>>84496850
Therapists call this depression I just call it the fucking truth

>>84496850
Funny how life is both too short and too long
I used to think I was supposed to die at 21
I'm 28 now
A few years and I'll be 38, and then a few years more I'll be 48

Life is too short and too long

>>84496869
Therapists are just professional gasligthers
>>84496873
Yeah.
Eventually it just hits you that you are X years old and you just watch how miserable you look like in the mirror.

>>84496890
That's the thing, aint it?
Nothings stopping you from "restarting" life at 30, 40, maybe even 50

I started smoking around 18 and had my first beer at 21
If you'd ask 17yo me if I'd ever smoke or drink, I'd have said never in my life

Be the change, good or bad whatever, as long as it's change

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>>84496850
What a good message to read before falling asleep. Thank you, OP, really what I wanted to see now.

>>84496903
I hate it when people say you can just "restart" life. Just expect the guy who is a drug addict loser whos parents treat him like shit for the first 20 years of his life to turn around so he can be some miserable wagie with miserable life oppertunity. not everyone has loving caring families. not everyone has a childhood and teenage years full of romance, friendship and happeiness. now you just expect the people who spent their developing years shielding from reality to compete with people who had supportive networks and ideal enviroments growing up. as if when your an adult its all automatically the same.
>>84496914
its not too bad. maybe you will eventually keep thinking you are worthless everyday, every hour, every moment like me

>>84496931
nigger I spent the first 10 years of my adult life in social isolation because I had to take care of my chronically ill parents (plural)
10 fucking years of going to work, coming home and settle their shit, and drive to the hospital for their appointments on my day off
10 years of no one else giving a fuck, 10 years of me alone in my room at night doing jack shit, 10 years of me saving up money from my wagie job

Dad died a few years back, mom's on her way too but she's stable for now
I moved out for the first time at 28, I genuinely had no youth

It gets better, but you have to start

>>84496983
>I genuinely had no youth
You missed out on the best segment of your life. Your parents both probably had great youths while you lost yours on their own selfishness. you will have worked hard for decades for breadcrumbs and their hope is to have brainwashed you enough for you to be happy with that.

>>84496998
>You missed on the best segment of your life.
NTA but what do you want him to do? Wallow in self-pity over it constantly instead of enjoying the life he has left, like you do? What good is that?

>>84497008
People can do whatever they want.
If he is content with his life that's on him.
I personally would detest it. What do you think is the better option? Just go on about your day as if you don't care about yourself?

>>84496998
Dude, you think I don't know this?
I've had mental breaks over this

It's not simply FOMO shit, but up until last month (notice this) I've never been on a date, never been in a relationship, never kissed, never hugged, never fucked
These things are genuinely important for one's growth and development so yeah it'll take a toll on you

The silver lining's at least, with that outta the way I've got the next few decades all to myself

>>84497018
>Just go on about your day as if you don't care about yourself?
You've got it all wrong, spending all your time regretting the past is not "caring about yourself". Caring about yourself is doing what you can now to make your life better and happier. It's not easy, a lot of the time it's hard work and a lot of the time you won't want to do it but in the end you'll be thankful you did.

>>84496850
cool story bro, so you did anything fun today?

>>84497031
Your parents had a bunch of dates not with each other but with other people too probably. They have had excess of all the experiences you could wish for and now you are becoming a bitter old man. sure you can have your decades for yourself, but it will not be the same.
>>84497034
>You've got it all wrong, spending all your time regretting the past is not "caring about yourself".
If you could turn off your feelings of regret with a button I would do that. If I could just turn off my negative emotions I would do it. but the thing is no matter how many times you wipe those negative emotions no matter how many days, weeks, years go by they always come back stronger and worse.
if you can "fix yourself" you weren't that fucked up to begin with, your life wasnt that shit to begin with. it would have fixed itself on its own with time probably.
>>84497046
no. idk. i dont do much. i just make lame music and practice guitar and suck at everything

>>84497034
This anon speaks the truth

The past is past, fuck it
The future is uncertain, fuck it
I'm right here, right now, we ball

>>84497054
you say this but everything that defines you is in the past. everything you love, hate, like, dislike, think about etc. everything is determined by your past. whatever temperament you have to whatever outcome is in the future is itself determined by your past.

