i wish i could appreciate what i have more. i feel such like an ungrateful piece of shit. theres people doing so much worse than me and still trying to have a good life and here i am barely clinging on to the will to live even though i have more. its sickening, i wish i was never born
>>83499573Ah, I figured you weren't feeling great today... though it seemed like you were fine in the morning, so did something happen? Is it the visit to your aunt that made you feel worse? But regardless, Anon, there are plenty of people doing better than you too, and they also likely don't appreciate what they have. Such is the nature of humans I think, we tend to take what we have for granted and we always long for what we can't have. Besides, you are very much trying to have a good life too, aren't you? I think you're trying much harder than most people, certainly more than me. Clinging on to the will to live counts as trying, too! I know how much effort it takes to do just that. And yeah, sometimes I also feel like I shouldn't be struggling so much given what I have, I mean, I have even more than you I think... but unfortunately depression just doesn't work like that. There are even millionaires out there who are depressed, you could have everything you ever wanted in life and still want to die. That's one of the things that makes this disease so awful I think. And if you're feeling like shit all the time, how could you appreciate the things you have? They don't exactly do much to stop you from wanting to off yourself. So it's understandable I think. Still, it is good to try! So I commend you for that. But you shouldn't blame yourself too much for being unable to appreciate those things, even non-depressed people usually struggle with it, so it's really not something that makes you a bad person. The best thing to do is to try to use those things you have for good, to help other people that have less. And you've been doing that more than could be asked of anyone in your situation I think! Just the threads you make here are proof of that, and also how you've helped your classmates, and how kind you've been to me. You're making good use of the things you have!Ah, and a reminder: I don't hate you, no matter what Anonny! Please remember that much at least.
Maybe material wellness doesn't equals personal wellness as a whole. At least where I live, poor people seems to be happy because they live more in imateriality than materiality. Poor people may love their family, for example, and that's enough reason to stay happy (according to biographies and personal experiences).But I think that you aren't doing anything wrong by appreciating things less than people who have less than you. Appreciating things depends on various conditions: money, education (not only formal, but how your parents raised you), personality, social dynamics, mental state and life experiences. It's also a very relative thing. And if you are mentally unwell, it's common to be detached from things or care about nothing. You are conditioned to feel that way, it's not like you are doing it on purpose, or even *doing it* to begin with. So don't be too heavy with yourself. If you are tired or overloaded with things, just relax for now. Maybe you will start appreciating things more in a different mental state, or even learn from someone who is more sensible to that type of things. Getting to know new ways of thinking is always refreshing! Just don't feel too guilty, ok?
>>83499573im just a spoiled brat thats all there is to it. i only take from everyone and i can never give anything back. theres people that are way more deserving of the things i have, they're wasted on me. you know how much better my family would've been doing if it wasn't for me? sooo much better. i ruined everything for everyone>>83500090i dont know how to stop feeling that way anon. the only way i can think of is to either die or run as far away as possible so that i cant sabotage anyone elses life. and even if i try to express myself and make others understand it just never works. i so so wish i was never born. i always bring nothing but misery to people around me
>>83499573didn't you say that you a a little bit of a people please in a thread anon. maybe you are seeing yourself as worse than what you actually are. imposter syndrome basically. and don't think that your struggles are not important because other people might have worse ones. be easier on yourself please
>>83500342>theres people that are way more deserving of the things i haveI don't think there really is such a thing as deserving something more or less, honestly. Everyone deserves good things in my opinion. And that includes you Anon, I don't think you need to somehow earn things before you're allowed to enjoy them. Sadly not everyone is able to have these things so maybe it feels like you don't deserve them because of that but it would be silly to give them up because of that, it wouldn't make the people who don't have these things any better off.>family would've been doing if it wasn't for me?Would they really? You're just one person Anon, if your family is poor they would have been poor regardless. And besides, you're almost done with school now, you only have a bit over a year left and then you can find a job and support yourself. You can rely on your family for a little longer for now. Once you're on your own you might even be able to help your family out in kind! Or at least get them nice gifts for the holidays. You just have to do your best for now to focus on what you can do, and feeling guilty isn't really going to help with that. It'll only sap your motivation and energy. Try to dismiss it as your brain being silly.>i ruined everything for everyoneYou think so? What did you ruin? I really doubt that your family could have been that much better off with one fewer people... and besides, you make it sound like you intentionally did something to ruin things. But Anon, no one should feel bad for existing. Even if it actually does make things harder for someone, it's not your fault and you should not wish you didn't exist. Everyone deserves to exist regardless of how much support they need to do so, I think. Maybe that's naive and unrealistic, but that's what I believe at least. It's a different story if you don't want to exist, but not when it's out of a sense of guilt.>i always bring nothing but miseryWrong! You make me happy Anonny!
