hey anon. how are you? im glad you're still holding on. it's tiresome... but things will be okay one day. have you already written your resolutions for next year?
>>83446034thx gayboy, i just want a dog for 2026. Tha'ts my resolution.
>>83446034Hi Anon! I don't know, I just woke up and I can't really tell how I'm feeling right after waking usually. My sleep schedule Is all messed up again... gonna be hard not to fall asleep at work today. Urgh... how is that today already... my weekend just started I thought...How are you doing Anonny? Not great again? Did yesterday's session go fine at least? Have you done/are doing anything in particular today?>it's tiresome... but things will be okay one day.I can only hope so. I can't even really imagine it though. How would things look if they were okay? What would be different? You at least seem to know the answers to those questions, but I'm not sure I do. Feels like no matter what the externalities look like, I'll still find some reason to be miserable. >have you already written your resolutions for next year?Resolutions, huh... nope, can't say I have. I've never done that I don't think. I suppose I just never saw much point in doing them at the start of a new year, if I wanted to change something I'd just resolve to do so whenever. Do you think it's actually easier to stick to some change if you do it at the start of a new year? Have you got any written down yourself? And what about the 2025 ones, I saw that icon on your desktop... what were they and have you managed to succeed with any of them?
>>83446066wholesome and nice>>83446198hopefully you manage to adjust to the new schedule anon. ganbareim fine i guess. today i mostly feel disillusioned but at least nothing except the usual stuff is bothering me.>How would things lookonly one way to find out i guess... im not sure there's ever going to be a point in my life where i dont feel miserable most of the time but i can hope.>if you do it at the start of a new yearmeh, maybe. depends on the person really. it's a good excuse to start trying at least. you should try to write some down desu. i haven't opened my file with the resolutions for the entire year, and ill only open it once it's the new year to see if i actually accomplished any.
>>83446034Resolutions are for normalfags, not untouchables
>>83446034Funny that you would say that. I was seriously about to kill myself but then my sister had a kid and now the kid likes me. As her uncle, I would feel shitty to kill myself now. She is almost like a daughter to me these days and the only thing that made me keep going. The thought is still there. What the fuck am I doing? I should just die. Shit is becoming too much. Too many bills, too many obligations, and I keep feeling lonely. At this point, I live for my mother and the kid.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiPVgAhRE6E&list=RDOiPVgAhRE6E&start_radio=1
>>8344603427 years old, mother caught me gooning. She said that I need therapy. Anyway, does anyone want 1 TB of fart porn? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOjDJRiUeGE&list=RDXOjDJRiUeGE&start_radio=1
>>83446034I have an assignment due soon and im so fucked but merry Christmas anon, have a happy new year
>>83446564you're brave for changing your mind and choosing to go on still. i can't really say why anyone should bother to go on with living, but staying alive for your mom and your niece is not such a bad one after all. do your best and try to focus on the little happiness the kid gives you>>83446658i must refuse the offer but i wish you a speedy recovery from your awful predicament!>>83446702oh, well i hope you manage to un-fuck yourself in that case. whats the assignment about? and thanks, merry christmas to you too
>>83446702>and im so fucked Not OP but you might not be. I did a 20 page essay in the span of two days while drinking on both days. How bad is it anon?
>>83446521>hopefully you manage to adjustYou've been right about a lot of things so far, hopefully you're right here too. Humans do adapt well even to terrible conditions... Did you sleep in late today as well?>ganbareThanks... I don't feel like I'm trying my best anymore though. I wanted to try harder this past week but instead it's been one of the worst weeks in a while... I feel like I've been knocked down my life yet again and now I must get up once more...>disillusioned Hmm why disillusioned? That must be a rare feeling for you since you're rarely, uhh, illusioned, to begin with. I wish I could be more "illusioned" with life. Even if it would be all fake, it would be nice to believe in something. Kind of how people believe in some all-powerful god and even though it's probably not real it still gives them the strength to get up in the morning at least. I want that... >but i can hope.It's good that you can still hope! Perhaps things will work out somehow. As someone who never even tries to solve most of his problems and just leaves them to solve themselves, it's surprising how often this happens.>depends on the personDo you think you are such a person? Why did you decide to make some resolutions last year? I imagine I'm not a person like that, the new year just feels like same old to me so it won't help much in achieving anything. But perhaps I should try. I don't know though... just thinking about it feels so overwhelming. I don't think I have the energy to change anything right now. Speaking of which I've even failed my resolution to not look at corn anymore... I lasted over a month I think but last week for some reason I decided to look at it. I guess I just felt really awful and it was something to distract myself with for a few minutes. I feel disappointed in myself...>haven't opened my fileHuh, is that how you do it? I thought it was something you were supposed to read often. Well I hope you managed to accomplish something from that file!
>>83446034>hey anonhii>how are you?annoyed and frustrated mostly but not too bad. last week has been a wild ride of ups and downs. mostly recovered for whats that worth.>im glad you're still holding on. it's tiresome... but things will be okay one day.everything will really be fine one day. everybody just has to keep going and one day, one day things will be perfect.>have you already written your resolutions for next year?Im clueless like always. Uhm see everything i try (as a hobby at least) to the end maybe? Im not too sure about anything in general. Things have been so weird.. head's a mess right now.
