there is no point in a miserable existence locked in complete solitude and isolation deprived of human connection and anyone who says otherwise is coping
>>84394054The problem is precisely that I am not enjoying the peace and quiet of solitude retard
>>84394054i like sleeping and dreaming and sometimes music and movies and coffeepeople are scary i don't need them
>>84394054That's a choice that you made, it's not something that was thrust upon you.
>>84394063the only people who idolize ``solitude" are people just trying to escape some shitty situation they are in and generally have some fallback friends and family to retreat to when they have convalesced>>84394065you will sing a different tune once youve been trapped like that for years
>>84394072yeah i totally chose for all my connections to evaporate and to spiral deep into a mental psychosis in a cascading pattern that continuously repeats despite my struggle becoming someone too much trouble to bother with as a result>oh well you just try too hard>oh you just didnt try hard enoughwhich coinflip normie response will you retort with
>>84394094bold of you to assume i'm not almost 30
>>84394094>the only people who idolize ``solitude" are people just trying to escape some shitty situation they are inYou don't get how profoundly tiring the overwhelming majority of people are>and generally have some fallback friends and family to retreat to when they have convalescedYou don't get that even the best of company is draining after too long. You're undoubtedly one of the weird people who are actually invigorated by socializing
>>84394163>You don't get how profoundly tiring the overwhelming majority of people aresee above. you are complaining because you are trying to escape some situation you are in and idolize something you haven't actually been subjected to.>You're undoubtedly one of the weird people who are actually invigorated by socializingno i dislike socializing with the overwhelming majority of the planet just like you and find it draining, but i have absolute no social outlets whatsoever other than voidposting a fraction of my mental illness out into this comment boxthere is a difference between being a retail worker dealing with retards all day and thinking "wow i wish i could have a small solo retreat" and spending decades in absolute isolation with only small glimpses of human contact that are further and further apart until they never come at all
>>84394185Didn't read. You are deeply gay.
>>84394193fragile normie
>>84394054im content being isolated from society. the problem is i cant be a neet forever
>>84394244and when you have to earn your keep you get exposed to all those happy people, happy families, happy couples, happy partners, happy world, all of it crammed down your throat for you to see and never to feel.
>>84394054I don't think that its all that bad to be alone. It has worked mostly fine for me and i sorta enjoy being alone and doing things for myself.You may need contact with others and stuff like that but i think that online works fine.
the older you get, the less you want to deal with other people all the time. we're biologically hardwired to stop giving a shit and dig in to our life conditions during out late 20s
>>84395145i'm tired of it. i'm so, so tired of it. there's so much to see and experience out there in the world and i'm tired of it being a solo story. i'm tired of writing my heart into text boxes that never see a reply. online just doesn't suffice.>>84395249we are still social animals that need a degree of baseline. having nothing at all, the bottom falling out, means you just slide deeper and deeper down the cliffs of madness
>>84395287>we are still social animals that need a degree of baseline. having nothing at all, the bottom falling out, means you just slide deeper and deeper down the cliffs of madnesswe all participate in madness, it's just a group activity for some
yeah me too every day i drean of a clingy, emotional, borderline gf who lies on my chest and wants to spend every living moment toghether
>>84395287>there's so much to see and experience out thereand do all of these things really need somebody else to be at your side? maybe it would be sorta cool to do some things with somebody else but i think that occupying yourself is valid and works.>online just doesn't suffice.its not the same as some thing nice in real life would be but its still way better than nothing and i do think that making bonds with nice people over the internet is still a good and fulfilling thing.Its of course very individual and often random but i wouldn't get so far and have the energy to attempt to fix my life a little if it weren't for a couple of heart touch messages on my screen
>>84395300i want to be in the in group.. it's cold outside.>>84395319some people have this dynamic. no word in any language spoken nor expressed can sum up how devastating it is be without the things you want most.>>84395330>and do all of these things really need somebody else to be at your side? maybe it would be sorta cool to do some things with somebody else but i think that occupying yourself is valid and works.yes. doing things by yourself is only enjoyable for so long. i've done everything solo already, i want to do it in the stride of someone special. moments and memories are best when shared, just like food. it's double worse when you look around and see you're the only person doing these things alone.>its not the same as some thing nice in real life would be but its still way better than nothingit eventually loses all its luster. the more internet bonds you make, the more you wish that you could enjoy company in person. and so i do that, i move, i move others, but its all ephemeral. it drips away like wet sand in the palm of your hands.>i wouldn't get so far and have the energy to attempt to fix my life a little if it weren't for a couple of heart touch messages on my screenyou are a lucky person to find motivation here, still. it all feels empty. i think what turns me inside out is knowing how little i need to be motivated, but how much i need to be stable. accumulated worry, stress, fear. always in crisis mode, perpetually putting out fires. i need help.
