I do wish I was not a porn addict. I wish I could use the internet and not gravitate to places with pictures and videos of women, often dressed in sexy clothing or no clothing at all. I wish I could stop sexualizing women in very typical average everyday clothing. I wish I didn't ritualize the times of day I dedicate to masturbating, usually just before falling asleep & just after waking up.There are some things I could do to help myself, not bringing my phone to bed, not visiting websites like 4chan, not using social media in general or maybe even giving up the internet as much as possible. After 37 years of being on this planet though, I have to admit I feel like I have no control over this part of myself. I've tried to give all those things up and to live free of pornography and free of masturbation and when I failed, I tried to view masturbation as a purely mechanical necessity. I'll jerk off with the goal of reaching orgasm as fast as possible and then put the porn away, like a spent tissue after blowing your nose.I feel like I can't help myself though. I always end up breaking down and spending an hour or more everyday tugging on my dick, often flaccid for much of the session, just to end up laying in my own sweat and wiping up the teaspoon of cum from my stomach with a hand towel. It's disheartening to feel like you're not in control.
