You are an ONI! A fierce mythical demon! After being born you did a little rampaging and conquering. Now, that you are several months older and wiser, you are just following the wind and going where adventure takes you.
More recently, you have agreed to help the local Daimyo calm a river spirit. Your friend Yuki attacked you for some reason, but you knocked him out using guile and misdirection. After, a turtle agreed to take you to see said river spirit on its back. It may seem like a two week journey to some, but really it was only a few hours! Luckily you spend that time descending down into the river in luxury, otherwise that would have been really annoying! This turtle has all the amenities, cool!
When you reach the depths of the river, you see the palace of the river spirit! It is grand and opulent! The coral palace shimmers and wiggles! Towers stretch much higher into the sky then should be possible for a river of this depth. You jump off the turtles back and head to the entrance. leaving no tip (you don't believe in that kind of thing)! However, the entrance to the palace is blocked by two guards... "! HALT, NO ENTRY FOR VAGRANTS !" You are no vagrant! You are a beloved friend of the river spirit and were invited here! You point to the collapsed turtle that ferried you here. "! IS SHE ON THE LIST? !""! NOT ON THE LIST !""! NOT ON THE LIST? NO ENTRY !"Hmmm, it seems you have encountered your first obstacle.>What do? - Give them a savage thrashing! (STR check) - Try and convince them that you are a proper noble lady - Look for a way to sneak in - Ask the turtle for help! - Actually, you have come to deliver your liver!
>>6449727>- Try and convince them that you are a proper noble lady Let's put the politesse we've learned these least few months to the test! If we fail, we can clobber them anyway.
>>6449727>Try and convince them that you are a proper noble lady.Holy shit we are SO back.
>>6449727>Ask the turtle for help!
>>6449727>Try and convince them that you are a proper noble ladyWe are more noble than most nobles! As far as height and weight go, at least.
>>6449727Sure, we're definitely a proper noble lady. Besides, that'll give the turtle time to recover.
>>6449727>- Try and convince them that you are a proper noble ladyWe have fancy robes!
>>6449727>Try and convince them that you are a proper noble lady.
You are no vagrant! but a noble lady of the court! And if you are not on that list, well, its because you are on a more exclusive list then that one! In fact, you wouldn't be caught dead being on some rinky dink list they give to guards! This seems to work, at first... The guards are stunned by your brazen confidence but their next question statement combo leaves you stumped! "! WHAT DO YOU DO? !""! DO SOMETHING REGAL !""! PROOF DO YOU HAVE PROOF? !""! WE MUST SEE PROOF!!! !"Uhhh... what DO noble ladies of the court do? You cant say you ever seen one, much less talked to one... Think Oni think! You are almost in! >What do?- Fake it till you make it baby! (INT roll)- Attempt a witty write in!
>>6449909>- Attempt a witty write in!Shrine maiden etiquette pointing out that since we are an Oni it is inappropriate to adopt normal human customs and the closest humans to spirits are the most acceptable form of etiquette to adopt hence Shrine Maidens due to their spiritual nature.
Rolled 9 (1d10)>>6449909We can also show them the charm that Iyuta gave to us! It lets us pass through barriers meant for the riff-raff so that we may conduct our courtly business unimpeded.Further proof is our awesome metal club, given as a badge of office to those who enact our masters will, be it via force or via words.Lastly, we had to manage that one village for a while, so there certainly had to have been some administrative work that Blue Oni did. Maybe we claim that our regular duties are to write things down for our lord, and handle things like maps for him.
>>6449909> Write-inProof? We are far too important to have our legitimacy questioned by some guards! Do they even know who we are? They'll end up as sushi before the week's end if we aren't let through immediately!A.K.A. Oni-chan's first attempt at being a karen.
>>6449909Nothing better to Dazzle than one of Mai Shiranui's specials. They can't reject the Nippon Ichi
>>6449909>Fake it till you make it baby! (INT roll)
>>6449916+1
>>6449909> Attempt a witty write in!A true lady does not perform on demand for some lowly guards!
You select all the objects in your inventory, select all the options, and go through every dialogue option trying to get through this encounter. Unfortunately, this backfires! "! YOUR EXPLOITS ARE INDEED GRAND !""! HOWEVER !""! A PROPER LADY DOES NOT DO ANYTHING AT ALL !""! A LADY IS BEYOND DO, SHE NEEDS SIMPLY BE !"You are classified as some kind of servant or magistrate, and as such you SHOULD be on the LIST! They will not let you through the main gate... Well, you cant out wit every encounter. There are still other ways to get into the castle!- Give them a savage thrashing! (STR check)- Ask them how to get on the LIST- Look for a way to sneak in- Ask the turtle for help!- write in
>>6450040>- Ask them how to get on the LISTI'll forestall a pummeling briefly, for the sake of diplomacy, but they better answer fast!