>>84395476>moments and memories are best when sharedi cannot confirm or deny that. Maybe its because i am still sorta young (even if it doesn't really fell that way) but i don't think that sharing the stuff i do with others would really change things. I kinda have/had the opportunity to make a friend that is into all the niche loner stuff but my head just flips a switch and i don't really care. Probably one of the perks of being a shizoid autist or something. Perhaps this is why we have such differing opinions.>it eventually loses all its lusterit does really suck how with most online people its just a temporary thing that just withers away.. really hurts.>the more you wish that you could enjoy company in personi know that feeling all to well. but its still better to have someone to break your heart over than having nobody at all imo. maybe its sort of desperate and messed up that people can do that over the internet but if you are on this website and especially on this board chances are that not much in your life is standard and messed up. Which is fine i think. No real reason to feel like most do about these things (in general).>you are a lucky person to find motivation herenot really on this website if that is what you thought. Sadly people on here just don't want to be your friends or are posers that can't into being friends with robots.>i need help.most do and especially you from how you are describing things. i'm not really good at these talks if you haven't noticed already but i hope that you find some soon. we are very similar in needing little to be motivated and needing much more to be stable but again, even if its just over the internet, one or two long lasting and deep friendships over the internet is an amazing start towards something IRL. Perhaps this is survivorship bias but i used to be crazy depressed and insanely unstable but finding friends like these really helped me be less like that.
>>84394054From my actual point of view, what embellishes your argument the most is the idea that there could be a person I would enjoy interacting with consistently and eventually develop the capability to expose my more emotionally potent or complicated thoughts to. That person might exist but I have a completely different cognitive response to that possibility than you do. "Cope" is such a generalization and a dismissal. It's as lazy as explaining a bad argument as simply being stupid instead of understanding what its errors are and how they came about. I can make a sound argument that "sounds like" cope any day. I'm socially isolated and I don't ruminate about it. It doesn't make me depressed. I treat my mind as a library or a flowchart: my happiest moments are when I deeply feel comprehension of some interesting thought by myself that I'll remember later, and the order and execution of my priorities matters how than how I feel about life. I don't sit there whining about how I feel about oppressive circumstances. I struggle to act, ultimately I act. Solutions make the world go round. Why should human connection be this sacred glittering jewel that I've been denied? Maybe someday, I should try to live out my fantasy friend interaction but right now, I have other shit to do. How does practical relevance not override and neutralize this sort of useless emotional droning? I have such contempt for you grieving bastards.
>>84395650That is a really long sentence
day in, day out. week by week, month by month. years of being alone. alone, alone. crazy because i am alone, so i am left alone because i am crazy.>>84395595>Maybe its because i am still sorta young (even if it doesn't really fell that way) but i don't think that sharing the stuff i do with others would really change things.then you answered it. when you're young it's fine to go out and explore some things by yourself. and then you do it again. and again. and again. and you're exploring and seeing everybody around you exploring with partners, friend groups, family. and you go again, and again, and again. and then you lose all of your drive to explore by yourself.>Probably one of the perks of being a shizoid autist or something.yeah that does majorly change a lot>but its still better to have someone to break your heart over than having nobody at all imo. best of both worlds it to be broken and to have nobody>i hope that you find some sooni have been looking for it for a very long time and realize it's never to be found. there is no 'help' or helping. i've gone through all the means and methods.>but finding friends like these really helped me be less like that.that is exactly what i lament the lack of having>>84395650>but right now, I have other shit to do.okay, well come back when you're out of other shit to do, as i am.
i don't really mind solitude. what I mind is knowing I'll cease to exist someday and none of what I did or felt will matter. with someone, without someone, all that changes is that you were happier for some limited time, but it matters nothing to do ultimate outcome.
>>84397561you get it, anon. doing something, with someone, making something matter with them, that makes life worth persisting. those were my happiest memories.
