i wish i was a schizoid chad instead of an AvPD loser
>>83461513I wish I had an AvPD girlfriend instead.
grass is always greener
>>83461528if you have an AVpD girlfriend she just will barely talk to you out of anxiety and will leave you at the slightest hint of an issue or having to be vulnerable at least that's what i do, desu
schizoid is the worst thing you could have, it turns you into a robot
funny how dominance corrupts even madness
>>83461542I'unno, if she was honest about having it from the beginning then I'd just let her know that I'm fine with her needing to take the time to get close, slowly. That I like her and want to be with her when she's comfortable with it and am always open to working on that. It's not like I'm all that comfortable about being vulnerable or intimate with others either. I have other reasons that even an AvPD girl wouldn't want me and I'm probably being way too optimistic anyhow.
>>83461544im already a robot9k though
>>83461536Actually not lol, shitty ecelebs want to be free, walk alone on the street, talk to random people, make goofy friends, they cant, because there is always some faggot judging then.well I guess thats a small price for accepting jewish money.
>>83461562well, considering i have AVpD, let me tell you how it's gonna goyou're gonna have this heartfelt conversation and for a moment, it'll feel like for her everything could go right, or at least that's what she tries to convince herself. but deep down, she still has this tingling sensation that she has to get away or she will have to actually be earnest and vulnerable with someone, something which disgusts her. and afterwards, she'll realize how much of her inner self she already exposed to you, and she'll feel so disgusted at herself for letting herself open up to someone that she'll stop talking to you about her problems, and then she'll hesitate to reply to your DMs leave you and never talk to you again so that she can relish in the comfort of not having to be tied to someone and not having to worry about disappointing anyone, even though after the nth time going through this cycle, she still feels desperate for human connection.
>>83461579>shitty ecelebs want to be free, walk alone on the street, talk to random people, make goofy friends, they cant, because there is always some faggot judging then.that aligns perfectly with my point, thank you anon.
>>83461564but are you always seeking dopamine in form of drugs and porn and always manipulating others like a fucking loser? fuck schizoids, deceptive freaks, they cant for many bonds because half of their brain doesnt work LOLthey only use others, they dont consider them friendsavpds are real humans, schizoids are machines pretending to be human, just because you have human skin doesnt mean you are one
>>83461593Well, it'd be far from the first time I would've been ghosted. I know it'd hurt even more if I did get a connection with her, but that's why I'd make it clear from the start that I'd still be there for her to come back to after something like that. I'd be working to hopefully get her to not fear that, even if it's a fool's errand. What even makes you feel like you're disappointing a guy though? I'm curious.
>>83461622well, everytime i talk to someone, no matter how small the situation, even if it's someone i don't care about, if it's small talk or talking to a cashier, i always feel like im playing a high stakes game of chess where i have to entertain the other person, and not say anything weird, so that they think highly of me. i am completely unable of having conversations for this reason, because i'll always put up a front to entertain others out of fear of being judged. I'll scrutinize every single thing i say, i'll be convinced that even though they said nothing, they're secretly mocking me in their heads, and I'll ruminate over past conversations for hours in my head.
>>83461651What if you were talking to someone who was just as weird, if not weirder than you and to whom they openly wore their heart on their sleeve? I'm guessing doubt would still creep in, right? Would you at least not judge them for being weird too? I can't imagine what might make you too weird for someone around on this board anyhow.
>>83461685usually, the thing that gets me put off the most is someone who is overly empathetic and attempts overt signs of affection. but anywho, the only people ive really ever felt safe around where autistic people and schizoids. because no matter what i say, it seems like they absolutely do not care for anything i say and only care about the merit of ideas, so those are usually some of the only long lasting friendships ive hadusually though, i don't care if someone is weird if they're interesting and approachable for me, unless they're like, extreme sexual deviant weird.
>>83461704That makes sense, I can't help but want to be empathetic though since I like to understand what's around me. I imagine it'd be important to understand your partner quite a bit too, although that would be a very intimate thing and thus I understand the concern about it.>the only people ive really ever felt safe around where autistic people and schizoids.So you're saying there may be a chance for my Aspergic ass one day? Your explanation makes sense as to why so many people over the years have opened up to me before. I know my issue with girls is definitely all about me being a NEET, but it does still seem rare for any girl to want to even associate with me as I'm quite odd(and obviously next to no girls are interested in talking with me even without me explaining that I'm a NEET). Not in the degenerate way either, I just talk about things most people know nothing about or care so little for and share my weird theories and ideas. I'm also curious about what makes you weird to others, or the kinds of odd things you worry about saying to them. I'll trade you some obscure knowledge if you're fine with sharing that.
