Yes I know drugs are for losers and I'm a loser for using them for as long as I did and should just off myself as Im a waste blah blah blah.Been in recovery and 6 months completely sober. Shit is so lonely out here and sometimes I wonder if there really is light at the end of this and if recovery and sobriety is even possible for me or if I was just destined to be an addict for life. Despite those thoughts I will continue to go through life now sober off everything minus a few things like d3, tea, and xanax for panic attacks that would have left me dead otherwise. Anywho, wondering if any other anons struggle with alcoholism or addiction and how yall holding up. Any plans to get better? How long have you been clean or sober? What is the best advice you learned or way of thinking that changed things for you? Any rituals you developed to replace bad habits?For me, it's starting every morning with a nice pot of some Jap green tea with those ridiculously small clay cups and reflection on the gratitude of my life and that I'm still here.
I'm probably a poly-drug addict, but only got dependant on benzos bcuz prescribed. but i've been 3 months off them because my psych clinic closed.i hit a point where drugs and drinking weren't fun anymore because i couldn't get a job and was too stressed even on some shit.i'm going to get back on klonopin in a few weeks but i'm leaving everything else behind until i fix my life. drugs are unironically a good motivator for me. being sober sucks, but being a broke loser is worse.
>>824778937 months no street drugs(addy,DXM,ket,molly,bars, etc.)3 months no RX drugs/nicotine/shroomstried 7oh today because life without klonopin is REALLY getting to me even though im well past withdrawals. junk food has helped me not kill myself recently because i used to avoid it; so it tastes AMAZING nowI wish you luck OP, 6 months is really solid and you should be proud
>>82477042Not sure I'm an addict but have hit drugs and booze hard for extended periods. I stop taking them when I've got things I need to do but also start when overworked and overstressed. I start the day nowadays with coffee. I feel like I'm having a crisis at the moment though. I'm sober and I still feel shit. I don't feel like it gets better whether high or sober. I suppose being sober might offer a more realistic and honest perspective on life.
>>8247704215 months sober OP. Alcohol and every kind of upper or downer you can imagine. It does get better, but I didn't feel any better until at least 8 months in. It was ridiculous.In terms of planning, you have to force some improvements to your life in sobriety or you will lose hope and think you were better off on drugs. Even if this is just going outside more, sleeping better, going back to working a shitty job. Anything. Just give yourself a tangible thing you can point to and say if I wasn't sober I would not have that.Also if you (and presumably you are) were someone who used a lot alone, change your living space around so that it doesn't resemble what it did when you used. Its important to remove that memory stimulus from your mind in early recovery. Advice, I heard it all a million times before it clicked for me. And all that made it click for me was nearly dying in the emergency room anyway. That was how I stopped. I ignored everything until it got bad enough that I was going to die. I hope things improve for you OP.
>>82477893I feel this. After my 40 detox my Xanax will be the only thing I'll keep moving forward as it has actually saved my life multiple times and I never use to 'get high'. Its my parachute when my mind spirals.>>82478029See previous comments on xanax. Losing it would cause me to probably end myself due to my manic breakdowns that happen from time to time so we hope that doesn't happen. Funny enough I've lost a lot of weight being sober as im usually too depressed to care to eat and just want to drink my teas and play some monster hunter gen u and do my freelance work. Was a meat clerk for a bit but got tired of smelling like fish and caused relapses so quit. >>82478044I'd agree outlook on life is more pragmatic when sober. Tbh you just sound straight depressed though as those are classic symptoms and stuff I deal with and have had deep depression for decades now. Nothing really wrong with you cept chemicals are not balanced. >>82478441Thank you for these words. I never made it to the hospital but practically died in my apartment last year and couldn't reach the phone. A neighbor heard me and helped me and didnt call 911 thankfully. Idk if I was actually dying but everything went white and I felt nirvana after minutes of feeling like I was having a stroke and heartbeat increasing and sweating a lot and tight chest, numb arms then it just all went away and all i saw was white and slammed into the wall going for my phone and stopped breathing. I believe in that moment if I chose to I could have died but i had a realization I didn't want to leave yet for my mother so as my neighbor was banging on my door i gasped and guess came back to life and got my breathing back under control. We talked it out and helped me get my shit together enough to move back to my home state with my mom. Funny thing is I got high the next night and every night till i left despite it all. Drugs are a hell of a thing. I do wonder though what happened that night
Sober for almost a month now, but on prescribed meds for ADHD so not pure sober. It's a struggle and there's been temptations.
>>82478616i need to boot up gen U some time; handheld MH is so nostalgic. LMAO i had a job as a "fresh foods clerk" which is very similar, at a grocery store for only 5 days while i was a week into withdrawals and quit because i was getting made fun of for the tremors. i've read xanax wd's are more acute so don't feel bad for not getting off it right now. all progress is great progress
>>82477042I've drank beer most days since 2020.Sadly, it's never enough. In getting pissed enough, in cost, and in the inconvenience of bulk delivery.Sure, I could get smashed on whiskey, but it's more money for much less drink.I wish for death every day, but I'll probably be 120 before my liver is pickled.Also a big coffee drinker, but also have to limit die to cost.Had heart palpitations between 2017-20. I was disappointed they went away.
>>82477042You may be an ex-addict but you are still a naturally sociable normy and being an addict makes you interesting at least, people don't view you with as much contempt as you think. However people are disgusted by autists and want to get away from them, you at least had your addict pals and edgy pot smoking hippies, you talked to people every day, whereas no one talks to us like we're human beings, assuming anyone talks to us. You will be back to normydom in no time, though you will never have a decent corporate career with the gap in your record and possible criminal record, you know how to hustle. You won't end up like us, who are totally fucked.