>>83446034Tired, but feeling good. On my last of 3x12hr shifts. After today is done, then get to kick it until after Christmas. After work, gonna rest, take some edibles and fuck around all night. Then I gotta do some Christmas shopping tomorrow. I'm ready for the holidays to be over so I can get back to my regular schedule.
>>83446918>Humans do adapt wellits the only reason why we've survived this long. and yes kind of late i guess.>it's been one of the worstin that case, wouldn't it be making the trying your doing one of the bestest (or hardest)? like, the harder things are, the more effort it takes to do anything and so it means you're still doing your best. i think>rare feelingnot rare, it's a constant state of mind i usually have, today it was just stronger. i wish i still was under the illusion that things are fine>you are such a person?i dunno, maybe. last year i made them because i thought it would help me keep them but im not sure it did. it's also sort of a habit i have now anyway, i've done it every year.>was something to distract myself withyet now you're back at feeling awful again so, did it accomplish anything? it did not. in any case, dont expect to get rid of something like corn first try, it's not easy. i do encourage you to try again though.>accomplish somethingi hope so too...>>83446939hi anon. im glad to hear you're not doing so bad like the last time we talked. anything worth mentioning happened recently?>things will be perfecthm, i wouldn't go that far... i dont hope for things to be perfect but just fine is enough. i suppose it's nice to have ambitions though.>cluelessi think the try everything resolution is a pretty good one! it's fine to only have one anyway, you dont need many. what's making your head a mess? too many christmas songs??>>83446964damn thats a long shift. i hope everything goes well and you get to rest properly anon. have fun at christmas and remember not to consoooom to much on gifts!
>>83447049Thank you anon. For those who I buy for, Try to keep it to items/goods that they need or can use. Hope your Christmas is exactly what you want.
>>83447049>anything worth mentioning happened recently?nothing too out of the ordinary happened its weird. thing is that a lot happened but everything sorta got canceled out and im just confused. I don't even remember what happened for the most part. Uhh there's a Christmas tree now!>i suppose it's nice to have ambitions thoughits more than an ambition. Its a fact. Everybody will find happiness somewhere someday. I don't know how or when that will happen but it will for everybody including (you).>what's making your head a mess?im not sure. its hard to pinpoint but im just sorta confused. This morning has been weirdly quiet also. I don't know what to do but don't feel a need to also. for now at least. you know how quickly things can change in a random direction. i feel so oddly mellow right now.. could it be that instead?
>>83446034I hate and love drinking. I become my truest self only doing substances, I drew my best artwork, romanced a few women at a bar on my birthday, beat a guy in chess, wrote a long essay. All of this while drinking. Otherwise, like right now(drink is coming down), I am a coward.My college professor told me that I need to have more confidence I am a very timid person unless I drink or smoke weed. What do I do OP? I would be good socially but I freeze up and stutter unless I drunk or smoke.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8leI3qEQk6o&list=RD8leI3qEQk6o&start_radio=1
>>83447049>and yes kind of late i guess.I suppose you did go to bed kind of late... I've been sleeping for like 2 hours at a time all throughout the day, I don't even know what this is called anymore.>wouldn't it be making the trying your doing one of the bestestHmm, maybe? I see what you mean, just surviving through this week is enough of an accomplishment I suppose. Then again I think it might have been this hard partly because i wasn't trying as much as I could have been, but it's hard to tell if I really could have tried more or if that's just a cope to feel like I still have some control over my life. Maybe I really did do my best.>constant state of mind i usually haveYeah, I did figure as much. But this is kind of different from actually feeling disillusioned enough to where it's notable like it is today for you. Or so I think. I'm also usually in a constant state of disillusionment but I wouldn't say I feel disillusioned on most days, because it's become so normal to me it's just, well, normal. >i wish i still was under the illusion that things are fineWell at least this means you are ready to change things, as opposed to just letting problems solve themselves. I'm often usually under the illusion that things are fine even though they actually aren't and it stops me from trying to improve my lot in life, so it has its downsides. Though it does feel nice in the moment.>it's also sort of a habit i haveNeat! Has it been successful? Do you think it helped you in previous years? Maybe this is why you've grown so much in such a short time, or so it feels to me anyhow. >yet now you're back at feeling awful againWell I don't think anything could have prevented that to be fair, there will always be times that I feel awful. But it's true it didn't accomplish a whole lot, it wasn't worth it for the little distraction it gave me... I suppose you're right it's not something I was likely to get rid of on the first try. I'll try again soon I guess.
>>83447112things you actually do need are a lot better than random junk to decorate your house with i think so it's a good policy to have. and thanks for the kind words>>83447215>I don't even remember what happeneduhh... you didn't get blackout drunk did you? well it's nice you got a tree! did you set it up?>Its a factmhm. wish i had your confidence anon. i can agree to the fact if we include stuff like whatever comes after dying.>I don't know what to do but don't feel a need to alsoi often find myself not knowing what to do but rarely not feeling like i should be doing something. perhaps it's not a bad feeling to just uhm... exist? but yeah. as long as you're feeling okay, considering how brief these moments can be. i cant wait to feel this mellowness feeling you're talking about desu!>>83447224mhm, if you manage to consume those substances in moderation (though you could argue that's impossible since they're addictive) i wouldnt blame you for using them, still, i do believe those qualities that come out when you drink are inherently part of you, whether youre sober or not. so, you can search for a way to make them come out without having to drink or smoke. i dont know how, considering i'm also kinda struggling with something similar myself.>>83447290>what this is calledan awful sleeping schedule perhaps!>Maybe I really did do my bestlets just not dwell on this too much and all agree that you did, anon.>Has it been successful...not really. i dont remember honestly. i cant remember this year resolution's and even less the ones from past years. maybe it helped maybe it didnt.>I'll try again soonwrong, not soon, now.
