Thread for discussions about selfharm and mutual supportMONDAY ! D:and I though halloween was scary hey>How are you doing today?>Any plans for today?>When was the last time you hurt yourself?>Why did you hurt yourself?>Is there anything bothering you right now?
hiiiHere's a bunch of helpful links> long list of self harm alternatives (thank you muddy):https://imgur.io/a/7Q2zgw7> first aid post cuting:https://www.lifesigns.org.uk/first-aid-for-self-injury-and-self-harm/> wound care guide:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CsvJs8qNCVkHWHKekMSmCn6qn0GBEcgnq9fIqlA6Uv0/mobilebasic> bpd workbook:https://d-pdf.com/book/1781/read> bpd Information Book (anon said it's exceptionally good)https://annas-archive.org/md5/1a4f329474320214a120a4d553c6b60c>a bdbt (dialectical behavioral therapy)workbook is intended for BPD but can work for anyone:https://cursosdepsicologia.com.ar/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/THEDIA1.pdfPlease don't post any drastic images and if you have to, spoiler them
Looks like i'm the first one here>>83001916Hey cat!, hope ya are doing good. I've been alright desu, just been a bit sick.
HELLO CUTTERS YOU ARE PEOPLE YOU DONT NEED TO HARM YOURSELVES YOU ARE VALUED AND APPRECIATED BEINGS :D
>How are you doing today?Very sad again. It was all too much for me and I emailed her twice. I couldn't even last three days.>Any plans for today?Being glued to my phone and inbox, then putting off work due tomorrow until the very last minute.>Is there anything bothering you right now?I miss her so much and I can't stop crying. She's the only person who's ever loved me and she's gone.
>>83002139hellu >like i'm the first one herewould you look at that ^^ you have a lot of time to chill today?>ya are doing good.yep I'm watching a movie again :>>I've been alright desu, just been a bit sick.nooo :<guess it's not surprising considering the weather
>>83002269hey anon>Very sad again. sorry to hear that, give yourself a bit of time.>emailed her twicehonestly doesn't seem like the best play here. you do you but i think it'll only make it harder to move past that.>Being glued to my phone and inboxbad idea, try to relax a bit>I miss her so much and I can't stop cryingcan't really relate to that unfortunately, but I still think it's probably a good idea to keep yourself a bit busy. give yourself some time to grieve>She's the only person who's ever loved me and she's gonelove is such a fickle thing, I'm sure if it happened once it'll happen again and probably when you least expect it. always happens to me that way atleast. >>83002282>you have a lot of time to chill today?spent most of the day sleeping, but yeah>yep I'm watching a movie again :>what are ya watching?>guess it's not surprising considering the weatheryeah and that my immune system sucks major dick, it's annoying but i'm sure i won't die (yet)
>>83002570>honestly doesn't seem like the best play here.I know. It was a horrible idea. My brain told me I shouldn't but my heart made me do it anyway. I feel like a moron.>try to relax a bitI'm having a really hard time focusing on anything else. I'm sure it'll get easier with time but it was such a sudden change that I don't know how to properly deal with it.>I'm sure if it happened once it'll happen again and probably when you least expect itI think I'm too much of a weird hermit for that. There's a reason it's only happened once in almost 30 years.
>>83002191THANK YOU ANON :DDhope you're having a good day!!>>83002269Hello>emailed her twicewe'll see what happens I guess >couldn't even last three days.don't bet yourself about it too much, but you do seen too attached >putting off work due tomorrow until the very last minute.what kind of work ya got to do?>can't stop crying:< >>83002570>most of the day sleeping, but yeahthat's okay, what ya got planned for today?>what are ya watching?10.000 bc so continuing prehistoric theme>annoying but i'm sure i won't die (yet) you won't sleeping is best cure for sickness and you've been doing a lot of it ^^
>>83001916>How are you doing today?Pretty good. Great 8AM workout, shaved, bougut a new journal, and I came to class early. Class was nice as well. I'll start with a small cut to see what's right for me and work up.>>Any plans for today?Beyond studying and listening to music, I'll be cutting myself today. I planned to do it right after working out but the timing didn't work out with class.>>When was the last time you hurt yourself?November of last year.>>Why did you hurt yourself?Frustration with my lack of direction in life.>>Is there anything bothering you right now?The journal I bought is kinda flimsy and there are 33% less pages compared to my original journal (I measured the page thickness with a ruler). My original journal had this cardboardy wood binding, and this new one is some other material I can't name. I'll keep it for now so my entries are consistent and buy a new one at a bookstore when I got the time.>>83002191It's outta necessityApologies if the formatting is shit, phoneposting in case the thread goes down b4 I arrive at my PC.
everyone listen to this https://youtu.be/n8RC7lJAkjU?si=ZwYC89Nk9r1c1iP4>>83002727>I feel like a moron.nah don't do that, it doesn't matter now anyways. it shows that you're caring, that's not a bad thing. just that you're showing it to the wrong person.>I'm having a really hard time focusing you like music? maybe put some on, if you want i can give some recs>only happened once in almost 30 yearsi don't think that's the case. love is fully irrational, none of it makes sense. you can't expect anything regarding it.>>83002866>what ya got planned for today?cyberpunk and youtube probably, gonna research more abt that piercing. my mom wasn't really happy to learn abt it tho lol>so continuing prehistoric themegotcha, well hope you're having fun>>83003036>start with a small cut to see what's right for me and work up.stay safe homie>listening to musicwhatcha listening to?>Frustration with my lack of direction in life.not sure if that's the best idea to cut then, especially if ur clean for quite a while.>and buy a new one at a bookstore when I got the time.ah got it, i thought you had to fill them all out before replacing em, maybe you can glue the pages in the new one or smthn
hi !>>83001916hru cat? how was your day?>>82994477>they like it when their pet struggles to breathe or walk because they think it's cutethat's really tragic, i hope these poor animals don't suffer alot>and I can't for example hide in a car and call someoneye ye, it's safe to get these weapons>I think I get it, you just want to have something you're good at to feel goodyup i guess>are you thinking about doing that?i already have some but as i mentioned it's a bit different in my situation >>83002139chev!>just been a bit sick.caught cold?>>83002191thank you anon!! :)>>83002269hey anon>and I emailed her twicewhat would happen now? since like you emailed her now> the only person who's ever loved me and she's gone.i understand you very well anon, i know how deep it hurts. try to keep distracting yourself somehow, you can ask for distractions here maybe, you can vent and talk about anything here overall>>83003036hey anon! seems like we have a strong productive anon over herekeep it up
Once again I'm just a fair bit disoriented by everything going on around me. Hope everyone is well>>83001916hey cat! How are you?>and I though halloween was scaryfor real. give me ghosts, monsters, and demons over the shit I encounter in the working week>>83002139hi chev, how's it going?>>83002269hi again anon>couldn't even last three days.honestly don't blame you.. Did you contact anyone else first or straight to her?>then putting off work due tomorrowI'd do that first if you can. Even if you can't resist contacting, don't let it derail your whole day. That said.. I did something similar the other day too, so I hear you there and get it completely>>83003036hi anon>8AM workoutwhat kind of work out you do?>new journalI like journaling. Don't do it as consistently as I used to, but always like writing on physical paper. Just run on about everything. It's lame, but also just like looking at stationary in general.> lack of direction in life.how I feel even working full time. Think a lot of do. Is there something you wish you were doing that you're not? Or just feel lost about what you want to be doing?>>83003214hi rm, how are you?>>82991244>as long as you can get the money key point there. End of day I just want to get cash. Don't care what I'm doing at this point since with how bad things are I'm just trying to get by
>>83002866>we'll see what happens I guessIt was a dumb idea and I shouldn't have done it but I guess there's no going back now. I did at least stop myself from calling her...>but you do seen too attachedMaybe. I think I'm as attached as one would be after a 6 month relationship that ended abruptly.>what kind of work ya got to do?Some reading for a group discussion tomorrow.>>83003177>it shows that you're caring, that's not a bad thing. just that you're showing it to the wrong person.I suppose that's true. I can't shake the feeling that what she did came from a similar place, albeit a horribly mistaken one.>you like music? maybe put some on, if you want i can give some recsThere are a few albums I'd like to listen to (namely Pet Sounds) but I think they'd just upset me.I'd appreciate some recommendations, thank you.>you can't expect anything regarding it.I guess. I worry I'm getting too old for it now. She really did feel like my only chance.>>83003214>what would happen now? since like you emailed her nowProbably nothing. It depends on if she's checking it still or if she blocked me on there too. And if she's alive and out of the hospital.>you can vent and talk about anything here overallThank you. I'm trying to distract myself but it's hard when the pain is so fresh. It's only been 3 days but it feels like a week... I've been given some stuff to do and I'll disappoint people if it doesn't get done, so hopefully that'll be a good motivator.To be honest I'm faring better than the last time she cut contact with me (I was completely bedridden for a few days), although it feels more final this time for some reason.>>83003295>Did you contact anyone else first or straight to her?Straight to her.>I'd do that first if you canIt's due in 8 hours and I still haven't slept. Oh well, I slept a bunch today it's probably fine...
>>83003295hey officeanon>disoriented by everything going on around mewhy? what's happening?>Don't care what I'm doing at this point since with how bad things are I'm just trying to get byyup they lead us into this point, and i don't have a serious problem with it>how are you?i'm fine, need to study more but i have enough time i hopehow about you?
