I don't think I'm a bad person, I can be quite compassionate, but when someone else suffers...I just don't really feel anything. I've been told I'm a kind or compassionate person, but in reality what I 'feel' when I see someone else suffering is annoyance, I feel obligated to take action to try and get them to shut up.To be honest I don't really feel that much guilt either, nor too much shame. I do fear getting reprimanded for my actions, but if I'm absolutely confident I can get away with something that illicit the ire of others I probably would, and have time and time again. Honestly reflecting on this truth doesn't make me feel guilty or "bad" in any sense but a hollow emptiness - a recognition of an absence, something I was told should be there but just...isn't. And to be honest I'm not sure if it ever was. This absence isn't negative or shame either, to be entirely honest though I'd never admit it because I know what the optics regarding this kind of thing would be. I also wonder if this absence is truly beneficial to me, if its a crutch or a liability - probably a bit of both based on experience.The biggest thing I wonder if I was born like this, I did have a violent and traumatic childhood, though my father and grandfather are both the same in this regard. I can't help but wonder if I've inherited some kind of genetic predisposition or if I had something taken from me, or if it was simply a latent adaption I needed to survive - empathy in certain environments is no different from worthless contamination after all. These thoughts used to bother me a lot, especially the feeling of injustice that something was possibly stripped of me and remember very old memories where I actually felt in resonance with others, but looking back it might be something I just made up. I'll never know, and for the most part I've made peace with myself.
>>84307795I have a similar outlook to a lesser extent.I personally consider myself a good person but I have such a huge disdain for retards/normies that I dont feel much for them.