>>83447372>uhh... you didn't get blackout drunk did you?I didn't! I did not drink a single glass this week and looking forward i don't see any incoming. Meds and alcohol don't mix.>i can agree to the fact if we include stuff like whatever comes after dyingour opinions are very similar on that matter but i think that good things will happen during our lifetime. its the road and not the destination, or something. yeah, but it will be a good one even if the current path is bad. >as long as you're feeling okay, considering how brief these moments can bewell if i could feel this way forever then i would absolutely want too. i don't know what caused it but its nice>i cant wait to feel this mellowness feeling you're talking about desu!all you need to do for now is wait till the appointment. be proud anon, you are doing well so far. but a little advice when you do get to the doctor and they are willing to give you meds ask if there is something long acting. you don't want the immediate release ones.
>>83447532>I did not drink a single glass this weekohh i see! good work anon. keep it that way then. hopefully the meds help instead. i haven't had a beer in a while either now that i think about it. at least i believe so? i dont remember...>good things will happenhm, im sure yes. i dont doubt a few those occur. its just that sometimes diving into the freezing river only to catch some fish isn't really worth it you know? yes that was the best metaphor i could come up with. i wishe i had a fishe.>be proud anoni dont get what i should be proud of exactly. but mkay ill try.>long actingi thought all the meds were like that. you mean theres stuff that instantly makes you feel better when you take it? isn't that just meth or something? but okay, ill try to remember to ask, thank you.
>>83446034I almost killed myself this year,hopefully I succeed next year
>>83447594>i haven't had a beer in a while either now that i think about it.Keep it up anon! I believe you can stay sober for a while longer too. Maybe a glass of wine on Christmas but no overdoing it!>its just that sometimes diving into the freezing river only to catch some fish isn't really worth it you know?i know. i know..>i dont get what i should be proud of exactly.a couple of things but what i meant there is that you are doing pretty good with navigating the doctors and the like. you have so much going on at the same time and are still doing it. that's an achievement.>you mean theres stuff that instantly makes you feel better when you take it?they all start acting very quickly (30-90 minutes) but the basic immediate release ones dump their content all at once or in bursts which can be very distracting. the long acting ones do it much smoother which is also better if you want them to help with mood and stuff. the first type also has more noticeable comedowns which are not nice. plus with the long acting ones you just need to take them once in the morning and don't need to remember to take them throughout the day. compare a bumpy four hour ride to a calm 13 hour one if that makes sense.
>>83447372>an awful sleeping schedule perhaps!Indeed... not sure how to make it a good one with this work schedule anyways. >agree that you did, anon.Okay fine. I did do my best then! Heheh thank you Anon, this made me smile. >i cant remember this year resolution'sWell how are you even supposed to do them if you can't remember them!? Maybe you should re-read them sometimes like I do with my list. Speaking of which... I still haven't done that today. >wrong, not soon, now.O-okei.. I guess no more corn for me then. I was gonna look at it one more time at least dammit... oh well. Hopefully I will last longer this time, or maybe forever if all goes well.
>>83447599i hope you find peace either in this realm or the next anon>>83447715>Keep it up anon!uhm... thanks... im not an alcoholic i swear...>i know. i know..sorry for dampening the mood. i oughta be more positive too desu. it feels kind of like im lying though so its difficult to do so>navigating the doctors and the likemhm, i guess i did a good job with that. my mom helped me out a bunch of times too aswell. what would i do without her honestly.>compare a bumpy four hour ride to a calm 13 hour oneyeah i think i get it. im not sure ill even be in a position to ask for specific meds considering im not even diagnosed with anything yet, but ill try my best to make a point.>>83447780>how to make it a good oneoh dont ask me. i could never do night shifts jobs. i mean, i guess i could, but knowing just how bad it is for your body to stay up all night and sleep during the day... i have enough sleep deprivation as it is, i dont need more.>how are you even supposed to do themwell uh, i did remember at the start of the year... then they're supposed to become a good habit or im supposed to not do the bad one... i dont know. but go read your list!>one more timeyou're just gonna feel awful if you do anyway, so you're not missing out on anything.
>>83448093>knowing just how bad it is for your body to stay up all night and sleep during the dayIs it that bad? I thought that was mostly because people keep changing their schedule when on night shift jobs and sleeping at night during the weekends. Which... I guess I did just do that this week so. But you know, I think if you consistently sleep during the day and stay awake at night then it's probably not so bad for your body. I hope. Oh well not like a little bit of ruining your health is a strange thing when it comes to living in a capitalistic society. Though I don't know, this job probably wouldn't exist under pure capitalism considering we literally do nothing...I think when you get a job you should maybe consider something that's night shift, after all it's a lot quieter and you also get to work with other weird people generally. >then they're supposed to become a good habit or im supposed to not do the bad one...Hmm well I suppose that works... if you get off on the right foot with it. Why not read the file before the next year though? Do you like to sort of keep it a surprise for whatever reason?>you're not missing out on anything.It feels like I am... I don't know how you can say so confidently that I'm not. I guess that book really convinced you about it, but it wasn't very convincing for me. Oh well I'll still not look at it anymore because you don't and I want to be cool like you.