>>6450040These fish don't even have any hands to grab onto things, or any weapons. Nor do they have legs to brace themselves, to prevent being pushed around. So can't we just shoulder check the fish and walk right past them?>write in: Push the fish to side and imprevious declare "I'm going to speak with your manager! About your disrespectful and poor performance as gate guards-fish!" And walk through the door.
>>6450040The weakness of all fish is BAITApproach the fish guards sweetly, and murmur:-My, what a handsome fish you are... you look so delicious! You would make for such an exquisite delicacy for a courtly lady! Such taste, such refinement! MAY I NIBBLE YOU?Then if the fish do not step aside, eat them
>>6450040>Ask to see the list real quick and write your name on it when they show you. Borrow a writing implement from them if necessary.
>>6450040I had a feeling this would be a trick question.>Ask them how to get on the LIST
>>6450040>- Ask the turtle for help!
>>6450040>Ask the turtle for help!
>>6450040> Ask them how to get on the LISTI mean they didn't even ask our names. Does this list even exist? Where do the fish store the list, seeing they don't have pockets. Is it memorised? If so we can tell them our name, and thereby put our name in their heads, which is where the list is.
How do you get your name on the list? Well its shrimple really. All you have to do is walk down to the third magistrate's office and fill out the proper paper work. The River spirit makes time for all his subjects who wish to speak with him, so he has modernized the process! >what do?- FUCK THAT just shove your way past the guards and enter. What the hell are they even going to do?- Ok you are going to need to ask the turtle- Get in line of course! The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, but the second best time is today!
>>6450202>- Ok you are going to need to ask the turtle
>>6450202>Ok you are going to need to ask the turtle.Turtle knew we wanted to get to the water spirit without us even asking, so maybe it knows how to get these walking sushi off our ass.
>>6450202>FUCK THAT just shove your way past the guards and enter. What the hell are they even going to do?We can ask the turtle if it's okay to beat the guards up, but we should do it anyway if they hinder us.
>>6450202>- FUCK THAT just shove your way past the guards and enter. What the hell are they even going to do?
>>6450202>- FUCK THAT just shove your way past the guards and enter. What the hell are they even going to do?Alright, my patience is at its end.
>>6450202>turtle
>>6450202- Ok you are going to need to ask the turtlewe defy normal Oni stereotypes by not eating humans, using our brain, and respecting local legislationonce we figure out a way to head down to the underworld and find the soul of our boytoy, well be monogamous too
You double back to your best friend the turtle for some advice on how to meet with the river spirit. "If you don't plant a seed, nothing will grow" he replies What? You don't want to plant a seed you want to see the river spirit"Hmm... ok... how about 'rather than rely on a walking stick, rely on your own legs'"You don't need a walking stick! Speak plainly old man!"HMPH! It means be self reliant you damn youngster! Figure it out for yourself and kiss my turtle ass"
With the turtles wisdom and guidance you are able to slip past the guards unnoticed! It looks like turtles are on the list!
The River spirits castle is PACKED! You don't get much further then the doorway before you are stopped in your tracks by a massive school of supplicants! Much worse then the line to the magistrates office, all sense of personal space is lost here! A fin slaps you in the face and a tentacle steps on your leg! You want to SCREAM but it would only get lost in the endless buzzing of fish talking and squabbling! >What do?- Strike up a conversation with your neighbours- Ask to cut in line from someone ahead of you - Start eating the supplicants to thin them out!- Big Oni push forward! You are to important to be waiting in line! -Cause a big distraction and sneak ahead! - Wait in line!
>>6450296Woah now, he's Cuddlehuman, not MARRIAGEhuman.
>>6450112Give her blue horns and ill add it to my desktop!
>>6450307>- Strike up a conversation with your neighboursLet's learn what we should expect from the big boss around here.
>>6450307>Strike up a conversation with your neighboursMaybe the line moves faster than we think.
>>6450307>Cause a big distraction and sneak ahead!>>6450311How could I forget the signature BLUE horns on the BLUE oni!
>>6450410based based based
>>6450307>- Strike up a conversation with your neighboursso eat any good worms lately? been caught in any good nets? heard the joke about the fish with no eyes?
