>sitting in my room alone>just chilling>start thinking about my life so far and how different (bad) it's been compared to almost all of my peers>in retrospect is becomes obvious that I never really stood a chance, it was just a matter of shit luck and bad circumstance>illusion that I ever really had a say in any of it shatters completely, I was always going to turn out this way no matter what due to factors that are ultimately out of my hands even though it's always felt like I had some level of control until now>get hit by a sudden wave of unbearable sadness >cant stop fucking crying no matter how hard I try>can barely fucking see my screen as I type this, eyes swollen>overwhelmed by a million racing thoughts about the circumstances of my birth / upbringing and various other things that might be innately wrong with me>not suicidal but lately I've been constantly feeling this sense of vague impending finality following me around>i have no intention of killing myself but some tiny portion of my brain is screaming to me that something is very wrong and that the end is ver much near>which is fine I guess because when I look back at everything none of it ever really mattered in the first place so whatever but I still don't want to die>don't have anyone to talk to about it so I'm just crying alone in my room for no reasonI don't know what to do with myself. Nothing ever feels good and I feel like I'm circling the drain.
>start thinking about my life so far and how different (bad) it's been compared to almost all of my peers>in retrospect is becomes obvious that I never really stood a chance, it was just a matter of shit luck and bad circumstanceI know this feel very well, anon.I was the typical 'high achiever, who became an autist burnout unemployable NEET incel'.Though I am in my late thirties now and long past crying about it. My family are dead. I have wished that I were dead for many years.TFW too pussy to kms, and no access to firearms that might have made it easier to do it. I simply live with the pain and the hopelessness.Sadly, a lot of guys know this feel, anon. You are not alone.
