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/r9k/ - ROBOT9001


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Is too draining to be in a relationship? i want a gf and i'm pretty confident i could get one but idk how i would be as a boyfriend. I don't imagine myself just talking everyday to her, and i'd probably be too jealous and paranoid.

>do you trust your bf/gf?

>what can i do so the relationship doesn't die after the "honeymoon" phase?
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>>82661525
i've been in psuedo-relationships a few times and it all ended catastrophically because i find it draining
idk its like having a dog
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>>82661534
do you think it's you or the people that you dated?
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>>82661525
It's all about finding the right person for you. My brother sees his gf once a week and they don't text much because they're both really independent people.
I wish I could see my gf every day and I can't wait to move in with her. I trust her and while the honeymoon phase might die, having goals in common and having real connection and intimacy sounds a lot nicer.
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>>82661549
mostly me, but they had a hand in how it ended so poorly
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>>82661525
i had an online relationship and that was draining as fuck. i dont really trust any men so that probably made it worse

you just keep talking, keep going, its pretty easy for it not to die out
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>>82661525
>do you trust your bf/gf?
Yes
>what can i do so the relationship doesn't die after the "honeymoon" phase?
Commit
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>>82661562
Elaborate, how have they ended for you?
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>>82661525
>Is too draining to be in a relationship?
If you are a normie you are probably quite capable of holding down you responsibilities and taking on some other tasks. But if you are not a normie you will get fucked over. Because the expectation is that now you are basically "Dad" you have all your shit in order and daughter can run to you when she has problems.
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>>82661606
yeah same happened to me, i don't want to relay solely on that experience since texting someone and actually dating her irl is way different, but still that made me reconsider if i should date in the first place.
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>>82661631
yeah, dating online and irl are very different. i also reconsidered if i should even date, ive concluded im not gonna bother cause trust issues really make things difficult. and im romantically retarded and naive on top of that
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>>82661621
first 2 i had no idea i was the way that i was (personality disorder) so it was rocky from beginning to end. 2nd ended really bad because he hated that i didn't want to pursue anything serious
last one ended badly because he just didn't take my warnings serious enough lol
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>>82661672
Which personality disorder? BPD?
How did you try to warn him? How did it all come crashing down? Was it more their fault or your fault?
>>
It's fine if you set boundaries, and are gentle about it. I have days where I just can't handle being around people a lot. So we'll either spend time together quietly (watching movies, etc), or he'll do something with his friends while I do something alone. The flip side is that if he has a hard day, I make myself available to comfort him, let him vent to me, and help him relax however I can. Usually that basically amounts to making one of his favorite meals while listening to him rant and agreeing with everything he says. Give and take, yknow. Sorry if I'm rambling I've been drinking
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>>82661525
Yeah, being alone is unironically better than taking the first best thing.
You start getting annoyed with the little things they do, hearing their voice exhausts you, stress when you know they're coming home, etc.
Now, if you actually love the person, the relationship isn't draining at all, you want to enjoy their company every second you can, you never get tired of hearing them talking, you count down every second for them to come home, etc.
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>>82662596
thanks, i guess defining those boundaries takes some time
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>>82662626
yeah, i'm afraid of dating someone because i like her and not because i love her
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>>82661525
It's not draining at all, it's intoxicating, and it's always the girl that ends it for no reason.
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>>82662626
I hate my gf. What you describe is too fucking hard for her. If I'm ever dealing with anything I know I'm dealing with it alone.
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>>82661525
I've had one. Caveat is that it was a toxic relationship with a girl who has BPD. In my case, it was exhausting. I'm sure it can be okay if you're afforded independence, but among many things, it was painful not being trusted, as well having to divert so much time and energy towards another person to the extent of neglecting myself. Even relationships involving people without personality disorders, when dealing with trust issues or constant boundary pushing and shit tests, it's all just not okay. I've seen some relationships that seem supportive and lovely on the surface, but if you can't mutually share a sense of security in it, it's just fucked.

If you get with someone, don't imagine a future where you will need to change anything about each other. You have to accept and trust each other, or it's just going to be painful. It has to be about support, and part of that is understanding and supporting each other's boundaries. I struggled to uphold my boundaries because I cared so deeply for her, but that came at the cost of my overall well-being. Don't be like me.
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>>82661525
>Is too draining to be in a relationship?
yes when she doesnt like you more than you like her
>do you trust your bf/gf?
would never trust another human ever unless they show their admiration to me, admiration overcomes lust, power, etc.
>what can i do so the relationship doesn't die after the "honeymoon" phase?
be a "shit" person, not meaning you will hit your SO meaning to put 30% of your effort on the relationship, otherwise she/he will get bored and flee, love died a few while back, its not coming back, modern love is that
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>>82665770
and how do you carry the relationship if you don't trust her? Wouldn't you just be thinking that she is cheating on you?
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>>82666093
mistrust is a thrill for most women and men, the fact something is not safe but you're there doing it gives a sense of thrill, just go with that, we have the manual everyone refuses to follow
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>>82661525
>do you trust your bf/gf?
not with everything. trust is built over time and people love weaponizing your weaknesses, so if i ever find myself in a serious (life long relationship) then i'll open up completely. before that, i'm not going to trust anyone fully.
>what can i do so the relationship doesn't die after the "honeymoon" phase?
this is a very hard question. relationships are not supposed to be in a honeymoon phase all the time. you're going to go through hardships, routine, moments where you feel like everything is still and boring. it's up to both of you to get through those moments together, support each other, find the beauty in the small things life has to offer. enjoying each other's presence, even if you're not actively doing anything. you have to find a person that makes you feel at peace. this is where most relationships fail; finding a person like this is incredibly hard. so people just get bored after the honeymoon phase, they are like 4 or 5 years together, looks fade, sex drive decreases, then you're left with each other. then you find out you never really liked the other person that much and you were there for the honeymoon phase, except you have kids and you're either getting a messy divorce or staying in a relationship that slowly kills your soul.
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>>82666295
damn, this really scares me, being 5 years with someone only to realize you don't really love her
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>>82666321
what i'm saying is, don't go for the person that is a 10/10 and there for a good time. don't be fooled by looks / fun only. that's what most people do nowadays.
my parents were married for 40 years and my mom never loved my dad. she said it so herself many times.



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