>>83003214hey rem>caught cold?something like that. i hope it'll pass soonalso i've been meaning to ask you, anywhere i could add ya? if you want ofc>>83003295hey man>how's it going?been doing pretty good, pretty excited for the rest of the weeksame question goes to you btw
>>83003330>Probably nothing.better than a bad thing, right? :)>And if she's alive and out of the hospital.no need to have these thoughts now, take it easy pal!>so hopefully that'll be a good motivator.that's indeed a good motivator, how much time do you have before getting the work done?>although it feels more final this time for some reason.maybe because it's the second time so it feels a bit familiar, like the feeling is familiar now and your mind got a biiit used to it?
>>83003330>albeit a horribly mistaken one.could be, personally i think you're better off knowing. any reason will just make you feel even worse and make you play scenarios in ur head, that's not worth it.>I'd appreciate some recommendations, thank you.hey man tell me what genre/style you're looking for and i'll get to looking, nothing too sad i assume?>She really did feel like my only chance.it never is, don't think that. no matter how long it takes to find the right person, it'll always be worth it in the end. doesn't matter if it's a year, 5 years, 10, 20 etc
>>83003335>something like thatouch dude, i hate ithope you get better soon>also i've been meaning to ask you, anywhere i could add ya? if you want ofcoh ofc, that'd be nice really, i have discord but i'm not using it these days, i'll be using it again next week after meeting the therapistonce i get back there i'll give you my usernameunless if you don't use discord, we'd think of another place
>>83003330>Straight to her.I see. Well give it time. If she's still going through what you mentioned prior, might be too early too expect anything. Still thing it would be best just to tip off someone else that you're concerned about possible hurting herself then leave it from there till you can. >It's due in 8 hours egh crunch time sucks. Good luck. I have a bunch I'm supposed to be done with tonight, not sure I'll make it either.>>83003331>why? what's happening?work sucks, too much stress dealing with the formerly mentioned friend who made a big deal to belittle me all day sunday morning over something out of my control and then act like nothing happened today, and I'm feeling a bit sick now.>don't have a serious problem with itproblem I have is I always kept my head down. Didn't take risks and never felt ambitious. Thought that was enough to be okay if you worked hard, but still feel uneasy about state of economy and my ability to stay employed. >need to study moregood luck! Just make sure not to keep saying you have enough time, since as it goes by you realize you ran out of it D:>how about you?surviving despite above stuff mentioned. I just want to sleep but it's afternoon here still>>83003335>excited for the rest of the weekwhatcha got going on?>same question goes to youFeel kinda rough. Very busy day, lots of instability I described above. I wish it was Friday afternoon again instead of Monday
>>83003373>hope you get better sooni'm sure it'll be fine, dw>unless if you don't use discordi got discord dw, highrider854>>83003463>whatcha got going on?gonna get my piercing and just chill with friends.>Friday afternoon again instead of Mondayi 100% get that, if it could be friday afternoon forever i would be a happy guy
>>83003036>Pretty good.wow that's great!I'm glad to hear your day is going well >cutting myself todaystay safe !>bought is kinda flimsymaybe you could find a sturdy one online?>>83003177>listen to thisthanks :]>cyberpunk and youtube probablyhave a comfy time and if you find something fun doing better afraid to share>mom wasn't really happy to learn abt it tho lolheh I guess that's not really surprising >hope you're having funits a good movie ^^>>83003214Hello o/I just chilled and watch a movie called 10.000 bc >that's really tragicyea :< >safe to get these weaponsyep luckily I got chased by a drunk guy just once and I just rode away from him>have some like what? if it's okay to ask >but as i mentioned it's a bit different in my situationwell... so do you know what you to on that exam?>>83003295Hey>disoriented by everything going on around methere's too much >How are you?just relaxinI watched 10.000bc movie >give me ghosts, monsters, and demonsyep, give me animals to fight in a coliseum and not a stupid work assignment, I can't kill those so they don't come back >>83003330>was a dumb ideawell what happened happened at least you got it out of your system >stop myself from calling her...good job >think I'm as attached as one would be after a 6 month relationshipmaybe I have no experience so can't say desu>reading for a group discussion tomorrowlike a book?
>>83003463>and then act like nothing happened todayman this type of people are annoying as fuck, the good side is that they might not mention the problem again thodoes that usually happen at work btw?>and never felt ambitiouswhat do you exactly mean by ambitious?>and my ability to stay employed.why tho? would they fire you or something? or are you afraid you would just stop working some day?>good luckthanks!>since as it goes by you realize you ran out of ityou're so right XD, hopefully that's not going to happen>surviving despite above stuff mentionedglad to hear that! keep it up mate>I just want to sleep but it's afternoon here stillyour sleep schedule would get ruined right?>>83003664>i'm sure it'll be fineglad to hear that!>i got discord, highrider854perfect, next week>>83003700called 10.000 bcwoah! another prehistoric thingie?? is it also about animals?>a drunk guy just once and I just rode away from himnow that's the maniac i meant yesterday lol, hope that never happens again>like what? if it's okay to asksure it's okay pali'm so much interested in linguistics and i was learning a certain language for the past year but i have to stop for the next year because i have to study. thinking about that makes me feel bad again lolinterested in history and ethnicitiesinterested in codinghmmm i don't know what else to say, i'm sure there are other things but i'm kinda tired, didn't mention video games and shows i like btwoh also i got my grade, wanna hear me talking about what happened in this morning :?
I should probably head to bed soon.>>83003359>better than a bad thing, right? :)It could also make her really angry or disappointed in me, but I'm not sure how likely that is, especially if she's dead set on moving on.>no need to have these thoughts now, take it easy pal!My brain tends to jump to the worst possible thing. She didn't exactly give me much confidence in her last message...>how much time do you have before getting the work done?Early December at the latest. Ideally earlier.>like the feeling is familiar now and your mind got a biiit used to it?That makes sense. Although I wish it wasn't something I was familiar with.>>83003367>any reason will just make you feel even worse and make you play scenarios in ur head, that's not worth it.You're right. I need to stop thinking about motives, especially when someone isn't acting rationally.>hey man tell me what genre/style you're looking for and i'll get to lookingI'll happily listen to a lot of different genres, but I seem to default to dad rock. Nothing too sad, please.>it'll always be worth it in the end. doesn't matter if it's a year, 5 years, 10, 20 etcI'm not too pleased with the prospect of being a wizard, if I'm completely honest. I'm not sure it's much better to meet a partner and die of old age five years later than never meeting one - the latter might even be preferable.>>83003463>might be too early too expect anythingProbably. I just have to wait and see. >egh crunch time sucks. Good luck.It's less crunch time and more me being really bad at distracting myself from these feelings.>I have a bunch I'm supposed to be done with tonight, not sure I'll make it either.Best of luck! Thankfully it's all done on my end.>>83003700>at least you got it out of your systemYeah. Hopefully I don't feel the need to do it again.>like a book?Something like that. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to contribute.
>>83003700>thanks :]hope you like it!>heh I guess that's not really surprising yeah but I don't really care desu>>83004093>glad to hear that!haha yeah, hope you're doing good too. what are ya up to?>perfect, next weekgot it!>>83004110>Nothing too sad, please.hmm, ever listen to slayer? maybe give that a try. otherwise maybe give 80's pop a try, it's pretty damn good.>the prospect of being a wizardnot sure i know what that means.>the latter might even be preferable.i don't think i agree with that. it'll give stability sure, but other than that im sure it pretty goddamn boring and unfulfilling. it's a big part of the human experience
>>83004093>another prehistoric thingie?? is it also about animals?ye :D it's a fun watch mostly about humans>hope that never happens againthank you probably not, it pretty coold out so you won't see many drunks>interested in linguisticsthat sounds cool >have to stopoh :<I'm sorry fren that's awful >mention video games and shows i like btwwhich ones do you like?>hear me talking about what happened in this morning :?yes yes :>>>83004110>probably head to bed soon.have nice dreams anon >Hopefully I don't feel the need to do it again.best of luck, you'll probably get better with time>not sure how much I'll be able to contribute.wanna say why?>>83004254>you like it!it's okay though I'm into a different kind of sound now>don't really care desuthat's good do whatever you want
>>83004110>but I'm not sure how likely that isthen let's hope she didn't even see the mails.now pretend that you never sent those two emails and take it easy if she replied.and try not to do it again :)>She didn't exactly give me much confidence in her last messagedon't worry, i think it's normal of you how you overthink given how stressed and low you are lately, so i think it's the best time to head to distractions>Early December at the latest. Ideally earlier.perfect! that's enough time right? hope you finish all the works at the time>Although I wish it wasn't something I was familiar with.it happens mate, it happenslet's hope it never happens again, and remember that now you have an experience, not a good experience but now you know what to do in the future if something like that happened againi know how painful the feeling is, i've had a similar one for some time, i feel you mate.sleep well, good luck!>>83004254>hope you're doing good tooi'm okay but my head suddenly hurts now and i feel a bit dizzy, i think i'll just sleep for like 6 / 5 hours now then wake up to finish studying
>>83004277>mostly about humansmhm i see, hope you had fun!>it pretty coold out so you won't see many drunksgood>I'm sorry fren that's awfulgotta deal with it :/>which ones do you like?hmm i haven't played anything in a whilei used to like touhouleague of legends is a piece of addicting garbage lolhmm, i played most of sonic games, it's the best series imoa bit sleepy so i'm not recalling everything i like>yes yes :>thanks! :>so, i lost 10 marks, not 3. i was feeling worse in the morning but now i'm just okaywell, the test paper corrector said that my answer to a question was wrong because i used a different formula than the one he wantsi searched a bit and found out both formulas work, but the formula i used is more direct (which is easier), i used it because i couldn't recall the other formula during the examso, i'll get enough proofs that my formula is also correct and try to convince the corrector tomorrow, i could atleast get 4 or 3 more marks, that's good :)anyways, i'm gonna sleeptake care everyone
>>83003177>stay safe homieThanks.>whatcha listening to?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8D9KXwdylY>not sure if that's the best idea to cut thenI found my direction, I just feel like doing it one more time. More a rare ritualistic thing and not an actual habit.>ah got it, i thought you had to fill them all out before replacing emThat happened with my last journal, for this new one it's kinda ass so I'll just staple the pages somewhere in the replacement.>>83003214>keep it upWill do. Cutting myself is supposed to help with fortifying my willpower, so expect more of me.>>83003295>what kind of work out you do?Today was push. Bench/incline dumbbell/Cable flys/Pushups/Shoulder press/Lat raises. Picrel. Working out that early is nice and keeps me awake the rest of the day, it's impossible for me to be productive otherwise.>Don't do it as consistently as I used toGet back to it. I like writing during my commute, but if you drive writing I'm the evening and before work is ideal.>how I feel even working full timeIf it's a dead end job and you got no future plans, yeah I get it. Unless you're certain you'll be wageslaving 4 life, any plans? Also I'm not worried about any sense of purpose, I found mine.>maybe you could find a sturdy one online?Can't get a feel of the material or sizing that way.
