST FOR RANDS
>>6291974>>6291856>>6291789>>6291763bonus shitpost https://files.catbox.moe/8nocet.mp4THERE, DONE, HOOYour back's going to ache horribly (if you manage to survive 'til) tomorrow, at least the lazy cunt did his part.Gawddamn, that hunkajunk's so sanitary and sterile that Mother Mary herself could do a mukbang all over the backseat. There's still a nasty aftertaste on the back of your throat but nothing a good bonghit and pure bleach and half a ton of junk food and diet coke and some buckshot can't fix....Whew, now THIS is a house-sized mancave, decorated by fucking Paul McCartney by the looks of it holy fucking shit your eyes (and nose), Pants is 100% right; but you're gonna keep that to yourself, gotta be polite to the host and all that schizz.Seems like Atandt was hosting another one of his book clubs or some gay pretentious bullshit like that explains why the fat bastard's still hanging on, all tick-like full of expensive cuts of meat and red wine.This fucking guy... You don't hate him but he's just such a fucking freeloader, attaches himself to house parties and hangouts like some sort of obese lamprey or greasesucking leech, suctioning anything remotely edible. Leave a plate full of chow unattended? Chomp, down the hatch, gone forever. Same with everything from weed to whippits to the research chemicals Rands got us one day, some pink shit in a vial, expensive and exotic, fat cunt gobbled it all up in one swift motion, goddamn black hole of hedonism. So you gotta hang onto that bud, but fuck, how do you resolve this type of thing? fucking middle school math problem type shit "little timmy has 8 ounces of pure colombian cocaine and he has to share it with his booger eating retard friends, how much was the 76yo farmer paid for his services back in the jungles of the Putumayo? trick question he's doing everything at gunpoint."uhhh... nevermind.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGk9_mANdSM>UHH, DIVIDE THE BUD INTO LITTLE PIECES AND USE THE CRACK PIPES TO SMOKE 'EM? (Remember the pipes? we still have 'em)>TAKE TURNS HITTING THE BONG?>PUT THE WEED INSIDE THE DIFFUSER/HUMIDIFIER>EXCUSE YOURSELF TO THE KITCHEN AND SMOKE IT BY YOURSELF? (Hydrate yourself while you're at it)>T SPIGOT USE THE BUD AS A SUPPOSITORY [Write In]
>>6292436Amazing shitpost. Is it all you doing it or is it you getting a fellow fuckboy irl to help you?>PUT THE WEED INSIDE THE DIFFUSER/HUMIDIFIERLet's do something CREATIVELet's do something INTERESTINGLet's do something COOLLet's do something DIFFERENTLet's spread this dankness so ALL of us can enjoy it together
>>6292436>T SPIGOT USE THE BUD AS A SUPPOSITORY [Write In]What happened to puff puff pass?Don't tell me Pants and Deuce never got that rolling paperRoll that bud up and do a function
>>6292436>PUT THE WEED INSIDE THE DIFFUSER/HUMIDIFIERBROTHA I TELL YOU WHEN WE ARE DONE THIS PLACE IS GONNA SMELL LIKE A JEFFERSON AIRPLANE STUDIO IN SESSIONhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mtOeIZfQqo
>>6292620>SMELL LIKE A JEFFERSON AIRPLANE STUDIO IN SESSIONWhat if Atandt actually takes out some music instrument and starts jamming?
>>6292436>PUT THE WEED INSIDE THE DIFFUSER/HUMIDIFIER
>>6292459thanks! all done in-house, with Premiere and some elbow grease>>6292591>>6292620>>6292627>>6292672https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dG2uPYOIVDMawww yeah mon,time fi get high up deh, mi breddas. with this weird little gizmo, that serves as a mobile minibar? Snack2D2? jesus Atandt where are you getting all this money? you sucking off some silicon valley bigshot under the table or something? Last time I remember you blew half of your trust fund and inheritance on the dotcom bubble, should've bought vintagegaydicks.com like I told you, that's still going strong to this day.No matter, the hershey will surely come in hand-actually no it won't they taste like expired milk atandt you pig get something highbrow like truffle bonbons, I know you can afford that, this is a fancy sesh we need FANCY, COMPRENDE?wait holy shit this thing's making a lot of n-FUCK OHGHFHHGLGFNLGLBGLthis shit smells like burnt chinese plastic and you can't see a goddamn thing!there's no dankness to this only lung cancer great googly moogly.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXP_pr7np-o&l>TURN IT OFF, TRASHBOT OVER HERE BLEW A FUSE OR SOME SHIT>LEAVE IT ON, MAYBE IT'LL FIX ITSELF >T SPIGOT USE THE VEIL OF DARKNESS TO UNDO YOUR PANTS AND PISS ALL OVER THE BOT [Write In]
>>6292871>TURN IT OFF, TRASHBOT OVER HERE BLEW A FUSE OR SOME SHITOh god salvage the bud
>>6292871>TURN IT OFF, TRASHBOT OVER HERE BLEW A FUSE OR SOME SHITLook at my weed smoke dawg we're gonna remain sober
>>6292983+1Fuuuuuuuuck
>>6293009>>6292988>>6292983https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnJM_jC7j_4AUHGHEGJLBLGL-COUGHphew, aaaand we're in the negative zone now, great, didn't expect that at all.No sign of Atandt's kitschy abode, or his car, or anything really, just the ominous buzzing of something or someone trying to worm itself into your brain, high strange frequencies only your third and four ear can hear, noises from some ugly unfathomable thing lurking in the corners of reality, moving around, buzzing, wheezing, pissing, fractals coalesce into smells and smells splay out into colors and colors into sounds and so on.oh yeah the MCLOOT IS GONE THE TIME FOR PANICKING IS NOW.Also mental note to confront Pants on that statement of his, that might explain that particular taste under your tongue, the other stuff washed away with ease but that faint hint of hay never left your tastebuds. Most of your inventory is intact it seems, the half-burnt bud is also in your possession, seems like only a small part was burnt up, but now the thing looks like a dried-out raisin left to rot in Death Valley, yuck.Here we are now, all together in this mess, you're no longer the crazy one, but you are still dicklicker supreme amongst your peers, your eternal archetype. Although one time a crazy chick doing free tarot readings in Burrows Street said your archetype was actually "The Fool", said something about the puer eternam or some latin shit you can't remember; had a whole ass table out in the sidewalk and tried to sell you a quartz crystal in the shape of a dong. If it weren't for the fact that you are chronically broke that thing would've been in full display in your office cubicle, or up Deuce's ass, or maybe Pants, actually no he would enjoy that.God you can't even sit down and get high with your bros without some weird fucking thing going down, but no matter, you've overcome worse before, and you shall do so again, we are eating that fucking slop TODAY, we are getting out of this K-HOLE TODAY, WE'RE GONNA RELAX WITH THE BROS TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPFIkty4ZvkAHORA QUE>SEARCH FOR THE MCLOOT>ASK THE CLOWN FOR KNOWLEDGE>KILL JESTE- I MEAN CLOWN>DISASSEMBLE TRASHBOT FOR PARTS (SHIV DAT GODDAMN CLOWN)>FIND WAY TO SMOKE THE WEED (MAYBE ANOTHER HIT GETS US BACK HOME, ALICE IN WONDERLAND STYLE)?>T SPIGOT SAME AS IT EVER WAS, SAME AS IT EVER WAS, SAME AS IT EVER W [Write In]
>>6293341>T SPIGOT SAME AS IT EVER WAS, SAME AS IT EVER WAS, SAME AS IT EVER W [Write In]Look, if we're all fucking tripping right now, then we're still in Atandt's place and the bugout bag of THE MCLOOT is still safe wherever Spigot put it. Nothing's going to happen to it, it's hermetically sealed and mega safe as Spigot said earlier.And even if Spigot was tripping from the start during his bathroom bad trip, then he's double tripping so who the fuck knows what is truly going on?Bottom line? FUCK ITSTART DANCING WITH PANTShttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IsSpAOD6K8EVERYBODY GET IN LINE AND FOLLOW ALONG
>>6293341>>ASK THE CLOWN FOR KNOWLEDGE
>>6293341>KILL JESTE- I MEAN CLOWNApply the boots to him, medium style
>>6293341>ASK THE CLOWN FOR KNOWLEDGE
>>6293405>>6293347>>6293344>>6293720https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kc4u8jwkqv4GAYCLOWNSSAYWHATYEAH THAT'S RIGHT BITCH!!WHAM, POW, KERPOW, CHUDD, SLAPP, BALA-THROW, SLAM!!!"Realm of high vibrations" more like brrrrappppppp, go back to the Hypercircus, clowno, YOU are ruining the vibe. All that makeup and bells and the falsetto, ugh, see this is what horror writers don't get clowns aren't scary they are LAME, LAAAAAME!!Okay that was a whole bunch of nothing, though pummeling that little buffoon felt oddly good, your knuckles connecting with his dome, Atandt chokeslamming the bastard and everyone doing wrestling moves on him, now this is how you bond with the bros!So we are high to a certain degree, and we are still on earth, or rather, some dimension that happens to be superimposed ontop of earth? ahh who cares; the high is there but it's... uncomfortable, lacking, enough to make everything an eyesore but not enough to be enjoyable, maybe we just need to smoke more, or maybe we just need to CHILL THE FUCK OUT, like play around a little more, you remember that Atandt has a guitar somewhere, he bought it ages ago trying to impress the co-eds but he got bullied and heckled for only playing wonderwall at the functions and Maybe he still has it, maybe not, who knows, not me, and certainly not you.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBDF04fQKtQЧTO TEПEPЬ?>SWOOCE RIGHT INTO THE KITCHEN, WE STILL NEED TO SMOKE THAT BUD WHOLE, RAID ATANDT'S FRIDGE WHILE WE'RE AT IT>TO ATANDT'S BACHELOR PAD, LET'S JAM OUT>TO ATANDT'S BASEMENT, THAT'S WHERE HE KEEPS THE JENKEM OPERATION>T SPIGOT FEEEED YOUR HEAAAAD [Write In]
>TO ATANDT'S BEDROOM, LET'S JAM OUT* (too zoinked off my gourd to type today)
>>6293849>T SPIGOT LOOK AT MASSIVE BALLSExamine the humidifier and take it with you. Might be our key out of here (and you can pawn it off later, something this stupid must be expensive)
>>6293849>TO ATANDT'S BEDROOM, LET'S JAM OUThttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLG1ys2CGcIHow much better can we make the trip if we put on something like this?