>>84497051
>no. idk. i dont do much. i just make lame music and practice guitar and suck at everything
hey making music is not lame, I would love to try that but I don't even know where to begin

>>84497051
>If you could turn off your feelings of regret with a button I would do that. If I could just turn off my negative emotions I would do it. but the thing is no matter how many times you wipe those negative emotions no matter how many days, weeks, years go by they always come back stronger and worse.
>if you can "fix yourself" you weren't that fucked up to begin with, your life wasnt that shit to begin with. it would have fixed itself on its own with time probably.
Hey, I'm not saying I have all the answers. I am still a depressed faggot who spends way too much time feeling bad about myself and I'm not doing enough to improve myself. But I atleast know that and have a general idea of which way I should be going, even if I'm not there yet. But if you keep thinking about your situation the way you do, you are going to lead yourself right down to the deepest pits of hell and every bad thing you worry about now will come true. it's a self fulfilling prophecy.

>>84497063
I know
I still care about family despite feeling how I feel
I still think about God despite knowing what I know
I still think of lost youth despite having a blast right now

The past determines the present, sure
but the choices I make in the present determines my future
and the choices I make, friend.... Well, I like to lay out all my options on the table
In this last ditch attemt to reclaim my youth, I've "rebelled" so I've...
>purposely crashed my car
>got blacked out drunk at the club
>kissed and fucked a dude
>hung out with all sorts of folks and done all sorts of drugs
Life feels good again because I finally feel alive

>>84497072
>I would love to try that but I don't even know where to begin
Just start with it I guess.
There is no one way to go about it.
>>84497075
>it's a self fulfilling prophecy.
no. you could be lucky and think horrible of yourself and still land yourself a decent place in life where you then "fix yourself" and become happy. or you could try your best as much as you hope for even against all kinds of doubt and pain and still have a horrible outcome because life doesn't give a shit about anyone. nobody gives a shit either.

>>84497085
>I still think about God despite knowing what I know
Classic cope, but atleast it's better than nothing. Maybe if you live a good life you will somehow be rewarded in heaven or whatever. if that's even a thing.
>Life feels good again because I finally feel alive
Your life felt good because for once you prioritised yourself over other people. other people who pretend to care about you, but only want to use you for their own gain.

>>84497085
To add to this, I realized a while back I'll never experience the same life as my parents
They had their fun in their youth, they got married, they settled and had us kids in a comfy suburban middle-class household

I've had my highs and my lows, I'm a whole ass human being

>>84497096
It's not a cope
I grew up religious so that's why I stayed for so long, because I felt obligated like it was my duty as a son

I've paid my dues so now it's time for me to forge my own path, God(s) be damned

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>>84497104
They probably thought nothing of you losing your youth while at the end of their lives. it's a kind of low iq human mentality. i will add something from myself. my mom moved from the phillipines to norway and didnt bother finishing her degree. to be with some guy she barely knows. then she had me. of course my dad was cheating. so they ended up getting a divorce. my mom then lives in norway doing low paying jobs, and even after all of this. decides to find another man to have another child by accident. and of course she splits off from him. and all her dogshit economic decisions all of the garbage things she has done. and how i was never close to either of my family i was just treated as some accident that came out of two people who treated the world like their playground. if i was born to people who took the world a bit more seriously i could have been a happy person with people around me smiling and supporting me. but instead i grew into a bitter horrible loser who constantly think of himself as worthless. of course every time i confront her on every blunder she makes in life that she NEVER learns from. she just keeps saying life is hard and she was unlucky. and even after all the economic struggles even after i bailed her out of becoming homeless she still parties like an idiot in her 50s. she has ZERO empathy for her living her life having herself a family that she loves and loves her back while I was always treated like some accident and never close to anyone.
>>84497116
yeah whatever as long as it makes life more bearable

>>84496850
>Everyone around you will keep living their lives satisfied
lol!
lmfao!!
>>84496890
>gaslighters
Everything is 'gaslighting' now. Telling someone they are wrong about anything is gaslighting. If you disagree, you are a gaslighter trying to gaslight me.

