God damn it, my eunuchs are conspiring again!
>>83674582Let me guess, steppe girl?
>>83674621I'm the fork
>>83674621Weird. Hope you enjoy her.
>>83674551A messenger has come from the west. Another general has rebelled and is amassing an army to claim the mandate of heaven over the middle kingdom. 10 million peasants have already been eaten since the rebellion has begun.
>>83674657Only ten million? Those are pussy numbers. He'll be gone in a week.
>>83674551Guys I misplaced the mandate of heaven has anyone seen it ..
Just got off my 16 hour shift boiling some dude's fingers in a bronze pot. the smell made me crave dumplings.
>>83675068NIGGA WHY WOULD YOU LOSE THAT!? THIS IS BAD THIS IS BAD THIS IS BAD!
>>83675068did you leave it in the last emperor's capital? i go there sometimes to visit my concubitis, i'll keep an eye out for it when I'm there.
make all trannies get on their knees and shoot them in the head one by one execution style
>>83674551My lord, I have succeeded in suppressing the blue testicle uprising.All the Manchucels that raided the countryside have been defeated and are currently being buried-alivemaxxed as we speak.I humbly request a promotion to Chudmaxxed Ninth Li Heavenly Jelqed Azure General as well as a bound foot Jade Beauty Stacy to plap and make heirs
>>83675173did you get to shoot the crossbow that has 17 strings and 3 arrows?
>>83674551My Lord!A messenger came from the south. The Yellow River is flooding again, 20 millions lives are endangered!
>>83675194Hey little Eunuchcel didn't see you thereYeah it was cash we attached some burning tar to it and burned a village of blue testicle sympathizers alive.They were civilians but y'know had to try it on someone.I'm actually good friends with the guy that patented it
>>83675211consult the imperial fortune teller for which bank we should evacuate
>>83675211Have we tried...just letting them all drown while enjoying the opulence and splendor of the Imperial Palace?I could definitely work I think
>>83675266>Hey little Eunuchcel didn't see you therei have a name, you know. maybe i'll stop sneaking your little secret out of the inner palace at night?
>>83675292Shhh quiet down Ling Shi(Fanatical Trusted 7th Generation House Eunuch Venerable Advisor Possessing Knowledge Of Heaven)! We have to maintain the mandate of heaven, you're gonna scare off the Jade Beauties!
>>83675317Yeah, I don't think quite so.2 pounds of silver or I tell what happened and burn her face.
>mfw the foreigners want ANOTHER treaty port
>>83675335TWO silver?What are you a Zhao Kingdom banker!?!Alright here's a little extra but you have to source more Jade Plaphogs for my haremmaxxed household do you wanna...y'know be one of my Eunuchs or....
I'm getting bored of my concubine, can I schedule to have her put to ling-chi in the public marketplace, and buy her tits and cunt for use in a herbal remedy later? Thanks
>>83675364>do you wanna...y'know be one of my Eunuchs or....for managing your harem grounds? i can source 2 fox-faced courtesans whose contracts are for sale but I would need an assurance in contract for the term on your manor.
>>83675388If you don't want the scrunchy of her asshole i'll gladly buy it for 20 Yuan Gold coins.I want to stitch it to my current concubines pussy it's kind of worn out...
>>83675412>I would need an assurance in contract for the term on your manorNot even for old times sake? after all those sweaty evenings in the blooming peach garden under the setting sun...
>>83675440do you make scandalous implications so easily, General? The only flowers that shall bloom will be atop your grave
>>83675489Alright, alright Li Shi your fire is bright as always I expect nothing less from the Fanatical Trusted 7th Generation House Eunuch Venerable Advisor Possessing Knowledge Of Heaven.I will have my Adjutant arrange for the advance as well as the contract which will be written by a master calligrapher who has sipped the urine of an incel virgin boy.I'll be seeing you i'm off to another campaign to fight some sort of Gold horde or something? I will definitely come back alive
>>83675106PLEASE HELP ME FIND IT BEFORE THE EMPEROR COMES BACK
>>83675347Someday, my descendants will make their descendants get stupid tattoos. And the Han will get the last laugh
>>83675136you have eyes, but you cannot see mt tai
Surely to allow the northern renegades in is courting death!
Hey guise. What's going on over here? This land seems nice. I think my boys and I will live here now.
>no wife>too low ranking to have courtesans>mom died of opium overdose>dad left to buy baiju and never came back>no family to arrange a marriage>no cousin distant enough>no women allowed in the palace>I'm not allowed in the women's palaceHOW am I even supposed to deal with this ?I might as well be a eunuch at this point
the augurs report auspicious omens.
>>83678420Have the augurs burned and buried with any of the classics that threatens the interests of the Son of Heaven
where tha asian women at
>be eunuch>can't fuck>be emperor>fuck thousands of concubinesIt isn't fair lol
>>83678440Only the emperor and his eunuchs are permitted to as much as lay eyes on his concubines. The last general who accidentally did so was made a eunuch a moment's later.
>>83674551emperor... im afraid your divine femboy cumpudding.... is POISONED...... do not eat this.....
>>83678455what about a black guy who got put in the thread for marketing reasons? what do i get?
>>83674551Should I refresh my entire concubine harem via sentencing them lingchi and bringing in younger girls once every 5 years, or oftener?
>>83674551> foreigners are trying to translate the bible into cantonese again> the white lotus rebellion continues because we contract policing out to local gangs> I have to retire soon because I was a retard and said I would rule exactly as long as my father did but my heir is easily manipulated by my advisors> all the funds for the yangtze flood protection were embezzledWat do?
>>83678449>be Yongle Emperor>get cucked with concubines by your own eunuchs, somehow>execute 2800 of them by lingchimany such cases
>another governor sends a letter with his compliments to the imperial throne and a unilateral proclamation that he has enfeoffed himself as marquess of the province he was assigned to govern and that henceforth he will be raising a private army to subjugate the rebel usurpers who just so happen to be his geopolitical rivals and seizing their territory that he will administer (in my name)
Where's the food? I'm hungry.