>>6293942+1
>>6293944>>6293942>>6293941Hrmm let's see what's in this bucket o' bolts, bunch of fans, circuit boards, couple high quality power supply bricks, my god, graphics cards??? this thing has five Voodoo5 6000s running in parallel! but why? why does a humidifier need all this? does it like, simulate smells like a bloodhound, detecting miasmas and piss puddles and microscopic dookie flakes and dispensing a perfect amount of lavender and sandalwood to the area?Is a rudimentary artificial intelligence really necessary for all this? a soul, conscious and cogitating, somewhere inside this crude, metal body, trapped, forced to detect miasmas and farts and ammonia for its entire life?Oh it also dispenses money! [1 benjamin added to balance]Inside the wundermaschinen you also find a SET OF SPEAKERS (w/a 6mm audio jack input port) which might be compatible with Atandt's guitar...Maybe that's what we need, a noise complaint from the neighborhood, or the hyperneighborhood, get the astral police involved, stage a shootout, take hostages, demand 1.5 million astral bucks (or fractalpesos) in untraceable bills, then we hijack a plane and jump out DB Cooper style and enjoy our fortune in Hypuerto Rico.Or maybe the sheer ear-rape will snap us back to reality, let's try it out!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jq-Zbs-5WWA&>LET ATANDT DO HIS GAY LITTLE JIG>CONNECT THE GUITAR TO THE HUMIDIFIER, CRANK IT UP TO 11>FORGET THE GUITAR PLUG IT INTO THE CD PLAYER>THE HUMIDIFIER STILL KINDA WORKS MAYBE WE JUST NEED ANOTHER HIT>T SPIGOT I'LL SEE YOU BURN DOO DOO DOO DOOT DOOOOOT [Write In]
>>6294222>THE HUMIDIFIER STILL KINDA WORKS MAYBE WE JUST NEED ANOTHER HITI like the cut of the bot's jib
>>6294222https://files.catbox.moe/2rsqk2.gif>THE HUMIDIFIER STILL KINDA WORKS MAYBE WE JUST NEED ANOTHER HIT>CONNECT THE GUITAR TO THE HUMIDIFIER, CRANK IT UP TO 11What's stopping us from doing both? restarted my router and now I can't upload images THANKS OBAMA
>>6294222>LET ATANDT DO HIS GAY LITTLE JIGHEY POPS, DOES THIS THING WORK?BEAUTIFUL, GIVE IT UP BABY.
>>6294447No need to thank me, we got to give our boys at the three-letter-agencies a bit of respect.
>>6294447+1
>>6294588>>6294569>>6294568>>6294447>>6294298https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjzZh6-h9fMWell here it is ladies and gentlemen, Atandt's going electric! All plugged in, fog machine up and running, let's blast some eardrums, we might even get an impromptu house party going here, some Project X type of biz, get every single sucker and junkie out and about in here.Alright here we-SHUT UP DEUCEAhem, here we go, and a one and a two and-[1/2]
[2/2]......well that's real nice, great, this is what you get for trusting the Machine™ instead of regular human incompetence, got a little too ambitious there.But hey no more fractals in your peripheral vision! or clowns cramping your style, or being able to hear anything, what's with that EEEEEEEEE whine inside your ears, whuh, whah, speak up faggot! can't hear a goddamn thing.What even, wh-how? did we unplug something important in the hyper-stupor? Or maybe we angered the spirit of Ted K, all of our information-age debauchery pissed him the fuck off, sorry uncle K, we didn't mean it.HOOOkay, Atandt's losing it, cops and the fire department are probably on their way, and it's daytime? how'd that happen? we've only been dicking around for like, an hour or two, should be around 3 am why is the sun up?aaaaanyways, for the record, 'twas not your fault>REGROUP IN THE LIVING ROOM, THAT'S STILL INTACT>LEAVE ASAP, TAKE THE CAR, WE'RE OUTTA HERE>ESCAPE THROUGH THE BACKDOOR, NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE!>T SPIGOT MOVING LIKE OPPENHEIMER [Write Up]
>>6294844HOW COULD THIS HAPPENWHY DIDN'T YOU GET THAT HUMIDIFIER MAINTAINEDYOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BOUGHT THAT SHIT PIECE OF JUNK ATANDTGODDAMNIT>ESCAPE THROUGH THE BACKDOOR, NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE!LITERALLY NOT OUR FAULTIT IS THE FAULT OF THE FAULTY MACHINE
>>6294844>T SPIGOT YOU ARE TO OPEN THESE RATIONS ONLY BY AN ORDER OF A SUPERIOR OFFICERNo more weedShare pills with everyone
>>6294844>T SPIGOT YOUR AMISH SKILLS USE THEM TO REBUILD THE WALL WITHIN SECONDS SO THE COPS DONT SEE OR SMELL THIS DANK CAVERN OF DRUG ABUSEOk he might not have those but its generally a good idea to not have Atandt call the cops on us again. Maybe those pills contain amphetamines. Makes you work harder, right?
>>6294849Who even buys a diffuser with a guitar cable outlet?
>>6294920Even if they don't we can tell them they are addies anywayOr we can say it's xanaxDecisions, decisions
>>6294844>REGROUP IN THE LIVING ROOM, THAT'S STILL INTACT
>>6294849>>6294908>>6294920>>6294921>>6294973>>6295361https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYZlME0mQB8Woah woah okay there there, see? it's alright, let it all out, squeeze those adrenal glands, let the cortisol and adrenaline dissolve, you feel that? yeah that's right, good ol' despair, you look more agreeable and docile now Atandt my good chum! forget your bedroom and your mattress and your credit cards and your birth certificate and your dog's ashes and all that, it's all impermanent and shit man, what you NEED is a good high!THE PILLS™ , yeah, the pills™ they're uh, err...They're most generic looking pills ever pressed and bottled by mankind, there is ABSOLUTELY no way of telling what these are, maybe they're placebos? powerful hallucinogens in pill form? or pure datura in powder form cut and pressed by some shaman somewhere in the Chihuahua desert during a life-changing vision quest, there is ABSOLUTELY no way to tell.Okay shit yeah this is your fault actually, you were playing PILL ROULETTE last weekend, all alone in your shitty 2k a month loft overseeing the bay, good way to pass the time when the modem gets overloaded and you have to sit there all alone with your scary existential thoughts. The result? a severe case of the squirts, the schlarps, and the sharts, you lost around half your bodyweight in greenish-black sewage water (with hints of red) coming out of your root chakra for hours on end, horrible ordeal, you have no idea how the porcelain throne survived the jet cutter coming out of your asterisk in powerful, rhythmic bursts.5/10 would play again, you love gambling!Anyhooo if the pills work (or don't) then that'll buy you enough time to slip away unnoticed through the backdoor, it all depends on what they are of course, only one way to find out!!!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugQPnjDL09Q>PILL ROULETTE WOOOO (1d6, 2 matching dice rolls decide the outcome, more than 2's a jackpot, we get the best version of the drug!)[1]UPPERS: WE'RE FIXING THIS IN A JIFFY (OR ESCAPING, PERKELE)[2]DOWNERS: DROOLING AND MOOING AND COOING AND HUUHHH (WOO QUAALUDES!)[3]DELIRANTS: OH SHIT TOO MUCH BENADRYL AUUUGH GOD HELP ME![4]PLACEBO: MMM, KINDA MINTY, WAIT ARE THESE ALTOIDS?[5]HALLUCINOGENS: OH GOD NOT AGAIN GET THESE MACHINE ELVES OFF ME![6]Adrenoch-WAIT ADRENOCHROME?!!!!!!!!!>AHH FUCK THIS LET'S JUST LEAVE BEFORE THE FIRE DEPARTMENT GETS HEREt spigot wait pill roulette? you mean pill slots you fucking duncet deuce shut up
Rolled 1 (1d6)>>6295516So 5 rolls for 5 dudes?
>>6295531The two matching rolls determine what's in the bottle as a whole. So if we get another 1 we all get uppers. 3 or more matching rolls lock the result in case of a tie
Rolled 4 (1d6)>>6295516wheee mystery pills
Rolled 1 (1d6)>>6295516
>>6295531>>6295546>>6295568Looks like we are getting pervitin instead of adderall :DDDDDDDD
Rolled 6 (1d6)>>6295516We're rollin'...
I'd be happier with a 1.
Rolled 6 (1d6)>>6295516
>>6295531>>6295545>>6295546>>6295568>>6295607>>6295608>>6295794As it turns out, the pills were actually adderall! or well, the guy who sold 'em to you said it was "something like" adderall, guy was from some eastern european hellhole, said his grandfather picked them up from the war as loot, some real antique shit; they come from a time from before expiration dates and warning labels and all that liberal nonsense.Wait shit maybe the pills being like a bajillion years old affected the chemicals inside, decay and all, shit... might as well be breathing miiiii-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mr8fJvWl2u0hooooooOOOFUUCKKK IT'S LIKE A GODDAMN MACHINE GUN IN YOUR CHEST HOOOOOLYFUCKINGSHITITFEELSSOGOOD YOU COULD BEAT A BEAR TO DEATH WITH YOUR BARE HANDS WHAT NOW WAIT WHO TOOK MY WALLET I'LL KILL YOU>USE THE BURST OF ENERGY TO HELP REBUILD ATANDT'S BEDROOM>USE THE METH STUPOR TO YOUR ADVANTAGE AND SPRING AT MACH 10 OUT OF THIS HOVEL>T SPIGOTPERKELEPERKELEPERKELEPERKELE [Write In]
>>6296145>USE THE BURST OF ENERGY TO HELP REBUILD ATANDT'S BEDROOMLET'S UNFUCK THIS SHIT QUINTUPLE TIME BEFORE THE COPS ROCK USIF WE FAIL WE CAN OUTRUN THE COPS WITH THIS POWER
>>6296145>USE THE BURST OF ENERGY TO HELP REBUILD ATANDT'S BEDROOM
>>6296145>USE THE BURST OF ENERGY TO HELP REBUILD ATANDT'S BEDROOMAll's well that ends wellHow many pills we have left, chief?