>>83448093>im not an alcoholic i swear...i believe you>sorry for dampening the moodi already said last time that its fine. don't stress over it. grounding the enthusiastic little me is good sometimes. i don't want to get too delusional after all.>my mom helped me out a bunch of times too aswell. what would i do without her honestly.not a lot different over here. same.>im not sure ill even be in a position to ask for specific meds considering im not even diagnosed with anything yet, but ill try my best to make a point.of course. it will take a while before it becomes relevant to you but just keep that in mind. there are more important matters before that like having good luck. Good luck!
>>83446034>how are you?I yet live. But nah I'm alright man.>written your resolutions for next year?Not resolutions, but goals. Always thought resolutions were goofy. I've already told you my goals a couple times, so if you recognize me you probably know them.How you been my man? Your post makes you seem a little down. Rough Holiday season? Hope Christmas spares you a little magic either way.
>>83448198>that bad?consider that we are not nocturnal animals anon. we get our vitamin D from the sun, it's proven that sunlight lights up our moods, our eyes are not made to see in the dark, sleeping when there's light in the room or outside isn't as restful as when there's darkness... and so on. so overall it's pretty bad. but like you said, no one really cares about your health in the society we live in.>Why not readto not get me anxious or depressed for not having achieved the goals yet. i look at it at the end of the year so that i can just quickly replace them with something else and not think about failure too much.>eels like I amonly thing you're missing out on is permanent brain damage!>>83448221>too delusionali suppose there's a good side and a bad side about being that way. dont completely let your delusional self be consumed either hm. do you ever feel like, you're not happy enough whenever you talk with other people? as in, you dont act cheerful enough? like you're only there to bring misery? i feel that way.>having good luckhmm, do you actually believe in luck and such? also, thanks for all the tips and encouragement anon. it really did help to give me the courage to go get medicated. i dont think i would've ever went to a psychiatrist if it wasn't for all the anons here. though i dont think my doubts will ever be fully erased... i guess i'll just have to live with them.>>83448257>I yet liveso you do, so we do, so it goes on. nice to see you anon. are you getting in the holiday spirit yet? just 4 days left yknow.>thought resolutions were goofyare they really that different from goals? i honestly thought the words kind of meant the same thing. though im a filthy esl so i wouldnt know.>How you beeni am a bit down indeed. im not sure why, today nothing bad happened, i even went out with my friend for a couple of hours. and yet here i am wondering why i haven't jumped off a building yet. hopefully i feel better before christmas.
>>83448457>we are not nocturnal animals anon.Welllllll... you listed a lot of good points to be desu. Still, weren't some of our cavemen ancestors kinda nocturnal? There had to be someone up all night to keep the fire stoked and make sure no animals snuck up on the sleeping tribe. I would imagine some people got those genes and so at least for them staying up at night wouldn't be so bad. I don't know if I'm one of those people however, I think I am just the "always need to sleep when I should be awake and am awake when I need to sleep" kind of person, regardless of whether it's at night or at day.>sleeping when there's light in the room or outside isn't as restfulWell curtains exist for that thankfully! But it is a problem if you can't get any daylight in your eyes during your wakeful hours though, fair...>to not get me anxious or depressed for not having achieved the goals yet.Ah I see, that's an interesting way to deal with that. I think without that pressure of looking at them I would probably just not bother even trying, but if I did look at them it would make me feel overwhelmed too so there's no winning with this stuff.>missing out on is permanent brain damage!Nooo I gotta find another source of brain damage now! Feels like life is just finding the least damaging way to damage your brain anyways. At least when you feel as miserable as we do.
