I'm not sexual at all, even the slightest hint of sexuality fills me with disgust and anger. I hate myself with a passion, and I don't want anything more than to kill myself. Even the slightest bit of attention to my appearance pisses me off to an insane degree. I hate myself, and I can't stop saying it.
were you raped? Are you open to therapy?
I don't consider myself asexual, but I can't masturbate at all
>>84343886I don't know if I was sexual abused. I have almost no memories of my childhood, and I can't go to therapy because it's too expensive. I'm from latam and poor.
>>84343905fair. Your emotions around sex would indicate to me some kind of sexual abuse, but you might just be mentally retarded as well. Sorry about latin america. Are you a tranny or what?
>>84343921>you might just be mentally retardedWhy do you say that?>Are you a tranny or what?I used to be a ftm, but I detransitioned many years ago
>>84343944Responding to sexuality with anger and disgust is just weird. When I say mentally retarded, I mostly mean your ability to deal with emotions. You seem very autistic. I think CBT with a therapist would be beneficial for you, but you seem barely capable of walking out of the door, let alone getting a job to pay for therapy.
>The covert incest completely ruined me what does this have to do with your post op?
>>84343957I have been formally diagnosed with autism, bpd, and contamination ocd. I tried cbt about four years ago, and it didn't work at all. >>84343966Today my father left his underwear on the edge of the table for me to see. The other day he was shirtless, spoke to me from the side, and then walked away. It seemed like he was too embarrassed to look me in the eye.
>>84343989this sounds like psychosis. You might be assuming the worst out of completely nonsexual events.
>>84344037It's not psychosis. He once said that if he were a woman, he would be my partner. That disgusted me and I've never forgotten it. When I'm showering, he sometimes knocks on the door and asks, in a stupid way, if he can come in. One time I was in the bathroom, he came in and almost pulled his pants down to urinate in front of me, but I insulted him and he acted clueless. I could tell a thousand stories like that about him, he's extremely inappropriate. I have no relationship with him at all, I actively avoid him and I'm very serious when I'm around him.
>>84343989>It seemed like he was too embarrassed to look me in the eye.And you? Are you intense or shy with eye contact? Because nothing you said indicates incest.
>>84344081Nevermind this post lmao >>84344093What the fuck, get out of there if you can.
>>84344093You're a moron. It's not normal for him to act like that when I'm super cold and distant with him>>84344102I can't. I don't talk to anyone, and I can't ask for help because every favor comes with conditions, and I have nothing to give in return. I guess i will commit suicide soon
I hate myself so much that I want to end my life right now. I'm disgusted with myself, and I'm crying just thinking about it.
>>84344137Where do you live? Is there really no solutions besides sudoku?
>>84344093>nothing you said indicates incestRepressed memories are a huge sign of csa you retard . But it's hard to tell if you are a pedophile gaslighter or just retarded. Or a child
>>84344256>Today my father left his underwear on the edge of the table for me to see. The other day he was shirtless, spoke to me from the side, and then walked away. It seemed like he was too embarrassed to look me in the eye.None of this indicates incest. It's presumptuous to assume csa.
>>84344262pedophile gaslighter or just retarded. Or a childWhich are you?
>>84344157I'm from Argentina, I can't ask anyone for help. A while ago, out of desperation, I finally told my sister she hasn't lived with me for six years and she treated me like I was crazy, like I was delusional. I almost threw myself off a bridge that day. On Discord I only talk to one person who is extremely poor and from a country very far from mine.>>84344256I have no memories of my past. I don't really know who I am or anything about who I used to be. It used to torment me, but now I feel numb, and I just want to die.>>84344262Lol
>>84344675You sounded really similar to someone I am talking to but they aren't from argentina and don't live with their dad but mom instead. There's quite a lot of argentinans on here.
>>84344675>>84344724I meant to ask if you can work at all, or does the other mental illnesses fuck you for work?
>>84344285>every instance of repressed memory is csaNope. You're so eager for OP to have suffered sexual abuse as I child i'm returning the accusations back on you.I've been sexually assaulted as a child but no repressed memories. 3/5 people I grew up with were abused in some way or another and the only one who repressed anything was beaten, not raped.
>>84344740I can work, but I don't really feel motivated right now. I asked my relatives for a job and they just ignore me, so I guess I won't insist.>>84344724My parents aren't separated. I live with them. I get neetbux, but it's basically nothing. I ask my dad for a couple of dollars, and I always have to pay him back.
>>84344788>I can work, but I don't really feel motivated right now.I mean this is its own problem then. If you can work then you can leave but you don't feel like it, which I understand but it's still an obstacle you can overcome.Not that this means you should have to put up with this creepy behaviour. Doesn't your mother do anything to stop this at all?