>>6450307>>6450312+1
You make some chit chat with your neighbours and get some generic responses. "my dad spent his life getting my name on the list, I hope to get my son to see the river spirit!""I just slipped the guards some seaweed and they let me right in""The river spirit may need me, so I'm waiting around here just in case"You explain that you urgently need to see the river spirit to resolve the issue at the temple. "I need to urgently see the river spirit too, did you know cats eat fish?? That's SCARY!!!""I heard some gossip about the temple, a crab has been impersonating a priest and at night he eats his colleagues. I wonder if its true?" "Actually, I don't even know why I am here." one fish swims away and the waiting room decreases by one person!You ask by what metric do they let people into the next area"I'm not sure, they just call your name""You are supposed to go to the front and get a number, this is the line for that" "No no no, you are simply called when needed. You just have to wait! You will get kicked out if you make too much trouble!"
"Ah! Sumimasen! they have a mind of their own you know!">What do?- Just politely wait!- Push your way to the front! - Scream! - Leave, this is not working out!
>>6450639>- Leave, this is not working out!yeahhh, fuck this. An Oni should not be made to wait indefinitely in a crowd made of food unless you want a massacre. Maybe there's a window or a weak wall outside the palace that we could enter to get to the river spirit faster
>>6450639>- Push your way to the front! Time for an oni moment.
>>6450639>Use that cheeky squid as a battering ram to absorb the blame from pushing your way to the front.
>>6450639- Push your way to the front!
>>6450639> Push your way to the front!Since Blue Oni clearly doesn't look like a fish, we could use that to our advantage.Claim to be a guard or staff member so that the people in line will get out of our way.Maybe say that someone near the front of the the line dropped something and that we need to return it to them.
>>6450675+1clearly we are deathly afraid of squid sexual harassment and not only do we now demand restitution for our totally real emotional damage but also if we push through the entire line trying to escape our harasser then thats just a happy accident
>>6450639>Push your way to the front! Getting harassed by tentacles is a convenient excuse to rush straight towards the spirit's office!Hopefully this perv doesn't get any more funny ideas, or else we'll have to actually start murdering fish.
>>6450639>Leave, this is not working out!
>>6450675>+1
>>6450639+1 to >>6450675
>>6450639>Push your way to the front!
You take firm grasp of the octopus and use his body as a battering ram! The sea of supplicants parts as you make your way to the front! However, your aggressive stance is noted by the locals who comment on your ogreish behaviour. "These gaijin are so rude... cant the guards do something about them in our country?""Ah, another foreigner acting belligerent... I guess it cant be helped...""It is how 'they' are... Its to be expected..." Their pointed racism causes you to suffer some damage to your psyche, especially since you are playing into the stereotype!
You reach the front to find one big fish! He is sleeping right in the doorway. Its no wonder no one can advance when he is blocking the way to next area! You give him a punch in the gut!"Wake up fish! before I make you a dish!""oooh, i'm so tired... just another hundred years..." he mumbles before turning over and continuing to sleep. Looks like if you want to get through you are going to need to deal with this fish>What do?- WRONG! You don't need to deal with the fish at all! Just punch a new hole in the wall that everyone can use! - Lift the fish out of the way! Those muscles aren't just for show- Find some caffeine for the fish! - Start eating him! Its Sushi time!
>>6451014>Lift the fish out of the way! Those muscles aren't just for showIf we avoid using strength any longer we might accidentally devolve into just being a tall human.
>>6451014>- Lift the fish out of the way! Those muscles aren't just for showI assume there's some reason that this obvious solution won't work, but we can't discover it until we try!
>>6451014>Start eating him!Sashimi time.
>>6451014>Start eating him! Its Sushi time!fuck this. We're a goddamned ONI. Taking shit from humies is one thing, but these are FISH. They're FOOD.
>>6451014>Lift the fish out of the way! Those muscles aren't just for show
>>6451011What no it was the squid! It was clearly the squid!>>6451014>Lift the fish out of the way! Those muscles aren't just for showPut him back when you're done so the rest of the riffraff can't barge in on your deserved and earned audience.
>>6451014> Lift the fish out of the way! Those muscles aren't just for show>>6451122+1 to this, but that we also place the fish out of the way properly when we leave.
>>6451014>WRONG! You don't need to deal with the fish at all! Just punch a new hole in the wall that everyone can use!
>>6451014>Find some caffeine for the fish!
>>6451122+1
Sorry no update today little bit of an emergency!
>>6451347>go menha gay!
>>6451347Go men go!I hope all is well, QM.
>>6451347Hope you're doing okay QM.