>>83448457>dont completely let your delusional self be consumed either hmi have no choice in this haha. you know how it is and how the mood can flip. One day i want to hug the world and the next i want to kms.>do you ever feel like, you're not happy enough whenever you talk with other people? as in, you dont act cheerful enough? like you're only there to bring misery?difficult question. depends on a lot of things. But know that i often use being bubbly to prevent typing up walls of text which most people find boring, probably. i don't really feel like i need to preform. But know that when saying all these wishful things they are genuine. Maybe my tone gets a bit too bubbly when im delusional but.. argh i don't know what to say im not sure this is even part of the original answer anymore.>i feel that wayyou don't need to do that. being genuine is fine. i don't feel worse when you are and im sure that most people here also don't feel worse when you do. most people here can relate so its safe anon, in fact some might feel less lonely when they see others share their feelings. anons speaking to you in your other threads should be proof of that. its fine not to want to share sad feelings but preforming doesn't help anyone>hmm, do you actually believe in luck and such?i hope that its real or my blessings would be useless haha. but yeah i don't really know. even if it doesn't exist i don't know what to say again. you get the gist i hope. can't help myself >also, thanks for all the tips and encouragement anon. it really did help to give me the courage to go get medicated. i dont think i would've ever went to a psychiatrist if it wasn't for all the anons hereno problem. everybody is always happy to be nice and help. its the same thing i mentioned before. be genuine and ask for help or say whatever is on your mind. people care.>though i dont think my doubts will ever be fully erased...your worry is not unfounded but its safer than most imagine. i hope it goes well
>>83448553>cavemen ancestors kinda nocturnal?uh, i mean not really, they'd just have maybe 1 guy stay up but going out in the dark was incredibly dangerous. but yeah there are some people nowdays that also don't need the same amount of sleep as a normal person does to function normally>there's no winning with this stuffmany such cases in life i fear.>another source of brain damage...aren't videogames and isolation enough? being alone for a long time does awful things to your brain.>>83448972>One day i want to hug the world and the next i want to kmsyeah, i get it desu. wish the hugging mood lasted a bit longer ig>i don't really feel like i need to preformi often feel like i have to perform when i interct with people. everything in life just feels like a big act, with people as actors. just playing their roles mindlessly, keeping their masks nice and pretty for everyone, and in the meantime letting the insides rot. it's getting so tiresome to keep up a farce all the time.>too bubblyno such thing! hm, well, maybe people can be annoyingly positive at times. but its not your case, i dont mind you being bubblier!>some might feel less lonelyi hope so. it's kind of the main reason why im here in the first place. i want to make anons feel seen and cared about. and it helps me feel less alone too>my blessings would be uselesstrue desu. then let me ask you another thing, do you believe in bad omens? like, black cat crossing the street etc.>people careit's delirious how hard it is to show that for the average person though. or perhaps it's just difficult considering everyone has a different view of "caring". what do you think one should do to prove to you they care?
>>83449217>wish the hugging mood lasted a bit longer igsame but that's where the pills come in you see>it's getting so tiresome to keep up a farce all the time.be a little selfish. don't shield others from how you feel sometimes. Nothing ever gets better if we all act like nothing's wrong. And its not like you can help it.>i want to make anons feel seen and cared about. and it helps me feel less alone toothank you very much. >do you believe in bad omens? like, black cat crossing the street etc.not really. well i have my gut feeling but its not proven wrong very often so i don't think that i am superstitious in that way.>it's delirious how hard it is to show that for the average person thoughwell i did say 'people' and not 'all people'. its sad but there enough nice people to keep things hopeful.>what do you think one should do to prove to you they care?im not so sure. i don't think that people need to 'prove' anything to me. they either care or they don't and i see that. if you are at the point where you need proof that the other party cares things are not going to well i assume. but im not a people person so you know
>>83449217>they'd just have maybe 1 guy stay up but going out in the dark was incredibly dangerous.That's true... oh well I guess I'm definitely slowly killing myself by staying up at night then. We'll see the consequences in a few years I suppose...>...aren't videogames and isolation enough?No! I need to become a happy retard faster! ...sadly I don't think losing brain cells actually makes you any happier it seems. But hmm I've been alone for years... I wonder how much damage that's done already... maybe that's why I've only been getting more depressed through the years.Speaking of video games, how's RE2 going? Still having fun with it I hope? Also what game did you get recently.. I think you had 119 on Steam and now you have 120 but I dunno which one you bought.Gah... I feel so miserable again. What should I do Anon? I feel like there's no point in doing anything again... I've just been in and out of bed all day long again.
>>83449474>where the pills come in you seeis it really a genuine feeling if it's induced by medications?>be a little selfishi think im already being selfish more than enough, and that shield is needed in order to not hurt anyone. besides, sacrificing yourself for others is cool... right? right?>not reallyhumu i see. me neither, though the rest of my family is, and sometimes they get annoyed when i do stuff that brings bad luck. especially my mom>enough nice people to keep things hopefulyeah. it's easy to forget that there's still kindhearted people out there (and in here)>i don't think that people need to 'prove' anything to mehm, that's good i think. it's probably how i should see it too. maybe i need proof because of my trust issues. >>83449533>slowly killing myselfoh don't worry technically we all are! grim. i should stop making these kind of comments. hopefully things dont get worse in the future.>>83449533>losing brain cells actually makes you any happierare you sure about that? if you've been around enough disabled people (as in slow, mentally) like i have, you'll quickly notice a lot of them seem way happier than the average normie. or me. they're the corporal manifestation of "ignorance is bliss". sometimes i find myself envying them.>maybe that's whyit is definitely a huge factor i am sure. everyone tends to underestimate how important good company is. i did too.>how's RE2 going?it's getting slightly annoying with all the backtracking, but it's still good. i haven't played today because yesterday i took 2 and a half hours to get out of a sewer section and god i hated it so much.>game100% orange juice is free to keep on steam and so i got that>What should I douhhh... im not the best person to ask that anon... i dont know. cant you force yourself to play anything? or go out for a walk? literally anything beats rotting in bed.
>>83448457>getting in the holiday spirit yetForgot Christmas was gonna happen this week today so uh... no.>meant the same thing.A resolution is more of an immediate change with absolute conviction. A goal is something you work toward over time.Goals, of course, are much more achievable as where resolutions tend to fall through.>ESL Wack, I assumed you were a Brit>not sure why, today nothing bad happenedI get that. Persistent depressive disorders are a bitch. Sometimes I'll have a "good" day by all objective metrics and still consider eating buckshot at the end of the day.