>>84344828Even if I had a job, I still wouldn't earn enough to pay rent. Don't you know what the economy is like in my shithole? Inflation is insanely high. Btw, I just saw a short sexual video and it made me feel really down. I started thinking I'll never be able to satisfy anyone sexually. I feel useless, and honestly sex just makes me uncomfortable and really cringe
>>84344945>Don't you know what the economy is like in my shithole?No I don't but i'm considering moving there. Granted I have the privileges of a first world income and the ability to keep my money in USD or crypto.You never answered about your mother why doesn't she stop any of this? Can you not turn to her at all?>I started thinking I'll never be able to satisfy anyone sexually.Sex is not the only value you have and, honestly, if you don't even like the idea of sex then why do you care?
>>84344784pedophile gaslighter, or just retarded. Orr a childWhich are you?
>>84344966My mother is completely biased toward my father. If I tell her anything, she'll just label me as crazy. Besides, my father has this childish, immature facade. Sometimes he talks to me like a 5 year old, and its honestly fucking unbearable.>why do you care?It's a fact that men often value you a lot based on how you are sexually. Most of them are like that, and they could leave you simply for not being good in bed. I'm very different. Even if the person I love were completely unable to have sex, I would still stay with them because I care about love, not sex. But whatever...
>>84345130>It's a fact that men often value you a lot based on how you are sexually.But you don't want those men surely? I mean from everything you've said you're basically asexual or at least extremely avoidant with sexuality. So you'd want someone the same but maybe i'm wrong?>My mother is completely biased toward my father.I'm sad to read that, don't let them gaslight you into believing you're imagining things.I just looked up minimum wage in argentina... you're fucked honestly. I don't know how you can get around working to leave though.
>>84345195The problem is that you don't really choose who you fall in love with. It's not something you can control or decide in advance.>don't let them gaslight youI'm just going to stay quiet, say nothing, and keep my distance. >you're fucked honestlyYes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I hate asking for help and depending on other people. It's horrible to depend on others in any way, because they can manipulate you, and I hate manipulation.
>>84345285>The problem is that you don't really choose who you fall in love with.I guess that's true but you're not trying to date people who want sex anyway so...>I'm just going to stay quiet, say nothing, and keep my distance. Sucks, like living in a prison. I can relate a little but only a little. I lived in a house full of addicts.>It's horrible to depend on others in any way, because they can manipulate you, and I hate manipulation.Yeah I ran into this issue with the one I was talking to earlier. I offered help and it weirded them out, I asked why and we got to talking and I realized how creepy it was on their end. I'm too autistic to tell these things but since i've had time to consider it I can relate since I avoid relying on anybody. e.g I was visiting a relative in another and they got mad at me and said "if i wasn't helping you then you'd be stuck here with nobody" and I just walked away after that and started looking up buses and flights because i'm not dealing with any kind of power-dynamic.
>>84345361Look, I've only ever """fallen in love""" online with people from other countries, usually starting as friends, and I didn't expect to develop those feelings. It just happened anyway. And I should clarify that I always ended up distancing myself because of my own mental health issues or because the person was fucking abusive.>I lived in a house full of addictsFuck, that sounds intense.>I offered help and it weirded them outThe thing is, in general, altruism is rare. Most people "help" just to feel good about themselves or to feel like they have control or power over the other person. Having someone keep a dominant position over you is fucking awful, it's disgusting, it's humiliating.Human beings are horrible with their need for power and control. I'd rather die than humiliate myself and crawl.
>>84343882When I was a young lad, there was a little thing you could do called "college" where you would basically get to move 1000 miles away from home and start your own life.
>>84345679I'm not from the first world like you, bro. You lack class awareness. Stop assuming everyone has your privileges and opportunities. Plus, you're probably neurotypical. Some people's lives are so much easier!
>>84345729Privilege? I had to get loans to go to school and pay off massive debt. Argentina has free colleges. Why don't you check YOUR privilege? You have more than you realize!
>>84345750I can't go to college, I'm too lazy and unstable. I constantly think about suicide, plus the classrooms are packed with people. It's impossible!
>>84345648>Look, I've only ever """fallen in love""" online with people from other countries, usually starting as friends, and I didn't expect to develop those feelings.Fair and I can see more of what you're meaning. It's just hard to imagine a romantic relationship without sexual desire for me but it's not unheard of.>Fuck, that sounds intense.It was but it's not the same as what you're dealing with. At least my family had an "excuse" of sorts since they were out of their minds on drugs or losing it in withdrawals.>Having someone keep a dominant position over you is fucking awful, it's disgusting, it's humiliating.Yeah I know but I was self-absorbed and didn't really think of it. My dad was like this all the time so it made me think about that and I understand better the caution. I would be just as cautious if I were in the receiving position.>>84345729>I'm not from the first world like you, bro.NTA but there is online options for studying for free. And maybe you could even teach spanish? It's $20+ here per hour for lessons so that's something to look into maybe.
