I probably won't even know it's happened until it has.I've done some horrible things, usually from being reckless, impulsive and childish, not necessarily malice or all that pre planned. One persistent thought is that all thats happened could be re opened, even with my moral and professional growth, all it takes it one person and or one bit of evidence to turn the cogs.I metaphorically look over my shoulder in terms of these and carry this sense of anxiety. One day I could be at work or with my family and poof, I'm charged with something and my life is ruined. We aren't even talking genuinely evil shit, just me when I was a reckless gullible impulsive shithead as a young adult. I FEEL my growth ultimately doesn't matter because I'll be punished either way, the same way even if I tried being better or sorry as a kid teachers and parents would still "humble", embarrass or punish me in some way.Ultimately, it won't matter when I'm dead.
>>83681074Karmas a bitch