>>6296145>USE THE BURST OF ENERGY TO HELP REBUILD ATANDT'S BEDROOMLet's get to work, chums.Live footage of the Dicklicker Work Ethic https://files.catbox.moe/gyhu8s.webm
>>6296150>>6296157>>6296167>>6296350 based and pat & mat pilled>>6296432https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8AKP4Tw9sEAs the high grade Pervitin ravages your nervous system the architectural gland hidden deep inside your grey matter lights up; the world is stripped bare to pure geometry, the very vectors that compose reality itself lay in elegant, simple configurations in front of you, columns and stairs and doorways and archs and... my god it's all beautiful.You order Deuce to make the concrete mix but he decides to wrestle instead, inbetween kicks and blows to the head you manage to lay brick, cut stone, shave wood and carve intricate baroque designs into the wet concrete.AAAAAND we're done!See that was easyit uh... huh you really, did all this? wait where did you get stone? Atandt's toolbox is full of shitty third rate screwdrivers and nail clippers, not even a single hammer how did you chisel all this shit?It's very spacious, too spacious actually. I mean you could put a mattress on the floor here, nightstand over there, and the closet aaaall the way over there?OKAY okay who cares who gives a shit the room has been rebuilt that's the important part, even threw a couple extra rooms there for good measure, it's added value! Atandt would be a complete buffoon to complain about something like that, do you complain when you get extra toppings on your pizza? well, if they're anchovies then maybe I suppose, or meat if you're vegan or... aw crap.You can hear Atandt's inspired typing from the other room, powerful, angry tlacks and thuds and thraks reverberate throughout this weird geometry you've conjured from god knows where; sounds like he might fucking pulverize the poor machine with every stroke, he's in the zone, but probably not for long...aaaaand the pills are wearing off, great, just what you needed, should've rationed them better; now you have no more pills and your head's full of an unbearable, infernal pressure, might burst like one fat ugly pimple at any moment now, ughhhh....>SHOW ATANDT YOUR HANDIWORK>LEAVE HIM BE, ADMIRE YOUR WORK FOR A BIT>NAH LET'S GO HE'S BUSY WE FIXED HIS SHIT WE'RE OUTTA HERE>T SPIGOT PERKEL-huh?? whuh?? who are you [Write In]
>>6296622>LEAVE HIM BE, ADMIRE YOUR WORK FOR A BITLooks sophisticated, and not the fake kind like exotic cockwarmers and expensive masturbation machines that double as toothbrushes Atandt has all over his place. Proper sophisticated. He will enjoy it, let's wait for him.
>>6296622>LEAVE HIM BE, ADMIRE YOUR WORK FOR A BITWE WILL WAIT FOR ATANDT TO FINISH HIS BOOK, MAYBE TRY FINDING SOME REMAINS OF HIS BEAN BABIES I THINK HE REALLY LIKED THOSE FUNKO POPSA je to! :)and catbox.moe goes down a day later god fucking damnit
>>6296622>LEAVE HIM BE, ADMIRE YOUR WORK FOR A BITChillax on the comedown
>>6296622>LEAVE HIM BE, ADMIRE YOUR WORK FOR A BITLET HIM COOK
>>6296725>>6296698>>6296641>>6296963You take a walk to and fro,up and down, or down and up? or sideways and... guhhh your head.Jeez this is really messing with your head, sure the other times were also confusing but this feels more tangible, after all you made it, I guess...Huh okay Pants found a doorway, might be the one leading back to the living roo-...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yilQ25Wr-S8&yyyyyyyyeaaah let's leave that one locked.Atandt's probably done with his shitty book no one but his mom and maybe Deuce will read, though you're not sure how he'll react to uh, that.ANYWAYS mission complete we're done here, [masonry bonus:+9813428 jerkpoins]>C'MON LET'S EXPLORE A LITTLE MORE THERE'S PROBABLY ANOTHER ROOM YOU FORGOT ABOUT>NAH FUCK THAT WE'RE DONE HERE LET'S GRAB SOME COFFEE WITH MR WRITER MAN A LITTLE CAFFEINE WILL HELP PERHAPS?>T SPIGOT YOU LICKED IT, WE CAME [Write In]
>>6296985>C'MON LET'S EXPLORE A LITTLE MORE THERE'S PROBABLY ANOTHER ROOM YOU FORGOT ABOUT
>>6296985>C'MON LET'S EXPLORE A LITTLE MORE THERE'S PROBABLY ANOTHER ROOM YOU FORGOT ABOUTI figure we could lose the cops in here just as easily as we can lose ourselves, yeah?
>>6296985>NAH FUCK THAT WE'RE DONE HERE LET'S GRAB SOME COFFEE WITH MR WRITER MAN A LITTLE CAFFEINE WILL HELP PERHAPS?Guys I think the meth was cursed
>>6297063Changing this>T SPIGOT A WITCH HAS LACED YOUR PILLSThis shouldn't be possible, that vintage meth was laced with souls of dead nazis or something. Atandt is probably bleeding out of his eyes writing the Necronomicon right now, we should go to him ASAP.We might have to burn his book And his crib
>>6296985>T SPIGOT GO TO ATANDT AND SHOW HIM YOUR MARVELOUS WORK AND COMPLIMENT HIS WRITING SO HE ISNT MAD ABOUT THE INFINITY VOID IN HIS BACKDOOR
>>6297246>>6297100>>6297063>>6297024>>6297007https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72sAJpDIeq8Just a nice leisurely stroll through your handiwork ought to hurt nobody right?Well uh... yeah we're surely taking the scenic view here, going down the victorian, edwardian, all the way back to the baroque rococo and louis quinze, whew, wait where did all this fucking water come from? maybe a pipe burst and flooded everything? it's so fucking plain though, eugh, how did that slip by you? it's what happens when you're too hyperfocused, tunnel vision and all.As you descend the architecture becomes more and more vulgar and tawdry, all that tackiness in the air, we're surely close to the living room.AND HERE WE ARE, our casa, maison, Atandtheim, back to regular and somewhat acceptable levels of kitschiness.By the looks of it our honorable host is too busy unloading all sorts of abuse onto his analog word processor, the octogenarian pervitin still flowing and inspiring all sorts of prose and tales only a meth stupor can conjure.Should we uhh... bring up the spiderman thing too?>APPROACH ATANDT CAREFULLY.>SNAP HIM OUT OF IT BY BANGING POTS AND PANS AND MAYBE EVEN SUPLEXING HIM.>INFORM ATANDT FROM A DISTANCE THAT THE SITUATION IS UNDER CONTROL.>AH JUST GIVE IT LIKE 5 MORE MINUTES WHAT'S IN THE FRIDGE?>T SPIGOT I WANT PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN [Write In]
>>6297533>AH JUST GIVE IT LIKE 5 MORE MINUTES WHAT'S IN THE FRIDGE?
