This is one of the most weird trends that women, in the last 15-20 years, have been trying to make a thing. To make men suddenly become extremely open, expressive and transparent about all of their deepest thoughts, fears, troubles, etc. Basically wanting them to "trauma dump", to use cringy modern terminology. They act as if it's what the "modern man" should do, and that's it's totally healthy and good.But it's not.The cold hard truth is that it is not.Women do not like this.Do not do it.Now, most of them, in their mind, THINK they want this, because they're told that it's good by social media (the ultimate mentor of women). But when they are faced with it in real life they are deeply disgusted and turned-off by it. It makes them instantly realise why women, for thousands of years, have preferred emotionally reserved, stoic and "detached" men.Women don't want to feel like they're with a man that is just as troubled, conflicted, unsure and emotionally conflicted as they are. Women want a man they can depend on to be simple, predictable, no-nonsense and will cut through the shit and get things done and not agonise over itt and cry and be hyper-sensitive.t. someone that used to be emotional, honest and "open" in a past failed relationship and it fucked up but my current relationship I'm the polar opposite and it's been very successful.Like, I'm not an asshole or anything, but I'm certainly more emotionally "cool" and reserved, and never express my deepest fears, concerns, regrets or hopes to my girlfriend. Only to my mother. That type of shit should be left for your mother. That's what she's there for. Not your woman.
>>84331691women sound exhausting to be in relationships with. id rather just never bother then.
>>84331728From a purely rational point of view that's entirely fair and reasonable, anonBut unfortunately there are two things that come with women that are impossible to replace: the satisfaction of having sex with a woman that wants to have sex with you, and the satisfaction of having been good enough to attract a woman to stay with you permanently. Both of these are absolutely MASSIVE ego-boosts if you're someone that regularly engages with society and especially with other people your own age.
>>84331691its all so tiresomeim tired
>>84331728There's a reason why so many intelligent men in history never married. Women are parasites
>>84331691>That type of shit should be left for your mother. That's what she's there for. Not your woman.yeah that won't work for mei guess you're saying i need to pay a therapist to listen to me in order to express what i want to express and be heard by someone, that or keep it inside and accept that the world is not for me i've made this experience with a foid as well. went cold on me the moment i spilled beans about myself. i'm not exactly that needy to do it, just thought it would interest her but apparently you're right and you're supposed to never reveal yourself to them, most probably because they want to maintain some idea of you in their head that is unrealistic and they're used to the world revolving around them and what they want.
Alternative pro-tip. If you have a crazy bitch that won't leave you alone, talk to her about your feelings to make her leave
>>84331691>That type of shit should be left for your mother. That's what she's there for. Not your woman.that type of shit should be left an older male mentor figure. it really all comes down to nobody having one today. my father sucked ass at it and here i am on /r9k/
>>84331780I wish I had a dad so bad Bros, it's not fair
>>84331751i will never know those thingsi'll go through life without having seen light basicallyit's like not having lived at all
>>84331765No, I certainly would never shill for therapy, to me this is one of the worst cancers on society and I fucking despise it with all my being. It's one of hte only things you'll see my react emotionally about.But yes, you're right in your conclusion - do not ever reveal your deepest truest self to a woman. I don't care how much you "trust her". It doesn't matter. Women don't care. Don't do it. Period.You ever watched Mad Men? Women like men like Don Draper even if they won't admit it. Try to be like him as much as you can. You'll succeed so much more in relationships. Women fucking love the whole "quiet, reserved and detached" type guy (note: this is not the same as being a shy, awkward cringe-lord).One of the biggest lies of modern society is that couples should be each other's confidants.No, they absolutely should NOT.This would destroy every relationship.Men and women are supposed to keep things from each other. That's how life is. Oh, also, some mild jealousy is good too. Women should be worried that you'll be interested in other women. With my ex, a deeply toxic bitch, the moment she realised that most of my co-workers were women (I work in a law-firm, as a law student) she literally spread her legs and wanted me to fuck her before I went to work so I wouldn't be tempted by other women.Maybe "toxic" but it's how people operate.
>>84331691That's the kind of thing you learn by the time you're 5-6 years old. You don't want to talk about feelings with men either. Both sexes will see you as a faggot not to be associated with. Anger is the only valid emotion a man should ever express.
>>84331803I agree.The only true visceral emotion I allow myself to show to my girlfriend is anger, and in all of my relationships it's been one that women have no problem with and approve of because it's inherently masculine even if it is "unreasonable" and "unnecessasry".