>>84345788>I can't escape my rapist dad[;] I'm too lazy and unstable. I constantly think about escaping all of life and not just my dad, plus the classrooms are packed with more potential rapists. It's impossible!Irrational, it's better to hang out with other people than your dad.
>>84345810You don't know me>>84345791Thanks, it was nice talking to you! Thanks for sharing some things about your life!
It really frustrates me to think about killing myself because I actually like my personality, except for the negative parts... I feel like if I were to reincarnate and end up as a generic basic bitch stacy who just sexualizes herself for any coomer, it would be too horrible. I don't want to become that in another life
>>84346698Eh? You mean you like seeing your rapist dad's cock over being with other people? Then stop complaining?
>>84346740No, I just don't have any vitality and I'd rather die. On top of that, my whole life, anyone I come across emotionally abuses me. I feel so hurt. Last year, I had broken heart syndrome, and sometimes my heart still hurts. I hate being alive
>>84346698>Thanks, it was nice talking to you! Thanks for sharing some things about your life!I can't tell if sarcasm but i'm still here... not much I can do to help you though and any offer is naturally suspicious.
>>84346809You really should move out. The best thing that you can do for your own mental health is to cut undeserved negativity towards you out of your life. Surrounding yourself with cool, good people will lift you up.
>>84346842No, it's not sarcasm. Screw it, I'm going to kill myself.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXR93C_bSVkhttps://youtu.be/H8Xv-5i6G5Y?si=hqpRWNJ6Fb-537g1https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmc5sd08SRI>>84346860DAMN IT, I HATE MYSELFI CRIED AGAIN,,,,,
>>84347083>No, it's not sarcasm.I can't tell on here.>Screw it, I'm going to kill myself.Never kill yourself.
>>84347110I'm going to go to sleep now at 5 pm, and this thread will die. https://youtu.be/PkBtp3BEqwk?si=Vq6Y49yhE_wz4QrI
>>84347184This place is filled with pedophiles and narcissists so not the greatest place to talk about your childhood sexual abuse
>>84347184>and this thread will die. Probably.... IDK what you want out of me now since even if i'm willing to help it will be rejected. I learned this lesson already and the japanese have this concept of Giri which applies.Let's say I come to argentina and invite you to stay in an airbnb with separate rooms and no strings attached. Any benefit this gives you will be undone when I leave if you're unwilling to work for your own life as I can't afford, or desire, to take care of a neet for the rest of my life.I am sad you've been backed into this corner by your family.
>>84347200Yeah, I know, but I just needed to talk to someone, anyone
>>84347228WTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tell me the city you were born in, your birthday, and the exact time. Sounds weird, but you sound even weirder, so we're on the same page
>>84347248> tell me the city you were born in, your birthday, and the exact time. I never asked for any of this but see? It's a red flag even offering because anything but predatory intentions is absurd. Who would offer except a weirdo and weirdos overlap with predators a lot.>Sounds weird, but you sound even weirder, so we're on the same pageI am a weirdo yeah. I hope you find the motivation to fight for yourself.
>>84347267Any woman who would accept that proposal would be seen as a dumb low iq slut, but anyway, if you were a woman, you'd probably be suspicious too. Anyway, give me that info! I'm curious!!!!!
>>84347338> if you were a woman, you'd probably be suspicious too.I would be more suspicious as a woman, but i'd still be suspicious as a man. Offers to help rarely come in this world anymore and even rarer on the internet.>Any woman who would accept that proposal would be seen as a dumb low iq slutI wouldn't see it that way and I feel like anybody who does is immature. They don't know the depths of desperation yet.
>>84347356Dude, give me the info or I'll cut off your arm...
>>84347441Sure, I was born in and my birthday is and at the hour .
>>84347478God, I hate you. .....,. Just tell me so I can go to sleep, I'm really curious
>>84347599Why would I give you all that info? I think it was 00:18 but it could've been 01:18
>>84347599>>84347611Is this some astrology thing by the way? If so i'm sagittarius.
>>84347611Give me all the information, it has to be precise or it won't work, and just tell me because I'm asking you to!
>>84347641You'll have to take what i've given you.
>>84347627Yes, it's about astrology... I'm a sag too>>84347650You're mean
>>84347735You can't really expect me to post all of that publicly.>I'm a sag tooThat's such an unflattering term. What does that mean anyway? Something to do with jupiter and luck?
>>84347779I mean, I'm sagittarius too, same as you, a mutable fire sign ruled by jupiter>You can't really expect me to post all of that publicly.I get it
>>84347824>I mean, I'm sagittarius too, same as you, a mutable fire sign ruled by jupiterYeah I know that but I was asking why you wanted to know all of this?>I get itIf I lived in the USA and a bigger city I might share but it's too unique.
>>84347845My discord: ernnf0010348
>>84347927Added but tell me what you want with the info.
>>84343882I just want a hug to be honest
>>84349356i know its not the same, but here you go buddy<3
