>slack through school>get lucky with an internship in college>slack through graduation>work at company from internship>slack through bullshit software job for 5 years>about to get fired with nothing to show for it>software industry is horrible>low-mid level jobs are being replaced with ai>virtually no interview skills>americafag with no actual disabilities>won't qualify for any state sponsored NEET nets>savings can't last foreveri have some friends and a gf but they're all hard working achievers. they try to help me through when i look for support but whenever i think about looking for new jobs i basically get a panic attack at how futile it all is. i feel like im just weighing down everyone in my life and they shouldn't need to waste their effort on me. i only made it this far because i was lucky, and my luck finally ran out. i used to be worried about how my loved ones would react if i died but i moved away from my immediate family and i've let enough friendships slip away over the years to know that the friends i still have would be able to get over it. basically all i can think about these days is making an exit bag or chugging a bottle of various depressant pills i have stashed away. my baseline anxiety about the future is just so high right now that thinking about offing myself is basically all that gives me catharsis anymore. i just feel like there's nothing left for me. i know this is retarded because im young and i was set up for success but deep down im just a lazy useless piece of shit and i dont think i'll ever be able to do anything right. I wish i was delusional enough to believe in religion or something at least.