>>84331815It's also hot. That's why they annoy us so much on purpose. They hope to get put in their place and punished with rough sex.As a very selfish man I can understand why they don't want to deal with a man's baggage. They are inherently selfish and with too many support networks and too many dating options, so they tend to take the easy way out. Why deal with your shit when they can just bail?
>>84331751neither of those things seem particularly valuable to me, i dont get it
>>84331803All I feel is anger and I hate it
>>84331751I just want women to have kids. And since this is my mindset they are more attracted to me. I just see them as a walking womb and would replace them with an artificial womb if I could.
>>84331841Interesting. That's completely rational.For me, as a man that is fairly indifferent about havinh kids (mostly due to fear of divorce/family court, as a newly graduated lawyer), I view women mostly as status symbols and ego boosts. I have a lot of affection for my girlfriend, the only times I show true strong emotion (I'm generally very reserved and stoic) but there's a deep part of me that is utterly opposed to anything with her that will trap me in a deep, serious commitment (e.g., marriage, kids, living together). I have trust issues and generally am cynical regarding relationships due to past experiences.
>>84331917yeah ok mr bigshot
>>84331691yes and this is especially true for r9k users who are extra fucked in the head. Leave all this for therapists paid to do this shit, theres no personal relationship to begin with so theres no consequence
>>84331691>t. someone that used to be emotional, honest and "open" in a past failed relationship and it fucked up but my current relationship I'm the polar opposite and it's been very successfulYeah I'm glad you've made it 4 weeks with your egirlfriend without crying about your homework. Thanks for the epic redpill nigger
>>84331691>never express my deepest fears, concerns, regrets or hopes to my girlfriendHahaha. Do you not see how this makes you desperate and a pussy at the same time? You need to learn to handle her emotions while having your own. You do have to manager her response but you don't need to keep everything to yourself. Own your feelings like a manThere is no happy marriage coming for you with this attitude. I don't care if you think you know. I've seen some shit. Long term happy marriage requires an internal softness and sweetness that is nothing like you are describing. Miserable cold marriage is in the table though for sure. You need to know you won't find her attractive after 40. What's your plan for the next 30 years if she's not even your partner
>>84331991Funny that you seem to think you know my relationship better than I do.This girl is fucking enamoured with me, even a year later she is deeply in lovr with me despite me being reserved and stoic. I've never had this response before (i.e., I've had several failed relationships before this when I was more open and emotional).She has literally even told me that one reason why she loves me is that I am so controlled over my emotions and reserved compared to other men she's been with that were very emotional and over-sensitive. Neither of us have a problem with this.She knows I love her even if I'm not crying about it like I suppose you want me to do.
>>84331991>desperatedesperate for what?>a pussywhy? because what society told you is masculine when you were a kid?
>>84332012>She has literally even told me that one reason why she loves me is that I am so controlled over my emotions and reserved compared to other men she's been with that were very emotional and over-sensitive.I think we're having a communication problem here, because that's awesome and ideal. You need to be strong for a woman and being in control of your emotions is very masculine And the number one most underappreciated and underdeveloped thing most men are failing at in relationships. What? I totally don't agree with you on is that you need to hide your deepest fears and hopes. That sounds like complete b******* and an over correction on your part. I believe you can simultaneously be completely in control of your emotions and for instance openly cry about something in a way that is totally masculine and coherent in this context. For instance, imagine a friend of yours lost his child in a car accident. You are completely allowed to grieve for that. The thing I believe that women are turned off by is emotional volatility inconsistency, and specific types of weakness where you are crying or complaining about things that are day-to-day bothers. Like if you're crying because you didn't get the promotion at work, you are a complete child. That's moment to be determined and to start thinking about other options. But I think even sharing the things you're insecure about in yourself in a masculine way, saying like I have always been haunted by the shape of my nose or something like that. If you actually own it and you're not crying about it, you should be able to say that to the woman you're planning to spend the rest of your life with. If you need to hide parts of yourself to keep her in love with you. My opinion is that relationship is not worth having. Unfortunately young women are as immature as young men and if they get the ick then it's over. I know I've dumped girls and girls have dumped me for things that were completely healthy in a committed marriage
>>84332053Desperate to keep a woman around. A p**** because you're afraid to be alone and afraid to be yourself around a woman.