>>84496850
Thanks brother I appreciate this

>>84497143
"omg my therapist told me I have to hecking love myself, my life is so much better now"
they are just there to pretend. there are a suprising amounts of psychopathic nurses and doctors. most normies dont understand how evil and callous the healthcare and mental healthcare system actually are.

>>84497139
>"life is hard"
always hated this line
everyone I've ever met who says this shit (always normies) made their bed and conciously chose to lie on it

your mom chose to move, chose your dad, chose to party and then goes "life is hard"
bitch life could've been easy if you just had a little empathy, a little self-reflection

>>84497159
Normies are legit so fucking retarded it pisses me off. It's why I think parenting should require a sort of license because some people are too fucking retarded to have kids. you cant drive a car without a license but you can spawn in miserable people to bully to your hearts content just because normies will say "omg you cant do that le human rights or whatever" while completely living day to day life not thinking the sligthest about all the kids that are abused and sent to fostercare homes where they are abused further

>>84497155
I agree.
It's pretty fucked.

>>84496850
Iktf. I feel like I'm already dead. A husk lingering on with no real purpose.

>>84497087
this way of thinking is one of the biggest copes out there. you might say, "how is it a cope, copes are supposed to make you feel better, i feel miserable and hopeless" and while that's true for a lot of copes, it's not always true. thinking that everything is predetermined and that nothing you do or think matters lets you justify sitting on your ass all day instead of taking any action whatsoever to improve your life. its the kind of thing i find myself thinking when its 3 PM and i havent left my bed all day. just realizing this on it's own won't change much, but you have to understand it or you'll never change.

>>84497395
You assume people who are miserable haven't tried a billion more times than you have thought about them being wrong about the way they think

>>84497488
i literally am miserable and thats how ive thought that

>>84497504
>Fine if I do A things will get better
>Well weird everyone told me if i did A things would get better
>Fine if I do B things will get better
>okay C then, D, E...
all of this while the people giving the suggestions are living their life happy and content and telling you their vision of how to solve YOUR problems in life that they have zero care about.
obviously i'm not advocating for just not trying at all, but if you are just miserable no matter what, what's the point in that? when you grow old and bitter everyone you know will be enjoying their life while every advice they gave you they probably have forgotten and they probably have forgotten you also

>>84496850
Don't be so negative, all it takes is coming across the right person

>>84497868
There is no right person waiting for you.
It's a magical thinking.

https://youtu.be/jCdyxamj9XI
remember, if something is SUPPOSED to be a good job it means that it's for minorities and artists

>>84497978
Nobody will fall into your lap most likely but you can take actions towards these outcomes

>>84497075
How can I not be so negative like op? I used to be morr positive, but I'm 31 now and regret my missed chances with women.
Time goes by a lot faster now than it did for me a decade ago

Might as well consume some media in a meanwhile

>>84499206
What do you like to do in your free time? Do you interact in online spaces centered around your hobby? Not asking to criticize but to see if my experiences might offer some help.

>>84499469
>>84499469
I've been into playing pool the last couple years. It's an enjoyable hobby but I'm not good enough to win consistently, so it's a mixed bag as far as my overall happiness goes.
I also like food, music, and travelling

>>84499770
Pool is pretty awesome in my books. I had typed out a bunch of stuff then realized it's probably better to ask more questions: how is your experience/chances with women now? Do you make friends online? Do you talk to the women you know IRL online? Also, somewhat unrelated to romance/starting a family, have you ever tried your hand at investing?

