You are a CANONICALLY HOMOSEXUAL wizard man. You have an EPIC STAFF and also a WITCH'S BROOMSTICK which feels PRETTY REDUNDANT you think. You were thinking of hitting up a REDBOX to pick up a straight-to-dvd BROOMSPELL which is something like a MOVIE (your broom doubles as a DVD player)But first, what is your name?
>>6343148Gayro, the Homo Wizardalso what kind of homo is the wizard? Dom, twink, creep?
>>6343151You are GAYRO, the CREEPY DOMINANT TWINK, otherwise known as a "C.D.T." in this universe.Now that introductions are out of the way, you realize that you are A LITTLE WANTING FOR WALLETSTUFF and might not be able to pay for that movi- I MEAN BROOMSPELL if you don't GET YOUR BREAD UP.What will you do to make money?
>>6343156what are we good at, what are out magicstuffs capabilities?
>>6343157You live in a PRETTY BAD NEIGHBORHOOD and so by necessity your magic is usually of the SMITING variety. Recently you smited an ENTIRE ARMY of BONEBEASTS, however that was non a great exercise in FINANCIAL PRUDENCY as every charge of your epic staff costs you an ARM AND A LEG
>>6343161okay how about we try and go sign up for a job, maybe a cashier in a convenience store
>>6343163You try to envision being a cashier but you just can't quite remember what that even entails. You see, this story takes place in the far-off future of 2027, and all kassiereraufgaben are handled by way of self-checkout. You can't even remember what a "cashier" looks like, what did wear a checkered apron or something? Maybe a top hat? It isn't important. In any case, such a job would be WELL BELOW YOUR STATION as one of the FEW THOUSAND OR SO I GUESS wizards in the universe.
>>6343165Interesting, what jobs are available with our wizarding degree?
>>6343166Naturally you participate in the GIG ECONOMY. As a wizard you are PRACTICALLY AN INDUSTRY UNTO YOURSELF and thus must maintain your own personal website for contracting. You created one with the Wiz.com website builder, because you couldn't figure out backend web development yourself. You quickly change your status from "Injured (Gay) to "Available (Gay)". That will surely bring in the contracts, any minute now.What should we do to kill time until then?
>>6343442We should cast a SPELL to duplicate our WIZARD HAT so that we can have TWO WIZARD HATS
>>6343464You don't quite have proficiency with HATSTUFF MAGIC, and thus could not possibly create a NEW SPIFFY HAT. However, you are able to denature and absorb your hat into your staff's orb thingy to RECONSTITUTE your SMITING LIGHTSTUFF staff into a SPIFFY HATSTUFF staff. This is an incredibly stupid decision but it is the only way you will be able to forge a SECOND HAT, and I GUESS RECREATE YOUR ORIGINAL HAT TOO.Unfortunately, you do not have enough money to buy HATSTUFF MAGIC CHARGES and so for the time being you will have to forgo wearing ANY HAT AT ALL REALLY. Good job!
>>6343476Good, good, all according to plan. Any takers on wiz.com yet?
>>6343479You have HEAPS of offers. Unfortunately everyone seems interested in your SMITING LIGHTSTUFF which is no longer your WIZARDLY CONSTITUTION. You regrettably update the "Abilities" section of your webpage and will have to wait a while longer to see if anyone is interested in MAYBE A NEW HAT I GUESS.
Which would a gay wizard be more attracted to?
>>6343484Drat. hat magic sucks. Now if we encounter more BONE BEASTS, what are we gonna do? Hat them to death? That's retarded. Let's see if we can get into contact with any of these people looking to hire to see if they'll pay any money up front to help restore our staff's magical charges and our smiting light magic.
>>6343542You are now WORLACH DORTMUNDER. You are PROBABLY ALSO HOMOSEXUAL but that ISN'T IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW. What's important is that your most dependable smiting wizard has just updated the abilities section of his Wiz.com personal website and now seems to be making a strange and abrupt pivot toward SOME FORM OF MILLINERY.And at such an inopportune time! An army of BONEBEASTS--which is a highly offensive and derogatory term for BONEPEOPLE--has just arrived at your doorstep! You would like to have a STERN TALKING TO with this young man and MAYBE A SEXUAL ENTANGLEMENT as well. But again, that's not important right now.What will you do next?
Rolled 19 (1d20)>>6343581seduce the bones
>>6343612You attempt a 2X SELF NIPPLE RUB. It appears to be HIGHLY EFFECTIVE and has temporarily dazed the enemy commander. This should buy you a couple minutes to sort things out with Gayro, or whatever other wizard mercenary you can get ahold of via Wiz.com.
>>6343637Quickly message Gayro:GAYRO, I AM ABLE TO COVER THE COSTS, JUST PLEASE HURRY ASAP!! I NEED YOUR MAGIC IMMEDIATELY!!!!
>>6343495as a GAY WIZARD myself, I am more fond of STEMcel PhD holders as with that I can JERK OFF more regularly
>>6344034The bonebeast waits patiently as you fire off an email using Wiz.com>GAYRO, I AM ABLE TO COVER THE COSTS, JUST PLEASE HURRY ASAP!! I NEED YOUR MAGIC IMMEDIATELY!!!!That should get the lad out of bed. However, you're not really sure how you can restore his magic. In order to gain a smiting lightstuff constitution one must absorb a DYING WHITE DWARF STAR. Maybe you should search for something more readily available for him to reconstitute with in the mean time?
>>6344847Take the skeleton apart, put the bones in my anus, and start an Onlyfans
>>6345719Yeah start only fans to collect money to purchase a dying white dwarf star
>>6344847Sword? Use the sword? Although sword magic may not be the best against these bonebeasts....
