You awake on a deserted island.You don't know where you are. You don't know how you got there.You'd probably be royally fucked if it weren't for the fact that you happen to be carrying three things with you.What three things are you carrying? (one item at a time)
Timbalands shock value on cd
>>6338937>A portable open-source Linux-based handheld game emulator off of AliExpress
>>6338937>My handy-dandy Maid Bot
>>6338942>>6338940Aww yiss, no we're cooking with gas!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69lhANsPFIk&list=PLG-WZCwMH7KFpYwUhOtB0u1qxbZ98m7OA
>>6338940>>6338941>>6338942The three items in every survivalist's toolkit. Sure, you ain't got a motorboat, but you can float ya boat to the iconic rhythms of Norfolk, Virginia's finest rapper / producer... if you had a CD player, that is.All that rummaging in your pockets has sure got you hungry. You assume the medley of strange objects you carry aren't edible.What should you do to find food?
>>6338966Look for coconuts up in the trees.
>>6338966Look for coconuts on the ground.
>>6338966>Look for coconuts under the ground
>>6338971No no no, we have a maid for that.>>6338966>Send the maid to look for coconuts in the trees
>>6338975This is very true!>>6338966Change>>6338974to>Send Maidbot to look for coconuts!
>>6338971>>6338975>>6338985Of course! Why would you need to look for anything yourself. You de-inventory-ize your Handy-Dandy™ Maid Bot. She floats before you.You instruct her to go searching for coconuts within the nearby trees. Nevermind the inferior ones which have already fallen to the filthy sand below. 1/2
>>6338988With her superior foraging algorithms, she finds a coconut with ease. Success!Now how do you crack it open?2/2
>>6338991>We have a maid for that, too!Right?>Alternatively, use the dirty ground coconut to smash open the nice clean tree coconut.
>>6338991>>6338992 +1
>>6338991Maid will figure it out, ask the maid bot to give us a step by step plan to follow that will set us up on the island
>>6338991Smash it against rock. We gotta do something around here, lest we get weak.
>>6338991>>6339119+1 to this. Who knows if MaidBot has a diminishing battery or not. Better save her strength too
>>6338991>Give maid bot a hug as thanks>Crack open coconut with rock
>>6338992>>6339047>Ask the maid...The MaidBot gives you a confused expression. She is unable to crack the coconut open herself. It appears she has regular, human-maid-like strength, not irregular, gorilla-maid-like strength.She is also unable to provide a plan to escape the island. Her algorithms don't seem complex enough for that.
>>6339126You ask the MaidBot what the hell she's good for if she can't even crack open a single damn coconut. She hands you a copy of her MaidBot Manual. It's a little roughed up, but you pour over its contents.Abilities & Features1. Hovering up to 10 ft (3 m) above a surface.2. A variety of cleaning attachments that one would find in a typical home (we think you discovering the details is the fun part!).3. Following basic, subservient commands to a T.4. Basic computer vision, identification abilities and uninformed search algorithms.5. Revolutionary solar-powered battery.Alright, now that you've got a good idea of what you're working with, how should you crack open that coconut?
>>6339168Just bite the bullet and do it the old fashioned way. Get a big rock and smash the coconut!
>>6339168Huh I wonder what that warning is, anyways crush open the nut with a rock.
>>6339119>>6339165>>6339174>>6339185>Smash the coconut open with a rockYou tell that piece of scrap to hand over the nut. If you want something done right, you guess you gotta do it yourself.You find two rocks lying nearby, set the coconut on the bigger rock, and plunge the sharper rock into the shell.
>>6339208It cracks open! The delicious white flesh and thirst-quenching water inside will surely keep you hydrated and nourished for some time.Now that you're sufficiently fed, should you use your items and surroundings to find a way to signal for help? Or venture deeper into the forest to find someone or something that could help you?
>>6339210Make a s.o.s out of rocks
>>6339210Use the coconut husk to dig a hole in the ground up off the beach where there is dirt, and use sea water to do a liquid separation of silt and sand from clay particulates. If Youtube taught me anything it's that with enough clay and charcoal you can do minecraft IRL to make useless amounts of iron prills.
>>6339226+1, let's make sure we're self-sufficent first. Then we get set up the SOS and play some vidya.>>6339210
>>6339226>>6339244Alright, you think you saw a guy do this on YouTube once...You dig two holes off the beach with the remains of the coconut, but before you can start levigating any clay...
>>6339444Your digging abruptly ends. After about a foot you are met with... concrete? Huh. That's strange.