>>84394054Nah, I wouldn't trade what I have for anything. I've made my bed and it is so very comfortable. (and peaceful)
Seems like everyone here is pretty sure about what they want. I can't say I'm the same. On the one hand I like my solitude and I really don't have the energy to deal with other people a lot of the time, on the other hand it can be very fulfilling to have other people in your life and can give it meaning it wouldn't otherwise have. But is it worth it putting that effort in to get said fulfillment? There are other fulfilling things in life too and some require far less effort. So I keep wavering. I go through these phases where I get excited about someone, imagine my life with them, and they become the whole meaning of my life, and then after some time, one way or another, I always find myself thinking that I don't need anyone and should just lead a life of solitude. And I don't think it's just the hurt of losing someone or what have you that makes me swing the other way; if anything, solitude seems like my default state that I occasionally snap out of.This sucks because I'm not getting any younger and I'm yet to build any long-term relationships. I don't want to get old and then figure out that I did want one after all when it's too late to find one. Well, perhaps it is never too late.. or is that just cope? I don't know. Sigh. I should really figure this out while I have time...
>>84397881Sure, being around most people is a chore. But with the right type of person, it's amazing, cause you just naturally fit toghether. And when you add mutual love and devotion, where you both have an bottomless well of good will and willingness to change and improve and compromise for another, then spending 24/7 toghether must feel heavenly... like you're no longer alone in this absurd, horrible world. You now have an ally against the world.
>>84397903>with the right type of person, it's amazingTrue... I do think I'd like to have an ally against the world. That's a really good way of putting it too. But it's difficult to find such people, especially for a weirdo like me. And somehow every time I thought I did, things never lasted. At this point I'm skeptical such a relationship can even exist. Doesn't this violate the law of the conservation of energy? You can't just expect things to stay the same without pouring in lots of energy into the system, but I am lazy and eventually it gets hard to keep putting that effort in. Most other people are too. So, things are almost bound to fizzle out eventually.Maybe I'm letting past experiences color my perception too much though. Maybe it's worth trying anyways, for a goal as worthy as this. But I'm tired. Perhaps I just need to rest... maybe that's why I keep going through these cycles of isolation.
>>84397955Of course it requires work, but your second half works hard for your happiness too. It's like an investment. The work and toil of planting a tree is much less than the satisfaction, pleasure and nourishment of enjoying its fruits. Therefore it's rational especially for a starving person to start planting.
the type of love and connection you crave simply is not real, anon. its something your mind created influenced by media and fantasy, it longs for it deeply but it doesnt exist. no one and nothing can provide what you want, and no other person on this earth has what you want either, you just think they do because you dont see the full picture. in the kindest way possible: give up on this dream you have.
>>84394054It truly is awful. I wish I would stop waking up.
>>84394054i agree with you completely OP. i think there are a lot of schizoids that i suppose are okay with being totally alone and roughing it in a forest shack basically but i could never understand, as much as i tried to cope as you said just because i have been deprived so much. but actually trying to live in isolation has always been complete torture for me. i dont think i am a total extrovert normalfag that needs 500 friends all the time but at least something, even just one person to experience life with, whenever i have that even for the shortest amount of time everything suddenly seems so beautiful and meaningful and worth it. and again i get some people are fine without that or even coping too but i just cant buy it anymore. its been absolutely proven to me that i need it and it makes my life so much better instantly, i cant be willfully ignorant of that ever again
npc endlessly repeating the same limited dialogue loops in the hopes the pc picks up their sidequest
>>84398077funny quip but it is rather that i have nothing left to do but to complain and brood. there's no player characters here. play nice>>84398033exit bag>>84398022it is real and i have seen it multiple times, all throughout my life, with my own two eyes.>>84397903>>84397955>>84397983it all sounds so beautiful>>84398037like you, it's not needing a library of faces, it's in wanting at least an expectation of stability in a select, confident few. in one alone is too many eggs in one basket.>whenever i have that even for the shortest amount of time everything suddenly seems so beautiful and meaningful and worth it. precisely. i feel like a drug addict wishing i could tap into that happiness, meaningfulness, and motivation more permanently
>>84394054Yeah its unthinkable to me too as a ADHDemon/BPDemon but I met an ACTUAL schizoid (not schizophrenic or schizoaffective very different) at the psych ward one time, first thing that interested me was the fact that all he ever did was read - and at an astounding pace, coming from someone who can easily read 2-3 books in a week when I'm in the mood, he basically went through an entire shelf of books in a couple of days. He also didn't seem to want to interact with anyone at all. Me being the social person I am just got curious and asked him his name and what he did for a living.He told me (with the voice of someone clearly confident and intelligent with severely atrophied social skills and pronunciation that indicated he hadn't regularly opened his mouth in months, or years) that he lived off disability which is enough for rent and basic amenities and for every single day of his life since 17 went to Fairview mall at the cafeteria to read all day, got a bite to eat, went home to sleep, repeat, and that he was now 42. He spoke this with the detached tone of someone who was thankfully gracious enough to answer my question with comprehensive and informative answer but clearly slightly annoyed and not interested in talking, so I didn't interact with him any further. He never spoke to any other patients and somehow I have a feeling that even today, he probably goes to Fairview mall, reads, sleep repeat and will do it until the day he dies. Why someone clearly intelligent would be okay with such a routine and monotonous life is beyond me, besides the basic conclusion and reminder some people are just fundamentally built different..
