I feel like I am at a constant limbo of wanting a romantic or sexual relationship and then not wanting one. Why the hell is this? I feel as though deep down I dont see myself as lovable or good enough, and that any individual who found interest in me would quickly grow bored as I dont have anything of value. That they would find many other women more entertaining, beautiful, interesting ect. and he would soon realise i am no good, and that he can get way better. I have strong feelings of imposter syndrome. Sure someone may want me, but id genuinely think he's stupid for doing so. Why the hell do I feel that way? Why do i always fear being betrayed? I feel like its better to protect my heart than to listen to it. The again I have never had to listen to it. Maybe the reason for why I dont develope strong feelings for people is because I dont see how it could ever be reciprocated?Alas I got mathematics to do, so feel free to talk about how you feel about love.
>>84566477Why do you feel like the female meOf course Because you're female you're not interested
>>84566503Then tell me about how you feel anon. Thats what the thread is about.
>>84566477I think you're pretty close to the answer. There sounds to be very obvious issues of intimacy and trust which could be abandonment issues, attachment issues or just lack of experience or self worth. And you come from a lopsided standpoint where you have to make it worthwhile for anyone to be in your life, it's always going to be a uphill battle where you expend an unproportional amount of energy compared to whomever you're dating, because you fear they'll leave you if they show any signs of being bored. I hate the saying "How can you love someone if you dont love yourself?", but to a certain extent theres some truth to it, but they have it upside down. "How can you expect to be loved if you dont love yourself?" is more apt in 90% of cases. Love shouldnt feel like a job where you're the hostes of a party of 2. You're most likely a people pleaser irl, you bend backwards to appease other people in fear that they will leave you. Probably time to work on that or you'll always feel like relations and relationships feels more like jobs than what they should be.
>>84566544Well I feel like you doI want a relationship but I'm afraid of people seeing the real meThere's nothing interesting about me I have no inherent passions though I do want someIm avoidant and have slight bpd both I suspect are from my untreated cptsdIm rational I know I'm a 5 at minimum maybe a 6 or 7 if I actually tried to improve my appearance unfortunately for me I was born in the most vapid time to be mid women do not want a potential 7 they want 9 or 10 even if they have to share him yes that includes le quirky girls like you the kind of woman that would like me is so intrinsically non existent she may as well be a mathematical improbability I've had 3 girls who were interested in me my entire lifeOne who was some chubby white girl not really attractive but I didn't know any different One who was cute had red hair and freckles and was my friends sister but I was to low self esteem to do anything and was scared she'd know me more and realize what a loser I amAnd the third was a girl who was in no way attractive to me but I was so desperate for a relationship I tried it but I could not get over my lack of attraction to her. Ended it after a week or so I just could not mask my disinterest
>>84566477It's because you're a troon posting this slop for attention. So ya you're not lovable.
>>84566609>Im avoidant and have slight bpd both I suspect are from my untreated cptsdStop thinking in terms of psychological jargon. Everyone is a bit messed up one way or the other, that doesnt make anyone slightly narcissistic or slightly bipolar or slightly OCD or whatever. Unless you overhwelmingly meet critera for a diagnosis you read online, like a 40/40 on a test, it doesnt help you one bit to start putting labels on your personal bucket of shit. It just becomes another mask you slap on top of your other masks. You're not "slight BPD". You're insecure, clingy perhaps and you fear that people will leave you if you dont measure up.People with BPD is waaaaay down the other end of the spectrum. Unless you have a history of banging on peoples doors at 4am when they didnt answer your text or you start chucking shit at people because they said something that ticked you off, you're most likely not even in the same ballpark as BPD. Just being socially awkward and taking social cues a bit too late isnt that.
>>84566567Daaamnnn hit the nail on the head i fear>abandonment issues>You're most likely a people pleaser irl, you bend backwards to appease other people in fear that they will leave you.I was very attached to my sister, I almost saw her like my mother emotionally because I lowkey dont like my mom at all because she btfo me and would make me say sorry to her for making her angry. But my sister had aan avoidance attachment style and would give me the silence treatment for weeks. I get anxious when people dont forgive me immediately, in part because my mom taught me to immediately forgive her and Im nit used to people being angry at me for long periods of time and whenever it happens I am in shambles, like when my sister wouldn't talk to me. And I feel like I have to go above and beyond to never anger my sister, I always felt like walking on eggshells with her. And I feel like I have to go above and beyond for them to like me and not be angry at me because I cant handle people disliking me well.>Probably time to work on that or you'll always feel like relations and relationships feels more like jobs than what they should be.Working on it as of late. I am trying but I still find it difficult to be disliked or people not forgiving me.
>>84566730Well you dont start off behaving like a egotistical asshole, thats an overcorrection in the wrong direction and it will only make you feel shamefull and guilty afterwards and come crawling back, asking for forgiveness. You start off big. You say no to the things you clearly dont want to do or takes too much effort/time at the expense of other things you have to do. Sensible things, like not agreeing to take someone elses shift short notice just because they want to go out and get wasted on friday. >no sorry, I cant.Gradually you make adjustments, smaller things, ask for things, small things, gestures really, like getting to decide where to go and eat or at least you and the others agreeing to it, not just you agreeing to whatever everybody else wants. Just learning to get gradually comfortable taking space in peoples lives.Relationships and relations are never 50/50, but they should be closer to 50/50 than 80/20.
>>84566846I don't knoe its kinda hard to balance it man. Im moving out soon so I need to save up, but my mom has needed money because of serious family shit. I havent been able to save nearly enough, so I said no. But in the past, they would demand money and I couldn't say no at all. Most of my people pleasing tendencies are directed towards my parents. Im trying to stop but its so hard, I feel like the worst daughter ever. Like a good for nothing piece if shit that cant work just a little bit more so that they dont struggle. But then again they use their money badly and I have had to carry the burden until I started saying no.>Gradually you make adjustments, smaller things, ask for things, small things, gestures really, like getting to decide where to go and eat or at least you and the others agreeing to it, not just you agreeing to whatever everybody else wants.I get so akward about it, its feel like im such a burden and that Im repulsive to be around. The other day I was with a friend and it was fun, but I had so.much anxiety regarding if she had fun and if she thought I was weird and unpleasant.I just overthink whenever im with people. I want to be perfect almost. But that can never happen.
