Beautiful women fill me with dread. Especially if she's older, intelligent, fun to be around, and fucking most definitely if she likes me. The more a woman shows interest in me, the more dread I feel. I can't stop thinking about her, I walk around all day barely paying attention to life. If she smiles at me I wanna kill myself. I think it's the hope, the hope that this time I'll finally grow some balls and ask her out. The hope that she might say yes, that we might end up together. The fear that she might say no, or that she might change her mind later. The fear that we'll fall in and then out of love. I dread dread dread all day, until eventually she either loses interest or I remove myself from her path. Whenever I cut a woman out of my life, I feel at peace again. Empty, depressed, lonely, yearnful... But at peace. I guess that just means I'm weak, insecure, and I can't handle the challenge, I can't handle life. I can't handle love.
it's like art of war but in reverse the battle is already lost