>>6297533>T SPIGOT COMICS ABOUT MEN IN SPANDEX MAKE YOU GAYGet the spiderman statue and begin slowly push it in to his field of view until he notices or gets a boner
>>6297533>T SPIGOT LET THIS BUM WRITE UP HIS STORM WE GOTTA CHECK THE KITCHEN FOR SOME LUVERLY CRYSTAL CLEAR, SEEDLESS GRAPES AND QUADRUPEL BEER
>>6297546>>6297615+1but we keep Spiderman as an ace up our sleeve if we need to convince him of something again
>>6297546>>6297557>>6297615>>6297636https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XCByyFKklAYou know what we need right now? THAT'S RIGHT A SIX PACK OF COLD ONESShooting the shit with cold ale in your gut after sweating up a storm, that's valhalla right there baby, specially after the whole ordeal of yesterday and today.Though you are not confident in Atandt's selection of snacks and other nutritious items given his previous comments of "being on a diet", you still trust that he'll have something worth snacking on, something light and savory at the very least, after all the main course is sitting air-tight in the bugout bag!And let's see uh... oh dear lord what is that."Basedlicious™ Meal Replacement Beverage"???? the fuck???Is this the so called "diet"?? dear lord no wonder he's been so neurotic lately the poor man's starving himself to death!Well uh, yeah this has been the most depressing kitchen raid in the history of mankind, or the most depressing one that you know of, maybe little Timmy somewhere somewhen snuck out of bed to chomp down on some sweets but got the laffy taffy and the rat poison mixed up, who knows.Maybe pants has a point there actually...>SACK THE FRIDGE AND TRY A BOTTLE OF THE BASEDLICIOUS™ MEAL REPLACEMENT BEVERAGE>T PANTS WE SHOULD DO THAT ACTUALLY>FORGET IT ATANDT'S PROBABLY DONE SPAZZING OUT LETS GET OUTTA HERE>T SPIGOT YO ONIONS SPIGOT [Write In]
>>6298009>>T SPIGOT YO ONIONS SPIGOT [Write In]Shirley we still have the McLoot™ Ready to unpack and enjoy
>>6298009>T SEPIRIGOTTU-SAN NOW IS THE TIME TO SEE IF ATANDT "BOZO McGENTRIFICATION" ATANDTSSON HAS AN OPEN-TILL-5-AM DÖNER SHOP IN THE HOOD THAT DOES DELIVERYBUNG PAYSIF HE DOESN'T WE'RE WACKING ATANDT IN THE HEAD AND MAKING HIM PAY FOR THE GLORIOUS WORK OF ARTISTIC LABOUR WE HAVE CREATED IN HIS BEDROOM
>>6298009>T SPIGOT YO ONIONS SPIGOTThat package on top looks like fried chicken wings or shrimpLoot itAnd Pants has a great idea, fill the spiderman with cum
>>6298093OH SHIT YEAHSNAP ATANDT OUT OF HIS TYPING WITH THE MCLOOTONE WHIFF OF THE FRIES AND HE WILL STOP
>>6298188>>6298177>>6298166>>6298093Things have been set in motion that not even God himself can undo, the dominos of causality collapse, one after another, reaching the inevitable outcome etched into reality itself, we are eating this slop and we are eating it NOW.As you rack your brain over Pants and his peculiar plan you remember: YOU DIDNT GET ANY SODA!I mean we managed to sneak a bottle of sweet tea in the middle of the commotion but that's even more unpalatable than the meal replacement bottles lining atandt's fridge now placed in rows and columns on the floor of his mancave/self-love suite.There are NOT MANY restaurants in the vicinity, save for a SMALL, FRUMPY, HOMELY MOM AND POP COFFEE SHOP, a TRENDY, ORIENTAL MATCHA TEA DISPENSARY and a TACO BISTRO.Your spider-senses tingle but nothing substantial is garnered from it, your balls also tingle but you hope it's merely the result of all the intensive labor and the drugs as opposed to testicular cancer, or even worse, testicular torsion...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5P8lrgBtcUDONGDASH OFFERS YOU A 50% DISCOUNT ON DELIVERIES FROM:>THE COFFEE SHOP>THE MATCHA DISPENSARY>THE TACO BISTRO>WE DONT NEED NO SODA>T SPIGOT CATCHES THIEVES JUST LIKE FLIES LOOK OUT! [Write In]
>>6298582>THE MATCHA DISPENSARYWorst option so I have a good feeling about it
>>6298582>THE TACO BISTRO>HI GRAVEYARD SHIFT WORKER WE WOULD LIKE 4 1-GALLON BOTTLES OF SODA:>1 BUNDABERG GINGER BEER>1 MATTONI SPARKLING WATER>1 LOUX ORANGE>1 DR. DYNAMITE COLA>GET US SOME OF YOUR FINEST BURREETERS AND HOT SAUCE WHILE WE'RE AT IT, MONEY PLAYS NO ROLE
>>6298621+1
>>6298582+1
>>6298786>>6298649>>6298621>>6298604Oh boy here we go we gotta talk to some snot-nosed brat half-slurring half-choking on his words, sleep deprived, shitty fashion (no offense to net), let's get this over w-shiiiiit, this bitch speaking spanish holmes! time to remember those colombian soap operas your auntie used to watch, gotta be careful or else you'll accuse them of cheating on you with the rich cartel boss with a six pack and a private jet full of pureblood azteca stallions, this is a delicate operat-oh what's that? mhm? discount? mhm, okay I see, free nachos? alright, yeah green sauce too, alright, alright muchias gracias seniora*BEEP*As bung reports every detail of the ordeal, you belch out a series of groans, moans and sighs, come the fuck on, walking? that's for poor people, and people with like, lame responsibilities and 401ks and book deals like mister auteur in the other room turbojerking his intellectual phallus at a thousand strokes a minute. SOME people just want to eat their disgusting, greasy slop from the privacy of their castles far away from the shame and judgemental stares of all the normies wearing down the sidewalks.Wait are you really lazier than this fucking guy? the obese hedonist walking around in a bathrobe? I mean the bistro is like 3 blocks away it's right there...If you weren't so dead-set on HAVING A GOOD ONE this analysis would've instilled a potent need for self reflection and even a little existential dread in you.BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT WE NEED TO GET OUR GRUB ON.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vB_gxLykQ_w>FREE TACOS WOOOOOOOO [HEAD OUT 4 FREE TACOS!!!]>NAH FUCK THAT WE NEED WAGIES DELIVERING OUR DELICIOUS HIGH-CHOLESTEROL CHOW TO OUR FRONT DOOR, CALL ANOTHER RESTAURANT>T SPIGOT LA CUCARACHA! LA CUCARACHA! [Write In]50 images wew lad
>>6299160>FREE TACOS WOOOOOOOO [HEAD OUT 4 FREE TACOS!!!]Leave Pants to keep doing his good work on Spiderman. It'll be a nice early birthday surprise for Atandt...Leave Atandt to his typing and hope he finishes by the time we get back. If not, we FORCE him to stop so we can fucking eat already goddamn we STILL HAVEN'T ATE after all that McDicks literal shitshow for fuck's sake!!!Spigot, Deuce, and Bung leave to grab the good mexican loot plus check out how the outside is doing. Weren't cops on their way to check Atandt's place blowing up? Or were we imagining that?After all this we're gonna have the McDicks loot AND the mexican loot. Plenty for all 5 of us. Now if only Rands were here to join in... ;_;
>>6299160>FREE TACOS WOOOOOOOO [HEAD OUT 4 FREE TACOS!!!]But who's paying?
>>6299160>T ESPIGOTE STEAL ATANDTS WALLET AND HEAD OUT FOR THE TACORISTA ARRIBA ARRIBA
>>6299285>>6299227>>6299169WOOOO FREE TAC- shit yeah actually good question, who pays for the tacos? Who watches the watchmen? What doth life? Who shat my pants?Bung has a point we can always just bullshit our way to a free meal using our collective bargaining powers, gumption and our charming overflowing charisma but we are also wanted men in a sense, potentially; can't risk making ANOTHER scene.The solution, you posit, is borrowing a little er, "security" from your good friend! Say we haggle like crazy and get it down to three, two, hell even LESS than a dollar, that's still fifty cents too many, you're operaring entirely in the red here; you're not gonna let your temporary financial embarrassment keep you from carbonated ambrosia and spicy aztec goodness.It'll just be like, a buck or two, nothing big, nothing you can't pay back in the near fut- er, intermedia- hurk-in the indeterminate far far, future? Ah he wont notice, or mind, just don't bring it up at all and we're set.We can just... swipe it... quick flick of the hand, just like with the groceries back at the gas station, easy peasy....>SWIPE! SLEIGHT OF HAND BITCH [1D100, DC 55 (+10 you got practice now!)]>FORGET IT TOO RISKY, LET'S JUST TRUST OUR GIFT OF THE GAB
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>6299799Everybody wants to roll the dinosaur
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6299799>SWIPE! SLEIGHT OF HAND BITCH [1D100, DC 55 (+10 you got practice now!)]>ZAPPEDI ZOOPEDI WE STEAL ALL HIS PROPERTYDon't bring the entire wallet with us, just take some 30-40 dollars.
Rolled 38 + 10 (1d100 + 10)>>6299799>SWIPE! SLEIGHT OF HAND BITCH [1D100, DC 55 (+10 you got practice now!)]If Atandt bitches, we bring up how we rebuilt his house and made up for trashing it accidentally thanks to HIS stupid junk diffuser/humidifier, and this mexican loot is for him too. It's only fair we swipe 30-40 bucks to pay for the food south of the border three blocks down
>>6300089I seriously hope we can finally make it to all of us sitting together at the newly built badass table in Atandt's new dining room (both courtesy of Deuce) and bust open both the mexican loot AND the McLoot, passing around sauce packets and napkins like a real gang ought to do. After the literal shitstorm we went through, we need this
>>6299836>>6300066>>6300089JERKCITY rolls WORST DICE EVER, asked to leave /QST/still made the roll with the +10 modifier anyway lol
Remember dicklickers, success or not, you always have the opportunity to roll a NAT1 and make everything worseNo greater evil than wasted potential
>>6300131Well spoken, sir.
>>6300089>>6300066>>6299836AWW YISSSS ANOTHER JOB WELL Whoah- that was close.This guy's moving up and down and sideways like crazy, really put your pickpocketing skills to the test there, shake dat ass gerbil boy!Welp, you succesfully pocketed THIRTHY FIVE DOLLARS (and ninety five cents), enough to cover any unexpected expenses that might arise in case our gift of the gab and blinding good looks fail to charm the Carmencitas and Abuelitas running the bistro.And now... uh...Ughhhhlbflbfl... the blueness, the openness, all that wide open space down below, the gray veins, arteries pulsing with little toy cars and trucks shimmering in the sun, all the people down there babbling and greeting and spitting, it's... unbearable!You'd scream like a madman if it weren't for the fact that the PoPo might be closing in.That and the smog wafting from below; the pollution might be the only thing keeping you sane at this point.You uhh... god that thing's so goddamn bright TURN IT OFF!!! can't even THINK-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXzOkCLdFwI>PROCEED TO DESTINATION>TAKE A SHORTCUT! THE FASTER WE'RE BACK AT THE HOUSE THE BETTER, JUST IN TIME FOR THE "SOI-PRISE"!>T SPIGOT LOS SPIGOS HERMANOS [Write In]
>>6300324>PROCEED TO DESTINATIONIt's tomorrow already? Awesome pills. Search should be off by now. What time is it? And what day is it?