>>83004254>hmm, ever listen to slayer?I don't think I have. I'll give them a look.>not sure i know what that means.A 30 year old virgin.>it's a big part of the human experienceI know, and that's what upsets me. I just don't think it's in the cards again.>>83004277>you'll probably get better with timeThat's the hope!>wanna say why?I don't have all that much to say after reading it. Hopefully I can think on my feet or something.>>83004504>and try not to do it again :)I'll try my best. It's out of my system now. Hopefully.>so i think it's the best time to head to distractionsI'll see if I can book some more time off work, or at least give my supervisor a heads-up.>that's enough time right?I managed it last year but it almost killed me.>sleep well, good luck!Thank you. Have a good sleep yourself.
>>83003664>gonna get my piercing and just chill with friends.glad you have something to look forward to. > if it could be friday afternoon foreversame. I didn't used to hate work, but this point the weekend is the only time I get any hope of peace>>83003700>there's too muchyeah. I wish just one thing would stabilize, but life just likes forcing every single bad thing at the same time it seems>10.000bcI've seen this movie show up here and there but don't think ever watched it. Looks like it has that 2000s cgi that's always fun>give me animals to fight in a coliseumyou sound pumped up from the movie lol going to become a hunter gatherer?> so they don't come backthere are ways to make the work not come back, but it involves making the money not come back as well D:>>83004093>not mention the problem again thoit will be remembered and brought up at convenient timing for the sole purpose of making me as miserable as possible at a later date. What I've come to expect.>usually happen at work btwno. This has nothing to do with work. Work is bad, but mostly because of things not directly interacting with me. People around are fine usually>what do you exactly mean by ambitious?like there's people I know who need to get the best job, at the best company, with best salary, and constantly look for ways to advance. They schmooze and try to ladder climb, all that. For me, I'm just there for the paycheck. I don't need to be rich. I can do the work well and often get told I do better than most people, but Idk I just don't care much. I don't see myself as sucessful or the type of person who would be, so I aim low, just the minimum to get the money I need. Drives some people I've known crazy since a lot of stuff has come naturally to me, but I've always been very apathetic about making it big like everyone else wants to
>>83004568>see, hope you had fun!I did :3>gotta deal with it :/true but it sucks life's like that>haven't played anything in a whileyou study so much >sleepy so i'm not recalling everything i likedid you sleep well?>now i'm just okayI'm glad you are, how do marks work btw?>found out both formulas work,ooo hopefully the guy isn't an asshole about it>could atleast get 4 or 3 more marksI really hope so>that's good :)good job :>too bad you're too smart for the stupid exams >take care everyonesleep weell>>83004625>That's the hope!o7>don't have all that much to say after reading it.ooh, well what if you tell them that maybe you just didn't find it interesting at allit's not like they can do anything about it, personal preference is personal preference
>>83004093>why tho? see people get fired everyday for no reason all over the place. Hard working people, skilled people, well paid people, low paid people. No rhyme or reason. And once you lose work, it's harder to get work. And I don't have anyone I can rely on to help me if I'm in trouble financially at any point. All on me>sleep schedule would get ruined right?probably, yeah. I keep a weird sleep schedule already, don't need it to get worse. I'm also messed up day light savings time right (which I won't ramble on about how much I hate today)>>83004568>i searched a bit and found out both formulas work,this is why I hate tests they love pulling "you didn't use my way" shit way too much. Take it easy and don't stress
>>83004110>I just have to wait and see.hang in there. Still hopeful for your situation, but take things a day at a time and try to stay calm tomorrow with it all.>Thankfully it's all done on my end.nicely done! Looking less and less likely I'll finish before crashing, but it's unrealistic anyway>>83004594>Today was push.quite the routine you have there! Nice, how long have you been weight training for? I had my push day today too, but I have a home gym of a lot of free weights and a bench with other stuff I bought over the years for it. Easy to stay committed for me this way> impossible for me to be productive otherwise.same. Thought for me I guess it's more my routine is what I built the day around, so if I skip or miss, everything else feels out of whack>evening and before work is ideal.I would do it during break sometimes. Might force myself since I have to stop overworking with nothing during the day interrupting it>If it's a dead end job and you got no future plansIt's not inherently a dead end job, but I suppose I didn't think much of what I was going to do before choosing what I'd do. Corporate jobs are tiring and I don't like the fighting and cut throating to advance upwards. Only real plan is trying to find a way out of it. Looking at alternatives, but it's tough right since economy is very fragile so trying to figure out a different path you want to go in is a bit tough when main focus needs to be on being prepared for worst case.>I found mine.that's good and helps you make better decisions long run.
>>83004277>different kind of sound nowwhat do you listen to usually?>>83004504yeah then it seems like a good idea to go to bed a bit early maybe. i'll probably do the same.>>83004594>songsounds like something my dad would listen to>More a rare ritualistic thing and not an actual habit.i mean it's still bad but better than it being a habit.>I'll just staple the pages somewhere in the replacement.sounds like a good idea.>>83004625>I'll give them a look.i hope you like em>A 30 year old virgin. i mean you already had a girlfriend no, and even then I don't think that's a bad thing. people put way too much importance on ts when it doesn't matter nearly as much>I know, and that's what upsets medon't get me wrong, it's not the end all be all. but also i feel like you should atleast keep the option open, closing it off fully only robs you of opportunities >>83004796>but this point the weekend is the only time I get any hope of peacelately i've noticed that that's a point most people reach when working. props for staying strong, most of my friends already cracked
>>83004990>Nice, how long have you been weight training for?I've been "training" for around 3 years, but I'm wildly inconsistent with it the last 1.5 so I plateaued. So more like a year total to be honest.>Might force myself since I have to stop overworking with nothing during the day interrupting itGood luck with it. What do you normally journal about? For me it's a mix of whatever is happening in my life and miscellaneous thoughts (politics, lingering thoughts, dreams). It's very stream of consciousness so I'll be writing about my day and abruptly switch to whatever the guy sitting next to on the bus just did.>Corporate jobs are tiring... Looking at alternativesI was gonna go for a desk job originally and I would've never made it anywhere. I hate staying still and I hate monotony and I hate rotting at a computer so a desk job is my worst nightmare. As for ways out, I'd look to family and friends first if you got any. Firsthand accounts and maybe even the option to tag along could help you find your Path.>>83005061>sounds like something my dad would listen tocool, what do you listen to?>i mean it's still bad but better than it being a habit.Worth the small sacrifice if it improves everything else like I expect.Are most users here cutters? I've seen one poster speak about throwing away things as a form of self harm, so I'm curious what other forms people engage in besides cutting.
