There is a subtle beauty to depression and melancholy. The kind of Beauty that you don't find in more joyful and expressive emotions or states of mind. I see the world as gray and that is beautiful. Those November afternoons where it's dark and gloomy. Where it's cold and lonely. There is nothing more beautiful than a decaying forest in autumn. For all the leaves to fall and turn into a distant memory. The beauty of the forest is the fact that it's dead. I am not so much focused on the morality of this but I always appreciate a song from a dead artist. It's always a melancholic and beautiful experience. And for that I like visiting graveyards and reminiscing about my own place there and often pandering. Thinking about the fact that every living human will end up there. Maybe not in that exact cemetery but definitely end up dead and decomposed. It's a freeing thought isn't it? Despite all this insomnia even the worst of insomniacs will get to rest for good. Brings a smile to my face and gives me hope to never get up and to never fall for hope again. I like the idea of this grim reality. I enjoy the sadness and I enjoy the depression. I would hate to get rid of it, that would mean I would get rid of myself. And that is a big no no. I want to keep it and grow it and then turn it into forms of literature. Truly astonishing and wonderful.
>>82606309i don't want it.i need to feel fulfilled.i need to enjoy things again.the more i give into it the deeper the hole i dig myself into.
>>82606309Quite the elaborate cope...
>>82606309the raped originally
I don't know. There's a certain stage where apathy, sadness and loneliness sounds cool, but I'm not certain about how far one could argue about really liking them. I mean, no matter how you look at it, it will eventually become a burden and you will realize you are a failure and that your life is a sack of shit.
>>82606309i've thought about this regarding sad/emotional music and why i find it more appealing than other music
>>82606309Yeah being terminally depressed works for a while. It can work for a long while. Some people, if they get really really lucky, can make it work for their whole life. Yes it even feels good for a while... but I've always known, and deep down you probably know it too, that people like us are nothing but time bombs. We survive in spite of ourselves for as long as we can. We were cursed from the moment we were born. The darkness is always there nipping at your heels and one day, perhaps for no reason at all, it will catch up and swallow you whole.