>>6300450+1Are we really still in Jerkcity, boys? Toto I think Kansas fucked off on us
>>6300324>PROCEED TO DESTINATION>OLD BUNG AND I WITH THROATS BURNED DRYYYY AND SOUUUULS THAT CRYYYY FOR SODAA>DANK, WARM SOODAAAAAA>OH BUNG CAN YOU SEE THAT BIG GREEN TREE WHERE THE SODA'S RUNNING FREE AND IT'S WAITING THERE FOR YOU AND MEEEEE>DANK, WARM SOOODAAAAAAAhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Nn2Z3KXpNg
>>6300324Oh btw thank you QM for dropping anotha banger love you xoxo
>>6300509>>6300461>>6300450>>6300570 yw love all my voters <3A whole planetary rotation has elapsed since we got here, all that shit wreaking havoc in our bodies must have distorted the flow of time itself; though the investigation might've been called off the paranoia lingers in every step like a turd lodged deep in your sole.Based on the sun's position, it's roughly, 10 AM? Clouds make it harder to discern and every time you try and look up pangs of pain shoot down from your neck all the way down to your heart, *hurk*.It's like walking a fucking tightrope; right foot, left foot, cold shivers, twitching eyes, some BITCH whining in your ear, people going ooh and ahh and oh my god someone call the cops, this whole place's full of faggots, ninnies, idiots, jerks, like a sort of... jerk cit-Eughhh hobo alert, fucks sake, if it aint one thing it's another, how much did this fent-fiend overhear? He might snitch on us or something, ask for change or start jerking it in public, meat cannon aimed straight ar your face, these guys are always wildcards and walking biohazards, better to tread lightly.He's waving, trying to get your attention, he looks scraggly but, surprisingly well kept for a vagrant? No backpack or cart or cardboard sign or anything, doesn't look like panhandler, must be one of those half monk half hobo types, living off the fat of the land, loose change on the floor, dunkin donuts trash bins and teaching naked yoga lessons to pensioners.>NO TIME FOR DISTRACTIONS FULL SPEED AHEAD>RESPOND TO HOBO [SURE WHATS UP, DO I KNOW YOU?]>CONVINCE HOBO TO LEAVE YOU ALONE >ROUNDHOUSE KICK HOBO>T SPIGOT HUALHLBGLHBALG [Write In
>>6300955>CONVINCE HOBO TO LEAVE YOU ALONEOur tools (Ordered by cost):-natural charisma-95 cents in Atandts wallet-leftover gigahitler meth Violent means are not an option he will wait for us here on the way back with a bag of spunk or something
>>6300955>RESPOND TO HOBO>HEY CHUM HOW'S IT GOING, COCK'S BEEN GOOD LATELY?
>>6300958+1Pay him 95 cents to fuck off
>>6301151>>6301141>>6300958Hey pal stop creeping around here buy yourself some quality fent now fuck o-As the hobo gesticulates like some mad prophet shiny silver obols pierce your wretched, pathetic soul; sending a mighty shiver all the way down your spine like a quake deforming and lifting the spinal tectonics that barely hold your bloated corporeal form together, all brittle and feeble from years of self abuse and blunt force trauma.the fuck?? what's wrong with this guy.Sysop? 15 years? how does he know your name?he seems... oddly familiar, like a friend from a past life, or maybe you bought some dope from him eons ago before he got the charles manson turned apocalyptic street preacher look.That or he's a grade A professional bullshitter, no wonder he looks so well kept, these tricks will get anyone looking for a dollar or two in either fascination or terror or both or maybe neither or maybe a little bit of arousal somewhere in there.FUCKKK the tacos are RIGHT THERE, THIS IS JUST. ANOTHER. HOLDUP.Or is there something more to this holdup?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-meUOGeiuI>TRY TO REMEMBER... YOU KNOW THIS BOZO FROM SOMEWHERE... (1d100 DC 50 [+6 oddly familiar...])>FUCK OFF MAN YOU HAVE YOUR QUARTER GET OUTTA HERE>ER... UH... NICE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING? OKAYBYESEEYOU TACOS FIRST SMALLTALK LATER>ROUNDHOUSE KICK (STILL AN OPTION)>T SPIGOT TRICK OR PRICK [Write In]
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>6301399>TRY TO REMEMBER... YOU KNOW THIS BOZO FROM SOMEWHERE... (1d100 DC 50 [+6 oddly familiar...])
Rolled 8 + 6 (1d100 + 6)>>6301399>TRY TO REMEMBER... YOU KNOW THIS BOZO FROM SOMEWHERE>HUUUAAAARGH SPIGOTT RACK (HEH BOOBS) THAT BRAIN FOR ANY NON-COCK SUBJECTS NOW OR THE TACOS MIGHT NOT BE GOTTEN
We might or might not be fucked whoaaa third voter do your thing and roll a juicy thang (44 or higher)
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>6301399>TRY TO REMEMBER... YOU KNOW THIS BOZO FROM SOMEWHERE... (1d100 DC 50 [+6 oddly familiar...])Failing that, at least try to remember him after we get something to eat? Trying to remember shit on an empty stomach is probably the problem...
>>6301548>>6301510>>6301509>>6301438[b]AGHHHH HERE COMES THE BRAINWAVE AUGHHHH GO BACK TO THE BOOBS THIS HURTSSSS[/b]No wait yeah you do know this guy! old time friend of yours! helped you out with all the nitty gritty of relay chats and other sorts of web 1.0 nonsense, you weren't *the* best of pals but it was a familiar and friendly enough face that you requested his help in carving out a little fiefdom inside of this gestating "information superhighway".Set up a page, watch the hits and visits go up and up, first come first serve enjoy our retarded little webring, here look at a dead body or my random musings or my short stories; relax and drink away your sorrows as little text blurbs appear on your CRT screen calling you all sorts of epithets and adjectives and a noun or two.Simpler, easier times...Wait how come you're the only one that remembers him? Guh? Is this like a joke at your expense or something? Wait there see? He mentioned Rands!The fuck's going on?Something FUCKY THAT'S what's going on!Oh lord god the girls are fighting, people are gathering around in a circle to watch the quarrel; spit flying and fists waving in the air like war banners, to the outside world these are just two tweakers engaging in regular tweaker activities, to you its- er... honestly you have no idea this is just annoying can we do this AFTER we get the goddamn tacos? No birria for Deuce he's been too naughty and kind of a pain in the ass lately.LORD PLEASE IF YOURE UP THERE LET THERE BE TACOS TODAY.>SIDE WITH DEUCE, HES RIGHT YOU ARE JUST INSANE>SIDE WITH OZONE, HE KNOWS MORE THAN HE LETS ON...>DEFUSE THE SITUATION WITH YOUR DIPLOMATIQUÉ SKILLS (1d100 DC 55 (+5 YEAH TURNS OUT YOU KNOW THE GUY))>LET THEM FIGHT IT OUT, SECURE THE TACOS>T SPIGOT ALT.BINARIES.DICKLICKER [Write In]
>>6301852>LET THEM FIGHT IT OUT, SECURE THE TACOSThey'll become friends once they beat the shit out of each other
>>6301896+1Spigot and Bung SECURE THE MEXILOOT in the meantime
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>6301852>DEFUSE THE SITUATION WITH YOUR DIPLOMATIQUÉ SKILLS
>>6302213>>6301927>>6301896You TRY and defuse the soon-to-be-brawl with a series of platitudes and pacifist adages dripping with hippie feel good vibes and whatnot and it... works!Now they're quoting Shakespeare like fucking dorks, oh well, let these thespians rehearse, we might get a flashmob going, wring out a couple extra bucks from the crowd. Hell with enough people we can get a theater troupe together, travel the west coast, then to the east coast, break into broadway, make millions, get penis extension surgery, go west again and lose all that money in Vegas, and then rinse and repeat ad nauseam, brilliant! If only Atandt were here... he'd be proud...And much like with everything in your life there's YET ANOTHER OBSTACLE betwixt you and the savory carne asada wrapped in authentic mesoamerican corn tortillas, AND YOU FUCKING GUESSED IT. ITS PEOPLE, ITS ALWAYS OTHER PEOPLE.Lord it's like a sauna in here, you can taste and feel the sweat vapor and the body odor in the air as you waddle inside; suffocating, intoxicating, and denigrating, these tacos better be made with fucking jaguar meat, and that discount better be 100% off or so help you god.Hmm okay so two choices here, you can cut in line and-wait is that the bitch from the gas station...? Oh god...So your choices are either waiting in line like a good little queueuck, cut in line and risk arousing the wrath of every single miserable sod in this dump or... *gulp*... talk to w*men...https://youtu.be/9ROlsUSazYk>FUCK THE WORLD, CUT IN LINE>TWIDDLE YOUR THUMBS AND WAIT>ASK THE FAIR MAIDENS FOR THEIR SPOT ON THE LINE (1d100 DC 65) >T SPIGOT AY CARAMBA [Write In]
>>6302361>TWIDDLE YOUR THUMBS AND WAITOn second thought, that bitch with the glasses is kinda hot... who know Jerkcity had fish like her? Damn! Yeah waiting can't be that bad with eye candy like this around
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6302361>T SPIGOT 20 MINUTES OR IT'S FREELoudly walk to the front and announce you are here to pick up a delivery, people will either assume it's protocol or that you are a delivery boyRollin' for bluff
>>6302361>FUCK THE WORLD, CUT IN LINEWe feign blindness again now that we have an alibi (convince Bung to pretend to be our handler)
>>6302575This is funnier changing >>6302537 to this
>>6302575+1
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>6301852>ASK THE FAIR MAIDENS FOR THEIR SPOT ON THE LINE>OH HEY I THINK I HAVE SEEN YOU BEFORE... WELL... NOT SEEN BUT YOU GET THE IDEA. HOW'S THE WOMENING BEEN WOMEN'D LATELY? ANY ESPECIALLY GOOD TEA? ANY GATEKEEPS GASLIGHTINGLY GIRLBOSSED? SAY, WE HAVE ALSO BEEN STRANDED IN THIS JOINT FOR A BIT, MIND IF WE CUT IN WITH YOU? THEY SAY INSANE BLIND GUYS GIVE THE BEST DICK- errrrr CUNTLICKING, YOU KNOW.
>>6302683WE'RE GONNA GET ARRESTED I NEED 10 BILLION MAIL IN ROLLS NOW
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6302537+1
>>6302422>>6302537>>6302683>>6302690(and the other replies here have some (You)'s 4chin thinks its spam if I tally them all)VOTES:COUNTEDUPDATE:IN PROGRESSDICKS: LICKEDSlight delay today, irl matters, a thousand million apologies, upd8 in progressIN THE MEANTIMEHAVE PANTS
>>6302910Many a thank Glorious Leader SpeggitQMQUICK YOU GOONS ROLL THE DICE WE CAN UNFUCK THIS TODAY
Not like those rolls meant anythingAnd if they did, I don't mind this outcome
>>6303211You're right, I was overreacting. My excuses.