>>83005237>what do you listen to?i'm mainly a metalhead, but i listen to a lot of edm and other things now. i inherited a lot of gothic and rock stuff from my parents too.>if it improves everything else like I expect.big if there...>what other forms people engage in besides cutting.i smoke and drink quite a bit if that counts. other than that ig i used to do drugs and try to emotionally abuse myself
>>83005061I said I wasn't going to anime girl post outside of holidays, but this pushed over the edge. I rewatched akame ga kill not long ago and forgot I enjoyed it quite a bit(and learned the manga ended almost completely differently lol)>noticed that that's a point most people reach when working. it's a shame since in theory I liked what I did. But business environment makes it utterly miserable and you're constantly worried about something bad happening and not being able to pay bills> props for staying strong, most of my friends already crackedI am cracking in real and just barely holding on>>83005237> wildly inconsistent it's hard to find time, especially you go to a gym since you also are working around other people. I was on and off for years, but didn't make real progress till I did the home gym since I know I'll always be near it at one point in the day.>mix of whatever is happening in my life and miscellaneous thoughts Basically the same, whatever comes to mind. Sometimes reflections on things I read as well since I try to read a lot and think over after. Interesting to look at old journals since even the past years I've been doing it I'd say I've changed a lot in many ways. > hate staying still me too which kinda sucks I'm in tech of all things, but again I made the decision when I was too young and immature> the option to tag alongI actually do have something in mind with this, but it also involves getting along with the person I have the most complex and troubled relationship in my life right now. No choice is perfect though suppose.>Are most users here cutters?I used to, but don't anymore really. A bit on the older side of this thread, so mostly chat with regulars and passer byers. I'd say thread emphasis shifted to the mutual support part, since there's cutters but also people just feeling down and depressed come to talk and chat. Most probably did at some point and just want to help other anons
>>83005316>metalhead, but i listen to a lot of edm and other things now. i inherited a lot of gothic and rock stuff from my parents too.Pretty interesting, got any recs EDM and metal wise? I always envied it a little when people talked about hearing music being played by their parents, mine never cared for it. Sounds chill.>big if there...I got hope.>i smoke and drink... used to do drugs and try to emotionally abuse myselfBeing socially acceptable (daydrinking aside) probably makes it tougher to leave as a cope (if you'd even want to). If I lived alone I'd drink constantly, I like alcohol too much. Same thing for the drug abuse, I got the means to but taking anything with people around would be hell. Already had that once...
>>83005472>I was on and off for years, but didn't make real progress till I did the home gymI feel the opposite. When I worked out at home it felt low pressure since it was ways there. Walking out to the gym and being in and out before I do anything else felt like a real commitment. If it works for you though keep at it.>Interesting to look at old journalsYeah, real. I feel a sense of dread and deep empathy for my past self reading my own entries. My earliest entries date to early HS when I did them digitally, and reading them now gets me pretty sad. Mostly since I see that I never really understood myself early enough.>I made the decision when I was too young and immatureIf I didn't take time to explore options I'd be in your exact position with this. The path to find your lifelong career feels like a scramble even though you get from around 17ish to 19ish to figure out what you want (barring gap years). I think it's cuz most people have barely experienced life by then, forget work.>involves getting along with the person I have the most complex and troubled relationship in my life right now.Might have needed to be patched anyway, better to get a job out of it while you're at it. Or maybe not, might be assuming too much...>Most probably did at some point and just want to help other anonsExplains why it's so cozy.
>>83005492>got any recs EDM and metal wise? edm i'm still very much learning, metal give mgla (polish band) and havukruunu (finnish band) a try.>being played by their parentsi guess my parents were like alternative in their days like i am rn. It's pretty cool but they still don't understand everything.>I got hope.fair enough>makes it tougher to leave ig so, it's too easy to get my hands on. i keep stopping and starting usually.>with people around would be helli quit for that reason, i always took enough to start tweaking tf out.
it's late and I can't sleep
>>83005953> low pressure since it was ways thereinteresting perspective. I can kind of see it there's some people who say they need to have the split of going from place a to b to get in the mindset for certain things. I like the atmosphere of going to the gym, but too inconvenient for me to find time to stop anywhere consistently outside work. >dread and deep empathy for my pasfor me it's a lot of frustration, but also learned to accept I didn't know better. Thing with the past is we know what we do now because things that happened since then to get to that point. >I never really understood myself early enough.that is most people sadly. Most important thing is getting there in the end, since some never do.>most people have barely experienced life by thenAnd yet a big rush to figure it out quick to start a career you have zero idea you really want. I grew up in a bubble basically (private school, bad parents who were literally nut jobs) so it's a miracle I turned out mostly okay. More people less fortunate with this and end up having to go back.>patched anyway, better to get a job out of it Less needing to patch up, more needing to be prepared since my friend is kind of harsh to say the least.>why it's so cozywe have cat and yuanon to thank largely for that. cat took over posting daily a few years back and they've always been very kind and considerate of anyone coming along
>>83006297 #>metalListened to mgla, goooood rec. I think half of what I listen to in that sphere of music is foreign language (Spanish, Japanese, German etc). I listened to exercises in futility.>edmhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKeoRf1zzFY [Open]It's probably my favorite genre next to rap.>they still don't understand everything.Better than nothing, long as they make the effort. One of my parents gets me almost completely and the other still thinks I'm 14. I don't mind it much.>>83006535 #>Thing with the past is we know what we do now because things that happenedVery true.>some never do.It's really grim to see those that never do. They toil endlessly with no real change in sight to shake up their closed hearts. I think a lack of or excess trauma causes this. Too little and you'll never need to reflect, and too much will leave you shellshocked>it's a miracle I turned out mostly okay. Same, got lucky and had a couple years of rolling around to figure out what I wanna do.>my friend is kind of harsh to say the least.If they're really your friend the harshness comes from a good place. Even if you're being lambasted for a while that's worth the actual help at the end.>we have cat and yuanon to thank largely for thatCheers to them.
>>83001916>>How are you doing today?Tolerable. Work sucked a little more than usual but nothing you can do about that. I managed to get some more work done on some model railroad rolling stock which is always nice.>>Any plans for today?Thought about playing online games with friends. Been isolating more which is super unhealthy!>>Is there anything bothering you right now?I feel as if i bring my friends down or annoy them, so right now ive opted not to play with them. Its irrational but still. I keep slicing up my arm too, and its becoming super noticeable so ill probably have to scramble tommorow for longsleeve shirts.
I wish I could sleep more than a few hours.>>83004805>it's not like they can do anything about itI'm supposed to be offering critiques. I'll just have to make something up if asked.>>83004990>hang in there. Still hopeful for your situation, but take things a day at a time and try to stay calm tomorrow with it all.Thanks. I think I've seen a sign of life from her, but that could just be me seeing something I want to. Either way, I suspect her mother would reach out to me if something really bad happened to her. So that's one less reason to worry. >Looking less and less likely I'll finish before crashing, but it's unrealistic anywayGanbatte!>>83005061>i mean you already had a girlfriend noAn internet girlfriend. If that makes it any better or worse.>people put way too much importance on ts when it doesn't matter nearly as muchI can still be curious about what it's like and feel like I'm missing out. I've thought about seeing an escort but I know that's probably an awful idea. >i feel like you should atleast keep the option openThe door's always been unlocked. She was just the only person that bothered to come inside, or even knock.
>>83007262>I wish I could sleep more than a few hours.Every morning shift i dream of this.>I can still be curious about what it's like and feel like I'm missing out. I've thought about seeing an escort but I know that's probably an awful idea.Escorts are a terrible idea! Dont do it!>The door's always been unlocked. She was just the only person that bothered to come inside, or even knock.One of these days youll find someone if its any consolation. I wish you the best of luck in the future.>>83007116>we have cat and yuanon to thank largely for thatI have no idea who these people are since im green. Can anyone tell me?>>83006525This sucks. I hope youve fallen asleep by now.
>>83007338>I have no idea who these people are since im green. Can anyone tell me?/cat/ is the one who usually posts the thread everyday, and yuanon is a regular in the general.
>>83007467Thank you! I felt super dumb asking :P
>>83007338>One of these days youll find someone if its any consolation. I wish you the best of luck in the future.Maybe. I think it'll be very hard to open up, or even just be close to anyone after this. Going from "let's have kids together" to "I'm breaking up with you" in the span of a few hours really messes you up.
>>83001916Who's doing these artwork, don't tell me it's AI, it would be so lame
>>83008300It's from suicide boy. The character is Lee Hoon. Hooni Lee? idk
>>83008358How did he get his namesake?
morning page seven bumpp
meowrninIt's bikeride time B3How are you guys doing? do you have any fun plans for today?
>>83009501>How are you guys doing?Awful. I almost cried on the train earlier.
>>83008900He keeps trying to kill himself for the first half of the series, rather unsuccesfully of course. He cuts succesfully however and thats why he is the logo here. Helps that he is the only character i can think of who cuts just normally rather than it being some massive scene with dramatic black shadows like in most things.
>>83009501hellosorry to to hear that anonwhat's been making you so sad? Do you think it'll get better any time soon?
>>83009577I see. Maybe I'll give it a read.>>83009619>what's been making you so sad?Thinking about what I've lost again.>Do you think it'll get better any time soon?Not for a while. I think I might need to take some time off work again.
hellono exam today, it has been postponedi had a strange night barely waking up so i could study and after i finished studying i found out today's a breaklol>>83004625>I'll try my bestgood luck anon!>but it almost killed mehow exactly? what happened? if it's okay to ask>>83004796>What I've come to expectseems possible tbf but let's hope the dude is nice and wouldn't do that>People around are fine usuallythat's good to hear atleast no one usually annoys you>been very apathetic about making it big like everyone else wants tothat doesn't sound like a real problem there, does it?i don't know much about how people work for their future in the place you live in but i suppose that this mentality is okay, and maybe it can be good if you had children too, like you can afford most of things for yourself and your family but you aren't considered "rich" at the same time. what do you think?>>83004805>I didnice!>did you sleep welli don't think i did yesterday but im good today>glad you arethanks! :]>how do marks workhmm a certain percentage are those daily quizzes and stuff like those, 20% are the mid terms, so since i lost 10 marks in physics' midterm exam that means i got 10/20almost failedand the rest of percentage are the finals>too bad you're too smart for the stupid examsuhh it turned out it's my bad this time actually :[my formula was actually wrong in that case, i didn't realize why at the beginningim not smart :[
>>83009734>good luck anon!I feel pathetic but I've already written another postcard for her and I'm stupid enough to send it. It's definitely not out of my system...>how exactly? what happened? if it's okay to askI'm speaking metaphorically when I say it nearly killed me. It was just a lot of work and I very nearly didn't get it done on time.
