>>84497884
you know, if this keeps happening and multiple women said this AND you say therapy did nothing, I'm inclined to believe the others that you are an unbearable person

>>84497884
I'm physically attractive and did well in school. Autism killed it for me. Welcome to the I-had-potential club

>>84498023
>>84497884
>>84497906
>my life is so good but this one thing ruined plz cry for me and have sympathy.

>>84498033
You probably suck more than me. No one wants your sympathy.

>>84497906
>unbearable person
I understand why people leave me, anon
that's why I grieve
I do act normal most of the time, have at least a few friends and reliable acquaintances
when it comes to trustinga love partner, however, I go full schizo and become unbearable because of the overwhelming fear of abandonment
people actually meant what they've said and all I had to do and shove away the fears
instead they're becoming self-fulfilling prophecies
was monitored for couple of months in a ward ago, years of visits and check-ins, pills, months of therapy and even group sessions, yet nothing seems to work out for me
got diagnosed with a 2-in-1 package, BPD and OCD, which makes it harder to deal with some of the traits

>>84498023
high five I guess
how old are you and how are you dealing with that stuff nowadays?

>>84498033
just want to vent, anon
r9k seems to be a good place for that because I don't want to bother people who already know my issues
you may have different views on life and be in a worse position than myself, but, in the end, everyone has his burdens
in the end, we all seek happiness

>>84498080
>>84498052
NONE OF YOU HAVE ACTUALLY SUFFERED OR KNOW PAIN

>>84498033
being neurotypical is a much more important thing than being attractive when it comes to dating

>>84498023
>muh autism
This is just arrogance and stubbornness. Your autistic mind lacks the ability to find patterns in human behaviour intuitively, but you refuse to admit that you're the one who's faulty. You blame the world for being the way it is, instead of the way you think it should be, so you refuse to conform to it. Your don't need to understand the rationale behind human behaviour, nor do you need the ability to find the patterns on your own, you just need a bit of humility and the willingness to learn them. You can just observe normals and copy them. You can absolutely fake it, and it will solve all of your social problems. But you won't, because you think you're too good for that, you think you're "above" behaving in a way that seems illogical to you. Being a victim of your circumstances is your identity

>>84498083
>I AM PAIN OF UNIMAGINABLE PROPORTIONS HEAR ME CRYYYY
Yes yes we know anon.

>>84497884
Consider getting a pet. Being clingy and draining probably means you want attention and validation too much. A pet can provide attention and validation, if therapy doesn't work.

>>84498083
the needs of a human are ever-expanding
okay, let's say you've experienced love and and satiated your starvation for a touch
wouldn't you want to make it last?
how you would deal with a loss?

>>84498110
thanks for the tip
I actually was thinking about getting myself a pet recently
last one died due to the age, my one and only cat really lived for quite a while (21 years, even got lots of grey hair, but was very active and healthy till the last days)
took me a while to even have a thought about getting a new one

>>84497884
I was like you, but then I grew up. You need to just stop giving a shit. Drop therapy and pills. Just stop caring about this muh trauma nonsense. Then you'll be invincible. Women are an endless resource, breakups are meaningless, it's just gambling until you find someone who naturally merges into your soul. And then that fails too and you pull the slot machine lever again. Eventually you win, or you probably don't because you're the problem and don't seem to have the neuroplasticity required to rewire yourself to be functional.

>>84497884
>>very picky about my partners because of serious trust issues
translation: pumped and dumped by Chad

>>84497884
I'm overcoming a personally disorder. Therapy didn't work. Ayahuasca did.
It's brutal if you have baggage and guilt and a dark past. But if you stick with it you can save your life

>>84498080
>when it comes to trustinga love partner, however, I go full schizo and become unbearable because of the overwhelming fear of abandonment

You realize this is the core assumption of BPD, yes?

>got diagnosed with a 2-in-1 package, BPD and OCD, which makes it harder to deal with some of the traits

Oh, cool. Yeah I have that exact combination too. Ayahuasca is helping a lot.

I don't understand how you are consciously aware of your abandonment fear. I compartmentalized that and learned to think sociopathically to avoid experiencing my emotions. I dated some very messed up and evil women who didn't need the warm connection from me. I've completely wasted my life.

I hope you get help brother. If you have any questions I'll check the thread tonight and tomorrow

>>84497884
ngl it sounds like you're the problem more than the women you're seeing dawg. how do you have consistently the same experience with different women and not figure out the control factor here is you.

>>84498227
I mean, it's not unimaginable to be aware of a fear and still fall victim to it. Not OP but wondering how you compartmentalized the fear of abandonment.

>am an artist, a musician and funny, all things people claim women love
>no one gives me a chance anyway because Im short

>>84498227
>Ayahuasca is helping a lot
too sensitive and trying to avoid any non-prescription substances
I was getting acid-like trips from weed, heavy visuals and even 'spiritual experiences', although the dosage was never high
tried psychedelics (LSD and psilocybes) a couple times during my college years, and these went horrible
I saw random non-existent people ending their lives, interacted with invisible objects, got lost in the apartment I was in, because I've seen how the rooms and corridors constantly mix and change places, was getting stuck in time loops randomly, like I've done same action thousands of times, and I just couldn't handle it all, felt like losing my mind
while the sitter managed to guide me out every single time, I scared the shit out of her once because I got stuck in overwhelming sensation of 'suffering in this world' to the point I was experiencing very intense physical pain and climbing up the window to jump from the 11th floor
now that I think about this, these experiences were a reflection of me lacking the control of my thoughts in general that I was trying to suppress at the time
>I don't understand how you are consciously aware of your abandonment fear.
dunno
I've been doing so much for the people I loved, so losing them equals to losing the meaning
I'm constantly feeling the shame from being too egocentric and asking for validation for what I was doing too much, and the fear of ending up used and abandoned, all while realizing that these thoughts do hurt the person as well
>I compartmentalized that and learned to think sociopathically to avoid experiencing my emotions.
tell me more, how do you do it?
mostly curious about the components you end up having to be able to digest
and thanks

>>84498228
thing is, I am aware that the problem lies within, just can't get past it easily

>>84498251
in the end, people care much more about the insides than outsides
wish you patience to get that chance

>>84498033
The truth is chad is still a man and men will always have it worse than women no matter their circumstances.