>be employer of the month, win a bonus, a speaker and get endless compliments from my bosses>don't feel an ounce of gratitude, nor I'm happy for it, actually I feel undeserved>the only time I got happy was when I gave the speaker awayI don't underastand myself, I don't know how I got to this point. I don't hate myself but the person I treat the worst is myself, I'm always glad helping people, I have high empathy for them but I still would rather be alone by myself, even though it's my ruin