>>83009823>feel pathetic but I've already written another postcard for her and I'm stupid enough to send itdon't worryit's kinda expected actually, given the thing you're going through, don't relate it to being pathetic so easily, matewhat about the responds? did she reply to anything you sent?>metaphorically when I say it nearly killed meoh, relieving>It was just a lot of work and I very nearly didn't get it done on time.well let's hope it goes well this time but don't push yourself too hard tho
I think I'll have a sleep. I'm sorry for posting so much, and I appreciate all the kind replies.>>83009985>don't relate it to being pathetic so easily, mateEvery rational fibre of my being is screaming at me not to interact with her after how she's hurt me but my heart hurts so much that it won't listen.>did she reply to anything you sent?Nothing yet. I don't expect her to unless she either gets very drunk or her therapists suggests it.>well let's hope it goes well this time but don't push yourself too hard thoIt should be a little easier this time. Hopefully.
It's gonna be a long day again, I just feel it>>83007116>It's really grim to see those that never doPeople get too bogged down as time goes on. I feel once people have kids, it's really really hard to figure out anything since you're just entirely focused on them or work. Nothing wrong with having kids, but most miserable people I know all had them way too soon and do nothing but complain about it.>lack of or excess trauma causes thisWell put. Fine line between growing and breaking. Overcoming bad things is good, but being beat into the ground by them makes you worse.>If they're really your friend that is the big question. Some people are just different. Serious and focused to a degree that's difficult understand, especially the workaholic/climber sorts. Has helped me out tremendously at a bad point of my life, but also been extremely cruel and quite frankly pushed me into situations that were only bad for me.>>83007204hi anon, should try to spend more time with friends if you can. Honestly, shouldn't bring things down if you're just playing games. Consider how you talk to them and should be fine.>>83007262>sleep more than a few hoursyeah, never seem to get enough either> seen a sign of life from herthat's something. I mean, if you saw anything at all and nothing else worrying, I'd take that as a good thing and try to use that to help you focus on everything else you have to for now>suspect her mother would reach outand if she's still in close enough proximity to her mother that would also be less reason to worry. If she had an incident that involved being hospitalized before, there's zero chance people aren't paying closer attention to her than previously.
>>83009501have a nice bike ride!>do you have any fun plans for today?does suffering existential dread throughout the working day count as fun? >>83009734hi rm>it has been postponednice little surprise. Hope gives you a better feeling about it when it comes>is nice and wouldn't do thati speak of this from experience since it's happened many times and know it will happen again. >that doesn't sound like a real problem there, does it?in theory it doesn't sound like an issue, but the real issue is how things shift. Working to get by is dangerous these days, since you can lose work suddenly and end unemployed for months or more. Only ones prepared for that are those sitting on a huge stack of money already. I try to have savings, but I'm not prepared for 6 months unemployed and little I could do could prepare me for that. >>83010061no worries. Always happy to chat, what the thread is here for. Hope you get some rest
>>83009501>How are you guys doing?Pretty good. 6AM wakeup again, and I'm just about at the gym now. Missed my coffee so I might grab a monster.>have any fun plans for today?Nothing really. I was supposed to cut myself yesterday but the knife I liked was missing. The other knives have hooks in them so that's a no-go.>>83010094PicrelI'll post more once I'm done working out.
>>83010572>knives have hooks in themDo you mean serrated blades, anon? Like picrel?
>>83010648>Like picrelYeah exactly.
>>83010094>I'd take that as a good thing and try to use that to help you focus on everything else you have to for nowMy worry has been replaced with heartbreak. Which I guess is easier to deal with. At least a little.>there's zero chance people aren't paying closer attention to her than previouslyThat makes sense too. She's told me a lot of things about her mother, but her actions at least suggests she cares about her.>>83010155>Always happy to chat, what the thread is here for.Thank you.
Done working out. My lat pull downs were down one weight, but I'll chalk it up to being out the gym for weeks.>>83009734>no exam today,What are you studying? I got an exam this week on magnetism and motors, not too stressed about it. Some practice with formulas and a couple definitions to memorize.>>83009501>It's bikeride time B3How do you get a good bike for a not shit price? Always wanted one, looks fun.
>>83010061>but my heart hurts so much that it won't listen.yup, that's why sending her an email is expected, don't hurt yourself more anon, just do your best not to contact her, and if you failed then it's okay, you can still stop at some point>I don't expect her to unless she either gets very drunk or her therapists suggests it.well let's hope she doesn't reply with anything bad if she did reply at the end>It should be a little easier this time. Hopefully.good luck mate!>>83010155yo officeanon>Hope gives you a better feeling about it when it comeswell now that i already studied most of the subject i feel like it's so easy, so yeah i'm okay with it>and know it will happen again.sucks really, well i hope it doesn't annoy you this much>and little I could do could prepare me for that.oh i understand your point now, well do you have any plans just in case? cuz losing the job can be so sudden>>83011231i see a rabbit cat>Done working outnice, how long have you been going to gym btw?>What are you studying?my exam was on some types of movement and motion, also the projectile movement> magnetism and motorsi see i never studied about these iirc, good luck!>Some practice with formulas and a couple definitions to memorize.yeah mine was the same beside the need to understand the ideas themselves.
>>83011788>nice, how long have you been going to gym btw?3 years on and off, wildly inconsistent with it, getting better. You workout as well?>types of movement and motion, also the projectile movementInteresting, guess it's physics stuff.>i see i never studied about these iirc, good luck!Thanks I'll need it. I kinda sold the first half of the semester so I need to ace the second half to pass. At least the learning is fun lol...Kinda annoyed I wasn't able to find the knife. I could walk to a hardware store and buy a box cutter, but I'd be in a load of shit if it gets found. I'll think about it.
This is fucking killing me. I can't go to college anymore, being there worsens my mental health a whole fucking lot. All thanks to my peers.But even by staying home, I can't study. I feel like a failure when I try to study, all thanks to them.I went back to cutting because of them.Can't they see that they are killing me, slowly and painfully? But when that former female friend of mine stopped going to class because I gave her anxiety everyone lost their Goddamn minds.I'm angry, frustrated, knee-deep into sadness and I feel like the worst most undesirable human being to ever exist. Maybe that's the cue that I should kill myself. But then, God'd throw me into the deepest pits of hell. Why? Because I couldn't take it anymore in this life. Maybe it was written on the wall since my birth, that I was destined to hell despite my actions.Anyway, hope you're all doing well
>>83011788>don't hurt yourself more anon, just do your best not to contact her, and if you failed then it's okay, you can still stop at some pointI've promised myself this will be the last time. I've put everything in this letter and if it's not enough for her to come back, so be it. Mentally I think I'm there now. I finally feel at ease somewhat.>well let's hope she doesn't reply with anything bad if she did reply at the endThanks. I don't think she would. In an abstract sense I suppose I am self harming, so maybe I'm not that out of place here.
>>83010572>Picrelonly way I get a short day is if I get given a cardboard box and have my security badge taken away>>83011228>At least a little.i hear you, not a lot of ways to sugar coat it since know it's not a lot of fun. Just hang in there. Hope you start a little up soon even if you still need time>actions at least suggests she cares about hemost parents do to a degree, even if they have problems. I don't know the details obviously and mean offense, but people with BPD can be unreliable when describing others>>83011231> lat pull downsI have weighted pull ups and chin ups as part of my routine today. Absolute favorite workout day> out the gym for weeksit happens. Better to slow down a little than push too hard and hurt yourself>>83011788> i feel like it's so easystill always nice to get an extra day. Unless it causes it to fall same day as something else. That's never good D:> it doesn't annoy you this muchAs I think I said, I live with it. Some days i get it worse than others. But most are tolerable>have any plans just in case?I have a decent amount of savings, emergency options, and would do literally anything I can even work shittier work if it paid. Still not as prepared as I could be, but hard to do more if not already well off
>>83012178hey saka, sorry things are so rough again. I'm glad when you stop in, but always troubled knowing how rough things have been for you..>even by staying hometry not to focus on them to degree you can at home. They aren't around, they aren't thinking about you, and you shouldn't let them get to you while you're away with that in mind.> stopped going to class because I gave her anxietyalways the absolute worse. Honestly one reason I always had fear about talking to women who were around places like that since even if you mean well, them feeling slightly off is enough for everyone to hate you.>I feel like the worst most undesirable human being to ever exist.you're not , but I understand why you'd feel that and how shitty of a thought it is to be stuck inhang in there man. I know it's not great and not a lot any of us here can say other than hope you'll get out of this soon and be able to feel all right about everything.>>83012246>maybe I'm not that out of place here.no requirements for posting here! Self harm and cutting comes up often because it's what thread was built around and a lot of people have done it at some point, but it's discouraged either way
>>83012461>Just hang in there. Hope you start a little up soon even if you still need timeThanks. I think I'm slightly better tonight, even if I've just done something I probably shouldn't have. My brain and heart have calmed down a lot.>people with BPD can be unreliable when describing othersYeah. She's told me a bunch of times that her mother doesn't care about her, but as far as I can tell she messages her most days and pretty regularly makes 2 hour drives to see her when she needs help.>>83012496>no requirements for posting here!Thank you for letting me post in any case. I don't have much of a support network so it's helped a lot these last few days.