>>84499871
>Experience with women
I had a few girls into me in my early 20s, including a girl I met from /b/. We got along super well but she ended up ghosting me after moving on and that still hurts.
Then another girl hurt me not too long after (she ghosted me) and I think it fucked up my mojo for a while.
A couple years ago I had a chance to bang a cute Asian I met at a bar (she offered to fuck), but I politely declined since she was really drunk and it seemed like it would be morally questionable. I do kind of regret that though, I only said no because it seems like she was bordering on being sick (but would have probably been fine). I will likely never get that easy of a chance again.
I feel like I've held myself back too much, but thinking about the past too much is not productive.
I tried dating a couple of other girls since then and I thought I hit it off with one, but she ended up being a total selfish bitch.
I do talk to women in real life but rarely do I think there's a chance to go further.
I have made a few online friends but nobody I still talk to.
I have family members who invest but I personally have so little money that I can't be taking too many risks.

>>84499871
And sorry for the wall of text, but to sum things up:
Pool keeps me sane but I have a deep emptiness from years of no sexual contact.
I'm okay with not having kids but I am pretty horny and also love the non sexual conpanionship of being with a woman who likes me.

>>84499912
>>84499916
No worries. It's better for me to have insight before I go posting. As it turns out some of the stuff I was about to suggest in my own wall of text is stuff you already do, or you've done very similar things.
My ex had some strange thoughts one day that spiraled into more extreme stuff over time. Unexpectedly, she'd end up saying multiple times years later that she regretted treating me that way and that she took it for granted. Much like a real bridge burning, words and feelings are no shortcut to rebuilding things properly.
But in some ways, it can always go wrong, right? Even if the person you're with doesn't make a major mistake, that person can literally go up in smoke in an accident. Almost happened to this one couple doing a wedding shoot when that explosion in Beirut roared down the street.
You may have dodge a bullet at that bar. How many stories we've seen where a drunk experience became an accusation/hunt for a so-called rapist, you know?
Before I go on I should get more insight: do you participate in servers/forums centered around the pastimes you enjoy? What sort of personality do you display online? Reserved? The mature one? A comedian?

>>84500002
I do post on online sites but mostly just for informational purposes.
I meet more people from my hobby.and I've made a lot of friends, but not close ones (especially female yet). The closest I've made was this one dude who I think is a good guy but he's loaded has a super hot gf so I don't expect him to hang out with me except occasionally.
I'm in an awkward part of my life because I outgrew the friends I hung out with from my late teens to mid 20s, while not having had close friends to replace them with.
I used to go on discord and talk to people I met on 4chan, but I stopped trying because the girls would eventually stop replying (probably because they receive loads of attention from guys on here).
When I do show a more personal side online, it's mostly my real personality. Polite and humorous, but not jester level.

>>84500002
I guess my biggest question is: how do I mentally move on from the regret I have re: not making the right moves with women in the past, and how to stop being lonely now? I am so sex starved lol
I'm content with not being wealthy and things of that nature, and like my life except for being lonely and having OCD related anxiety.

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>>84500141
>>84500149
For me, I actually gave up on socializing for a while. It's a bit like how a body needs rest after a long day, or a muscle from holding a weight. It was a relief to gradually make progress in pushing those thoughts of companionship out of my mind.
Aside from the mental rest, it eventually lead me to be content without it, likely similar to how you feel about being wealthy/material goods. I arrived at a point where I could take it or leave it, but since I knew many aspects of life could bring me into contact with people who might be the friendly, curious sort, I didn't take a stance of rejecting anyone who might try to get to know me a little. I was just relieved that I didn't yearn for it anymore.
Learning new skills, like taking my humble Amazon warehouse earnings and taking chances on things after doing lots of reading, also helped keep my mind focused on other potential joys. The best people on /biz/ always told me to research stuff even if they were sure it was a good investment, or thought it would plummet in price and give a newbie like me a better entry price.
So in a large way 4chan was part of me doing stuff like turning $100 into $1000, $1000 into $30,000... and choosing to hold instead of cashing out, convinced it could grow more. So I haven't even spent the gains I've made since I'm still holding, thus a lot of the joy really came from setting goals in a new area of life and making progress. I'd like to learn various practical, even survival skills as well since even here certain disasters are possible (pic-related).