>>84332059me expressing my feelings is being myself. i'm more than prepared to be alone if no woman will accept me for doing that. i have no interest in boring cunts that want me to project an image to them that isn't real just to keep them around.why would that be desperate to keep her around, if we all agree it drives them away?
>>84332054I see.Well, thank you for explaining things to calmly and maturely and respectfully. I understand exactly what you're trying to convey and I can see your reasoning for it.I'm not foolish enough to say that my approach to things is right in every situation. It probably isn't. I'm sure there's some women that are more relaxed and non-judgemental as you discuss.But for me, I have not encountered them and even if I did my trust issues from past failed relationships has made me so extremely cautious and guarded that I would NEVER make myself that vulnerable even if she was 100% the perfect woman. But for me, my past experiences, which have impacted me far deeper than I'd admit to anyone I know IRL, have made me a bit colder and more detached at a fundamental deep level, and to be absolutely blunt, this has been a good thing for me bceause it allows me to not become too emotionally dependent on women and not as vulnerable to things like breakup, betrayal, etc.I think fundamenarlly we are different men and that's okay. People are like that.Some men are more sensitive and emotional with their partners, others are more stoic and reserved. That doesn't mean the love is lesser. It's just how we express ourselves and handle situations. For me I'm completely okay with and happy with my style of things, and so is my girlfriend. Even my mother approves of it, since she has seen how badly affected I was emotionally speaking in the past by past relationship problems. She encourages me to be more detached and resrved despite being the most loving and compassionate woman I know in the world. But she is pragamtc and wise.TL;DR: I just feel more safe and comfortable being reserved and private. Just necause it isn't en vogue with modern therapy-inspired people doesn't mean it's a bad approach.
>billions of hours spent by men trying to strategize and figure out how to melt yourself and reshape yourself in a way that some fickle womanchild won't get the ick after 1 mundane transgression on their endless list of requirements for how men should be>uhhh but we also put in so much effort so you will like us! we put on make up and spend so many hours spending your money! shopping is so hard!Brutal. Sex bots and artificial wombs can't come soon enough.
>>84331691Correction: you can talk about female-approved feelings in female-approved ways at female-approved intervals. It will make them feel good about themselves that they can be so supportive of you and that they're this perfect instantiation of some feminist archetype that's supposed to let her male partner be emotionally vulnerable. But even then don't do it often, since it would take away from you having to support them emotionally. Unless you happen to have the perfect emotional profile that a woman would want, it's a performance on your part, not you actually being vulnerable. But consider that you have to be careful, because you can misstep and they will lose their attraction to you. So for most guys it might make more sense to not even attempt to do it. As long as you're empathetic to them and their feelings, they will think you're this emotionally intelligent men who's in touch with his emotions, despite you actually hiding your feelings from them. This is what women actually want when they say they want such a man, even if they're not self-aware enough to see it.
>>84332302>he must be a literal mind reader when it comes to all my emotional baggage but HE FUCKING BETTER NOT OPEN HIS FUCKING MOUTH ABOUT HIS OWN PROBLEMS LIKE EVER, THAT'S LIKE JUST SUCH AN ICK
if you want her to leave, you talk about your feelings, if you want her to stay, you beat her and become an abusechad.
>>84332302This is 100% unironic truthBasically every single thing I say to my girlfriend - and to women I dated before I met her - was carefully calculated to have the right effect, and it worked. I was literally choosing between four different women that all wanted to date me when I chose my current gf.Practically every thing I say to her is caefully considered before I say it. I don't trust women in the slightest, especially not romantically. I know what they want a man to say, so I say it. It makes things simple. We both get what we want.
>>84331691This is absolutely true. The vast majority of some will get the "ick" if her boyfriend cries or expresses vulnerability in front of her.
