Socializing is pointless when you're /that/ type of autistic. I don't have any emotional reaction to people in general, except disgust as a response to the way someone's body looks and/or smells, and commonly aggression towards men and lust towards women, just base animal instincts. Talking to people is just a strenuous process of coming up with I-this, me-that stories and manually making words coming out, plus responding to others' input, especially difficult when I don't produce an enthusiastic response to conversation. I used to think I enjoyed socializing, but it was just a shallow ego boost, now I don't care. Any time I'm around people at all it's like a layer of tension forms over my face, I start twitching and flinching, don't know what to do with my face, can't relax, just blankly look away from people. When alone I find myself naturally smiling and happy, the contrast is especially clear after forced contrived interaction such as with store employees then I go outside and feel a sigh of relief, self-checkouts are wonderful.