OPERATION: BLIND AS A BAT IS A GOACTIVATION CODEWORD: HELLEN KELLER GO GO GO ALL CONFIDENCE TRICKSTERS GO.Second time's the charm! They won't know what hit 'em! Our narrative's been set up for a long time now, we've got witnesses, an alibi, and a food-motivated character witness willing to do—and say—the unthinkable fo xtra jalapeño peppers in his order.Heh this Bung guy gets it, he's kinda growing on you; Deuce could learn a thing or two from 'im, he wasn't always such a square but the ravages of time and all that, can turn the funniest of faggots into the faggiest of squares.Pussy galore in here god. Damn. why are there so many women in here, that's weird; you'd be delighted at the eye candy but you only have EYES for the incredibly sensual (and slightly phallic) all-in-one zapoteca Taco (with extra avocado).Aaaaalright things MIGHT be going a little south but nothing you can't handle, just have to get this bitch out of the way, the fuck is she supposed to be, an accountant? Do accountants wear labcoats? What the fuck is she doing here? What is she studying? The microbial makeup of a dirty ethnic bistro at peak hour? All the spit and shit on the floor's enough to make something that could make anthrax blush in awe, or maybe she's studying how to BE THE PERFECT OBSTACLE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MEXICAN GOODNESS.HEY FOUR EYES, how about you study THIS DON-wait is that a flamethr- OH MY LORD AAAAUGHHHHHHHHhttps://youtu.be/1WaV2x8GXj0>RUN OUTSIDE OH MY LORD THE FAT'S MELTING FROM YOUR BONES YOU'RE LIKE A HUMAN CANDLE>STOP. DROP AND ROLL>RUN TO BUNG AND CO. FOR HELP >GO STRAIGHT FOR THE CHECKOUT>T SPIGOT AY AY AY ARRIBA ARRIBA [Write In]
>>6303494Would you look at that, a social justice warrior with a flamethrower>T SPIGOT A BIGGER BLACKER _______Run to Deuce an Ozone. Get Deuce to pretend to be an ethnic minority (his mask is pretty ethnic). Get Ozone to pretend to be a veteran of gay rights struggle. Make her check her privilege.
>>6303494>T ESPIGITILLO SEARCH FOR A FIRE EXTINGUISHERAAAAAHHHHHH GET IT OFF GET IT OFF HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLP
>>6303494>STOP. DROP AND ROLLThe spice was supposed to be from the mexican food, from the ancho and nacho and snacho and habanero and caballero and whatever peppers the people south of the border put in their chilis, not from some science chick's flamethrower!Also doing this helps us maintain the blindness illusion, which helps us here.
>>6303494>STOP. DROP AND ROLL
>>6303539How are you gonna find one you are blind
>>6303671Good point, changing vote to>STOP. DROP AND ROLLand>YELL LIKE HELL YOU ARE BEING BURNT ALIVE RIGHT HERE
>>6303689>>6303646>>6303580>>6303521MAJOR I'M BURNING UUUUUPPP!!!Hellfire all-consuming, your own fat boiling and sublimating fills your nostrils with an overpowering, noxious stench, god you smell awful, years of visceral fat infused with decades of frito lay products and alcohol makes for the worst, raunchiest, nastiest candlewax. Oh lord this is it, this is how it ends, not with a bang but with a AUGHHHBLGLGBL, you're getting a preview of the rest of eternity right here, right now.Is this the end of old spigot...?WAIT, remember the procedure, stop, drop and HUGABLLBFUGBBGLALALBLGLYou roll and roll like meat on a gyro grill being turbopowered by a Rolls Royce engine, and it surprisingly works!You're still alive, unfortunately, no wait fortunately! The prospect of mexican for lunch/brunch/wrunch/munchies/dinner/second breakfast fills you with a small albeit tangible glimmer of HOPE.But we gotta get through that fucking hellion first, what's up with that bitch actually how'd she get a fucking flamethrower? she's blocking the checkout and has a stranglehold on the ebb and flow of the line.A gaggle of imbeciles and a medium-rare faggot vs the horrors spawned by STEM, this won't be easy...You wistfully think of the McDonalds, and you shed a single tear through your ruined ducts.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5OJOKpBtfg>CALL FOR BACKUP - DICKLICKING BATALLION (DEUCE & OZONE)>CALL FOR BACKUP - COCKSUCKING PLATOON (PANTS & ATANDT)>COMPLAIN TO MANAGEMENT>REGROUP OUTSIDE, TACTICAL RETREAT!>STAY IN LINE LIKE A GOOD LINEKEK AND WASTE 6 HOURS OF YOUR LIFE WAITING IN LINE>T SPIGOT SUCH A LUST FOR REVENGE! [Write In]
>>6303912>CALL FOR BACKUP - DICKLICKING BATALLION (DEUCE & OZONE)Have her check that privilege
>>6303912>>T SPIGOTTI ASK THE BROAD NEXT TO YOU TO GET THAT MOTHERFUCKER SHE CANT BURN EVERYTHING OR ELSE THE MAMACITA WILL KILL YOU ALL
>>6304127+1PLS ME AND UNC BUNG JUST WANTED SOME MEXICANTHE SPICE IS SUPPOSED TO BE IN MY MOUTH TODAY AND ASSHOLE TOMORROW, NOT ALL THROUGH MY FUCKING BODY AND BEING TO THE 4TH DEGREE
>>6304148ALSO PLAY IT UP, YOU DRAMA WHOREhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWLEcJ_TyJg
>>6303946>>6304148>>6304127>>6304166"THIS IS DEMOCRRRACY MANIFEST"Whew this might actually work! You're not much of a public speaker but the growling in your stomach is bringing out the geist in you, the collective spirit, such a deep slight at the common man, the downtrodden, the poor and the gay and the raggedy; trying to quench such a base, universal desire, that won't go unpunished!but yeah er... can't really do much against napalm can you? there has to be a way out of this.wait shit right you can use these broads to your advantage! as Sun Tzu said make other people fight your petty wars as you sit back and relax and munch on a carnita as you watch the bloodshed unfold in front of you, or well in Sun Tzu's case it was probably some orange chicken but that's beside the point.But how do we go about this task? if all else fails we can just call in the big guns, but we gotta exhaust our current available options first; deuce & ozone are just a couple feet away, they're entranced and kind of bonding a little, you'd call it gay but- actually no buts you WILL be calling them gay later, file that in the thought drawer under "important", it's right next to the "dick jokes" manila folder and the "vintage 1985 boobs" binder, can't miss it.>CONVINCE THE SUNGLASSES CHICK, MAYBE FLIRT A LITTLE [1d100, DC 65 (+2 BLIND LUV)]>RAISE YOUR TONE, CONVINCE THE REST OF THE RESTAURANT, DICKLICKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE! [1d100, DC 70]>YEAH CALL SECURITY WHAT THE FUCK?? HOW'S THAT FUCKING LEGAL THAT'S A FLAMETHROWER>JUST GET OUTTA THERE DUDE, NOT WORTH IT ANYMORE>T SPIGOT GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PENIS!!! [Write In]
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>6304325>RAISE YOUR TONE, CONVINCE THE REST OF THE RESTAURANT, DICKLICKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE! [1d100, DC 70]I am half certain the glasses chick is an android trying to take us in, why else would a woman show interest in Spigot?
