I've been a buddhist for quite a long time but I can't bring myself to care about others. My mindset has been completely twisted by my years of isolation and bullying, and I can't find joy in anything unless it benefits only me. If I do something for others it's because I don't want them to be a nuisance to me, not because of genuine compassion. At some point I was lucky enough to get a relationship with a slightly awkward girl but in hindsight I only used her as a trophy and tried to change her so hard that it ended up backfiring. I can not understand how relationships work because to me they're always a transaction, nobody ever gave me anything for free, so why should I give something to others? Maybe if some kind girl would've looked after me during my formative years I would've been a decent man, but I guess it's too late now.
>>84429696>he fell for the buddha pillNo wonder you feel the way you do.
>>84429719american who thinks buddhism is about becoming a living plant
>>84429696im sorry youve had to deal with so much loneliness and bullying, thatd leave its mark on anyone...its never too late to change, please dont lose hope of genuinely connecting with others eventuallykeep reflecting on yourself and maintain an open mind towards the other people in your life, you never know when something will click and youll find the way you see and do things changegood luck on your journey<3
