i think its time to kill myself.ive wanted to for a long time. i know ill never be normal. i was ruined when i was a child and theres nothing i can do to bring it back. i will always be broken. i know everyone says its not worth it and that it gets better but it really doesnt. the best it could get for me is tolerable, and i dont desire that. i have no one. ive tried and i cant do it. boyfriends, friends, family, they all have left me. i dont even know why im posting this. maybe its the last cry for help. maybe i want attention. i guess i just want my life to have meant something more than what it does.
Are you schizophrenic that got diddled? I also want to kill myself pretty badly but my traumas seem so inconsequential by comparison
>>84155710yeah, idk if im the specific anon youre thinking of but i am schizophrenic
>>84155697>i think its time to kill myself.Never kill yourself.>i know ill never be normal.Normal sucks anyway. You can be a normie dabbler though.>i was ruined when i was a child and theres nothing i can do to bring it back.You weren't i promise.>i will always be broken.You won't i promise.>that it gets better but it really doesnt.It does. I'm not trying to patronize to you but i bet you're under 25. I lost all suicidal ideation on my 25th birthday surprisingly.>i have no one. ive tried and i cant do it. boyfriends, friends, family, they all have left me. Fuck them. They wouldn't have been good for you if they stayed anyway if they all left.>i guess i just want my life to have meant something more than what it does.It does. It can. What's really stopping you from having what you want?
>>84155718i just dont see the point. i know i will always be mentally ill, ill always be schizo, ill always be disabled, theres nothing i can do about it but manage it and even then my life would not be much better than okay.i know you mean well but you dont really understand, i think very few people do.
I am from the few who can feel shit like that minus the friends and relationship issues.At least you can get sympathy online because of your gender
>>84155730So you want to kill yourself because there isn't a cure for schizophrenia, i don't think that's true.>i know you mean well but you dont really understand, i think very few people do.Again, not trying to patronize but it's easy to handwave people away when you're not trying to help them understand. I'm not a mindreader. You either tell me and i do my best to understand with what i'm given. Or you don't tell me and i make random guesses.
>>84155697I know nonny They all leaveThey all treat you and beat you and wish you would just jump alreadyIts so lonely Im sorry
>>84155730You're right that very few people will understand, I hope you find something worth living for.
>>84155741i understand, its more than that though. im disabled, i developed it after getting sick with a respiratory infection when i was a kid. theres no cure. i likely will not be able to work and will probably have to live on disability. i also have a dissociative disorder and cptsd due to severe trauma. ive never been able to hold down a relationship. im still a virgin because even though my boyfriend wanted to have sex with me i couldnt do it, it was too much. i will never be normal. the rest of my life will be miserable and there is literally not a single thing i can do about it.thank you for showing me kindness, and im sorry i cant do you the favour of staying alive.
self-imposed exilers do not have the right to complain of loneliness
>>84155752>>84155753thank you anons, im glad at least someone sees me. please remember me, i want to mean something.
>>84155766in contrast to people who are.... held at gunpoint to not leave their homes???
>>84155762I'm sorry you're disabled, and if you're female too that's doubly hard since menstruation is kinda a disability on its own. Sometimes it feels like we're all so skinny and small because men have decided we don't deserve to eat. So I say, do whatever you can to just be comfortable and have food in your life. But always understand that it's never out of reach. You sound like you're doing a great job at maintaining your boundaries though. Don't feel guilty.
>>84155766I missed that you're suicidal OP, but actually I think self-imposed exilers deserve the most because right now you can't do it yourself. I think maybe you should find what's called family, not friends or a boyfriend. Maybe a distant relative. Blood bonds are real, everything else is temporary.
>>84155762>im disabled, i developed it after getting sick with a respiratory infection when i was a kid. theres no cure.Are you the one who smokes weed too? If not nevermind but if you do switch to edibles or something.>i likely will not be able to work and will probably have to live on disability.I've done this my whole life. Never had a job once. Never even looked for one. You can use this to your advantage if you want and the only thing you miss out on is the socialization but i hear work friends are usually bad anyway.>i also have a dissociative disorder and cptsd due to severe trauma.I can only suggest therapy for this. I don't know enough about these things to offer a miracle cure.> ive never been able to hold down a relationship. im still a virgin because even though my boyfriend wanted to have sex with me i couldnt do it, it was too muchI've never had a relationship, or tried to get one, because i think nobody will want me.>the rest of my life will be miserableI'm not miserable and it's because i reoriented my goals from being normal to being content. When i was trying to be normal, always comparing myself, it was misery. And a self-inflicted misery if i'm being honest.
I wish I could help you but I can't even help myself. I keep thinking about laying my head down on a train track and getting decapitated. We're probably just lonely.
May I ask why your previous boyfriend(s) left you?I had a similar girlfriend, an 'I can fix her', years ago and I left her because she was destroying my mental health. Eveytime I had an issue she made it about her and how I dont love her. I hope you're not the same and if so you should try and change.
>>84155697You are who you are. What's normal? Do you really want to be normal?If there's things you don't like about yourself, then make an effort to change. I've been doing it for a few years now. It's slow going, but it's going.A lot of people forget, there's one person you have, yourself. Do things for yourself, it's ok to do it. Being alone doesn't have to mean you're lonely.Also, if you are serious about doing it, show bobs first.
>>84155855it was mostly because i was too high maintenance, which i totally understand. im not really able to go out much, i break down a lot, and i cant even have sex
punish yourself everyday by living instead nigga :(
>>84155770I wanted to mean something tooI am like youDisabled and useless People have told me I am only good for sex and I think they are right What good are bodies like these anymore
