I should've offed myself a long time ago, But I've been too afraid.For context, I was born Catholic, but until recently I've completely lost my faith. Additionally, I can't relate to normies, but I can't relate to you guys either. I don't belong anywhere in this world.So, I'm ready to buy a gun, and drive off to where they can't find my body, at least not for a long time. I just don't know how to go through with it? Any tips from people who've attempted? or any other anons who are planning?
Not even a "DO A FLIP!" I'm sorely disappointed my thread died on arrival.
>>84511425>I can't relate to you guys either.what makes you say that anon?
>>84511688Perhaps its just the nature of this board, and trooncord/telegay. People scream into the void, And there are no meaningful relationships. It feels like lobotomizing myself, to pretend that you are not a stranger
>>84511718you should lend me a contact of yours. I'm on the fence and I'd be glad to keep you company if you'd like. no pressure
>>84511650You're Catholic, so we know you don't know how to stfu and abort the thread, now you've delivered a miscarriage of a thread, i hope you're fucking happy.
>>84511746Don't worry baby doll, At this point God doesn't exist or doesn't care. This is a conclusion many have reached. >>84511736I'm unsure, maybe my telegram, but I have a gut feeling about... not giving it to you. unless u could convince me idk LOLZ
Go try and survive in a forest instead see how long you can stay alive for
>>84511800I could keep driving north into Canada, see how far up north I can reach. It'd be a nice way to make sure nobody finds my body either. Thx anon
>>84511800Dub knowledge
I am the exact same as you. However, you are a reminder of what I could be. I choose to move forward.It's never too late to turn back. Take my hand.
>>84511774I won't push you. please take care. sincerely hope that things get better or that at least it's painless
>I should've offed myself a long time ago, But I've been too afraid.Same. I'm too pussy, and have no access to firearms. Nor can I afford them anyway.Also, I don't want to be disqualified from any afterlife. Seems like suffering through it might 'save' me.I'm just hoping that I go naturally and suddenly in middle age, like my folks.
>>84511425Believe in Him.
>>84511425I'm the same but in reverse. I've been depressed for longer than I can remember at this point. Always wishing I wouldn't wake up the next morning, but in the past year I've come back into my faith. Ironically it's made me want to die even more knowing how flawed I am.
>>84511425I was extremely suicidal as a teenager. I put a loaded gun to my head twice and pulled the trigger back halfway. Another time I got wasted on alcohol and took a cocktail of sleeping and pain medications with a few benzos as well. I'm still surprised that one didn't kill me. I must have thrown up in the toilet without remembering or leaving any evidence. In my 20s I felt regret of not having done it and trying to work my courage back up to that level. I'm in my early 30s now and simply existing. Nothing bothers me and I don't care whether I live or die. It doesn't matter if you do it or not. Nothing matters.
>>84511425I wouldn't want to waste someone's time attempting to investigate my disappearance. I'd probably wander off to some distant sketchy country, throw away my ID, and tumble off a cliff so my body is possibly found eventually on accident and nobody I know has to find out. Bonus points if I send them delayed letters in their mail for a bit after I'm dead.
>>84511425Can I ask what made you lose faith?
>>84512367Are you Catholic or Orthodox? You don't sound like a Protestant
I am pretty sure I've been to that church but idk where it was
>>84512839I'm non-denominational. The churches and people in them are what initially drove me away, but God still found me despite my wandering.
Suicide solves nothing. If you die ignorant, you'll not be released from the cycle of birth and death.
>>84513254I'd like to be reincarnated as Japanese school girl.>>84512829I'm ostracized by other Christians for being homosexual, I really wish that I were straight, but I seriously can't change how my brain works. Besides that, the religion is dead, I remember, my favorite priest mentioned how Christian worship is superficial, and that same priest left the church soon after. The religion takes advantage of desperate people, and the church only wants money. It's true, the last Christian died on the cross.>>84512386I yearn for affection that I'll never receive. And, It would be convenient for everyone If I was dead. I don't wanna think about it anymore, I just need to retardmax and stop thinking so much, so I can get it over with already.
>>84511425i tried to jump off a bridge not long ago, but wasn't drunk enough to go through with it i think. so i guess bring a lot of alcohol, it's really hard to do it.