bump pqge seven bump
>>83012496>They aren't around, they aren't thinking about you, and you shouldn't let them get to you while you're away with that in mind.It ain't that easy. My mood swings around based on their relation to me. They are planning to go on a hike at the end of the month, and I was invited. This made me a bit happier.>is enough for everyone to hate you.They are already spreading rumors about me. Thing is, apparently I have BPD. I didn't know about it until know, went 5 years with it undiagnosed. Looking back to what happened with me and her, now knowing that I have BPD, I see that she was my FP. I cannot take the full blame for what I did, since it's my BPD's fault and I had no way of knowing back then that I was being a heavy burden to someone else.When I tried asking a colleague who knew about it what the hell was going on he just refused to tell me claiming that he didn't want to get involved. I really had no idea. I had to crash out on the department group chat for a friend of mine to gather the info for me.It's a shitty and messed up situation for me. >hang in there man. I know it's not great and not a lot any of us here can say other than hope you'll get out of this soon and be able to feel all right about everything.Thanks. I have hope that things will get better for me once I graduate>>83012246>so maybe I'm not that out of place hereSH isn't a requirement to seek help from other people. Talk with the folks here whenever you want and please don't SH.
>>83012086>wildly inconsistent with iti see, how is the progress going lately?>You workout as well?sadly no, even if i wanted to these days i can't> guess it's physics stuff.yup>half of the semester so I need to ace the second half to pass. At least the learning is fun lollol i think that's what matters at this case since like you can do well in the exam if you had fun learning, no?also what's your major btw?>but I'd be in a load of shit if it gets found. I'll think about it.don't buy it dude, do you have anything that can help you holding yourself?>>83012178hey matei see you're going through a lot really, but i'm sure some things can be changedwanna think about it with me? if so, firstly, why can't you get away from the peers? >>83012246>Mentally I think I'm there now. I finally feel at ease somewhat.that's some good development mate! well, i know your promised yourself this is the last time, but if by any chance, by an accident, if you sent her anything again, don't hurt yourself.>In an abstract sense I suppose I am self harming, so maybe I'm not that out of place here.do you mean you're planning to start self harming or cutting?don't even think about that mate, pleaseit's no good and useless as fuck and will do nothing but making everything more painful.self harm can, sometimes, really hurt the person until he feels like all the roads that lead to recovering are more complicatedtake care anon, don't hurt yourself, please. talk here whenever you feel bad maybe it can help>>83012461>That's never goodyeah exactly >But most are tolerablewell, glad to hear that mate!>Still not as prepared as I could be, but hard to do more if not already well offso the problem now is that you aren't in the best work do more?pardon me i'm a bit slow right now so i might not understand everything you say
>>83013506>wanna think about it with me? if so, firstly, why can't you get away from the peers?I don't know, really. I mean, I need socializing, I crave external validation. I don't have any confidence. That's all a corollary of me having BPD.But at the same time, I fear going back to uni.
Hello I'm back from the bikeride :>>>83010155>have a nice bike ride!thank you :]>dread throughout the working day count as fun?hmm I'm not sure about thatthat's sounds like quite the opposite unfortunately >>83010572>good. 6AM wakeup again,wao that's early >supposed to cut myself yesterday but the knife I likedwhat knife do you like?>>83011231>Done working out.good work \o/>good bike for a not shit price?hm I guess it depends on what's a reasonable price for you and would you like to ride or maybe you'd like to ride everywhere >>83009734Helloo o/>>83009734>has been postponedyayy :Dthat's good right?>barely waking upglad u had a nice night ^^>almost failedbut you still passed right?and are you going to have any more exams from than class>im not smart :[yes you are!
>>83013704>>83011231>and would you like to ride or maybe...and where*
>>83013626>That's all a corollary of me having BPD.i understand you, at least to some extentbut, are they the only option? isn't there anyone else you can talk to?>>83013704yo cat>bikerideyooohow was the bikeride?>that's good right?yup lol that's so good>glad u had a nice night not the best one desu but i hope tonight's gonna be good>but you still passed right?yup i passed>and are you going to have any more exams from than classyup, probably not midterms tho>yes you are!:))thanks cat, i really appreciate it
hello, everyone! hope you're all doing well. i tried to catch up on the thread, but it seems like my brain can't process information today. great start to the evening. :/ at least i forced myself to work out again, so that's a plus.
>>83013785>>83013785>yooo>how was the bikeride?it was nice though I didn't see any cute animals unfortunately ^^ >lol that's so goodwooo !!when do you have any other exams? can you can you chill a little more now?>hope tonight's gonna be goodsame for u>yup i passedthat's all that matters :>>probably not midterms thodangwell good luck on those >thanks cat, i really appreciate ityou are welcome :D I'm just telling the truth >>83013870Heiiahow it's going? I guess you're all tuckered out :<today was tiring?>up on the thread,oh dw you don't have to>forced myself to work out agagood job though that's more tiring stuff
>>83013309BPD seems awful to live with, currently working through the receiving end of an episode. Please take care of yourself, anon. Try to get some DBT if you aren't already.>Talk with the folks here whenever you want and please don't SH.Everyone has been friendly here and I greatly appreciate that. I don't plan on doing any SH, not physically at least.>>83013506>i know your promised yourself this is the last time, but if by any chance, by an accident, if you sent her anything again, don't hurt yourself>do you mean you're planning to start self harming or cutting?I'm only putting myself through mental anguish doing this stuff. I don't plan on hurting myself physically, but thank you for worrying.>>83013870I need to start exercising again. Best of luck, anon.
>>83012461>cardboard box and have my security badge taken awayI took longer than I'd like to get this.>I have weighted pull ups and chin ups as part of my routine today. Big man. Bodyweight exercises aren't my thing cause I'm tall a weigh a bit. Assisted dips and chin ups are fun for me. How much weight do you strap on?>Better to slow downDon't think I have to actually, with one or two exceptions all my lifts have either stayed the same or improved.>>83013506>i see, how is the progress going lately?Haven't missed a day since the sudden motivation to start posting here.> can do well in the exam if you had fun learning, no?In theory, yeas. My favorite class last semester also happened to be my worst, so that's no guarantee.>don't buy it dude, do you have anything that can help you holding yourself?desu getting caught is the only reason I care not to, which is still a pretty strong motivator. Too much of an anchor at home to have something like that being revealed affect just me.>>83013704>wao that's earlyGives me plenty of time to clean myself up, gym, and play vidya before heading off to class. It's worth it, I never wake up groggy anymore.>what knife do you like?It's this really short knife, like 65% the length of a regular butter knife. The handle is this nice hard plasticy material, and makes up half the knifes size. The blade has 4 edges and is never dull. Used it for meat.>guess it dependsUnder 88 USD, for biking on the pavement and street.
hey everyone, sorry i was late i decided to hang out w friends alot today. ordered pizza with one of my mates cus i he has to drive me to the piercing place tomorrow so i wanted to discuss the plans. also did i mention im getting em tomorrow yet, cus im so fucking excited aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hey everyone, I'll reply to the rest laterthings were going calmwasn't feeling the best today but nothing really hurt until nowman. wish i could disconnect from my brain until it gets better then come back. i cant have one calm day without having any problem>>83014034 #>I don't plan on hurting myself physicallyphew, glad to hear that. i hope you feel better soon and everything bad gets fixed.have a good night everyone
>>83013785>but, are they the only option? isn't there anyone else you can talk to?There is, but with less availability. I can go to uni any day of the week and they'll be there.>>83014034>BPD seems awful to live withIt is. If only my peers recognized that.>Try to get some DBT if you aren't already.I'm already working on receiving proper therapy.>I don't plan on doing any SH, not physically at least.Physical or not, don't do it. Do take care of yourself. If you self harm, you will definitely regret later. I did a lot of SH, both mentally and physically. I regret all of it.
>>83014224Forgot the name heheh
>>83014156Heya>friends alot today. ordered pizzasounds fun :D>cus im so fucking excited aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawooo I'm glad ur excited ^^>>83014190>really hurt until nowoww sending you a biig hug frensorry to hear thattake is slow and try to chill out>>83014239Hello saka o/
>>83014102>before heading off to classhope the class went well>Used it for meat.just make sure to wash it very well okay because you could get an infection easily>Under 88 USD,hmm you probably could find something but it'd have to be a used one and it'll probably need to get things adjusted and greased btw If you ever find some bike ur interested in you could send me a pic and I could give you my opinion :>>>83014190sleep well
>>83014394>just make sure to wash it very well okay because you could get an infection easilyI lost the knife unfortunately.>hope the class went wellIn class still.