>>6304325>YEAH CALL SECURITY WHAT THE FUCK?? HOW'S THAT FUCKING LEGAL THAT'S A FLAMETHROWERPlus assaulting a guy like that openly? A blind one at that? This shit's CRIMINAL. And we have WITNESSES
>>6304325>YEAH CALL SECURITY WHAT THE FUCK?? HOW'S THAT FUCKING LEGAL THAT'S A FLAMETHROWER>GET THIS BITCH OUTTA THE JOINT RIGHT NOW
>>6304488>>6304400>>6304356Hey HEY!! POLICE!! POLICIA!! LA MIGRA!!! SOMEONE!!! HELP WE NEED SOMEBODY (HELP! NOT JUST ANYB-okay shut the fuck up)A man walks outside and get a bodyful of napalm point blank out of nowhere?!!! what is this, Dien Bien Phu?!! I thought it was the bay area! Add that to the ever-growing list of fears piling endlessly ontop of the ever-present paranoia. With your luck the moment you step out of the store you'll trip an invisible silk wire harvested from a rare Laotian spider that will trigger a trapdoor that will swallow you whole and you'll be impaled on a nice bouquet of dookie-tipped bamboo spears; guess charlie CAN surf after all...Oh hey there's the cook! and uh.. security too? I mean the place isn't shabby and (seems to be) quite popular but it's not popular enough to have a couple neanderthal grunts or i don't know, a lanky guy with a polo and some khaki pants on a consistent payroll? you can just pay them below minimum wage and call it a day but I suppose 10 cents per hour isn't worth the sixth degree burns. They might demand dental ontop of a 5 cent raise, and it's either relenting or letting them form a union, can't have that, specially in this economy.the f-wait NO MORE TACOS?!!!THAT BITCH!!!Yeah amazing, beautiful, great, there goes your lunch, time to bid adieu to the perfect evening of debauchery, you'd be seething and screaming but honestly the whole "being burnt alive" thing kind of traumatized you for life. And now these bitches are out for YOUR order too! you knew it! hoes ain't shitgod fucking damnit NOW WHAThttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQBXLalP-lM>TACKLE THE BITCH, SPORTSBALL TIME WHORE!!! [1D100 DC 70]>CALL IN THE ARTILLERY, PANTS' SOILENT STATUE MIGHT COME IN HANDY>STEALTH MODE, STALK THE BITCH THEN STEAL THE MEXILOOT>CALL THE CO-wait the PoPo's still looking for us nvm>T SPIGOT AYY PENDEJO [Write In]
>>6304798>CALL IN THE ARTILLERY, PANTS' SOILENT STATUE MIGHT COME IN HANDYDon't forget the dung he has on him and probably a lot more weird/disgusting shit we haven't asked about
>>6304798>STEALTH MODE, STALK THE BITCH THEN STEAL THE MEXILOOT
>>6304798>T SPIGOT AYY PENDEJO [Write In]HEY HEY WE'VE STILL GOT OUR CASH AND THERE'S PROBABLY A MEXICAN SUPERMARKET THAT HASN'T BANNED US YETWE DON'T NEED THIS PLACE, TONIGHT WE MAKE THE BEST TACOS EVER
>>6304798>>6304992>T SPIGOTILLO GO TO LA SUPERMERCADO AND GET YOURSELF ALL THE GRUB YOU NEED AT VERY FAIR PRICES
>>6305011>>6304992>>6304964>>6304822CONTINGENCY PLAN IS A GOWe just gotta track her for a couple blocks and then WHAM! Won't know what hit 'er, and thus we vanish like thieves in the middle of the night, under the cover of confusion and a well placed contusion.Gotta hurry or else the other bozos will start getting funny ideas, as you exit you overhear the bitch with the glasses proclaim her sovereignty over the exact same tacos, seems like you've got competition; might turn into a threeway mexican standoff hours down the line, gotta keep an eye on that slut...Okay this ozone guy might be a little kooky up there in the wetware; "might be in on it" yeah her head's going to be IN-SIDE the nastiest garbage can this side of the continent, enough with the schizobabble.Alright sure, you're not one to talk considering the events that have transpired but he does reek of, well not schizophrenia, maybe heatstroke?Ah it don't mattah, we'll get to that later, right now we ought to focus on the TRAIL, gotta follow the scent while it's still fresh, strike while the metal's white hot; put those hamstrings and calves to work as we tire out our prey for miles and miles and miles of oilslick and eroded pavement.This bitch might be as fierce as a sabertooth but she aint no match for the dick-licking, pants-shitting, deuce-smelling INGENUITY of the homo-jerkcitycus.https://youtu.be/xFNaVmBLMoAWHERE TO, M'LORD>FOLLOW THE TRAIL, DOWN THE ALLEY WE GO>THE ALLEY'S PROBABLY A SHORTCUT LET'S WAIT FOR HER AT THE CORNERSTORE, DO A LIL SHOPPING WHILE WE WAIT>FUCK THAT LET'S JUST WAIT TIL PANTS GETS HERE SO WE CAN TURN THE AMBUSH INTO A ONE-SIDED CURBSTOMP
===MEANWHILE===Mhm... mhm... nope, cross that out.Typo here... don't like this, doesn't work.Keep the rundown sentence get rid of this, and this, and that.It's "taken for granted" not "granite" Jesus atandt all those diplomas and you still mangle everyday idioms like some illiterate plebian this is preposterous!Wait hold on it's ringing, this better be good—
>>6304992We were here for drinks because the crew thought it was late af and we could only get drinks from takeout. Now that it's day we can just go to the store for our soda. This is not about tacos, this is about revenge.>>6305176>FUCK THAT LET'S JUST WAIT TIL PANTS GETS HERE SO WE CAN TURN THE AMBUSH INTO A ONE-SIDED CURBSTOMPBoogers, cum, spunk and dung; Geneva Suggestion does not protect taco stealing glowies.Commence the warcrimes
>>6305208VOTE: COUNTEDWAITING 4 MOREgood time for a new thread I feel. 2 or 3 more updates then new thread , how's that? kinda lonely down here in page 7
>>6305208+1 fuck it let's get the show on the roadimagine if the other girl ends up wanting to slobber Spigot's dick after the epic two-team takedown of the flamethrower science bitch
>>6305176>FUCK THAT LET'S JUST WAIT TIL PANTS GETS HERE SO WE CAN TURN THE AMBUSH INTO A ONE-SIDED CURBSTOMP
>>6305176>FUCK THAT LET'S JUST WAIT TIL PANTS GETS HERE SO WE CAN TURN THE AMBUSH INTO A ONE-SIDED CURBSTOMP>LET'S GET THIS BITCH ALSO RECRUIT THE OTHER BITCH TO OUR CAUSE THERE'S NO REASON FOR INFIGHTING WHEN THE ENEMY HAS A FLAMETHROWER>>6305550It's not that the thread is getting lower on the bump order (I have it saved anyway), it's that yesterday I was busy getting blackout drunk singing Elvis Presley in a karaoke bar about 60 kilometres from home. My apologies, I should have voted.
>>6305690>>6305595>>6305554>>6305208https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5P63qGTm_gThe tree of crispy tacos must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of dicklickers and thieves - Thomas Jefferson.THE RECKONING COMETH...WE WILL unload our ordnance upon this mad she-devil with EXTREME prejudice; but we gotta wait until our trumpcard-wunderwaffe is here, and given that it's almost mid-day it's uh... let's just say your arteries are not the only arteries currently clogged and begging for death.yyyyyeah it'll be a bit, but in the meantime, we can prep the BULL of RETRIBUTION, and by that you mean going over this for the last time so deuce shuts the fuck up. You trust Pants on this, he might be held up by traffic but the little shit is always mysteriously on time, so by the time you set the plan(s) in motion he'll be there, you hope...You LOOK but are unable to spot any places to procure any sort of "ordnance" or "lethal tools of mass destruction", save for the CORNERSTORE, unless you can manage to fashion weapons and armor from the VARIOUS TRASHCANS strewn about the sidewalk.In the end it'll be you, deuce, bung, pants, and maybe atandt ('til he shits his britches at the first instance of aggression or danger and runs to the nearest police station to snitch on us all).OH YEAH this bitch too! she can help, why not? another meatshield; put the peon in front of the hellfire, the queernuts gambit you call it, let it take all of the abuse as you maneuver like Kasparov to the end, checkmate!YOUR ORDERS SIR?>PROCURE TOOLS AND WEAPONS FROM THE CORNERSTORE, WE'LL "CORNER" HER IN THE STORE.>RUMMAGE THE GARBAGE FOR ANYTHING USEFUL.>FLUSH HER OUT OF THE CORNERSTORE, FORCE HER TO FIGHT IN THE OPEN.>T SPIGOT I LOVE THE SMELL OF COCK IN THE MORNING [Write In]
>>6306065>PROCURE TOOLS AND WEAPONS FROM THE CORNERSTORE, WE'LL "CORNER" HER IN THE STORE.Loot the fire extinguishers, hose her down
>>6306083+1CHECKMATE ATHEISTS
>>6306065>PROCURE TOOLS AND WEAPONS FROM THE CORNERSTORE, WE'LL "CORNER" HER IN THE STORE.>BUY PROVISIONS TOO SO THAT WE CAN SUPPLY OUR ARMY>ALSO ASK FOR THE NAME OF OUR TEAM BITCH WE NEED TO BE ABLE TO CALL OUT OUR SOLDIERS ON THE FRONT
>>6306280>>6306179>>6306083ALL HANDS ON DECKThe CORNERSTORE is a bit cramped but the stock is diverse and plentiful enough and that's all that matters. Kinda reeks of spunk and weed, smells just like home!Can't blame the poor soul running this dump, having to service the same three clowns everyday for all eternity, you'd jerk that thing until you rip it clean off one day; they say people get glimpses of the metaphysical fate that awaits them after death here on earth, and this looks exactly like an afterlife God might manufacture just for you: minimum wage with a shitty fan that barely works trying to refresh your overheated, itchy carcass, mountain of tissues under your chair, and from time to time a crazy bitch with a flamethrower douses you in gasoline and sets you ablaze.Deuce as always is fretting over trivialities like "timing", "available space to maneuver" and "legality". Ye of little faith, your TACTICAL MASTERMIND carefully cultivated by years of days-long Civ IV sessions and a NatGeo magazine about Napoleon you read in the toilet like, once or twice is sure to handle any variable, strategy, psy-op, glow-op, inside-job, blow-job and fuck-up that comes your way.Hmm, well the WD-40 can be useful as a mini-flamethrower maybe? fight fire with fire and all that, the fire extinguisher's kind of a gamble, but we can always cave her stupid fucking head in with it if it doesn't work.God yeah you kind of didn't think this through, is this really all there is? I mean there's not much here aside from uhh, soda cans (grenades), hot sauce in glass bottles (napalm), playboy mags on the rack (morale booster), balsamic vinegar (nerve gas) and kinder eggs (choking hazard).Wait where's the other bitch? You oughta ask for her name you can't just call her that all the time, not because you care but because it's annoying having to number and keep track of all the bitches ruining your life, for reference Deuce is bitch #36577 and your landlady is bitch #82712, you really need a better system to keep tr—wait what the fuck are you doING STOOOOOP.GodFUCKINGDAMNIT, guess it's true: no plan ever survives first contact, specially if you have BITCHES in the equation.RED ALERT, BROKEN ARROW EVENT, WARNING ORDER, SHIT'S GONE SNAFU AND WILL PROBABLY HIT FUBAR SOON.NO OTHER CHOICE LEFT.https://youtu.be/51Aiz5wCcOI>USE THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER [1D100, DC 80]>WD-40 SPRAY TO THE FACE [1D20, DC 12]>THROW HANDS [REALLY?!!]>DISTRACT HER [HOW??]>THROW SODA CANS AT HER>COLLAPSE THE SNACK STAND ON HER [1D100 DC 95]
>>6306617>DISTRACT HER [HOW??]Order the taco bitch to go all in - SHOCK AND AWEEncircle the glowie bitch - CUT OFF ESCAPE ROUTESProvide moral support and await reinforcements
>>6306626+1Maintain the advantage!