>>83449623>is it really a genuine feeling if it's induced by medications?i don't think that the society that made these quirks that people have an issue is genuine either. Its bad from the get-go so no blame in doing these things.Besides that i don't see how making yourself more focused and less sensitive noise is really "faking" feelings or anything. Its like wearing earplugs in my eyes.>and that shield is needed in order to not hurt anyonewell in that case its about protecting yourself too. I don't think that you are selfish still.>besides, sacrificing yourself for others is cool... right? right?is it sacrifice or self-harm in a way? I think the lines are blurry. You know whats best for you but when somebody asks how things are telling them "Not good" is fine and good is what i want to say. Pretending to be fine to please others is not good i think.>maybe i need proof because of my trust issues. hm what do you mean by "proof" in the first place? I didn't quite get that part.
>>83446034Cant tell if girl or a twink
>>83449623>oh don't worry technically we all are! grim.Oxygen, as the name might suggest, oxidizes things... including (You)! So technically every time you take a breath you are slowly killing yourself~! I wonder if that means holding your breath is the key to a long life. I do think I heard people who live in mountainous regions where the air is less dense are healthier, maybe that's why. Anyway I don't know but your comments are fine desu, I like morbid humor. It somehow cheers me up a little for whatever reason.>been around enough disabled peopleOh, you have? You'd think I'd know better since my job now is working with them but I can't say I've really noticed if they are happier than the average person or not. Seems like it's about the same but it's hard for me to tell really. It's definitely the stereotype though, that dumber people are happier. I'm just not sure if it's true or not because I haven't really seen it for myself. But it would kind of make sense, the more you know about this awful world, the more depressed you'd be...>it is definitely a huge factor i am sure.That it is... I wonder why I don't really want more social connection. I think my standards are just too high or something, I wouldn't mind a group of friends like what you see in some anime, but it feels like that doesn't really exist in real life. Also I want demons and spirits and familiars and magic for us as friends to face off against and that sort of doesn't really exist...Cont.
Cont.>>83449855>>83449623>i haven't played todayOh huh, what have you been doing then? Playing that Warhammer game? But lole why does every game need to have a sewer section. I can't say I hate them that much but they aren't the most interesting thing usually...>100% orange juice is freeOh nice! I didn't know that. I got it too now. For some reason I've heard of this game since a long time ago but never even knew a much as that it's a board game. Looks berry cute.>im not the best person to ask that anon...Well you are the best person for me! Because at least I would actually have the motivation to do whatever you tell me to. If I just tell myself to do something I simply won't do it because I don't have the energy to start. >cant you force yourself to play anything?Do you think that would make me feel better? Usually it doesn't I think, singleplayer games are a bit depressing for me to play... Also I dunno where to go in Elden Ring again, I think I need to backtrack cause I'm pretty sure I can't beat the boss I'm up against now with my current level. See this is why I don't really like RPGs, why do we need this whole leveling and equipment stuff... also the open world. I am a simple man, just tell me where to go, give me some decent weapon, and throw enemies at me. Urgh, I don't know... can I just get a hug or something Anonny? I'm really not looking forward to tonight, I'm dreading work so much again... I don't want to go there alone... I wish you could come along with me.
>>83449731>Forgot Christmas was gonna happen this weeknot very jolly of you anon... at least remember to leave cookies and milk on the table!>an immediate change with absolute convictionhm, i see, that makes sense. so is it wrong to set resolutions to things that take a long time to accomplish? cause i mean that's kind of what i do every year.>I assumed you were a Brithow dare you!! burgers will see a slightly more sophisticated vocabulary and instantly assume it's them bri sh. sigh...>"good" day by all objective metrics and still consider eating buckshotreally sucks when that happens. it's like i "wasted" a perfectly good day by feeling like shit and there's nothing i can do about it.>>83449813>Its like wearing earplugs in my eyeshm, i see. maybe im just stupid and try to find flaws in everything. i think i tend to do that too much.>Pretending to be fine to please others is not good i thinkmhm, i know, it's true. i can't help but do so sometimes. perhaps it's because of how i've grown? even though im the youngest of 3 brothers, i always felt like i had to take care of the people around me. not my family normally they're the ones who take care of me now, but the classmates i had, my friends, people in general. so i've always had this fear of showing weaknesses when im around people, even ones that i really care about or im attached to. how am i supposed to help if i can't show them im fine? if they worry about me, then they cant worry about themselves and get better. bad reasoning, i guess. bleh! sorry for the going on a tangent>what do you mean by "proof"im not entirely sure myself. things like... noticing when i feel bad, being there when i need them, asking me to do things, being interested in what i like. stuff like this? but i think for a normal person simply being present is enough. im not normal though...>>83449818good point, but hu tao is a grill!