>>84398118Damn, I really have to sign up for the psych ward next winter, all the interesting people are already there, and perhaps my bpdarling second half is waiting for me there too
>>84398118The scarecrow character anon who (rarely) posted here who mentioned their only interaction in grade school was in grade 4 when a teacher felt bad for him because all he did was sit distant and never interacted with others kids asked him why he didn't talk to other kids, and he replied I don't want to - and she eventually left him alone because his grades were great also comes into mind. My theory is that it seems to have something to do with spending your early childhood in a farm in the middle of nowhere.In any case I've glad to be able to say I've catalogued a schizoid in my life before I die, its extraordinarily rare I can tell you as a psych ward veteran that its extremely rare and that most people who claim to have SPD completely misunderstand what it is and are larping, compounded by the fact that most of them have zero desire to go outside or seek validation whatsoever except very rarely. It's like seeing a unicorn in real life.A part of me is almost envious of them, its like being able to never sleep but being perfectly functional not needing a battery that so many people desperately need to fulfill or go crazy. I feel if I had it I probably would have won a nobel prize by nowI know you didn't ask - but I thought it would be important to put it out there. Some peoples nightmares are others dreams, and vice versa
>>84396852>when you're young it's fine to go out and explore some things by yourselfi don't even really want to explore though. i already know what i like and what i don't and the conclusion is that i am fine like this.>that is exactly what i lament the lack of havingyou can find people online like that though. i did at least. you said that online is not enough for you but now you want something that is achievable with it. i wouldn't dismiss online like that
>>84395319Actually getting a borderline gf is the single worst thing that happened to me in my entire life. I would rather become an actual hermit than go through that emotional pain again.
>>84398169>and perhaps my bpdarling second half is waiting for me there tooWould you still love her if she was 33 years old living on government housing and addicted to MDMA which fried her brain and potentially obese?In any case let me give you some advice bipolar pussy is infinitely easier than most equivalent quality bpdemon pussy but is infinitely worse to deal with nigger here think they had a wild ride with a bpd girl wait you meet the final boss of mental illness bipolar or schizoaffective
>tfw no mentally ill gf to love and cherish
>>84398270>i don't even really want to explore though.there's so much i still want to try and see but rotting is less painful than doing it all alone>i wouldn't dismiss online like thati can easily dismiss it because it's all ive ever had for too long and as >>84398037 mentions you get tired of it when you see glimpses of the real thing>>84398118>>84398169>>84398170i can't imagine how blissful and happy they must be. it really seems like such a weird existence to live>>84398647>>84398669fetishizing mental illness in general is bad. just having people to care for and be cared by is simple enough of a basic human need.
>>84394094>you will sing a different tune once youve been trapped like that for yearsI've been a hiki/NEET for a very long time, around fifteen years or so. Once you make peace with yourself, it gets easier. A few years ago when I turned 30 I finally lost my virginity and made some friends, and I just wasn't equipped for all that normie stuff. I like solitude. Call me institutionalized, say I'm coping, whatever. This lifestyle suits me, though it's certainly not for everyone and it absolutely takes a lot of introspection and emotional maturity to overcome its downsides. If you're gonna be alone with yourself, you'd better make sure you love yourself.That's my two cents. Thank you for reading my blog.
