What are your guys coping mechanisms for shit that seriously is eating at you?? My dad died about a year and a half back and it still keeps me up and i dream about him almost every week, sometimes multiple times a week. i have a lot of regret about things i wish i had done differently while he was still around.I was drinking a lot of alcohol for months basically every day, more than ever before, and im trying to cut it down to just one or two days a week. its just too hard not to go for it when i think about him. i basically went on a 3 month long bender. im trying to undo the damage from that. im trying to exercise and i think thats helping me a lot. im also using a lot of nicotine because i feel like its the only thing thats keeping me stable or somewhat optimistic or energized enough to do anything. i feel like something needs to change because at this rate i feel like i am going to develop health issues in a few years if not sooner if i dont turn this all around. everything reminds me of him, and during the last year or two he was around i was lucky enough for us to connect and trust eachother where we became close friends. i know i never will have that again with anyone else and going through this life for decades feeling this way sounds horrible.my mom wants me to get married, but i have dated enough over my life (a lot) to know it isnt for me and i dont think i can ever trust anyone enough to marry them, so i just see a difficult long lonely road ahead of me with my thoughts picking away at me. before my dad died i was working on saving money up and building a career so he could retire, he really meant almost everything to me. if he had been around for another 5 or 10 years i think it would be easier to accept he died. i had planned on making sure he got to do a lot of fun things for the rest of his life.
