Looking at gay femboy furry porn around the time the 2nd-3rd generation iPod touch (not iPhone) was out, born in 98. You do the math (probably was around 10-12), my dad was disappointed, though I can't remember. Then I would sleep in bed with my mum whilst getting erections and she would tell me I moved around too much in the morning. I would like a man to hug and sleep with at night that made me feel safe but I am worried that any man I encounter is a past rapist of mine, given my notoriety.Given the organisation of social media, can a spontaneous and natural love/romance occur in the gay community? Okay, get deeper?At 15, due to downloading nazi loli doujinshi from thepiratebay (whilst looking for furry porn), I would look for real child porn. Finding only what I assume were AI simulated honeypot websites, I would break down crying. I think this is when I became truly suicidal. I also had seen a 15 year old child model in scantily clad fetish gear (from a shall not name website) on /b/ whilst being around 13. Developing a deep crush and problem.Now I have to avoid getting raped for being a quote/unquote "pedo" for reliving past traumas multiple times, once more at 17 and multiple times following. Kind of done already, tapped out like when I broke my leg at around 3.
>>82898872just stop being a retarded pedo, you fucking retarded pedo.
>>82898905that's insensitive but probably deserved. I don't have any sexual desires towards young children, have never viewed real child porn, get sick at the idea. At the same time... ehhh. I should kill myself but I can't do it for some reason. I think I literally blame everyone else for my problems and every single abuser/bully in my life is more successful and liked than me. I've made enemies in high and low places, and they curry favours with people who don't even dislike me. I'm widely disliked and known, which is why I have no issues posting about this. Really just want a gay romance, I think I'm dying alone.
No one cares? I see myself old and alone, forgotten, memory tainted. Thinking of what could have been. How can I not be an anti-natalist? Do people wake up in the morning happy and satisfied? Ready to do whatever it takes? I'm scared now. I feel like I could approach someone but I'm too scared.
>>82899107I put on a mean face to save face, most of the time I want to cry but it's not exactly useful.
If someone actually wants to kill me, please make it painless. I am scared of pain. Do it in a way where I don't have much time to understand what's happening. Preferably in my sleep. This entire blog post thread is going to bite me in the arse. Really should just find a deep hole to crawl into and be forgotten.
You should see a therapist. You have guilt that is out of control. Things you see as an idiot teenager as you describe are not something you need to blame yourself for, you were a kid at the time and you have lots of trauma from seeing that stuff, obviously This intense and obsessive guilt sounds like the signs of a personality disorder to me. You can get better but you need to take it seriously now, not later when you're old and it's too late. Good luck anon
>>82899162"Are you a man or a mouse?" he says with a look of encouragement slowly turning into anger.
>>82899322Go shove a book up your ass
>>82899356I'm sorry, if you're the original anon, it was nice what you said and made me cry. You should probably stop responding now.
>>82898872Find whoever gave you unrestricted internet access at 10 years old and give them a big smack upside the head. Fuck, I don't even think 20 is old enough for this shithole. Or at least not like it was 14+ years ago.
