it never seems to matter what i do, i always just end up always still wanting to kill myself . i am really debating about giving it an earnest attempt soon
We are the same, OP. Even if I have a "comfy" life, or have great things on the horizon, I keep wanting to die. And there's voices in my mind that tell me to, all the time. You know, I'd bet I'm older than you are. I'm 30. I used to think I wouldn't live to 30. But I am. May make it to 31, dunno. What I'm saying is that it would be a fucking tragedy if you took your own life, OP. I know what how bad the hurt is, and I get the desire to not want to live out the next 20-30-40 years. Shit, just a few months ago I was at a range looking out pistols. Had the paperwork and shit filled out. "Self defense" was my reason, but I knew I'd do something impulsive one night.Please don't hurt yourself OP. I know it sucks -- and frankly it's not "getting better" for me either. But if joy/happiness can't be one of the reasons I stay alive, then a great work, a cause, spite, love for another/a thing/an idea can be the reason I persist.
