I am a 30 year old wizard. I hate myself for my sexuality. I feel disgusted with myself any time I have sexual thoughts about men and women. The world would be better off without me having sexual thoughts. People would be better off without me having sexual thoughts. My sex drive is just a creepy predatory interference on other people's lives. It's not like I've openly had sexual thoughts or expressed sexual interest to anyone, but people are immediately repulsed by me when they talk to me for a master spaghetti spiller, and nowadays instead of being thought of as a clown like when I was young, they associate it with being a weirdo and creep, which makes my sexual thoughts feel even more impure. If I put myself in their shoes, I'd be creeped out too. It genuinely feels predatory to think about other human beings in that way, especially as someone who no one would want to be mentally undressed by.BUT nature gave me a sex drive regardless for some reason so I have to touch myself once a day to calm the drive down. But every time I touch myself I feel absolutely disgusted and sometimes I procrastinate on it for hours until I can't take it anymore and I just try not to think about what I'm doing. I should have been castrated when I was born. I like reading, going on walks, watching birds, listening to fugues, and drinking tea. I wish my life could just consist of these things without the infection of sexual desire.I wish it would just go away. I hate it, and I hate myself.Cuttlefish are cute. I wish I could pet one
cuttlefish are great, anonit's gonna be alright. Getting unwanted emotions sucks, but you can always power though them. Things will get easier.
>>84439866https://mangadex.org/title/91ffbbbe-4090-474b-b514-eced62b57be8/ori-no-naka
>>84439866>I wish my life could just consist of these things without the infection of sexual desire.I don't have religious leanings, but I can't help dislike myself for the way that I turn the fact I'm not constantly trying to talk to girls or wasting my time looking after children into a source of pride. It's really the best way for me to deal with the absence of these regular things in my life without having a ridiculous self-effacing attitude towards myself.I don't want kids and I don't want to deal with a partner who I know will only be temporarily settling for me. I shouldn't treat that I'm above the greater body of man for realising these things.
>>84439924I almost vomited reading this by the way, thank you.
>>84439924I just reached the twist, this is utter slop.
>>84440062OP here. Honestly I think forging a superiority complex over it is the only way for me to cope. I'm not really an ascetic, but I guess it'll have to do in this particular case
