my mother died four days ago and it made me feel nothing. I honestly expected something like this but actually experiencing it is another thing. And it's not even that I had a bad relationship with my mother sure we had our disputes but out of all the people in the world i wa can confidently say that she was the only person that truly cared about me. That now makes me a legal orphan at the age of 26. I still have my two siblings. They were affected far more by it. I honestly dont know what to make of all this. I wanted something major like this to shake me. But if even a life event of this sort doesnt make me feel alive I should really just die maybe. I feel like I am an insult to life itself. I am not embodying anything good. No life force, no good will to help people or myself. nothing.
>>83476791I'll count myself lucky if losing my mom doesn't make me go out like Robert E. Howard outside of the hospital. She's the light of my small world. Got to keep living for my little sis though.
reminds me of the start of the stranger by camus
>>83476791I'm really sorry, dude. This may sound crazy, but I lost my mom (and my dad and I mutually cut contact, long story) at age 26, too. Although for me, it was two years ago. Plus I'm an only child.I remember being overwhelmed by a sense of emptiness. Not quite dread or despair, but just a feeling of "The last person in the world who would miss me if I disappeared, just died." I've made friends, found hobbies and passions, and ultimately discovered I'm far better at being independent and managing things that even my mom thought I would be. Just a couple years prior, when I was in college, just an autistic loser with no friends or real direction, I couldn't even picture myself with a job and handling bills and taxes and taking care of myself. But I'm doing all that now, and I've managed to pick up a few friends along the way.You don't know where you'll be in a year or two. Trust me, I know how it feels to look in the mirror and believe I'm worthless. Take your time to grieve, but start compiling a list of goals and ideas or just any random thing that pops into your head that you think is cool. Go out. Do stuff. Try things. Chase whatever ignites SOMETHING in your heart. You're bound to find something along the way. I'm not telling you to just smile or chin up; but keep moving and occupying yourself until you stumble upon SOMETHING that makes you feel good. And remember that happiness in life doesn't have to be anything big and grandiose and cinematic. Remember the little things. The small pleasures and smiles. Hold onto them.Sorry for all the babbling. I'm high. Wishing you the best.
>>83476791sorry to hear this bro i dunno
>>83476791Damn, get well man.
My mother is what keeps my family close, once she dies most of us will probably drift away and never see each other again. I plan on killing myself after she passes, I'm disabled now after injuring my back, so I can't work, I doubt anyone would want me around once she passes. She doesn't have much time left either, maybe a year or two. Makes me depressed knowing she will pass with this image of me in her head, failed at life, never did anything, and disabled, she cries sometimes, she says she's worried about me and how my life will be once she's gone.