>>83449855>people who live in mountainous regionsim pretty sure there's more parameters than simply air quality that makes people who live there healthier but yeah. ughhh. i want to live on the mountains. im so tired of this dump!!>>83449855>Oh, you have?in every class i've been in there always was at least 1 mentally challenged guy/girl. since pretty much all the other classmates used to either ignore them completely or laugh at them, i was basically the only one that interacted positively with those guys, and i've learned how to deal with them and a lot of interesting things. i dont mind talking or working with the one who is in my class now. they're not as stupid as everyone thinks they are, and they can be really nice and funny too. occasionally very annoying aswell... but who isn't anyhow. >You'd think I'd know betterwell im no expert in the matter, and i think i've only met one or two that were really severe cases, and im sure their lives aren't really happy either. but there's an uhm, lets say a "right" amount of dumbness that makes you immune to most cruel things about this world>I wonder why I don't really want moreit could be something with your personality, not everyone craves the same things as much as others do, it doesn't mean there has to be something wrong with you. also if i was you i'd give up on the anime friend group and spirits.>Warhammer gameyeah. rogue trader is pretty fun. you can beat people to death with a skull for quite literally simply existing in front of you. how fun! its ethically correct btw because they're xenos.>If I just tell myselfuhh... well you can pretend that i told you to do those things if it helps...>would make me feel better?depends if you get immersed in it i guess... you'll need directions often i think, so just look at a walkthrough if you're lost. though open worlds means you can go pretty much anywhere you want, so exploring is good tooand uhm sure you can have a virtual hug if it helps! *hug*
>>83450100>maybe im just stupid and try to find flaws in everythingno no its fine. i saw these things in the same way. if anything, not being this desperate for a better life in these situations is fucked up. people gaslighting each other into thinking this is normal does not change this. most are just luckier.ALSO wtf did i mean "in my eyes". uh ears. little tired i think.>sorry for the going on a tangentwhat are you sorry for? Its fine. I think i get what you mean better now. "Selfless" is what i would use instead of "sacrificing". Maybe you are just too kind to be selfish. But if you think about it, doesn't coming clean mean that some day you will be better off and can help others even more, and also make up for the time you couldn't help others, than if you were constantly just barely hanging on? Little dip in productivity now for a big boost later.>stuff like this?ah. that's different than what it sounded at first. its the same thing i was describing earlier. you just wanna passively see and judge. what did you think i meant?
>>83450106>there's more parameters than simply air qualityYou're right, I didn't think of it but there's definitely other stuff at play too. Well in any case mountains are superior and I'd also like to live in a place that has some... and hopefully a little more greenery than here.>i was basically the only one that interacted positively with those guysOh, interesting.. did you do that intentionally or did you just sort of end up drifting together without trying? That's kind of what happened to me in school, I'd always end up hanging out with the local autist, but I didn't particularly try to do that it just happened on its own somehow. Probably because I'm an autist myself. We didn't really have any severely disabled kids though, they were in a separate class on their own and didn't mix with the regular classes. Interesting that that's not the way it's done in your school, it seems not ideal since as you say they get made fun of :(>they're not as stupid as everyone thinksYeah lole that much I have learned working with them. I'm pretty sure they are more competent than me, I don't get why I'm the one supervising them...>"right" amount of dumbnessInteresting, yeah I would say there is. Normies are close to that level of dumbness in a way, though perhaps they aren't at the optimal level of it yet... Still though I'm pretty sure you can be dumb and depressed too, I mean I'm pretty dumb and yet it doesn't help me be all that happy...>it doesn't mean there has to be something wrong with you.Hmm but aren't we a social species? If I don't want to be social that is literally damaging to my brain so how can that be not wrong... though, I do like to think the way you do as well, that it's all different for everyone... I'm just afraid that might be nothing more than a coping mechanism for me. Cont.
Cont.>>83450414>>83450106>give up on the anime friend group and spirits.I unironically am still not 100% convinced magic doesn't exist. I don't know how I'm so retarded but I still think there's a chance, maybe it's just really well hidden. What desperation does to a person, I guess...>beat people to death with a skullHeh. Setting up duels to see whose skull is stronger does indeed sound pretty fun. And you don't even have to feel guilty about it! I don't know what xenos are but I assume that's some evil alien race or something>well you can pretend that i told you to do those things if it helps...Mmm... I don't think I'm quite good enough at pretending for that to work, it's still gonna feel like me telling myself. It does help though if it's something you told me in the past, then I can remember that you want me to do X thing and it does motivate me a bit. Like with not lying in bed so much. Though today I still couldn't help but do it for hours...>if you get immersedHmm well I always seem to get immersed, which is I think what makes it so depressing because then it feels like I get sucked into a wormhole and come out the other end hours later with nothing to show for it. Not that different from lying in bed and daydreaming I guess. >look at a walkthroughI've never used a walkthrough before... how does that even work?? Do you just do everything it says or only refer to it if you're really stuck? I tried looking at one just now and it doesn't seem like it would help much... though it did say the boss I'm at might be insurmountable unless I clear some other dungeons first so I guess that's useful to know.>and uhm sure you can have a virtual hug if it helps! *hug**huuuuug*Thank you so much Anonny! Your hugs are always the best! I''ll try to remember the warmth of it when I head into work today, hopefully that will stave off the dread for a bit!
>>83450100>leave cookies and milk on the table!Well of course. My kid will eat it.>instantly assume it's them bri sh.You just know English well enough I assumed you were a native speaker.>like i "wasted" a perfectly good dayBrother. Fucking tell me about it.