>>83012759>I think I'm slightly better tonightglad to hear. I know none of this is pleasant, first girl I dated and left me made me absolutely lose my mind, but managed to get through it. Not even sure what outcome with you will be, but just don't want to mess up other things in life being upset about this, since that's the real danger>pretty regularly makes 2 hour drives yeah, that says all you need. It's hard for people who aren't thinking right to judge how others feel. Why it's difficult to maintain healthy relationships with them when they're going through things> I don't have much of a support network so it's helped a lot these last few days.i hear you. Kind of like what brought me here in the first place. Easy to talk to strangers online when you feel no one else will listen, just glad the strangers were as nice as they were here.>>83013309> swings around based on their relation to me. believe me, that makes a lot of sense to me since even at my best I can't help but do the same/> This made me a bit happier.that's something. Obviously things can't be beyond repair if you're still invited after all!> went 5 years with it undiagnosedI hear you.. That's the kind of thing that really really makes you filled with regret, but important things is knowing at all, even if it took a bit >heavy burden to someone else.yeah.. Never a good feeling. Just go easy on yourself about it now as best you can.>>83013506>t you aren't in the best work do more?yeah. I was never making top money because it wasn't worth the stress for me to climb to be a top earner. I made off okay, but some developers I know make insane money. I was happy to make less if it meant safety, issue is it didn't actually mean safety
>>83013704hey cat, how did your day go? Have a fun bike ride?>sounds like quite the opposite unfortunatelygrrr apparently most days aren't fun>>83013870heya yuanon! How's it going?>can't process information todayI have this issue daily around this time lol>>83014102>I took longer than I'd like to get this.it's all good. I've never actually seen them give someone a box honestly>Bodyweight exercises aren't my thinghonestly, I just like these and dips like you mentioned. Mostly otherwise just using free weights.> cause I'm tall a weigh a bit.I'm actually really tall which is what made it hard to set up a place to do pull ups at home. I got a rack that you can use the bar at the top for it and was what let me do them.>How much weight do you strap on?I'm up to 110 pounds for the chin ups and 100 on pull ups. Always utterly terrified of the weight belt breaking on me >with one or two exceptions all my lifts have either stayed that's good. For me it's usually down once a year from vacation time. I'll go away a month or so and not really be able to work out, then have to take it slow. Only time I ever got hurt was the time I tried to manage same weight after four weeks off
>>83014190Thank you. Have a good night!>>83014224>I'm already working on receiving proper therapy.Best of luck. Hopefully it doesn't take too long.>If you self harm, you will definitely regret later.I know. I already regret it but it's out of my system now. I hope. Mostly.>>83014647>but just don't want to mess up other things in life being upset about this, since that's the real dangerYeah. It's drawn a lot of my attention away from work, which I'm pretty behind on. I should be okay in the end but it's a stressor I don't want. My supervisor was quite considerate last time something happened, which I appreciated.I feel like I'd be handling it a lot better if there was some kind of gradual breakdown but it just came out of nowhere and, by her own admission, she knew it was awful to do.>Why it's difficult to maintain healthy relationships with them when they're going through thingsI know she was getting help for it but I imagine a big stressor for a regular person feels like the world is ending for them, but I'll never understand why she'd throw out someone who loved her close to unconditionally. But I definitely understand why she has very complicated feelings towards her mother.>Easy to talk to strangers online when you feel no one else will listen, just glad the strangers were as nice as they were here.Me too. Thank you for all the considerate replies, anon.
>>83014333>sounds fun :Dit was pretty fun but cat kept trying to eat my pizza, i was both eating and dueling it seemed.>I'm glad ur excited ^^now there's to hoping nothing goes wrong...
>>83013959how it's going? I guess you're all tuckered out :< today was tiring?not really. didn't do anything besides working out in the evening and i'm still completely burned out. just completely spaced out watching some show. i really don't know what to do about it. anyways, how was your day?>though that's more tiring stufftrue. i guess that pushed me over the edge.>>83014034>I need to start exercising again. Best of luck, anonthanks and same to you. :> what kind of exercises are you doing?>>83014156nice. :> hope you enjoyed your evening and hopefully it won't be to painful getting them done. ^^'>>83014239hey sakamoto! good to see you again. (^-^)>>83014750hey, officeanon! :D>How's it going?not that well, i'm afraid. just so tired and burned out on everything. i think i'll just curl up with a blanket on the couch and call it a day. at least i managed to force myself to work out, so the day wasn't a complete waste. what about you?>I have this issue daily around this time lolvery relatable. when's the next time you can have a break?
>>83014620>lost the knife unfortunatelywhat are you going to do now?>class stilloh best of luck thenwhat ur major btw? do you like it?>>83014750>Have a fun bike ride?yep it was pretty nice ^^though it gets dark early now>apparently most days aren't funwell do you find it fun?>>83014836>pretty fun but cat kept trying to eat my pizzasilly cat :>>hoping nothing goes wrong...it'll be fine don't worry friend ^^I'll be crossing my fingers so nothing can go wrong>>83015125>not really. didn't do anyyou had work today?>completely spaced out watching some show.it is what is it is sometimes >guess that pushed me over the edge.I would gess so :/
>>83014761>which I'm pretty behind on.Honestly, when I broke up with my first gf it was right after I started working full time and I have no idea how I didn't lose my job melting down as hard I did.>My supervisor was quite considerate last time something happenedMake's a world of difference since some can be sticklers about every little thing and they're a pain when going through anything traumatic>just came out of nowhere That's an interesting things to consider, but watching things fall apart over time and trying hard to undo is an ugly way too. Usually in those cases nothing you can do, but you feel angrier that you couldn't fix things. >definitely understanddon't know her life, but yeah. For every one person with good relationship with parents, feel there's 3 of us with bad ones>>83014836hey chev! what kind of pizza you get anyway? I've been feeling like it again.>cat kept trying to eat my pizzaWhat I go through anytime I eat anything with the dog around>>83015125>ust so tired and burned out on everythinghow I feel about work, other work, life, and more. >at least i managed to force myself to work outhat's good for something at least. Need to try not to fall behind!> what about you?day is wrapping up too. Nothing but stress from work again afraid, but it's fine>when's the next time you can have a break?for a few days? This weekend. Already halfway just about so almost there.
>>83015191>you had work today?no, but that rarely changes anything. at least work gives me an excuse to get outside. ^^'>it is what is it is sometimesyeah. now i'm just watching some streamers play arc raiders. i don't really get the appeal, but i guess it struck some nerve.>I would gess so :/at least i can have a nice, comfy rest of the evening now. what are you up to?>>83015289>how I feel about work, other work, life, and morewelcome to both of us to the world's least exclusive club. ^^ what's been troubling you?>Need to try not to fall behind!i'll try my best, but that hasn't been much lately. i'll try nonetheless. o7>Nothing but stress from work again afraid, but it's finenot really, but what are you supposed to do, right? still, wishing you the best and that thing will calm down eventually.>This weekend. Already halfway just about so almost there.hang in there, fren. any plans?
>>83013870>forced myself to work out againHey yua. What's your routine? Belated good morning.>>83013506>>83015191>what's your major btw?Something in electrical, don't want to get specific. It's a means to becoming an electrician. >what are you going to do now?Dunno. The other knives in my house are all serrated and the pushpins are kinda rusty. Might buy that box cutter down the line if I still care a week or two from now. I still don't get my own sudden fixation on cutting my chest.
>>83015480>What's your routine?right now just some bodyweight stuff two times a week (hanging, chin ups, dips, push ups, ab roller) and on weekends i do some exercises with a sandbag and some kettlebells. that's all i can manage right now.>Belated good morning.thanks, same to you. ^^ how are you holding up?
>>83015440>at least work gives me an excuse to get outside. ^^'I guess but doing it add to tired >don't really get the appeal, but i guess it struck some nerve.do you want any recommendations?>comfy rest of the evening nowtrue ^^> what are you up to?listening to music >>83015480>don't want to get specificthat's okay how it going?>rustyyeah better to not do it then
>>83015754>but doing it add to tiredtrue, but, weirdly enough, doing nothing is pretty exhausting, too. maybe engaging with media isn't actually doing nothing?>do you want any recommendations?sure. always looking for something to fall asleep to.>listening to musicanything cool?cute pic, btw. :>
>How are you doing today?Not good I am so sick of being alive without a girlfriend>Any plans for today?Browsing random wikipedia articles and deep diving into the archives so I can find obscure music nobody listens to but me>When was the last time you hurt yourself?I punched myself in the head like 20x earlier>Why did you hurt yourself?Sad >Is there anything bothering you right now?Not having a girlfriend because egirls only want brown guys
>>83015641>just some bodyweight stuffGood good, Nice variety too. Never heard of ab rollers.>how are you holding up?Doing alright. In class now after eating with my classmates for an hour. Was gonna just play games for an hour instead like I usually do so this was a nice change.>>83015641>how it going?Ditto, just doing alright. Bought a cookie just now.>better to notWon't. I was lightly scratching myself with one of the pushpins that looked unrusted in bed last night, kinda pointless.>>83015929>egirlsSeeing them irl at cons and the like will scare you from them forever (which is a good thing). Gross people.