>>84399485>just having people to care for and be cared by is simple enough of a basic human need.Yet normal people don't want to offer it to us.
>>84399485>i can't imagine how blissful and happy they must be. it really seems like such a weird existence to liveNo they are not usually happy because of how much they are forced to interact with people and society you don't even notice it but they find it genuinely nauseating even having to pay taxes or go to work or they have to deal witg family
>>84398647>Would you still love her if she was 33 years old living on government housing and addicted to MDMA which fried her brain and potentially obese?I have BMI of 19 so I won't accept obesity. All the other flaws are acceptable, I always wanted to try MDMA!>>84399485I wouldn't say I fetishize it, I'm just such a broken person myself that I think another mentally ill person would fit me much better. We'd have similar experiences and troubles and thus a more aligned value system. I wouldn't be a loser in her eyes and she would not be 'damaged goods' in mine.
>>84399524>If you're gonna be alone with yourself, you'd better make sure you love yourself.you cannot love yourself without external validation or without being a complete narcissist. i see that as an absolute impossibility. it helps when the opposite is all my external sources rip me to shreds (valid a chunk of the time)>>84399537what can you do? i think it's worse though, being rejected by other outcasts you find solace in>>84399545everyone is unhappy because they are forced to interact with society to some degree, even normies. we don't live in a post-scarcity utopia, doing taxes and going to work generally sucks for everyone. it's how they live outside that framework otherwise that seems idyllic. to not care. not caring seems peaceful.>>84400050that's a healthier perspective of things i guess. i identify more with similarly different/damaged people a lot easier than listening to normgroids talk about their family outings.
>>84398647>Would you still love her if she was 33 years old living on government housing and addicted to MDMA which fried her brain and potentially obese?how often did you do it nona? did you measure your doses?what does a "fried brain" mean/feel like?i only just recently got into MDMA and i wait a month between doses. still somewhat worried about it although i'm sure a month should be plenty enough
>>84394094i've been a neet since 2016 and I have no friends. I am thoroughly enjoying it.how do you explain this?i plan to live the rest of my life alone and die alone. if i say this is not only fine, but something i actively want, am i necessarily lying to myself? is it all just a super sophisticated cope?>>84400064>you cannot love yourself without external validationwhy do you assume everyone else is like you? as if your experience is some sort of objective template
>>84400218>>84398647Is it true MDMA makes you want to cuddle? Sounds like the dream drug to me. God imagine taking it toghether with you bpdarling and naked cuddling in bed/sleeping bag all night <3
>>84400064>or without being a complete narcissistWhat do you consider a complete narcissist? Are you saying that you can't love yourself without loving yourself?
>>84400289>why do you assume everyone else is like you?not him but "you" is used when speaking in general, and yeah, a lot of people think like himI don't and I don't really know what's the reason I'm mostly fine with myself
>>84400301why is fantasizing about bpd so common? what's so great about this?
>>84400301you fucking scared her away and now i won't get an answer asshole
>>84400642nah, she probably just got a heart attack after confession
>>84400289>how do you explain this?that you're only halfway there. i had the same sort of optimism as you for my first 10 years as well, thinking that i could keep myself occupied by myself.>why do you assume everyone else is like you? as if your experience is some sort of objective templatebecause i was like you once, i've met thousands of people, time spent ruminating with others on similar views, having seen the other side of the fence, going through the mental health system for a few years, etc.>>84400572>Are you saying that you can't love yourself without loving yourself?that you can't spontaneously love yourself without some degree of initial reinforcement from external sources. family, friends, etc. it all has to come externally to start, and then you can nurture it>>84400608terminally alone people want to feel loved and think the clingyness/lovebombing of bpd is a positive thing rather than a negative thing as most others view it
>>84400781>terminally alone people want to feel loved and think the clingyness/lovebombing of bpd is a positive thing rather than a negative thing as most others view itI've thought it's more like a loser men being interested in their female equivalent, but it's not like these two can not make sense.>i've met thousands of peoplewhere?
>>84394054Its your life just go outside if you think it will fix you dumb niggerSpoiler, it wont
>>84394054what if the point is interacting with not humans but with their works and arts and all the stuff they put out there. it definitely is not the same but i think for some people it can be.
