even in my dreams i can't get people to interact with me. the same nightmares of abandonment. berated, annoyed with, frustrated at. even in dreams i can control, that's all there is, all there's ever been.
>>83305793Sup anon good afternoon, how are you?
>>83305847atrocious. riddled with nightmares again. the weekend is here, which i hate. seeing everyone going around, doing things with their friends. having colleagues make useless small talk about the weekend. any new friends i make just make me stressed and miss my old ones even more. what about you
>>83305910Tell me about your old friends.Every day is a struggle but I keep fighting.
>>83305957what is your struggle currently right now?if i talk about my old friends this text box would be full. but in short, i miss having tea and nice things with someone i didn't have to mask around.
>>83306051The war is internal my fren, and it rages on within me.Sounds nice, what happened? Why not contact them?
>>83306192war why? over what?and i have tried to contact them. they're not contacting me. which means, they don't want to talk.>butdon't
>>83306224I dunno, there's just a lot of fire and screams. I can't see anything through the fog so I can't tell you.But, what? Maybe that's just a dead account or something.
>>83306256>but whatanything you say is pointless. no rebuttal works. if my ol frens wanted to talk to me, they would. they don't. >Maybe that's just a dead account or something.i think you may have missed the part where i said getting tea, as in, real life. as in, there are multiple places means and ways to contact. heck, they even know where i live. don't fill my head with false hope and dreams, i really don't want that.
>>83306287I understand. I don't miss my old friends, I don't even understand/feel the need to "have" friends. The less people I have to deal with, the better... However it seems like you're the one who should be initiating hangouts because you sound like the glue.What happened, anyways? Did you just drift apart?
>>83306486yeah that's me! i always propose ideas, hangouts, things to do. i make things happen. there was no drifting part, it was an explosive detonation because i tried to desperately pull people closer and the truth is there's no place for me in people's lives! and they're right! i don't belong. i'm an ugly, clingy, needy mess. i can be patient and accept only hearing from people every 2-4 weeks, as long as i know it will come. when that's ripped away, i explode.>butno, i have done absolutely everything, anything, literally all of it i will slam my mouse against the wall the next time i receive empty platitudes. i have exhausted every item, option, everything in life to find the connections i want and i always end up short.
>>83306597Well they just might not have been your people, you know? I hope you find people who treat you well fren.
>>83307715yes, cumulative decades of "not my people". no, unfortunately, i have found people who treat me well and give me the dopamine i crave, but i am not the same in their eyes and thus i do not get to be any closer at all. i am malformed and irreparable.
>>83307745I know how you feel, just kind of a drifter? I don't think there's something really bad about it. I just don't expect things to last and try to enjoy the good things as they come.
>>83308642no, not a drifter. i want to plant roots, i want to have something i can build and grow on. there's plenty bad about that, it's an awful existence to watch the entire world experience things you can never grasp despite all of your best attempts, tries, and constant failures? "enjoy good things as they come" okay and when they never come? when they never come by the wind so you try force it by your hand and you don't get it then, either?>I just don't expect things to lastthings don't EXIST
