>very last real world friend got cancer>everyone else in my family ive known and loved has died of cancer or gotten so mentally ill that they are unbearable to be around>no longer have any actual real world friends, everyone moved away from me years ago>cant make any new friends>all attempts at making friends or finding love go nowhere no matter who i be or how good i am>not even my fault because they just move on or forget about me after a while>going to be homeless after this month is over>have nowhere and nobody to go to>have nobody to care about or love>have no friends to care about>have no way of getting job to care about because my brain is so sludgey and rotten that no amount of therapy or meds fix it>only thing close to a relationship i had was two much older girls grooming me, abusing me mentally and physically and sexually, and getting me to troon out for them when i was 13>have failed every single last thing in my life>couldnt even get my highschool diploma because I was so unhinged and on drugs because of those girls>health is ruined because of drugs>not capable of joining the military because of my mental health record and damaged organshow the fuck do i break the curse? i dont really see any other way aside from becoming a hero and stringing myself up in the tree in my front yard of where i live. i have so much art and music and life i want to live but it really doesnt seem like i should if this is the endless cycle i will be caught within. I hope reincarnation is real so i can come back as a mountain goat who gets to climb to the highest peaks to enjoy something simple as salt and nettles without a care in the world, just overseeing everything below the mountain.
bumping for any chance at hope
OP, my heart goes out to you. It truly does, I know it feels like the walls are closing around you. Try to do what your mind/body tells you not to do. IE Shower when you feel bad, Walk outside when you're bored even, eat 3 healthy meals if you can manage it. Have you tried looking into halfway houses/group homes? Try reaching out/researching community services; if you live in a first world country there's a real chance you can find some accommodations while you try to get healthier and back on your feet. I know that sometimes it feels as if you've gone too far, that you cannot recover, that you lack the willpower and the desire to improve your life state. Life has terrible twists and turns; many of us never even got a fair start. But we can choose to live and learn from our errors. I lost all of my friends when I graduated because I neglected those relationships, so I took that lesson. Now i hold onto those who I value with a much firmer hand. Congrats OP, you know a side of humanity that most people won't ever have to confront. While it doesn't feel like it today that truly is an asset. I'm just a chud on the internet, all I can really tell you is that some action is better than none. Start simple with a shower or even just cleaning around your room a little. Change takes time and that's what it seems like you need, please seek help you cannot fight this alone and their are organizations dedicated to helping people like you. You need only reach out.
just another day in the demiurge loosh farmdon't bother with people. most of them are hylics who will just get activated one day to hurt you
>>84578046utterly keyed. i will press forward.
>what do i even do anymoreRelatable.Everyone who loved me is dead now.Only my 'bux keeps me alive. If I end up homeless, then I'll have no other choice to kms.
