the loneliness crashed in today like it hasnt for a long time, i feel sick to my stomach
>>83837636...you're on point
>>83837640anon whats your favorite cope?
>>83837636I thought that was Brett Cooper from the catalog jfl
>>83837646had to google who brett cooper is, but i see it
>>83837636Same. I often wonder if I'm unusual for having times where the state of my life induces a kind of despairing panic, that then settles into feelings of nausea.Even today, with rare good news, I feel totally unresponsive and empty towards it.
>>83837694that hits too close, My life is sad and empty and most of the time im marinating in a state of apathy and resignation, but sometimes it really gets to me that my life is shit, i didnt do anything to improve it and it will get only shittier and i completely go crazy for sometime. But who wants spend time with someone like that. So im gonna take a shitload of drugs and go to a local free jazzconcert in a few hours and hope it passeswhat were the good news if you dont mind saying
>>83837729A job promotion, albeit one of those situations where the lack of promotion for much longer would've indicated probable job loss. It takes me a little over the average wage of my country.Had you told me a few years ago that I would have a stable enough job with such a salary, I wouldn't have believed you, and if I did come to believe it, I would've assumed it would surely be a sign of a more functional and happy person. Instead, I'm stuck watching the quiet disappointment of my close family (today aside), who would recognise that a man like me in his 30s is quickly running out of time for the kind of life they saw for me, and that they see from my peers and extended family.I have almost no capacity to maintain any relationships due to my stunted social skills and body+facial dysmorphia, crazy anxiety, etc., and I feel I'm constantly teetering on the edge of a repeat downward spiral that I experienced in my teens and early 20s - one that will have me losing the only functional aspect of my life right now.
>>83837929well whatver you do, hold onto that job with your life. Have you anything else you can take solace in? Learning any instrument? reading books? Do your parents have a garden were you could help out with and maybe grow a shitload of poppies because opium works really well. Im glad that i have a job that is fun, and im on pretty good terms with my chef, hes a chill guy, but he told me a few months ago that he wants to quit in 2-3years and i dont even want to think about what comes after, because i will never find a work again were its so laid back but still interesting
>>83837969It's strange to hear that in such a different industry to where I'm at in IT, the situation is the same for you in terms of how fortuitous it is that it gave me a chance at all, and is such a pleasant work environment, but that even basic things like a particular senior member quitting would have the same effect as you're describing - where its foundations disappear and I would be back on a job search to a worse place, if I find one at all.My depression and isolation have definitely impaired my attention span for books, which I used to read plenty. I played guitar as a kid and it gives me sad memories of socialising with buddies who are long gone. My parents do actually have a nice garden, and that was one of the moments I classify as a start of an upward turn for me back in early Covid lockdown where I was outside and helped out. Only so much to be done with that though. You might laugh at this considering how basic it is for other countries, but one thing that might make me feel better is starting the process of learning to drive. Another (again, you might laugh because of how detrimental it seems for others) is having the confidence to at least try online dating, although the thought of having my face online has always terrified me.Maybe going to a jazz concert might be another to try some time. Thanks for the suggestions.
>>83838113nah i not laughing, im proud of you! i have a few buddies which dont drive and one whos learning right now. Its a big improvement to your freedom, if you get your own car or can burrow the one of your parents, you can discover alot, go hiking or so if you are bored or go to chill spots at the evening where you can overlook the city or drive to neighbouring cities to check them out. With a car you can go everywhere you want.
>>83838190Thanks again. Enjoy the concert and drugs.
>>83837645taking point
