did anyone realise at some point that they lack empathy?i always thought that i was a highly empathetic person because when i was younger, i learnt that if i am nice to adults and other children, people will like me, and i like when people like me.this transactional sort of way of viewing empathy is really how i processed it most of my life, and i always assumed it was like this for everyone else. eventually, being kind, putting on a smile, listening to other people's problems and helping them out is how i learnt to interact with others. never with force or strength. i've always been quite a soft person. out of a sense of duty or simply my self perception, i've acted this persona out, not giving it a second thought. i had basically taken it for granted that i was actually what some would call an empath.however, as i grew older and had to deal with more and more complex demands in to maintain bonds in social connections, i started to feel a disconnect. i have a somewhat poor ability to mirror other people's sentiments. when people talked about things they personally value, things that they feel positively or negatively about, i realized that while others are capable of mirroring their sentiments and hitting off of it, it was always somewhat awkward with me since i did not actually empathize with people's sentiments or experiences, meaning i had to resort to cognitive empathy to simulate the expected response, which sometimes was obvious since my responses were much too "artificial". it bugged them that i didn't properly mirror their emotions. when people cried out to me, poured their emotions, it always made me feel exasperated and very uncomfortable, and i could never really properly provide support beyond the standard "empathy" phrases or offering practical solutions to their problems.
they didn't feel a connection with me. they could tell that i simply didn't care. as my act slowly starting growing less and less effective, i noticed they would leave me for people who have true empathy and are actually capable of emotional bonds.>inb4 i am le cool sigma patrick bateman sociopath honestly, im too much of a pussy to actually be a sociopath, and i do actually feel empathy that is strictly reserved for my family, as those are the only people i do actually care about and care for. and ironically, i think that i feel more than i think.but if im honest, i wish i wasn't this way. in fact, i do hunger for the idea of a true connection with another. however i am entirely enable to sustain the most basic functions of a relationship.
>>83840358I act like I care so that I dont lose my friends but I think my facial expressions expose me. I was also an empathetic child but now I couldn't care less about their problems because no one cares about me either
>>83840389honestly, i've stopped pretending that i care long ago. it's simply too much emotional labor that i cannot provide to pretend that i do care. even though i need connections to properly sustain myself, these days i just find that it isn't work it anymore.likewise, my artificial display of emotions with a lack of intonation or facial expression often led to people calling me a "robot".
>>83840422I've been called a robot so often too, it used to bother me but idc anymore. blud we're both autistic
>>83840528of course im autistic. not that it bothers me either, i like that this is how people think of me
Well, this just sounds like the common undiagnosed autism experience, anon. 'Acting' throughout your whole life only to realize later down the road that you're abnormal. But I will say, while you may hunger for 'empathy' and to emotionally connect with others outside of your immediate family, there are downsides to it too.I'm not good at managing my own emotions, and I'm also very receptive to empathy. Hearing friends' struggles, especially when they're in tears, stresses me the hell out like a personal experience would to the point I have debilitating symptoms. I may also end up sacrificing a part of my life in an effort to help them as an answer to the empathy I feel, which in turn stresses me more because now it's directly affecting me too.It makes me sometimes wish I had the ability to go numb and disconnect from these people so I don't have to live vicariously through a ball & chain of guilt.
>>83840358>always thought that i was a highly empathetic person because when i was younger, i learnt that if i am nice to adults and other children, people will like me, and i like when people like me.>this transactional sort of way of viewing empathy is really how i processed it most of my life, and i always assumed it was like this for everyone else.It is. You are describing exactly what normalfags call empathy.Anything more genuine is reserved for autists who actually take things like values seriously instead of discarding them the moment they become mildly inconvenient.Proof? Disagree with a normalfag's politics and watch how their 'empathy' vanishes in an instant.
giving empathy to hylic neurotypical npcs only puts you in harms way so I stopped doing it
>>83840567I'm experiencing almost the exact same thing as op, only difference is that I noticed the disconnect early on and it was just a matter of trying to not make it obvious that I was following a script. However I don't think I'm autistic because I don't have sensory issues or the like. What's wrong with me
>>83842216honestly, sounds more like an ASPD thing than autism. ive known a lot of autists and a lot of them are to the contrary quite sensitive.
>>83842299I do have a childhood that makes ASPD more plausible than autism but still doesn't seem right. I've done some pretty bad stuff like skinning and setting frogs on fire but I never got into fights nor did I ever end up in a police car. I guess my parents fucked me up bad enough that I'll probably never be able to recognize others as actual sentient beings but not bad enough for full blown ASPD
>>83842473sociopaths and psychopaths are both considered ASPD, but one is more prone to erratic behaviors, is more emotionally turbulent and feels a level of emotion, meanwhile the latter, psychopathy, tends to be more reserved, responsible, less empathetic and more dishonest and manipulative. both have characteristic lacks of empathy and remorse, though sociopathy presents with those but much more rarely and selectively.