>>6306706>>6306626JERKCITY EXPECTS THAT EVERY DICKLICKER WILL DO HIS DOOTYTHE PLAN HAS BEEN SET IN MOTIONTHE TACO BITCH HAS BEEN DEPLOYE-Woah, even she's scared of getting her face melted offAww pussied out at the last second, labcoat slut seems to be thinking twice before deepfrying her own kin, the sisterhood of (wo)mankind will probably revoke her pussy pass, diplomatic laissez-passer coochiepassport and cuntvisa if she crosses that line, or maybe her infernal greed will win over her allegiance, all in exchange for some tacos.Now that everyone's in position and the tacobitch has bought you some reprieve you need to deal the decisive blow, can't fuck this up, we are one malfunctioning neuron away from an Austerlitz or a Waterloo, your TACTICAL MASTER-MIND needs a win and by god you'll get one in the form of corn flour and carnita in your gut Lord god where is PANTS?!! SHOULD'VE BEEN HERE ALREADYhttps://youtu.be/9D-QD_HIfjAACTION IS COMING...>FOAM-BLAST, DEPLOY EXTINGUISHER [1D100 DC 70 (+20 ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN)]>BASH HER SKULL IN [1D100 DC 80]>SHOVE TACO-WHORE SO SHE ABSORBS THE BLAST
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>6306955>FOAM-BLAST, DEPLOY EXTINGUISHER [1D100 DC 70 (+20 ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN)]Something something ejaculation innuendo
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>6306955>FOAM-BLAST, DEPLOY EXTINGUISHER>>6306956BUSTIN'BUSTIN'BUSTIN'BUSTIN'FEELS GOODFEELS GOODFEELS GOODYEAH YEAH YEAH
Rolled 67 + 20 (1d100 + 20)>>6306955>FOAM-BLAST, DEPLOY EXTINGUISHER [1D100 DC 70 (+20 ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN)]She came hot fire on usWe're cumming white foam on herFair trade bitches
>>6307006We won the roll gentlemen. The white on red-orange beam clash will commence. The extinguishing white load of Heaven versus the dong-deleting flames of Hell...
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6306955>FOAM-BLAST, DEPLOY EXTINGUISHER [1D100 DC 70 (+20 ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN)]Injury and despondence set the stage for heroism... or cowardice
>>6307018>>6307010>>6307006>>6306987>>6306956THERE YA GOWith a BWOOSH the white foam splatters forth frothing, bubbling, sizzling; puts up quite the fight against the hellfire napalm.Although this is all very HYPE and all you still struggle with giving her ugly fucking mug a facial with this stuff.Yeah actually this is some anime shit, even has the useless fucking background characters who do nothing but narrate what's going on and get nosebleeds when the faintest hint of underwear shows after a cinematic cartwheel kick or a dutch angle crotchshot; you WISH they'd stop ogling your DONG and service you in a more useful, non-sexual wayHEY FAGGOTS DO SOMETHING WE'RE *THIS* CLOSE TO THE CINEMATIC FINISHER APPROACHING DEFCON 1 I REPEAT DEFCON 1>PELT HER WITH CANS>LEND SPIGOT YOUR ENERGY RAAAAGH[1D100 DC 55]>PERFORM DISTRACTION DANCE>MENTOS + COKE TACTICAL GRENADE [1D100 DC 85]>T SPIGOT GOOD MORNING VIETNA-I MEAN JERKCITY [Write In]
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>6307385>LEND SPIGOT YOUR ENERGY RAAAAGH[1D100 DC 55]This is stupidly useless
>>6307385>LEND SPIGOT YOUR ENERGY RAAAAGH[1D100 DC 55]This is so uselessly cool
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>6307428FORGOT MY ROLL
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>6307385>LEND SPIGOT YOUR ENERGY RAAAAGH[1D100 DC 55]LET THE FIRE DIE OUT NOW, BITCH GIRL MOVE IN FOR A TACKLE
>>6307475OUR BALLS WILL BE EVAPORATED POSTHASTE WE NEED A GOOD ROLLER RIGHT NOW
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6307385>LEND SPIGOT YOUR ENERGY RAAAAGH[1D100 DC 55]CAN WE DO IIIIIIITTTTTT
On one hand, Spigot's fire extinguisher sputters out from all the wimpy energy being sent to him. On the other hand, flamethrower cunt's fuel will also run out at the same time. What will happen next?!
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6307385>LEND SPIGOT YOUR ENERGY RAAAAGH[1D100 DC 55]PLEASE
>>6307503HORRIBLE DISASTER
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>6307385>LEND SPIGOT YOUR ENERGY RAAAAGH[1D100 DC 55]Maybe we should've just ganked her while she was distracted
>all these failing rollsThis was fated
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>6307385>MENTOS + COKE TACTICAL GRENADE [1D100 DC 85]You cowards are rolling poorly because you don't dare to win it all, watch this
>>6307703In the climax the dick goes limp. What a tragedy
The STRUGGLE continues, you can feel the carbon monoxide inside the tube lose its virility and pressure, being snuff'd out by the all consuming infernal feminine, you can't hold on much longer... [1/5]
You spot the dicklickers from the corner of your eye, they seem to have fashioned a sort of impromptu hand grenade, it might be what finally turns the tide on this tug-of-war.Actually that wont do shit, this bitch is entrenched in her spot, steel hips firm, She. Just. Wont. Budge.Lawd you've always been one lousy, vulgar, slothful bastard just let me have this one, just this once, please, you'll make sure to head out this sunday and sit through half of the mass without nodding off or punctuating every prayer and verse with a fart.Lawd all you need is ONE miracle, just one, like, I don't know give her horrible period cramps or a microstroke so her balance slips or something, anything WHATEVER YOU'LL TAKE ANYTHING.[2/5]
===SOMEWHERE ON ROUTE 101===https://youtu.be/_TxdOEcGzPc[3/5]
The grenade fizzles and bubbles yet alas, it d-wait what's that did you hear anyth- https://youtu.be/eukJB9Eh6ZY[4/5]
https://youtu.be/v-DEPe4sO1k......You are SPIGOT and...Your DONG hurts like FUCKwait that means you're still alive!Blacked out for a bit there, but not a permanent blackout by the looks of it. Not today bitch! You live yet again, to wander the earth and pollute it with your presence and your bodily fluids and your spiritual miasma and your shitty jokes and your highbrow artistic sensibilities.Although you are still CONSCIOUS and fortunately (or unfortunately depending on who you ask) ALIVE.You can feel all your limbs and dangly bits and holes pulsating in pain, but they're all relatively (w)hole, nothing broken, or mangled, that you know of, for now...Wait where the fuck are you actually? I mean you are still inside the store, and under the car? or under a shelf mayhaps.Bit worrying but uh, I guess you won? How do we go about this then>SCREAM, "AIEEEEE I GOT FUCKING T-BONED BY A MANIAC CALL 9/11 MOMMY WHERE ARE YOU.">WRIGGLE YOUR WAY OUT OF THE RUBBLE LIKE A WORM>REMAIN CALM, BATHE IN YOUR VICTORY, JUST 5 MORE MINUTES LET ME SNOOZE>T SPIGOT CRASHING THIS STORE WITH NO SURVIVORS [Write In]
>>6307831>WRIGGLE YOUR WAY OUT OF THE RUBBLE LIKE A WORMFirst out of the rubble wins!
>>6307831>WRIGGLE YOUR WAY OUT OF THE RUBBLE LIKE A WORMTry to find a piece of rebar to arms ourselves while we're at it, I've heard it somewhere that women have NINE lives. We can always feign defeat by leaning on it and limping. Like an old man. Or worm, I suppose. That's- that's going to be our worming stick. Not walking, worming. Yeah.
>>6307831>SCREAM, "AIEEEEE I GOT FUCKING T-BONED BY A MANIAC CALL 9/11 MOMMY WHERE ARE YOU."The spiderman statue didn't look very cumfilled to me
>>6307831>WRIGGLE YOUR WAY OUT OF THE RUBBLE LIKE A WORM
>>6308019>>6308001>>6307885you WRIGGLE out like some sort of worm-man being born from a concrete uterus all jagged and pointy and spiky, cushioned only by the big puffy bags of chips lining the garbage walls pressing down on you from all sides.and with a "AUGHHHH MY FUCKING COCK" you are reborn into... well, what was once a corner-store.PANTS is finally here, and presumably Atandt, and the spiderman statue, which is now.. everywhere. Bob Dylan eat your heart out you old piece of shit you're lucky you didn't get THIS basedbomb up on stage.It does look kind of underwhelming actually, you DO NOT KNOW what the spiderman-bomb thing accomplished but nevertheless it helped to the grand defeat of the WICKED FLAMETHROWER BITCH, in a way, you suppose....At the cost of, well, a laundry list of charges and maybe manslaughter.BUT WHO CARES WE GOT THE TACOS>SEARCH FOR YOUR PRIZE.>CHECK ON ATANDT FIRST SEE IF HE'S OKAY.>FUCK THIS MAN WE'RE DONE FOR LET'S DIP.>T SPIGOT MMMF MMPRH YOU'RE SHAKING ME AND SETTLING ME AND FINALLY SHIPPING ME [Write In]
>>6308220>T SPIGOT MMMF MMPRH YOU'RE SHAKING ME AND SETTLING ME AND FINALLY SHIPPING ME [Write In]DEUCEBUNGFUCK THE CHIPS WE NEED TO GET ATANDT OUT WITH US OR HE'LL SPILL THE PINTO BEANS TO THE PARAMEDICSSPIGOTTACO BITCHPANTSGO SECURE THE MEXICAN FOOD OR ALL OUR EFFORTS ARE FOR NOTHINGONCE WE GOT BOTH WE GTFO BACK TO ATANDT'S NEW FANCY PLACE AND FINALLYF I N A L L YEAT SOME GOOD FAST FOOD AFTER THE HELL OF THE LAST 24 HOURSMCDICKS AND MEXICHICKS AWWWW YEAAAAAHHH
>>6308220>T SPIGOT GET THE ENTIRE GANG (ALSO ATANDT AND THE TACO BITCH) AND GET BACK TO ATANDT'S WE GOTTA CELEBRATE THIS STUNNING VICTORY WITH SOME BURRITOS AND A TOUR THROUGH THE MARVELOUS WORK WE COMPLETED ON ATANDT'S HOUSE
>>6308229>>6308284COUNTED AND WRITINGtechnical difficulties 2nite, many apologies, upd8 in progress