>>83461754well im kind of aspergers as well. in fact, im diagnosed with it.im quite weird to others because i have a really eccentric way of thinking and acting, and i have a lot of weird personal ideas and interests, things that most people would consider odd or would make them ask me if im out of mind. so i guess same as you. and i also have a bit of a superiority complex, at the same time that i have a very low self esteem.>So you're saying there may be a chance for my Aspergic ass one day? not necessarily, but maybe.
>>83461789I was diagnosed in pre-school, fun story with that one too :) the teacher was screaming at me all of the time and it earned me an all-expenses-paid trip to a psychologist which ended up starting that process. Apparently I was unphased by the screaming, even if the other kids weren't. I'd love to hear about your interests, I always love learning more stuff and usually I have my own bits of stuff I can share that can be relevant. Low self esteem and the wariness of others that you have makes way more sense now though.>not necessarily, but maybe.I was joking there, but don't let anyone know.I promised some obscure knowledge also: Did you know there are some worms out there with eyes similar to ours and squids/octopuses(camera eyes)? They're the group alciopidae and they look rather goofy and cute. They're usually quite small though.
>>83461845well personally i was actually only diagnosed at 16, at my own request, and dragged my dad to let me get a diagnosis, which i eventually did get. it is quite useful though because it helps me get aid from the state.in school i was rather weird as well,i definitely had my incidents too, but nobody thought to make me go see a professional for whatever reason. it's only when i realized that i fit all of the criterion for aspergers that i decided to get a diagnosis.id tell you about my interests, but mmmmm.also no, i did not know that about those worms
>>83461901Does that mean you're a NEET as well? Better late than never if you are getting help, although a lot of people seem to think an early diagnosis would've saved them. Considering I dropped out in middle school, I'd say that no it probably wouldn't have. I guess I'm probably not gonna make you comfortable enough to share your interests, but that's fine. You can already guess what my main interest is now at least, it being biology :). Happy to share those goofy worms too, they look like worms with googly eyes stuck onto them. Not the weirdest eyes in the ocean though, a contender for that would be the sandal-eyed squid. They're transparent(they're one of the glass squids, relatives of colossal squids) but have eyes that... Well don't quite look like sandals but it's close enough B^). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandalops_melancholicusI would still like to learn more about you though -- if you're open to sharing. I don't want to push this all into me dumping info on weird sea creatures.
>>83461957i suppose i am a NEET, but trying to go to college currently, even though i know im so lazy that I'll fail miserably.id like to talk to you some more to be honest, but im getting sleepy and i have things to do tomorrowcool squids tho, i guess. i used to have an obsession with animals as well when i was younger, but it was mostly with wolf dog hybrids, for whatever reason
>>83461996I'm sure if you feel better about life then you'll do quite well in college. I'd like to talk to you more too, if you feel open to talking more a_vacant_stare@proton.me is an email you can email me at. I imagine you might've been pretty happy to hear about the wolves that got some dire wolf genes in them -- that or child you would've loved it. Coydogs are neat too, I've even been watching some videos of a guy who has a coyote that's fairly friendly with him. Sleep well.
>>83461513Sometimes I think I'm a schizoid and just misdiagnosed with autism, since I relate much more to schizoid characteristics than autistic traits, but I'm not sure. I've never really had overstimulation or special interests, which are the main hallmarks of autism, but I relate heavily to the feeling of constantly living inside of my own head, that hollow feeling most schizoids describe. I am apathetic, but I am scornful of people and avoid them like the plague. It always feels like I have to placate everyone around me to make ends meet, although I like fantasising about having a partner. In reality, though, I doubt I could muster the effort to care for them. I rely on the internet to fulfill what little desire I have to "interact" with people, which is basically just fueling my own reality. It feels like schizoid adaptations are much more advantageous in the modern era; the majority of people are a hindrance at best, and malicious at worst. With the internet, I can extrapolate everything I need without having to fake sincerity. If I could change anything about myself, it would only be my levels of apathy and disinterest. I would like to have a genuine interest in the sciences, like forensics, as a hobby to stimulate my mind. It feels like I'm wasting away at rapid speed.
>>83461513im schizotypal and its hell im in hell im stuck in a permanent state of alienation i want to understand and connect and feel too how do schizoids do this