>>84500341
(continued)
As for online spaces, because parents + being the eldest sibling "makes me" default to "What's the mature approach here?", it's turned out to be something one woman who's 23 and another who's 25 cited as reason for taking interest in me. The lack of innuendo, cursing, teasing, etc. These spaces were for hobbies rather than making friends, yet DMs and friends requests came as people eventually got to see me as the level-headed one.
I sometimes view myself as dull, but for women who want to start families, who've said they want someone level-headed, who want to become more mature so they raise their children well and don't ruin their relationship before/after marriage, it kinda makes sense they would appreciate someone who tries to be mature even when he recognizes the humor in something crass. It's like an echo of how a good parent/husband might understand why their child is entertained by something, but knows he might have to take a mature stance. These 2 might sound like rare types when we're so used to hearing about people being vain, not wanting to mature, BPD, etc., but sometimes these people are around us and waiting to meet someone who they can comfortably show that more mature side to, you know? Sometimes opposites attract, sometimes we draw out like-minded ones.
For me the servers I interacted with were focused on games, but these 2 also like travel, music, the outdoors, books, etc. You mentioned food, music and traveling earlier, and unlike me you actually consider yourself humorous.
I forgot to mention earlier, but I also met good guys who were more mature than me, and because they felt I was on the more mature side, they even said good things about me to girls they knew, which is part of why of them ended up reaching out to me.
You said you mainly use sites for information, but hopefully you can see why due to my experiences I think even discord servers focused on your hobbies might actually yield good results.

>>84500347
So is it common on discords for people to want to meet irl?
And where do you find out about discords related to your hobbies?
And thank you for the advice, I appreciate it

>>84496850
>everyone around you will keep living their lives satisfied
even the 'happiest' normies will never be satisfied, people always want more no matter how successful they are

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>>84500500
Some would say it's TOO common, it's just that after may mishaps and cautionary tales, a lot more people set boundaries via the rules, or quickly ban community members if someone shows evidence that someone is DMing them about the possibility despite requests to not bring up meeting up. But it works similarly IRL, right?
Going to the house of someone you know through school/work/bar/local hobby shop? People are more likely to be open to those jokes or actual propositions after getting to know each other, whether they just get along or have come to see each other as potential/outright friends.
But there are various personality types. I barely knew the guy, a very outgoing and welcoming type, but he was saying stuff like man me you and anon gotta visit Japan and drink someday. That 25 year old woman? When she eventually sent a friend request, she was actually apologizing for potentially coming off as too forward, saying she sometimes has trouble setting boundaries especially once she actually adds someone as a friend and talks in DMs.
But I told her one day I'd like to take her up on her invitation to fly to New Zealand and have her show me what she knows about reasonable cave exploration. Tempting as it was to match her enthusiasm at that moment, I chose to make it clear I'd like to do so after meeting certain financial goals.
...thing is online, even Discord, there are a lot of people who are lonely IRL. Women are human too. Often feeling the need to be more cautious. So does it make sense that seeming like a reliable person, who approaches adult topics genuinely and maturely, might help lonesome but shy ones find their courage? Yeah, much as we wish no one was lonely once they logged off.
So you never know who you'll met and when they'll reach out, but they can only do so if you're around and giving people the chance to begin with. I'm glad some of this made sense, or even seemed helpful. All the best to you!