>>83015929>I am so sick of being alive without a girlfriendunderstandable, but do you really think having a girlfriend would really change how you feel about things?>so I can find obscure music nobody listens to but mefound anything you'd want to share?>I punched myself in the head like 20x earlierheavy stuff. don't be too hard on yourself and stay safe.>because egirls only want brown guysnot sure what that has to do with anything, honestly. probably dodged some bullets, though.>>83016051>Never heard of ab rollers.they've been around for a while and are one hell of a tool if used correctly. can recommend. >Doing alright. In class now after eating with my classmates for an hour.glad to hear it. hope classes aren't too boring.>Was gonna just play games for an hour instead like I usually do so this was a nice change.good you decided to go with them, then. did you guys talk about anything interesting? and what do you usually play?
>>83016051>Seeing them irl at cons and the like will scare you from them forever (which is a good thing). Gross people.tell me more. egirls fascinate me because theyre all cute but they give their bodies away to brown mexicans and black guys they met over discord and white robots get left with nothing. >>83016166im currently going through an old 1940s show called kate smith hour for samples and the music + some comedy in there is quite pleasant to listen to. some of it though cheesy got a chuckle from me too. >understandable, but do you really think having a girlfriend would really change how you feel about things?it would help me get through each day. I go through each day trying not to kill myself and dont do any major activities because I find most things not entertaining enough without a significant other. for example I cant enjoy tv shows or movies or even most popular music because its about love and just leaves me more suicidal
>>83015896>weirdly enough, doing nothing is pretty exhaustingmaybe you just don't know how to relax?I don't mean it in a mean way but maybe you just do it wrong>engaging with media isn't actually doing nothing?engaging with media you're not interested in probably it's too great >sureokay :>what do you think about this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=f6cqzYP-xh4&pp=2AEAkAIB>anything cool?yes, just some absolute trash>cute pic, btw. :>than q ^^>>83015929Hymey o/>sick of being alive without a girlfriendand I'm guessing you can't get one?>wikipedia articles and deep diving into the archivessounds like fun wanna spill any secrets?>punched myself in the headwith every punch you're knocking a braincell out of your head Don't do that, you get memory loss>egirlsdude... please
>>83016400>sounds like fun>wanna spill any secrets?I just try to think up the most random terms and then combine them together is the gist of it. said terms can be multiple words or just one like koolaid punch with a pinch of giraffe semen. most of them turn up nothing but you will eventually find something >with every punch you're knocking a braincell out of your headDon't do that, you get memory lossalready been doing it for years and showing signs of that. if it ends up killing me ill go back and thank every finger on my hand and the knuckles and the tendons that control the arm
>>83016290>an old 1940s show called kate smith hourwell, you're right. never heard about that one before. what's it about?>some of it though cheesy got a chuckle from me too.sometimes it's nice to have a break from the hypercynical media of today.>it would help me get through each day.i feel you on that. would be nice to be able to come home to someone.>trying not to kill myselfyou did well. stay strong.>I find most things not entertaining enough without a significant otherrelatable, though i have a hard time enjoying most activities even if other people are present. not sure if a sigificant other would change that. i'd just do it all despite myself.>its about love and just leaves me more suicidalhm. better to avoid it, then. i read some romance manga once in a while and they do seem to help me relief some pent up frustration, but i understand that it could easily be the other way. have to do some serious research though, so i don't run into themes i can't stand. >>83016400>maybe you just don't know how to relax?maybe you're onto something there. went to some lady practicing osteopathy once and she kept telling me to relax my neck and shoulders, which i thought i did. kept thinking to myself: "if i had no trouble relaxing, why they fuck would i be here and need you for...">maybe you just do it wrongi'm open for suggestions. >engaging with media you're not interested in probably it's too greateven the one i do like can be a bit stressful and burn me out. even finding stuff i might enjoy isn't easy.>what do you think about thisi don't think i know who that is or what the vid is about. i'll give it a try. thank you. :>>yes, just some absolute trashdang. must have been some good thrash. ^^i should go to sleep now. good night, everyone!
i'm still up. i can't sleep, going to sleep is terrifying
>>83016649>well, you're right. never heard about that one before. what's it about?she sings songs from that time but its quite nice like listening to a fallout radio. then she brings on comedians to break up the monotony and probably gave her time to rest her voice. its a quite unique show in todays world not to sound like a hipster because I enjoy modern media too >i feel you on that. would be nice to be able to come home to someone.its also exhausting having to do everything by yourself. you ever want a day where you dont want to do anything for a whole week? but then your apartment or house becomes a mess and bugs start to come with triple the amount of the dishes sitting unwashed and stained clothes lying like a growing mountain day by day >relatable, though i have a hard time enjoying most activities even if other people are present. not sure if a sigificant other would change that. i'd just do it all despite myself.most activities cost money and time then you do them and get a little moment of relief but then its back to the dark place and regret because now you have less money and the high only lasted a tiny fraction of a second in your life. again though most activities only seem fun with a girlfriend involved like imagine this, the idea of camping with anyone but a girlfriend is fun because you can fuck and go under a waterfall and swim naked, now imagine that same scenario except replace the girlfriend with a bunch of guy friends going camping together, what are you going to do other than jerk each other off and talk about your glory days? cant believe theres people out there who only want to hang out with their guy friends when doing these activities like what are you some brokeback mountain shit? Im being cynical now
gn guys>>83016592>ends up killing meit's probably won't, it's more likely to make you mentally disabled, always confused and not being able to remember anything basically speedrunning dementia >>83016649>open for suggestionsI don't know that's the worst part>sleep now. good night, everyonegoodnight >>83016843maybe listen to music or watch a movie in bed?
>>83016929isnt dementia deadly? I forgot but I wouldnt mind much because I only have bad memories and id love to stop remembering them. if i could build an electroshock therapy device in my home id be using that there's also lobotomy but needles in the eye makes me wince
>>83016961>have bad memoriesit's not forgetting old things it not being able to remember anything newI don't know much but I'm pretty sure that at least in some cases of dementia people basically live in their past and not their current reallyso it's possible you'll just be stuck in your bad memories for what might feel like an eternity because you won't be able to track time >dementia deadlyI'm not sure how deadly it is own, what kills people is mostly forgetting to eat enough or getting lost or their heart giving out and it mainly kills old people that didn't have much time left to live anyway A bad cold could probably mess that granny up but you're are young so it doesn't matter it's affect you in that way too.anyway I'm too sleepy I'm not sure I'm making sense goodnight ^^
>>83017046that does sound really bad actually that's like a level of hell being trapped with your bad memories. ill start wearing mittens to soften the blows or just start punching the walls instead. nice talking to you anon goodnight
>>83016290>tell me more. egirls fascinate meThere's nothing to say really, just the same types of narcissists you'd see irl normally, but dialed up to 11. It's boring anyway, I see it the same as celebrity gossip.>I cant enjoy tv shows or movies or even most popular music because its about love and just leaves me more suicidalI spent all day listening to my music on shuffle and came up on one "love" song (it was about getting money and fucking hoes). It's just you, love songs aren't that unavoidable>>83016166>can recommendWill try next push day.>did you guys talk about anything interesting?We talked about the 67 meme, drinking, and dating apps. "Dumb" topics, but it's nice to keep it llght. Anythings fun with good people.>and what do you usually play?TF2/DOOM/S.T.A.L.K.E.R. It's a fun conversation starter the rare times people as me what I'm playing, and theres novelty in making steam friends at college.
>>83017228>There's nothing to say really, just the same types of narcissists you'd see irl normally, but dialed up to 11. It's boring anyway, I see it the same as celebrity gossipI can see that you have to be a little bit narcissistic to tripfag on an anonymous swedish clog making forum >It's just you, love songs aren't that unavoidablehip hop is different since its rappers fucking girls you wouldnt want to date anyways most of them are glorified hookers. the type of women to book a trip to saudi arabia in summer time iykyk
Hello everyone. I hope this comment finds you well, and that you will be well.>>83016843You still up, Chevalier? Why do you find sleep so frightening?
>>83017758i'm still up yeah. I think i had a nightmare or smthn, it kinda shook me
>>83017904That sucks to hear. What about it shook you, if you can remember?
>>83018045idk i was stuck in my dream but i could feel my body irl felt like something was tearing up my organs. think i had a dream where i had to kill someone before they killed me but they had like this weird bodymorphing shit
>>83015125>what kind of exercises are you doing?Burpees. I probably can't do too many now.>>83015289>I have no idea how I didn't lose my job melting down as hard I did.I don't know how regular people do it. They seem to get in and out of relationships all the time. Maybe I'm just particularly sensitive.>Usually in those cases nothing you can do, but you feel angrier that you couldn't fix things.Makes sense. In a way I'm glad to have been spared that. At least you get proper closure that way and can point to why it didn't work out.>>83017904Hopefully you can get back to sleep soon. I've had some pretty disturbing dreams recently as well.
>>83018089you should learn to lucid dream then you will never be able to have a nightmare ever again. its nice when I get a nightmare Im able to just switch channels like a tv had got to the point would have really bad nightmares every night and couldnt take it anymore I hated sleeping
>>83018089That's kinda nuts! What a weird dream. You should probably try to get back to bed or something.Well, I'm out. Goodnight, everyone.
Where's white gator in have a webm for him
Any good suicide discords?
And here's another one for you.<3