>>83450428>come out the other end hours lateri mean, if your objective is to not feel bad, you'll at least spend a few hours not feeling bad. that's why i even bother playing games in the first place... so i dont feel bad whilst i play them. i dont expect them to make me feel good once im done.>how does that even workyou uh, just look at what the guy does and either copy him or get ideas to do stuff i suppose. you can also just google what to do or how to level up faster, where to get weapons... and such. i think it takes some of the fun of the game away though. but it might be needed in some cases. and yes i also suggest you try and find some dungeons to clear.>hopefully that will stave off the dread for a bituhm i hope so too! im glad i can help.>>83450525>My kid will eat itbut... but what about santa... poor santa...>You just know English well enoughoh, well thank you! i take it as a compliment then. my english teacher said the same (yes im bragging)i'll try to sleep now so thanks everyone for stopping by today. have a good rest of the week and i wish you a merry christmas! do your best at the family gatherings if you're going to one!
sigh i forgor the first part again...>>83450338>little tired i thinkmhm, i think you were just trying to convey that your love for music is so strong that you wanted to SEE the soundwaves too!>Little dip in productivity now for a big boost lateryou see i dont want to have that dip in productivity. if i stop, then ill just start feeling guilty, useless, ill start thinking im a selfish asshole, i might even just abandon everyone. so, i'd rather die if have to, whilst doing what i can. it's not a smart decision, i am aware.>what did you think i meant?more like that you can tell if someone cares without having to look out for signs like those. i uh... sometimes i put other people to test to see if they care. i shouldn't, it's bad, i hate myself for doing it, i wish i could stop. but without certainty, i am constantly scared that they'll leave me eventually.>seems not ideali dont think it is, but the school said it was needed to "include" them. im not sure in what exactly, maybe as some sort of mental torture to prepare them for the horrors of adult life. but anyway, i initially approached them out of pity, but then they kinda just started hovering around me and asked me stuff if they needed something. i sort of took them under my wing you could say.>how can that be not wrongbecause, im not a psychiatrist so i cant say for sure the lack of company is what is causing (You) to be depressed, i said so because it's a general rule for most people. for some, being alone is beneficial. you could ask your therapist about this next time you go maybe.>not 100% convinced magic doesn't existkeep dreaming anone. dont let a boring defeatist like me stop you.>duelshah, duels? oh poor, poor anon, he thinks there's justice or fairness in the world of 40k... also xenos are aliens in general, evil or not. and we hate ALL of them.>I still couldn't helpits uhm, a work in progress i suppose. next time you feel bad, try to go for a walk to clear your head. that's an order!
>>83450799Good night Anonny, I hope you sleep well! Thank you so much for talking to me today, I finally feel better now so it helped a lot!
>>83450809and to link this anon... im too tired...>>83450414>>seems not ideal
>>83450819its fine. was a nice thread like always. good night to you and everybody else. have a nice week everybody
>>83450809>the school said it was needed to "include" themI can see the logic I suppose, but it is a pretty risky idea... seems like it did not work out very well in a lot of these cases. Kids can be really cruel, so they should have expected it really... it's interesting how much more cooperative and nice the adults are at the new home I work in now, compared to the kids in the old one.>i initially approached them out of pityAh so you were the one to approach them indeed... why am I not surprised, you are really kind Anon! I guess it's not ideal that it was out of pity but it's better than most other reasons, and it seems you found things you actually appreciate about them anyways so it's not just out of pity anymore. Uuuu I wish you were in my school to take me under your wing... things would have probably turned out so different... there was someone like that for me in elementary school but after I had to move schools I never had anyone like that again sadly.>for some, being alone is beneficial.Huh, you think so? I guess I'm curious about whether this is really the case or not, given that there's so much overwhelming evidence for the benefits of socializing and stuff. It could be true though, I'm no psychiatrist either to know that. My last therapist definitely did think I needed to socialize more though, she was really glad about it when I started talking to you (and lole annoyingly it kind of proved her right too because I became so much more cheerful almost overnight)>keep dreaming anone.Hehe, I will! I still feel like surely, if I look hard enough for it, magic will reveal itself to me...>and we hate ALL of them.S-serves them right! For being, like... different!>its uhm, a work in progress i suppose.That's one way to think about it yes... I shall keep trying.>that's an order!Roger, Tao-taichou! Hopefully I will remember to...Cont.
Cont.>>83451838>>83450799>i dont expect them to make me feel good once im done.Hmm... but there are some things that work like that for me. Such as playing games with you for instance. And doing more fulfilling things in general. I prefer that to just something that makes me feel good only while doing it, but I guess beggars can't be choosers...>just look at what the guy does and either copyAh, you mean like a video walkthrough... I get it now I think. Sorry you had to spoonfeed that to me haha... You must be amazed at how someone can be as bad at gaming as me. I did actually already look one up before just to see where they went from the start of the game, and it seems there's a lot more I haven't explored yet. I thought I would have to grind like the same 10 enemies which seemed pretty boring but it seems there's a whole other direction with lots of stuff to go in so it should be a lot more fun. I guess I just didn't realize you had to ignore the directions in open world games like that, 'cause the light of grace thing was pointing me to that really hard boss.>im glad i can help.More than you can imagine! It seems you felt a bit better towards the end of the thread too if I'm not reading into it wrong? I'm happy that talking to Anons can still help you like that, too!