>>82478922what are you on about? do you think autists can't do drugs? what makes you think he talked to people every day? "you know how to hustle"??? buddy, i dunno if you're autistic, but i do know that you're a retarded freak
>>82478922You realise you can be a complete shut in and order your stuff online?
My alcoholism is so bad I make my bf take my debit card and id when he goes to work with him. It's actually working, I'm drinking a lot less now. At first I did return bottles and coins a couple times to get beer but I'm just losing a ton of weight now and don't throw up as much. Maybe I can actually get sober.
>>82477042Hmm won't say I've been a full blown addict, nor I would consider myself an addict as of now but all things considered I've gotten quite the taste for some substances a couple times in the past, guess i'm lucky because these periods of abuse kinda helped me get over certain things that were kinda fucking with my mind, I've found myself in some periods were this "abuse" has get somewhat out of hand I guess? some cocaine binges have taken place as of recently, not so recently but also not so far back I also got a little bit funny with trams but it has never get like to a point of "damn this is fucked up" also I guess I haven't done many real hard drugs besides coke, if you wanna know, my drugs of choice were mostly codeine pills and valium, these days both substances have been replaced by pregabalin but I'm not consuming anything as of now and I don't plan to except maybe taking some more pregab and trying out molly in the future but it's not something that occupies my mind that muchGuess I've been able to just sit by and chill with my life in recent times because first, I tried to make myself clear to the idea that even tho I was in those loops of taking a thing for whatever reason, it wasn't something that I'll be doing forever since I knew it wasn't possible to sustain it in the long run, and secondly idk, guess I was just lucky, good luck anon, I've been in those situations of pure hopelessness, the days feel very empty at first but it does get better
>>82479090You need to fully stop desu, but its a good start.
>>82479174>fully stopThat's how you have a seizure
>>82479190You don't instantly fully stop, you gradually fully stop. This person has already cut down a lot so they're not in seizure territory at all. Unless you've been drinking from waking to sleeping every day for months, and start shaking any time you go 6 hours or more without a drink, you are not in seizure territory.
>>82478719Stay strong brother. Been on just about all those meds and none worked for me which is why ketamine was my drug as it fixed all my depression and adhd issues but also cost most of my life i had built so really not worth>>82478823Yeah lol. I told my boss after working there for months im quitting because im a hard drug addict and the withdrawals im about to go through even tho it was weed and xanax mainly would cause me to probably choke out a customer who asked for the wrong thing. Just withdrawals and customer service jobs dont mix. Thanks for the nice words tho anon. >>82478860This makes me sad, anon. I was an alky before becoming addicted to coke and Ketamine and remember those lonely nights drinking alone and seeing the same clerk getting the same shit. Thankfully drugs for me off booze. Just know no matter how bad life looks or damage you've done you can always change and salvage what's left. Noone deserves a fate of drinking their lives away alone. You're never too far gone to change if you want to but at the end of the day if this is how you want it to go then we just have watch. Just know your actions hurt more than just yourself >>82479090Hell yeah! Know you cant do that forever and you, as an adult, are responsible for your own sobriety. i am happy it is working now but if you are serious go to meetings and find a way to keep yourself honest and ask yourself how bad you want sobriety. Know what you want and know what it will cost to get then do it. I believe in you.
>>82479236>This makes me sad, anon. I was an alky before becoming addicted to coke and Ketamine and remember those lonely nights drinking alone and seeing the same clerk getting the same shit. Thankfully drugs for me off booze. Just know no matter how bad life looks or damage you've done you can always change and salvage what's left. Noone deserves a fate of drinking their lives away alone. You're never too far gone to change if you want to but at the end of the day if this is how you want it to go then we just have watch. Just know your actions hurt more than just yourselfThanks for the kind words, anon. Though I am trapped as an autist NEET and incel.I am pushing 40, so there is no hope. No family left alive either. Just waiting for the end, brother.
>>82479300I will let you have your peace of doing that if you truly want that but I believe deep down just a friend or two or some sense of purpose outside of the booze would be enough to show you that life can be kinda alright. Im not saying it'll be easy or fun at first. I mean shit I stopped coke, ketamine, xanax, weed, booze, and nitrous, I'm was like fuckin steve-o and just sorta accepted I'd just OD but for whatever reason my anxiety actually did it's fucking job and saved me and moved and got help. Sure i relapse and fail but most days I'm just a Sober Andy trying to make it through tomorrow. I wonder a lot if any of this is worth it or if i should have just died high and happy. Then something as small as a fresh cup of fresh looseleaf green tea or seeing a rainbow after it's done raining as gay as it sounds makes me realize that life has pockets of beauty worth sticking around for. Also small actions of helping others either through a friendly post or just a simple hello if you ever go outside can make someones days. I guess what I'm getting at is you don't know how tomorrow will play out or what future encounters await you good or bad and if you look can find things that are pretty cool. Would take leaving the house and trying to put yourself in position for things to happen though which I understand is hard to do while being autistic and a drunk. I just have a hard time accepting this is how your story ends, with a whimper. I can't change you though so all I can do and say is I hope you find some light here before it all goes black.
>>82478616>I'd agree outlook on life is more pragmatic when sober. Tbh you just sound straight depressed though as those are classic symptoms and stuff I deal with and have had deep depression for decades now. Nothing really wrong with you cept chemicals are not balanced.Has anything helped with your depression?