>>84511425I really relate to you, man. Two months ago, I really wanted to do it, and almost went through with it. My mum had some leftover oxycontin and I remember talking it over two days along with alcohol. I wrote up a suicide note. Obviously not enough to kill me but enough that I felt like I really could have gone through with it. I eventually reached out to a friend and have been doing marginally better since.I completely get what you mean when you say you can't relate to normies but can't relate to people on here. I'm in the same boat. I feel alienated no matter where I go. Too extreme for moderates, too moderate for extremists. Too smart to pretend to be interested in normie interests, not smart enough to get interested into heavier, academic topics. Too conservative that I'm disgusted at so much modernity, too alternative to fit in with "trad" people. Even among social rejects - not even failed normies, people like me who were never going to make it - I feel I'm too disconnected from reality. I'm a fantasist who is socratic about every aspect in my life, and I have more interest in retreating into my own mind that socialising with most people.The thing that stopped me, beyond the knowledge that I would seriously hurt the people around me, is the fear of death. I'm afraid of death. Like you I was born Catholic and attended mass every week until I was 18, although by the time I was 14-15 it was merely out of a desire to help out in my parish rather than because of my intrinsic beliefs. I never went through an atheist phase, though. I always had contempt for atheists, and I believed there was strength in faith and people who are religious. But increasingly, I find it hard to believe in a definitive God or an afterlife, and I'm too morally relativist and have doubts to practice Catholic ethos. So that's what makes death scarier. Even scarier than the idea you'd be sent to hell if you committed suicide is the idea that there's nothing...
>>84514323...else after we die. That this is it, and after I die I can never come back. That frightens me, and until I overcome the fear of death I can't bring myself to do it. But I have been close many times throughout the years, and truth be told I can't think of many great reasons to not do it. Even though I'm better now, it's hard for me to not think about wanting to do it every single day. People like you and me are always going to be alone, at war with ourselves and never able to be truly at peace safe of being lobotomised. The one thing that has helped me in recent weeks are threads like these. Seeing other lost souls and being able to know that I'm not alone, and the hope that I can make a difference by talking to them and making them understand that I completely get it.
>>84514323>sent to hell if you committed suicideThere is no hell. Rather, there are nightmarish realms out but there is no being that is going to trap a biological lifeform there just because what they did. I realize it can be comforting to believe the truly wicked are forced to deal with their consequences but I'm afraid that's not the case.>the idea that there's nothing...>>84514349>...else after we dieI wish it were that easy. That instead of something there was nothing. Just because you died and that you could exist as nothingness forever and never have to deal with existence again. But in effect that's asking for the phenomenon of consciousness to end forever and that's not going to happen. Instead what will happen is a new conscious experience will form. Existence is the random aimless drifting of one conscious experience to the next. Much how you drift from dream to dream and they don't stop coming.Ending yourself might shift consciousness into an unimaginably blissful world, or it could put you into something much worse. Hard to say. But if you believe what the gnostics advise, don't trust anyone on the other side and don't go into the light in case this is a loosh farm.
>>84513964Have you ever considered Buddhism. Sometimes dogmatic faiths are not for everyone https://ia902906.us.archive.org/view_archive.php?archive=/13/items/buddhism-engl/BUDDHISM%20ENGL.rar&file=BUDDHISM%20ENGL%2FBHANTE%2FETC%2FOTHERS%2Fscrndhamma.pdf
>>84511425Don't drive off to where they can't find you. Even though losing a loved one to suicide is painful, the pain of you just going missing with zero closure for them will be far worse.
>>84516262The loved ones are the worst part, I've thought about trying to make them hate me beforehand. Either that or a note. Funny how the people closest become so inconvenient.I have until Sunday to figure it out. I told someone online, he said I should try praying one last time to see if I hear anything before going through with it. Which is interesting, not gonna hear anything
>>84511425don't be silly mate, life is so short, may as well just stick it out. things are going to get interesting soon. keep your head up and keep fighting the good fight <3
>>84516262>>84517396I feel awful knowing how much damage I would do to my Dad and sister. Especially my Dad since he's a George Bailey type who has had to sacrifice so much throughout his life and every time it seems he's about to get a break something comes up, whether it's his having to go straight to work because he's the eldest son, getting prostate cancer shortly after retiring and now having to deal with my mother's Alzhiemer's, nothing's going his way, and if I were to kill myself tomorrow that would push him over the edge.
fent od is the way to go, just make sure you go way heavy handed, tried attempting about 8 or 9 times, make sure you end it the first time, life gets exponentially worse after each attempt, planning my final attempt for the end of this month using fent
>>84517980Honestly for you, you'd be surprised how your body has become more resistant to the fent. There is too much of a chance for you to survive especially after so many attempts. You could permanently damage your brain, to the point where you wouldn't even be able to off yourself, even if you wanted to.
>>84518085ive only attempted with fent once, never used it otherwise, it was attempted 2 years ago, I think im fine tolerance wise, just the least traumatic attempt ive had, other attempts were by oding on unrelated medications, cutting, and jumping in front of a car once
>>84518092If you don't have access to firearms, you should do it sopranos style, tie weights to yourself, and jump into a lake.Drowning would be such a beautiful experience if you think about it.
