You're an alien. You're a Grey, which also happens to be your name. You crash landed on Earth and unfortunately all of your fellow Greys are dead. But, "luckily" a friendly South American tribe that lives along the Amazon river has found you and is willing to help out! You think, you can't actually understand them. They've brought you before their tribal chieftain and shaman. The Shaman being a man of the world wears a Baseball cap from a time some UN delegation visited him and dropped off a bunch of stupid tat while doing an exploitative photo shoot for a charity drive none of them ever saw a dollar from. You of course don't know this, nor give a shit. Not going to mince any words about your situation. You're well and truly fucked. Think fast and be smart, Otherwise, it's game over. You decide to...>Say hi>Scream threateningly at them>Vaporize somebody with your glowing stick o' pain>Make a universal gesture of peace and love. You stick your finger into the air and pretentiously draw a circle in the air. Much wow, very deep.>Flip one of them off with the universal sign of displeasure. This is a much less flattering gesture. Combining this with vaporization might be a good combo, I dunno.>Do something else. Your ship and all other gear from it is gone, so it's pretty much you and your primary stick o' death and pain. Don't worry, only you can use it and it never runs out of pain juice. However, you can also apply it for non homicidal or sociopath actions. Like for example, performing clean (but simple) surgery. Sort of cutting wood (burning through it). And, making fires.
>>6289411>Vaporize somebody with your glowing stick o' painIf this doesn't get the primitives to back the fuck up, I don't know what will.
>>6289411>>Vaporize somebody with your glowing stick o' painDumb fuckin animals probably understand PAIN. GIVE IT TO THEM
>>6289414>>6289416There was a Seamen, he's gone now. You have gained a Wife Beater shirt, Baseball Cap, and Baseball Bat. And, by tribal tradition you are now the Shaman. The village Chief is kind of surprised, but not really. He looks sort of stupid, but smart enough to know inviting a highly dangerous extraterrestrial back to his village was retarded. However, "we" can't mourn the Shaman forever. It's a shame he died. Was probably a great guy. But, you're the Shaman now and at this point what difference does it make? Regardless, better come up with something because now you're hungry and still can't talk to these Amazon tribals.>Kill the village Chief for another promotion>Gesticulate to them that you want some food>Start a fire for warmth, despite the building your in having a heating system, and it being 108 fucking degrees outside in the evening.>Go out and fish for some food in the Amazon. I'm sure you'll find the extremely specific, non contaminated food your race eats in there.
>>6289421>>Go out and fish for some food in the Amazon. I'm sure you'll find the extremely specific, non contaminated food your race eats in there.Asking them for help is a no-go because they don't know what the fuck we eat and don't know our language. Worst case scenario, we can collect some vegetation and sterilize it with our jisop (from GSOP, or "glowing stick o' pain).
>>6289422You go out into the Amazon and electrify the water with your stick killing several hundred fish in the process and fishing out the most desirable smelling one of the lot you eat it. The retarded villagers rejoice for you have inadvertently fed the entire village for the next several months. You later find out that the only food they had was junk food from a river barge, and that Deritos are actually fatal to your people. Good job dodging a proverbial "bullet" on that one. Now, however you have the very sleight and no way at all problem of a scrambled Delta Force Blue Fly team of hired super assassins approaching the area where your ship crash landed with orders to skull fuck you on sight. What do you do?>Pretend to be a local native, they might fall for it. Because you're ugly and look the part>Hide in the Shaman's village, it's technically belongs to you now anyway.>Wait in ambush and kill any of the Delta Force members that come close to finding you.>Same as option three, but do it while pretending to be the Shaman. >GTFO
>>6289429>>Same as option three, but do it while pretending to be the Shaman.Would probably get the village nuked, sounds funny
>>6289431And, right you are the Delta Force comes swarming into the village and proceeds to murder everyone there, except for you as you vaporize two to three of the retards that try to "communicate" with you. They're wearing white lab coats. You figure it must be the sign of their people that they've got the downs. The containment team sets up a security cordon around you as you scream expletives at them in Grey. It might be a good idea to escape.>Try and escape so that you're not killed in the incoming Fuel Air Explosion. Like the sick ass scene from the movie Contagion (can't remember it's actual title, don't sue me)>Go down in a blaze of glory by screaming up on top of the burning ruins in whatever Grey space nigger language you know. >Use the Pain stick to burn a tunnel into the soft earth, so that you can escape (this is the correct choice FYI)>Do something else as sensible and non retarded by your own description by the last option so I don't have to end this Quest forty posts and two days short.
>>6289433>>Use the Pain stick to burn a tunnel into the soft earth, so that you can escape (this is the correct choice FYI)I will listen to the parenthesis this time only
>>6289493You very cleverly burn a hole into the ground as a FAB dropped literal seconds later and blows the entire village to hell and back. Presumed dead, Delta Force scrubs the area and leaves you alone, out in the jungle. You're now crudely dressed like one of the locals and armed with only futuristic weapon of absolute horror. What do you do? Also, be on the look out for Hillbilly's looking to reenact that scene from Deliverance. It might be South America and on the Amazon, but that doesn't mean you can't get sexually violated by a group of rednecks for no apparent reason.>Continue down the river>Go fishing again>Help the Inca King get medicine for his people... (wait, no, ignore that one)>Make your way to area 51 in order to get a new Space Ship and blow this Popsicle standWhat happened to the village (turns out the movie was called Outbreak, go figure I remembered it wrong)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lO2-YxWkRxkAlso, the clean up crew doing a cracker jack job. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWpp_5hXMFc
>Use your ayyliem knowledge to find a lost, forgotten city in the Amazon, preferably one that worshipped visitors from the stars.
>>6289860Despite the improbability of this happening. You succeed. Somehow, up until the CURRENT YEAR. A massive, alien worshiping civilization has gone undiscovered along the Amazon river. They bear a suspicious resemblance to a syndicated TV series and Movie called Star Gate, but don't worry about that! You contact the Cuotl for help. They offer you legions of their Aztec themed tribal warriors with not so cleverly disguised alien technology as "magic" weaponry. What do you ask them to do?>ET Phone Home>Kill the UFO recovery team with their laser staffs>Worship you like a god and hook you up in a luxurious pyramid>All of the above because there is no downside to any of this
>3>2 only if the goon squad manages to find us>Bring us their finest toads to facilitate our astral communications (ayy lmao)
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>6289865>>All of the above because there is no downside to any of this