>>6339445You dig the other hole deeper, and sure enough, there's nothing but silty topsoil and concrete below you. It appears this entire island is built atop a giant slab of concrete. How the hell are these trees growing?The particles of dirt aren't small enough to be shaped like clay. You suppose you could still build some shoddy mud huts using all this dirt, though. Just no pottery it would seem.
>>6339446I think I saw this on LOST once. There's probably a brown new zealander down there. Best to leave him in peace.
explore the island more see what we can find
>>6339452I second this. Let's do more exploring!
>>6339452+1. More weirdness to find!
>>6339446Explore I suppose.>Mysterious giant slab of buried concrete on a desert island, you say?
>>6339452>Explore the islandNo luck digging around here. You decide to head into the wooded part of the island to see if you can find anything useful.MaidBot floats close behind. You suppose it's best if she's kept out of your inventory, as it gives you an extra slot to store anything you may find.
>>6339820A crossroads. One sign reads '3' and points left. Another reads '1' and points right.
>>6339700oh no>>6339822>number one
>>6339822>Right
>>6339847>>6339899Might as well go in order.You continue right.
>>6339911You don't have to walk far before you hear the faint murmur of rushing water. Stepping out from the brush, you find yourself in a... Crab Sanctuary? It appears to be a collection of mini-temple ruins that native crabs have moved into. Or... is this some sort of crab society?The temples are built from stone bricks bearing strange runes. There are two waterfall temples and one rectangular slab at the clearing's center.
>>6339915Order the maidbot to translate the crab runes to English.
>>6339915Find out if the crabs are friendly and if they have an inner tube in your size.
>>6339915Go native
It's too bad we can't play our CD for the crabs. We don't even have clay to fire into xylophone bars to organize a crab rave. That sucks. This sucks.>Go native
>>6339926>>6339938>>6339953+1
>>6339953>Go nativeYou try to bond with the crabfolk by engaging in their communal bath ritual. You climb into the... lake? Spring? Pool? Your butt touches the bottom of the pool and you sit there awkwardly. It's hard to fit in, but you try your best. Fake it till you make it, baby. The crabs take note of your arrival, but otherwise keep doing their thing.>>6339938>Find out if the crabs are friendly and if they have an inner tube in your sizeNoticing the floating crab at the other temple, you look around for any other pool toys, but can't seem to find any in the immediate vicinity. If you had a tube, it looks like it'd only fit around your arm. Not like you had any concerns about drowning anyway. These guys sure are tiny.
>>6339926>Order the maidbot to translate the crab runes to EnglishYou doubt MaidBot has a translation for ancient crab runes in her programming, but you give it a shot. After scanning the carvings on both waterfall temples and the strange slab, she gives a beep in indication that she is unable to find a corresponding language.Although you can't translate the symbols, you assume they bear some sort of religious or historical significance, judging by the nature of the structures.Upon closer inspection of the slab in the center of the clearing, you find that not all of its carvings are strange runes. The middle row of the slab bears a series of icons.
>>6340940A crab approaches you. What's this? They've got a spare pool floatie after all?No, it looks like... a leaf crown? One of those things you'd see Roman emperors wear. You graciously accept the gift.
>>6340942Oh no, these crabs are going to sacrifice us like we're Jack Sparrow on the cannibal island. Start punting crabs, quick!
>>6340942Obviously the crabs have decided to honor you, a powerful giant, as their god-king. Rejoice! graciously accept the crown and watch on your new subjects with glee.
Don crown.
>>6340942Of course we shall wear the crown. It would not do to refuse a gift!
Continue forward towards the sword and bring a crab with you
>>6340962>>6340991>>6341101>Don the crownYou place the leaf crown atop your head. You... are royalty. You daydream visions of what crab society could look like under your leadership. Thousands of waterfall temples, not just two, and far from puny, stretching hundreds of crablegs tall. Innovations and advancements allow crab technology to progress exponentially, expanding their population. A ferocious military, genetically modified to kill, conquers the entire island, then the Pacific, then -- the world. All led by you, their Supreme Leader, their chosen messiah.
>>6341144>Continue forward towards the sword and bring a crab with youEnergized by your sudden lust for conquest, you grab a crab by your feet, plop it on your head, and venture into the overgrowth behind the slab. On the other side you find...Another clearing. At the center, bathed in light from the sun's golden hour and wedged Excalibur-like between stone, stands a red sword.
>>6341339Hmm... Okay, they haven't eaten us yet.>Draw the sword
>>6341339Red like crab, draw the blade
We have found something that can pierce the concrete slab, kanikings.