>>84332108You've made some great points. I have trust issues as well but about cheating, so I need total transparency in a relationship to be able to trust her. I've been with mine for 4 years and there's no emotional secrets being kept. If someone sends slightly off we talk about it immediately. We know each other's personal history like scholars and have a shared language that goes very deep and the intensity is high. We're both extreme people with extreme highs and lows coming quickly so there's a lot of shit going on.She wants me to be sturdy but thinks stoicism is feminine. She's most impressed if I'm confronting some hangup or insecurity openly and resolving it methodically. She finds that masculine and makes her feel safe. She constantly uses the example of a "pickup truck guy" as the most feminine and "gay" thing a man could be, in her eyes. The emotionally closed, masculine posturing, poorly dressed, limited intellectual range, unable to confront his own insecurities type guy. We will know that type and I think most men fall into it. She's not a feminist or a progressive, but she's got deep opinions on this and i have told her the most embarrassing, shameful, or painful things about myself and she thinks it's great. The more i let my guard down the hornier she is for me. But to repeat: I'm not trying about material things ever. I don't care about social status. If I was crying about how Jim from with had a nicer pickup truck and I didn't get a deer on my last hunting trip she would be disgusted. I do think you're right about different types of love. I know the exact type I want, this type, and I would be more comfortable being alone forever than having a woman who isn't like this
>>84332494Again, thank you for your very thoughtful response, I appreciate it,Very interesting to see this perspective since it's very different from my own experiences in life.My girlfriend, despite being very left-wing and "feminist" on paper, personally despises any sign of vulnerability or senstivity in a romantic/sexual partner. She rejected her ex that was far more in-line with her social/political views because he was too effiminate and sensitive by focusing too much on his feelings and problems, and chose me - I am openly conservative - completely against her views - but she loves how I handle situations and react to things, and is more attracted to that because in her mind the attitude of being reserved and detached and private is more attractive to her. I even told her I will never be an open-book touchy-feely man, expecting that's what she wanted because of her left-wing views. But she told me that deep down she despises men like that because she views them as weak and effiminate and wants a more traditionally "tough" and reserved man.But that's what's so wonderful about life, every single individual person is unique and want different things and goes about life differently. Life would be very boring if we all acted and thought the same way.I am happy and content with my situation, adn you are with yours. I am a pragmatist utlimately - results speak for themselves.
>>84331691look, faggot.1. You need a TL;DR2. That's a lot of fucking text to say that "Bitching and complaining gives female a hard biological ick. Not even her fault"3. I talk to a local AI about my feelings. This way nobody will ever know, except the characters. It's smarter than 70% of the human population anyway.TL;DR: Bitching and complaining gives female a hard biological ick. Not even her fault.
>>84332571That's really funny. I'm glad you're happy. I have to qualify my girl when I mention her because she's a straight up far right anti-zionist race realist, but she wants the most tender and open hearted relationship I'm capable of. Strange to compare to progressive feminist who wants you to be stoic.I'm getting older and I think about her like this - my girl is very challenging but she's the type of challenge I can handle. I think being with her would break a lot of people due to how emotionally extreme and needy she is, and her standards and expectations for me are sky-high. The depth of her critique of male behavior is absurd. A single wrong move and she thinks you're a fag, but none of the moves are what you'd expect. She wants total vulnerability combined with bravery at the same time. Like if I had a small dick I would need to be like "my dick is small, I hate it!" And then give her the best sex of her life, overcoming my insecurity in the moment, and then she's mine. That's the level of shit she expects. So maybe like yourself I've accidentally walked into a competition I was built to win.
>>84332674>I talk to a local AI about my feelings.enjoy your psychosis
>women are soulless cunts with no empathyyes we know.
>>84331691wow a moid conflating his experience of vapid BPDemon women with all women. i have never heard of this happening before
>>84332674>I talk to a local AI about my feelings. This way nobody will ever know, except the characters. It's smarter than 70% of the human population anyway.in a thread filled with retarded niggers you manage to take the number 1 spot, bravo
>>84331691Yup pretty much any man that's actually been involved with women before already knows this is true. So much of mainstream society's narratives and advice to young people is underhanded sabotage. I think in their mind they think they're helping and saying the right thing but they're not. Like "don't judge people by appearances" "be nice to everybody" and give everybody a chance that's all horrible advice. Basically advocates for willful ignorance, suicidal tolerance and lack of boundaries.
>>84331780Ya my father was a oofy doofy alcoholic retard with arrested development and narcissistic personality disorder. Dealing with him was like dealing with another bratty female in the body of an old boomer. Also trauma dumping to your mother is often a terrible idea as well. Way too many men have rose colored glasses when it comes to their mother and trusting her. It especially blinds them to how much she is a source of their mental issues and bad life trajectory.
>>84331691Trauma dumping to your mother is like venting to a 5 year old that is trying to be nice to you. They may act nice about it but they don't really get it or understand what you're struggling with. The conversation doesn't accomplish anything and they don't really want to hear it.
>>84332834Can't help but think that this type of sabotage advice is started by the abusers themselves. Especially the "but suffering is good for you" type shit. They'll say it very confidently to normies and the normies will just repeat it because this sociopath with influence said it confidently or something, so it must be true.
